Single men at swingers clubs

[jimcat 15]

After being at our local swingers club recently and having seen an unusually large number of single men I felt it necessary to make a few comments. Almost all of these men have the wrong approach if their desire is to hook up and swing with a couple. I will list a few of the do's and dont's that may be helpful.

 

Don't sit at the bar all night and not approach a couple and expect to swing with them later in the evening

 

Do approach a couple and introduce yourself early. A sincere compliment to the female goes a long way.(you may get shot down but nothing ventured nothing gained).

 

Don't expect too much on your first meeting with a couple. We meet a single guy who made a sincere compliment to my wife. We wouldn't consider sharing a room on that first meeting but after a second meeting who knows.

 

Do find common interest with the couple. no matter how much of a stud you are people find other people who have similar

interest fun to be with.

 

Do be honest and frank(not crude) about what your looking for sexually.Were there for a reason an so are you;were not expecting a choir boy at a swingers club.

 

Hope these tips are helpful. I know how expensive these clubs are for single guys.

[pelagic argosy 18]

I find it hard to believe that people get upset with single men who want to get fucked at a swinger's club. There's a good reason why people think that women at a swinger's club just want to fuck-because that's what most women at swinger's clubs want!

 

For every woman who wants to find another soul mate to spend an incredible evening of romance and passion with, there's two women who will let any hard dick pound away at them, condomless, and if they don't happen to exchange names first, all the better.

 

I've met so many swinging women who try to act like they're not easy, but who pull trains in private.

 

My advice to single men, is go get 'em! It's the husbands who get upset anyway. Get the girls alone, and most of them will let you use them like two dollar whores.

[jimcat 15]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:

I find it hard to believe that people get upset with single men who want to get fucked at a swinger's club. There's a good reason why people think that women at a swinger's club just want to fuck-because that's what most women at swinger's clubs want!

My advice to single men, is go get 'em! It's the husbands who get upset anyway. Get the girls alone, and most of them will let you use them like two dollar whores.

 

P.A.

We must not attend the same clubs! I hope I didn't imply married women want a romantic connection like they have with their spouse.

I do believe however that most couples want to hook up with singles guys that they can connect with----my wife insists on it. A good conversationalist and enjoyable personality is part of the foreplay. By the way I enjoy seeing her with another guy as much as she enjoys the experience.We always demand condoms. Finally I think your whore comparison is way off base this is a lifestyle we are talking about not a livelihood.

[danc694u 19]

Our local club started a new policy. They ow allow 10 single mean in, provided they are sponsored. Old rule..alone..with payment upfront, and a ton of personal information.

 

Now! The couple or single female who sponsors a single male. Is directly responsible for ANYTHING the single does. If he gets tossed out and/or banned from the club. So goes the couple/single female.

[pelagic argosy 18]

Jimcat, you're right, most people want some kind of connection before sleeping with someone, but most people at swinger's clubs (and we've been more than a few)want as much connection as someone who goes to a bar and pulls a one night stand. That doesn't have to be too much of a connection.

 

I stand by my comments that many women who swing want no strings attached, impersonal sex. I've been with a lot of women who simply let me do whatever I wanted, with or without a condom. The majority of swingers aren't particular, they just want to fuck, plain and simple.

 

I also don't see why single guys can't be assertive with what they want. It's obvious why everyone's there, isn't it?

[TNT 1,155]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:

but most people at swinger's clubs (and we've been more than a few)want as much connection as someone who goes to a bar and pulls a one night stand.

 

The majority of swingers aren't particular, they just want to fuck, plain and simple.

 

I don't know where you are from or what kind of clubs you are attending, but we have attended different clubs in five different states ranging from Florida to California and nine out of every ten couples we have met at each different place we have been to were more into getting to know the people they were playing with than just getting fucked.

 

So from personal experience I have to totally disagree with your comments. There is more to the lifestyle than just plain and simple fucking for most of the people who are in it.

