Too Much of a Good thing?

[PSULioness 859]

I understand everyone on here has a high libido but how much sex can you have.?

With many of us home now for an extensive amount of time we also are finding plenty of together time. I am working from home and still need to actually work. My husband, who normally does a lot of work travel is now home and though he needs to do some work it’s not as much as mine. 

In normal times I think our sex schedule is great. Almost every night and most mornings when he is home. We both enjoy and we feel it’s healthy. When he is away we do have a friend that visits me, less now then we first started. 

Now with all this together time it seems like my husband is never satisfied. Being a healthy guy he seems to not need that much rest between our time outs. I know many of you will say I shouldn’t complain but I am asking how much is too much. 

How are people handling being home so much? 

[lcmim 1,082]

Other than the physical aspects of sex there is the life affirming factor. There have been many times when death or illness has struck to close for comfort that we have sought strength in each others arms.

For us the physical need factor has remained the same. The uncertainty of the moment  has us physically closer than usual.

 

[couplers 4,655]

11 hours ago, PSULioness said:

... Now with all this together time it seems like my husband is never satisfied. Being a healthy guy he seems to not need that much rest between our time outs. I know many of you will say I shouldn’t complain but I am asking how much is too much. 

How are people handling being home so much? 

Same for us, as I posted elsewhere, the two guys in our family are more interested in us three women now that we're all home (and recover more quickly too) and it's a good thing.  You are about 10 years younger than me, just wait and you'll find the tables begin to turn in your thirties, you'll want it more and your husband will be able to perform less.

 

"When he is away we do have a friend that visits me, less now then we first started."  In time that friend will be visiting more whether your husband is home or not, to the satisfaction of all three of you.

[kittyswinger 260]

On 3/24/2020 at 9:03 AM, PSULioness said:

Now with all this together time it seems like my husband is never satisfied. Being a healthy guy he seems to not need that much rest between our time outs. I know many of you will say I shouldn’t complain but I am asking how much is too much. 

How are people handling being home so much? 

The 3 of us have same work from home arrangements so it is a challenge for me how to divide my time between SO and bf.  We all agreed that I will alternate every 2 days between them. Bf lives in a nearby city.

 

Normally, when I spend the weekend in bf's house, we have many other things to do outside the house, and sx is mostly at night and mornings. But now he seems never satisfied too and would do it every break from his laptop and mine too. He recovers quickly and we're working pretty much on our undies.  We taped our webcam to avoid accidental broadcast to our workmates! ?

 

I'm telling him if there will be a total lockdown, perhaps he should move in to my place with SO temporarily if he wishes because I can't easily drive between our places. But at the back of my head, I'm thinking how I could manage the awkward situation knowing how high his libido is.

 

 

 

[couplers 4,655]

48 minutes ago, kittyswinger said:

.., perhaps he should move in to my place with SO temporarily if he wishes because I can't easily drive between our places. But at the back of my head, I'm thinking how I could manage the awkward situation knowing how high his libido is.

You would probably enjoy having both men available at the same time.  They may like the situation as well.

[kittyswinger 260]

10 hours ago, couplers said:

You would probably enjoy having both men available at the same time.  They may like the situation as well.

I would love to.   I just feel I might be too self-conscious about the 'newness' of that home situation ☺️

[couplers 4,655]

9 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

I would love to.   I just feel I might be too self-conscious about the 'newness' of that home situation ☺️

Talk about it, start with what's comfortable for everyone, and slowly more along.  You will do great, they guys will eventually come to find their own satisfaction.

[couplers 4,655]

11 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

I would love to.   I just feel I might be too self-conscious about the 'newness' of that home situation ☺️

I started with a new boyfriend, who became my husband, all the while still seeing my ex-fiance Red with the knowledge of both.  I introduced them early on and it was remarkably comfortable for all three of us.  We started doing things together, so it became inevitable that I had sex with one while the other was around.  Eventually, we would have an occasional threesome, and ultimately all move in together.

 

But you need to be very aware of their sensitivities.  The dynamic was/is such that hubby much prefers boyfriend go first because he gets excited and enjoys watching me have sex with Red pre-orgasm (not as much afterwards), then getting sloppy seconds.  OTOH, Red likes me "fresh," doesn't get particularly excited watching me with hubby, and so typically leaves the room after we've finished and hubby is starting with me.  There are other things too, like I've never had anal with hubby, but do with Red; who goes where when they're both in me at the same time, etc.

 

If you find what each likes and all accommodate each other, it will be fine.

 

(Now with our poly family, there are many other preferences on how we relate (including, but not just sexually) among the two guys, Clair, Lora, and me.)

