What comes first.... (hopefully me)

[EvolveYourIntimacy 18]

Which comes first—desire or arousal?

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

Is this a chicken or the egg question.

 

Desire first, but arousal comes close behind it.

[Numex 2,416]

Depends on the woman.  Among those who we play with, one woman I have a desire to see, to be with, even before we're together, even if we're not planning to be together.  Even when we're not going to fuck.  We trade texts and emails. 

 

The other women I like, but don't get aroused until sex is happening soon. 

 

I would say my wife is the same, there's one guy she has real desire for, the rest arouse her in the moment. 

[EvolveYourIntimacy 18]

@Chris&Suzanne It does feel as if it is the chicken and the egg question but there is an actual research study that provided insight into this question. The study was conducted in 2004 by Ellen Laan, Stephanie Both and Mark Spiering of the University of Amsterdam and they examined participants’ physical responses to sexual images. It was found that we respond physically to extremely sexy visuals before our mind engages with them meaning desire does not precede arousal. So in essence, my vagina will respond to a very sexy stimulus before my brain tells me it is sexy.... so I guess that answers the question for men when they are asked which head they were thinking with.

 

@Numex You have a great point of view that really made me stop and evaluate myself. I agree with you completely. There are times that I am aroused by a someone and then there are times where I absolutely desire them!

 

 

(*Disclosure statement: you can find a research study that supports almost anything, and I fully understand that, but this one was from published in The Journal of Sex Research so I felt that it had some credibility to the data.)

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Good question.  I think it just depends.  I can become aroused and start to feel some tingles and hardening before my mind has even decided if the source of the arousal is something I desire or not. The other pathway is you desire someone, so you start thinking about that, and that leads to the arousal.