 

As far as an earlier post you made about husbands getting in the way of single men and stating that they (single men) should "go for it", your damn right its the husbands that are getting in the way...that's there wife you are talking about and I don't know any man, who is worthy of being called a man, who would appreciate you calling their wife a "two dollar whore". I also don't know any woman who would appreciate being called that or who would allow a man to treat her as such.

[pelagic argosy 18]

I never said that anyone should call anyone else a two dollar whore, nor should they treat anyone disrespectfully. What I meant was this: If a single man talks up a woman at a swing club like he would any other woman at a dance club (i.e. compliments her, at least acts interested in her) he will get laid. More than likely, he'll get to have more adventurous sex than he would with someone he hooks up with at a bar.

 

I think it's funny how many people say "it's not the sex, it's the opportunity to make new friends!" If that's the case, why not join the Lions Club?

 

When my wife and I go to a swing club, it's for the sex and there always seem to be plenty of people who share the same opinion.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:

When my wife and I go to a swing club, it's for the sex and there always seem to be plenty of people who share the same opinion.

 

We somewhat agree/disagree with each other on this one also. Myself and Maggie.

 

Neither of us really care if we "hook-up". But, the possibility is what makes it so erotic. And, this possibility is very remote at a regular bar.

 

While we both agree, we would like some form of relationship with the people we play with. It doesn't always happen that way.

 

Bottom Line: We go to have fun (sex is fun right?). We also go knowing we might get laid. The single guys are there for the same reason we are.... a chance!

 

With that said, there are more single guys "expecting" a chance than there are couples willing to give them that chance.

 

I (David) really think that everyone goes for the sex, or the possibility of sex with no pressure. We all just approach the sex part in different ways.

[TNT 1,155]

Hmmmm, I think your forgetting one thing...most women at a singers club are MARRIED, they have a husband, and just because a single man compliments a woman and lets her know he is interested, he still has to get past the husband's approval, or he does mine anyway. And to be honest, I don't ever pick the single men we play with, that is totally up to my husband, he is the one that picks them, then I say either yes or no. I think it is better for a single man to approach a couple as a couple,(or the husband in our case), and not try to just impress the female half.

 

Yes, it is true that people go to swingers clubs because there is a possibility of finding someone for a sexual play session, but, it is not always about just sex...it's also about the open, sexually charged atmosphere, where you can make friends who have the same interests as yourselves (don't really know about a Lions club, but I don't think there is a sexual charge to it, lol).

 

Everyone is looking for different things and there are as many different types of swingers as there are people in the world, but I do have a question...

 

If this lifestlye is just about fucking, then why in over 90 % of the ads we read everyone states "friendship a must first"?

 

Teresa

[N. GA cpl 15]

I enjoyed Pelagic Argosy's commentary. My honey and I go to the club because it has an extremely erotic atmosphere. We also like to go into the group room. We are there, quite frankly, to expand and enhance our sex life. We are not there to provide service to single males. It does not really matter to us if we have sex with anyone else at the club. We don't need to have an enduring, endearing link to someone to have sex with them. But we do have to like them. We have to spend some time with them for both of us to feel comfortable. Other couples seem to understand the rules pretty well, but singles are another issue...

 

If we cut through all the crap, the only reason most single guys are single is because they don't understand what marriage is all about.

 

Here goes our list of hints on how to party with us:

 

We already have a glimmer of an idea you are there to have sex.

 

Comments like, "I've been here all night and haven't gotten laid yet" only get the suggestion that it must be your attitude that is stopping you. Besides, when we hear this we think you must not have impressed any other couples.

 

Any comment that conveys the old, "Baby, you haven't really had great sex until I've done you" wont impress us either. If a single is willing to look honestly at the situation, he would never utter that comment! After all, marriage means two people have become one entity. We have found that swingers take their marriages seriously. She says when she hears this she knows right away that the last lay the guy had was his fist. No one would screw someone that insulting. After all, what the wife hears is, "Your not normally hot enough to deserve someone like me, but I'm willing to step on down here and give you a pity fuck." Besides, if you were all that good, then one of those cheap sleazy broads you imagine hang out at swing clubs would have made a hubby out of you a long time ago!

 

We seem to hear those two comments a lot.