[kittyswinger 260]

On 3/26/2020 at 11:26 AM, couplers said:

I started with a new boyfriend, who became my husband, all the while still seeing my ex-fiance Red with the knowledge of both.  I introduced them early on and it was remarkably comfortable for all three of us.  We started doing things together, so it became inevitable that I had sex with one while the other was around.  Eventually, we would have an occasional threesome, and ultimately all move in together.

 

But you need to be very aware of their sensitivities.  The dynamic was/is such that hubby much prefers boyfriend go first because he gets excited and enjoys watching me have sex with Red pre-orgasm (not as much afterwards), then getting sloppy seconds.  OTOH, Red likes me "fresh," doesn't get particularly excited watching me with hubby, and so typically leaves the room after we've finished and hubby is starting with me.  There are other things too, like I've never had anal with hubby, but do with Red; who goes where when they're both in me at the same time, etc.

 

If you find what each likes and all accommodate each other, it will be fine.

 

(Now with our poly family, there are many other preferences on how we relate (including, but not just sexually) among the two guys, Clair, Lora, and me.)

In my case, I would probably let SO go first and let him watch us after.  Bf is so energetic and usually leaves me worn out and sticky all over after, that I need to rest a little before going again.  He is a bit 'dominant-ish' and takes me like a boss! He recovers fast and never tires. I dont complain because his libido matches mine. That can make me a bit self conscious when SO is around.

 

I think that can work as an occassional play together or temporarily during lockdowns or if the economy worsens, for economic practicality and sustainability of both households.  On the long-term, the ideal for us I feel, is a home side by side or near to each other but separate, especially that bf wants to raise a family with me. They have different personalities. Btw, I'm putting on hold bf's plan for a family while this pandemic rages...which I think will last for 2 yrs or until a stable vaccine is developed.

 

P, you mentioned your bf became your husband and Red was your fiance, right? Did your bf become your 'boyfriend' while you were engaged with Red, and ended up marrying him?  I have a feeling my bf wants something similar...

[couplers 4,655]

17 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

...  Bf is so energetic and usually leaves me worn out and sticky all over after, that I need to rest a little before going again.  He is a bit 'dominant-ish' and takes me like a boss! He recovers fast and never tires. I dont complain because his libido matches mine. That can make me a bit self conscious when SO is around.

 

No reason to be self-conscious.  Your SO should be happy that you have a boyfriend whose libido matches yours and can take care of you.

17 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

...  On the long-term, the ideal for us I feel, is a home side by side or near to each other but separate, especially that bf wants to raise a family with me....

We started with my boyfriend Red living a few houses away, then moving in, now we have what my husband David calls "our compound," it's a big house with a guest house that is Red's, now connected by a breezeway.  Mostly because Red is a creative type that has always worked from home, while David, Lora, Clair (before she became our full-time, stay-at-home mom), and I have corporate office jobs.  Although Red used to spend more nonworking hours there, since the kids he's with us all the time now.

18 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

... They have different personalities...

David and Red have totally different personalities and values as well, but they get along perfectly, like they appreciate the ying/yang thing of each other.  They share not only us women between them (so much for male jealousy), but things like tools, electronics, their cars.

18 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

P, you mentioned your bf became your husband and Red was your fiance, right? Did your bf become your 'boyfriend' while you were engaged with Red, and ended up marrying him?  I have a feeling my bf wants something similar...

The guy I call my "boyfriend" now, Red, was my fiance with whom I broke off the engagement but never broke off the relationship, sexual or otherwise.  (He is a "creative" type who I though would never make much money and wouldn't make a suitable partner; ultimately, I was wrong about both.)  David is the guy I met shortly thereafter, started dating and starting having sex with.  He was totally relaxed with me still seeing (and yes, fucking) Red and asked me to marry him, which I did.  My Lesbian side and Clair and Lora joining s came later.

[kittyswinger 260]

P, thanks so much for sharing.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

On ‎3‎/‎24‎/‎2020 at 10:03 AM, PSULioness said:

...Now with all this together time it seems like my husband is never satisfied....

I predict that there will be a baby boom nine months from now.

[lovefest04 700]

13 minutes ago, SW_PA_Couple said:

I predict that there will be a baby boom nine months from now.

I was just saying this to my SO a few nights ago. Covid-19 baby boom. So, would you prefer to be called Gen x, Gen Y, Boomer or Covid generation?

[njbm 2,881]

50% pregnant, 50% divorced. 

[kittyswinger 260]

On 3/29/2020 at 4:19 PM, SW_PA_Couple said:

I predict that there will be a baby boom nine months from now.