 

Here is what we would prefer:

 

Introduce yourself and be prepared to find common ground. Be honest about yourself. Don't be vulgar. If you find us interesting, be sure to compliment both of us. If we are interested, we will both complement you. She says she can't stand it when a guy only pays attention to her and not both of us. Remember, you are being allowed into our sacred territory (no pun intended, but i guess if it fits...) so please treat both of us with respect, and you will receive the same. Understand that there is no edict that says if a couple spends time with you, then they are obligated to include you. It may take several meetings for us to get to where we invite you. She does like to be asked about touching, and to her if you ask for something, then stick to that. If you want more, then ask for more... Finally, you know how hard it can be to find a girl you click with, understand that it is going to be twice as rough to find as couple.

 

For those guys who like to troll the dance floor and "steal a feel" - it will not get you anywhere. The idea you that when "she" feels your touch she will be overwhelmed with your animal magnetism and become obsessed with the idea that she must fuck you is your fantasy. For the couple it is merely a big enough insult to insure that you will never get any where with them.

 

We hope that you single guys take advice from couples seriously. I suspect that those who do end up with an extremely erotic sex life.

 

For those guys who want to rail about how "unfair" the deal is, perhaps they should consider the whale...

 

The whale is the largest mammal on earth. But it's gullet (equivalent to the throat) is only about a foot in diameter. So the whale spend the overwhelming majority of it's time trying to feed itself. Do you know why that is?

 

Because that's just the way it is.

 

Have a Great Day!

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

well, but singles are another issue...

 

If we cut through all the crap, the only reason a single guy is single is because he does not understand what marriage is all about.

 

While you made some OUTSTANDING points I must take issue with this comment. There may be a thousand reasons why a single guy goes to a swing club, including but not limited to:

Getting an easy lay.

Enjoying the unusual sexual liberation one finds there.

Making friends and maybe finding a single swinging female.

Nowhere else to go...lol.

Remember, all of us were single once and in a heartbeat we can be single again. Just being single does not put us in any category, positive or negative.

I know many married people that have no concept of what marriage entails also.

There is a place for quality single men at swingers clubs just as there is a place for single females. Would you suggest that single females are in the same boat as single males and don't understand marriage?

Very good post though.....thanks for sharing.

[N. GA cpl 15]

Thanks for the reply John. I was not widowers in my comments. Nor were they meant to include those single men who are courteous, respectful and very hard to find... Marriage is not an easy thing to figure out. It took me more than one time to get it.

 

Thanks again for pointing that out - the quote has been editied.

 

NGACPL

[ciscosv 26]

Do you consider your wife a "two dollar whore"? That is the most disrespectful thing I have heard on this board so far.

[Quin 17]

Extremely disrespectful to ALL women, even his very own wife. With his attitude about women, I'm sure he has a lot of first hand experience with *two dollar whores*.

[OhioCouple 40]

My advice to single men, is go get 'em! It's the husbands who get upset anyway. Get the girls alone, and most of them will let you use them like two dollar whores.

It is people like you that present this lifestyle in a negative manner. There are many decent caring single males who have a tough enough time in this lifestyle and you are going to encourage this sort of behavior? I am surprised you are still married...for that matter I am surprised anyone married you at all.

[Guest <Ace Couple>]

Dear single men: First off let's get a few things clear, If a single male is allowed to join a couple, it's because the Husband of the couple agreed to let him join in. Remember single men bring nothing extra to the table for the husband, just the wife. A Wife or Husband can have a threesome with any other couple in the place, we have done it many times with other couples, and it is fun for all involved. Also most single men have the attitude that they are the sex studs of the joint, that were sent to this place to help all of these poor married woman get laid right. Wrong answer, We travel to just about all the socials in a 4 state area, and know some 3000+ couples in the lifestyle, and have never met a couple that looked at the single guy threesome as a plus for there relationship. There are some respectful single guys out there, but, for the most part, they all have your attitude about having sex with our wives, treat them like a 2 dollar whore.... That is why you don't ever get invited to join real swinging couples, that are really committed to there relationships, and are really soul mates, because they already sense the disrespect that you feel for the woman. If you didn't know it already, most of the couples that are in the lifestyle are upstanding members of the community in which they live, and mutual respect is always expected in any encounter with other couples or singles. As for the condom comment, we have been with well over 100 couples, and have always used condoms. Our personal safety is a must, and we Never have sex with another couple with out condoms. For couples to do that especially with a single guy, would be insane, and risk STD's to say the least. With other couples, you pretty much know who they are sleeping with, with singles, you know that they are sleeping with anyone that will let them have it.