This is very possible but I'm doing best I can to prevent this. 

 

On 3/29/2020 at 5:14 PM, njbm said:

50% pregnant, 50% divorced. 

Couples should avoid a separation or divorce.  Imo, this is a time to brace up for the rough times ahead. Joining together households and economic resources would be best. ?

[EastInWest 1,524]

 

On 3/29/2020 at 5:19 PM, SW_PA_Couple said:

I predict that there will be a baby boom nine months from now.

Covid is a terrible idea for a baby boy's name. Just warning people away from that in advance.

 

To PSULioness: some people stress-fuck. Mrs. E does. He's relaxed from not dealing with work but also has a lot of pent-up energy from there being a sense of crisis, so he's really only got the one outlet. If it's too much, is there a place he can work out? I didn't get ahead of setting up a home gym and now there's a national shortage of exercise equipment, so I'm freaking out a little bit myself after two weeks of not lifting.

 

 

[EvolveYourIntimacy 18]

On 3/29/2020 at 5:14 PM, njbm said:

50% pregnant, 50% divorced. 

That is interesting that you said that; Fox and I have been discussing this at length. As a matter of fact, I am creating a poll right now and posting it so go answer the question for me.

 

[Numex 2,420]

On 3/29/2020 at 4:14 PM, njbm said:

50% pregnant, 50% divorced. 

So long as it's not the same couples. 

[PSULioness 859]

Just wondering that after 6 weeks either WFH or quarantining have things changed? Have you changed your isolation policies? Played with anyone or stayed safe? 

[Fundamental Law 2,887]

We have stayed safe. Of course, we are older, and that weighs on our risk-tolerance.  

 

It's interesting though. Mr. FL woke up around 0530 this morning, put on a robe, walked across the hall and started in on the day's "electron work". About 90 minutes later, Mrs. FL came over to the office (still quite naked) , sat in Mr. FL's lap, and made it clear that coffee would be delayed an hour. Or, as she put it,  "show up naked, bring coffee--and the coffee can wait".

 

WFH is not all bad. 

[couplers 4,655]

On 4/30/2020 at 6:07 PM, Fundamental Law said:

we are older, and that weighs on our risk-tolerance.

As one gets older, the tolerance for risk should go up - there is less to lose.

[PeterJ 955]

1 hour ago, couplers said:

As one gets older, the tolerance for risk should go up - there is less to lose.

You would think that would be the case. But I’m in the same age cohort as Fundamental Law, and like him I’m less willing to engage in risky behavior than I was as a young man or in middle age. 

 

In my youth I engaged for 15 years in a sport on both an amateur and professional level that regularly injures and kills participants. I was careful, and every day reminded myself that an error in my part or someone else’s could render my daughter an orphan and wife a widow. But I found the sport so challenging and satisfying sport that I was willing to roll the dice on three or four decades of life.
 

Today, actuarially I have a decade and perhaps a couple of years left. I would not find the risk/reward As favorable. Perhaps it’s the experiential knowledge that my time here is drawing to a close that makes me value what remains more greatly. If you have 60 or 70 good bottles of a favorite vintage in your cellar, each bottle is enjoyable. When only a few remain, each becomes more special and the the knowledge that soon enough they wii all have been drunk makes each sip more special. You might reasonably take extra care not to drop those last bottles.

[Fundamental Law 2,887]

Perspective matters. Economists point to the phenomenon of hyperbolic discounting, and that in turn depends on the time horizon of the person choosing to take the risk. We are seeing young people engaging in risky behaviors not so much because they think they will get away with the behavior but rather because they think they will have adequate time to recover and then go on with their lives. One of the things we are learning with COVID is that it leads to dysfunction in many if not most body systems. Another thing we are learning is that these dysfunctions are not quickly reversed. A third thing ... one that cannot be yet known...is that some of these dysfunctions may never be reversible. How one uses that information in the calculus of risk varies with age and with stage of life. 

 

Before we were married, we were inner-focused--what's in it for me? Early on, we learned to focus on what was good for the other person. (We observe that such focus is foundational to the LS.) Together now for 45+ years, we are always looking out for each other and for our shared future, recognizing that interdependence is key to independence at our stage of life. (Isolation and loneliness are significant predictors of poor health and death at our stage of life. ) 

 

We are hoping, like PeterJ, for at least a couple more decades together (we are in our mid-late 60s). Indeed, we are building our forever home to age in together, and gracefully. We have made deliberate attempts to engineer unnecessary risk out of that build. That does not mean we are intolerant of risk. It does mean that we are far better at anticipating and managing risk than we were when we met in mid 1970s.