 

Hopefully this will clue you in to the real swinging lifestyle scene, and if you play it smart, you will adapt like most of the singles that we know, and you would hook up with a female that you know, and bring her to the clubs with you to increase your chances of getting laid. Remember, most of the females in the lifestyle are Bi-Sexual, and enjoy having sex with the other woman, more than with the other men. They are having great sex with there husbands, but, are missing the oral sex with woman. that is why they are in the lifestyle in the first place. Enough said about this subject, if there are any true lifestyle couples out there, please respond to this post, and be honest about your feelings on single men in the lifestyle.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Once again a jerk spouts off and makes it hard for decent single guys.

 

Remember all of us were single once.

 

People like Regularguy and Drewd etc. seem to be the examples of positive single gentlemen that do nothing but add to the lifestyle.

 

Lets face it, lots of us like MMF fun and that is why single guys are allowed in clubs.

 

Just remember that no means no and any quality club will ban a jerk if you complain about his actions.

 

Also, I have met plenty of married guys that make the worst single men look like decent chaps by comparison.

 

Marital status has no bearing on personality, integrity, or character. Of course there are plenty of guys that don't know how to treat a lady and that is why they are single. These people seem to be attracted to the lifestyle thinking it is an easy way to get a two dollar whore for the cover charge but they usually find they have a series of rejections before they go to their corner and wack off anyhow.

 

As the swinging community evolutionizes (sp?) single men will come to the realization that they either have it or they don't. If they don't they better just save up their two bucks every friday and go to main street.

 

Forums such as this not only serve as education for couples but for single men. Personally I have learned a great deal here especially from newbies although I have been in the lifestyle both as a single and couple for many years.

Love John.

[OhioCouple 40]

I am going to agree with John here. Although our experiences have been relatively limited due to the fact that we have been swinging less than a year. We have met some very decent single males. I would say though that our first impression at a club though was pretty grim in the way the single men handled themselves. But then it was our first time and one in particular was very aggressive and CHEESY!!! UGGGHHHH. In the same respect though there were some pretty cheesy single females and couples too.

 

We attended a house party where only select people are invited, a couple of months ago. Most of these people have known each other for many years. We met quite a few singles....both male and female. We shared conversation (intelligent non-sexual related) for hours with some of these folks. Never at anytime did anyone of these people cross the line. It really opened our eyes to the fact that there are singles who can be and are no different than "most" couples who are just "hanging" out with like minded people that enjoy the freedom of being able to express their sexuality. Notice that I use the term most...as we have met quite a few couples that would qualify as cheesy bedpost notchers and cared nothing more about you, than getting laid.

 

As it happened, and some of you may remember my post on the Jealousy/Insecurity issue...we were with another couple and a single male and female. The one thing that my husband did say was that he wouldn't mind seeing the single woman again. He really liked her and enjoyed her conversation and the sex was good. Until that night, which has been the only one, we were strictly couples only and still are at this time. We spent the last couple of hours of the evening talking with several single males and another couple. Even my husband who was so adamantly opposed to single males had to admit that they were very nice people and he enjoyed meeting and talking with them.

 

I feel it is unfair to lump all male singles in one category and some of these posts almost refer to them as "just a piece of meat", in loose terms, and should feel FORTUNATE to receive an invitation to join them. HELLO? They are human beings with feelings also! It seems to me that those couples who find single males to be cheesy or offensive, then perhaps they better re-think either the places they are attending or how they are presenting themselves. That could be a clue as to why they are not attracting the "decent" ones?

 

Lori....Geeeez I need a summer job!

[ddrewd 15]

Thanks, Lori, for the lovely affirmation. I know that it's flogging a deceased equine, but I appreciate the sentiments.

 

From my pre-sexual days I can recall a great amount of social bigotry practiced by couples against single people. It's more than just sexual: most couples just like hanging out with other couples. I have no problem with that.

 

But when couples don't like to hang with singles because they think they're 'losers', then it's hurtful prejudice.

[Quin 17]

I want you to name every single one of these 3000+ couples you *know* in the lifestyle. I doubt you will as you don't even have the balls to *join* this forum and are probably more or less a drive by wannabe.

 

Secondly, the only thing worse than a single male jerk is a married male jerk. You certainly have proved that.

[Tellya Later 15]

I'll have to chime in here too. Just cause you're married...doesn't mean you stopped being a prick...or at least thinking with yours.

 

A couple I meet was ecstatic when they found a couple near them. They met them a few times then for whatever reason it started getting weird. The last straw was when the husband called the wife of the couple for what amounts to basically a booty call. I believe the words "you don't know what you're missing" came up too.

 

Not all couples are jerks like this, not all singles are jerks like up above....so where does that leave us....regular people...and we all know regular people aren't always what they are cracked up to be.

[OhioCouple 40]

Don't shun single jerks because they're single. Shun them because they're jerks!!!

You are absolutely correct in that statement. "Jerks are Jerks" whether single, married, male or female. It just yanks my chain tho when people are inconsiderate, hard headed and biased.

[FlyBiNiter 16]

Ok.. hold up. Yes, My guy is going to "get in the way" of someone who assumes I just want to get fucked. After all... I am his woman, and he loves me, and knows that it's a little more than "getting fucked" that I'm after at our club. ANY guy who assumes that he's going to get laid the first time I meet him is going to be sorely disappointed. Contrary to what some of you single guys believe, a lot of us DO get plenty at home, it IS great with our mates, and we don't NEED an extra person for fulfillment. We include you guys because we feel like enhancing an already wonderful experience. Keep all that in mind, and try getting to know us a little before trying to get us on our backs. You never know... we might consider continuing to include you from time to time if you treat us like the ladies we are. Personally, I would rather have occasional encounters with a guy that we made friends with than a string of strangers who just want to get laid by a "two dollar whore"

 

I've said my piece, so I'll get off my soap box now.

[OhioCouple 40]

Dear single men: , We travel to just about all the socials in a 4 state area, and know some 3000+ couples in the lifestyle, and have never met a couple that looked at the single guy threesome as a plus for there relationship. we have been with well over 100 couples

 

Hmmmm.....Let's see here. You feel the need to obviously embellish the number of people that you "know" in the lifestyle and also to rejoice and relish in the fact that you have been with "WELL OVER 100 COUPLES"? Now be sure to correct me if I am wrong, but it sure sounds to me that you have spent your time "looking to get laid"? Isn't that what you stated was the majority of "problems" concerning the single male?

 

I've said it before and I'll stand by it. If you are not meeting decent singles or couples....take a look at where "YOU" are going and how "YOU" are presenting your own selves....there in lies the solution to your problem.

[OhioCouple 40]

Remember, most of the females in the lifestyle are Bi-Sexual, and enjoy having sex with the other woman, more than with the other men. They are having great sex with there husbands, but, are missing the oral sex with woman. that is why they are in the lifestyle in the first place.

 

OMGoodness, How in the heck did I miss this opportunity?

 

This is for all the "NON DRIVE BY WANNABES"

 

Not all women are bi-sexual, in fact there are varying degrees of the sexual likes. Some are most content making love with their chosen mate in the presence of another doing the same. Some prefer to watch others and then go to a private area and make mad passionate love with each other. There are some women who will receive but not give and vise versa.

 

To conclude that all women are only choosing to participate in this lifestyle in order to be with another woman is a deception. Although I am bi and enjoy participation with another woman, I also dearly enjoy sexual relations with another male just as much. If we are with a couple that is not FF, no biggie....I know I am still going to have an awesome experience anyway.

[jimcat 15]

After being at our local swingers club recently and having seen an unusually large number of single men I felt it necessary to make a few comments...

 

I hadn't looked at this post in quite a while and was totally surprised by the number of responses to my original message. Julie,what a divergence of opinions! I was only attempting to help single guys see what couples (at least my wife and I) find appealing in a single guy at a club. The single guy were going to swing with next we met on the internet;we have been to our favorite club several times since that original message and not one guy has impressed us with their social skills. Many guys try to visually do the talking which just doesn't work. We want to be assured that in the context of our marriage and swinging lifestyle you "fit in". A single guy seems to us to be much more of a risk to our comfort zone than a married couple who swing. I can only imagine how difficult it is for a single guy to approach a couple at a club and try to make that connection. I can also only imagine the rewards if you do make that connection! I'm not trying to be critical of single males only helpful.As I said before I know how expensive a club can be for a single guy.

[DRxDON 15]

Hello single guys and couples! First, I would like to thank John(michigancouple) and Lori(OhioCouple) for bringing some rational thought and observation to this topic.

 

I am a SINGLE GUY who goes to clubs, so I feel that I have just as much, if not more of a "right" or perspective to give advice here.

 

FIRST, and most important, you must keep in mind that EVERY couple is DIFFERENT; different attitudes, different desires, different expectations, etc.

 

There are the "Elitist" type who want nothing to do with single men, and feel that swinging is a "privilege" reserved for married couples only. If you approach these types, you can expect a QUICK rejection, often in a very impolite and nasty manner, no matter how "gentlemanly" your approach may be.

 

There are couples who ARE interested in hooking up with single guys, but they ASSume that it is their prerogative to make the first move. If you approach these types, you can expect to be rejected for being too "pushy", again, no matter how polite you may have been.

 

I have even experienced outright devious deception from a couple. I was in contact with a couple whose profile on the swinging community, to which I belong , seemed very up front and honest. I was in contact with the wife about meeting at a club on a specific night. One of the "turn ons" listed in their profile was the anticipation of meeting a guy at a club at a specific night. She gave me her cell phone # so I could contact her at the club if it was crowded. Well..... I got to the club and saw her but she didn't recognize me at all. In fact, she never heard of me. I saw her husband nearby and asked what was up. He just *pleasantly* and *calmly* told me that HE was the one I was messaging all along on the swinger community, posing as his wife! He wanted to get her into a MMF but she was more into women. He acted like it was no big deal, like this is what goes on all the time! BELIEVE ME, I was PISSED!

 

These, of course, are extreme examples, but I have found that these types, less the con guy, are fairly populous at most clubs.

 

There are couples who even want the guy to make the first move, very often in a very flirtatious and even "aggressive" manner, which would otherwise be considered very pushy.

 

Of course, there are the more "down to earth" laid back couples that have been mentioned who would just appreciate someone who strikes up an interesting conversation. However, I would not say that these are "typical" swingers or the "majority". These are the "ideal" and "nicest" type of swingers, but the clubs have ALL KINDS and you can never tell what the *type* of the couple is, whom you are approaching. In other words, there really are no general "rules". There are no such defined personality types as "swingers". You are dealing with *human beings* of all quirks and idiosyncrasies. You're on your own, is all I can say.

 

What I do, whenever I go the few times now, at my favorite clubs is just enjoy the free, erotic atmosphere, soak up the "vibes", "get in the mood", and just be friendly and *lightly* flirtatious. If I don't connect with anyone, I've had a good time flirting and being a voyeur. If I DO hook up with someone, it is usually a kind of "serendipitous" meeting just because of my "good humor" and "vibes" that I put out... then *I* get approached.

 

Other than this, the best advice I can give is to try and arrange a meeting at the club with a couple before hand. .......But then, I hope you don't get conned like I did.

[OhioCouple 40]

This was flat out wrong! I don't care if you are single, a couple or whatever..there is no justifiable reason for deception. You were obviously conned, that in itself is despicable. I am not sure what I would have done or said if I were in your shoes at that moment. I am pretty hard to anger...but most that know me say that "I wouldn't push her any further right now if I were you."

 

I do hope that you will continue to contribute to the board in all areas. I for one really appreciate hearing the single perspective.

[Alura 2,774]

We take exception to your remark that couples who choose not to play with singles are "elitists."

[OhioCouple 40]

Care to elaborate on that Alura? I would be interested in hearing your opinion.

[Alura 2,774]

From the Concise Oxford Dictionary: "Elite, n., The choice part, the best (of)."

 

An "Elitist" would be one who considers himself to be "the choice part, the best (of)" and we don't think we are that ego-centric. As we've said in other parts of this forum, we have many reasons for not swinging with singles. We hope none of those reasons include the feeling that we are simply too good for them. We find that suggestion, especially when applied to all couples who choose to play only with other couples, to be insulting to our characters.

[SwingerSet 15]

I have to agree once again with Alura. We don't at all feel elitist when we turn down single males, its just that we don't care to play in that situation. I know that this might be a double standard once again, but if we ever get the chance to play with a single female we will if we are both attracted to her.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

The term "double standard" seems to be touted about quite a bit. Perhaps preference would be better. I have heard arguments that if you choose not to swing with a particular race you are racist. If you choose to select your partners by looks or weight, you are a shallow person, if you choose partners by sexual preference you are narrow minded. We are talking about very intimate relationships, not that they are anything more than casual intimate relationships sometimes, but most people feel that if you have sex with someone it is intimate. Everyone has a right to their preferences though.

 

Now on the subject of manners. I do indeed feel that if a guy politely approaches a couple at a club he should be politely be turned down if there is no interest. To blow him off rudely is bad manners. If you politely say no and he persists then you have the license to be abrupt. To me its just civil to treat someone as you would want or expect to be treated, assuming you have a social bone in your body.

 

Single men, don't expect every couple to be friendly. They certainly have had there share of pushy, demanding and rude single men too. Some people tend to lump everyone into a category. I.E. all single men are horny dogs that just go to swinging clubs because they want to have sex with someones wife. Well....I guess that would categorize quite a few male halves of couples too huh.

 

Just move on and forget it. Handling rejection is a sign of maturity. Understanding that some people are indeed elitists falls into this category.

 

I have yet to meet an elitist that knows he/she is one though. Maybe I'm one...lol.

 

Perhaps this subject should be brought up to miss manners.

[SwingerSet 15]

You are very right in how a single male should be turned down, if they are polite, :p so should be the turn down. The same applies to married people, I have seen many marrieds that are pushy and rude as well as not being able to understand the word NO!!!! . So a note to all, to treat others in all situations the way you would like to be treated.

[Guest <darling>]

I agree with SOME of what argosy says. We go to a swingers club and mostly soft swing. But when we are in the mood for more and would like a single man to join us, as long as I find him attractive, I don't care what his hobbies are or anything else about him and that is how my husband prefers it. No chance of emotional attachment on either parties. Its just about good sex.

[SOTC_Vallejo 15]

At our club we prescreen all members by means of a questionnaire. When we come across a single guy we think may be a good fit for our parties, we meet them in person to make sure they have the social skills necessary for a sex party - before they are extended an invitation.

 

Although there have been one or two guys that passed the screening process, and then come to a party and stare or otherwise bring an element of discomfort, 99% of the time we catch the unsuitable ones when we meet them or from their questionnaire. For those who slip through, they are not invited back. If a problem is caused during the party (Not happened yet), then they are asked to leave.

 

We have a lot of single women and married women in our party group who feel very comfortable with this process and come to parties. Some want to get down and dirty with a lot of guys, some just one or two - but either way they get pre-vetted guys to play with and its a great experience all around.

 

We have been to parties where there is such an overwhelming proportion of single men, that women have not played, simply because in such an atmosphere, the men tend to be highly charged and will join a scene without asking or breach other etiquette. This does not contribute to a good vibe for a sex party

 

We have found the ratio that works for us is 1.3:1 men:women. Any lower and the women start asking where the guys are, any more and you start getting issues.

 

So basically, what works for us are: good quality guys (personality & physique), and optimum numbers.