Looking to chat and learn

[Jay213 3]

 

New to all this. I've  been married about 10 years. My wife has always had a way higher sex drive than I have. We stumbled upon swinging a while ago and she seemed interested but seems to feel guilty after we think about it. I've told her it doesn't bother me and I'd love to see her pleased as often as she would like. Even more than I can do it. I'm not interested in being involved with anyone else myself, but I'd love for her to be more satisfied. I'd like to connect with guys who have been with wives like this and can give me advice about what she would like. I'd love to meet up with someone interested in flirting with her and seeing what she is comfortable with. I know she loves the thrill of guys checking her out, and she loves to have conversations with other guys especially about music and food. I love to see her enjoy that connection. 

[njbm 2,871]

Maybe it’s my inner Libran sense of balance, but I think swinging couples do better when both play. But I guess a lot of couples play with a single male. The four way match is elusive. 

[Jay213 3]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

Maybe it’s my inner Libran sense of balance, but I think swinging couples do better when both play. But I guess a lot of couples play with a single male. The four way match is elusive. 

Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I think for us we're a little unbalanced as it is. Having a single male would probably bring more balance to it. 

[Numex 2,416]

3 hours ago, Jay213 said:

 

... My wife has always had a way higher sex drive than I have... I've told her it doesn't bother me and I'd love to see her pleased as often as she would like. Even more than I can do it. I'm not interested in being involved with anyone else myself, but I'd love for her to be more satisfied. ... 

That's sort of the way it started with us.  I'm a pretty horny guy, but women are capable of having many more orgasms than men and don't need something physically demanding like an erection to do it.  So I was glad for her to get the extra she needed (maybe not "needed," but extra sex she certainly could handle while still giving me all that I could do.)  And it wasn't just quantity, it was the variety she enjoyed as well, us doing MFMs and her starting serious girl-on-girl play. 

 

BUT, now we do couples' swaps for two reasons: she wants me to have fun too and more selfishly, she likes the buzz of knowing and seeing me fucking other women.  (Watching your spouse getting laid is not just a guy thing.)

[Numex 2,416]

On 4/1/2020 at 5:21 PM, njbm said:

Maybe it’s my inner Libran sense of balance, but I think swinging couples do better when both play. But I guess a lot of couples play with a single male. .. 

Agree!  But we started with my wife fucking exes (separately) for two reasons: 1) I was happy for her to do it and show her that I wasn't a greedy bastard who wanted to fuck other women, and 2) it was easy - easy for me because these two guys she had been with before, so really why should I be jealous? easy for her because she not only had sex with both of them many times before and they were two of her favorites.  And very easy to do - after the first nonsexual dinner date, both were ready to start fucking her again.

 

I also agree that a four way match is elusive, but well worth the effort.

 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

There is really only one pathway to learn her true thoughts and feelings and desires, and that's through her. The trying to "arrange the pieces" approach to lead a spouse into swinging never works, at least long term.  Finding some guy to be a piece in that scheme by flirting with her isn't going to get you any further along,, and in fact sets you back even though you may not realize it at the time.  Why?  Because it wasn't something you did together, it was something you arranged.  Swinging just doesn't work any other way than together.

 

I would recommend that instead you put your energy into truly talking with her, putting your viewpoint aside long enough to see hers, and all of the other things that go into open and honest communication that is two way.  That should be your first goal, getting that going.  Does it guarantee swinging?  Nope. It will pay dividends though in an improved relationship, and that's really what is important.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Quite often, I see comments here that seem to indicate you need to choose a path through the LifeStyle: foursome swaps -OR- wife only (hotwifing) -OR- open marriage.

 

My wife and I started with foursomes, but quickly moved into a combination of the three, whatever was available and interesting at the moment. Choices don't have to be made.

[Numex 2,416]

24 minutes ago, adamgunn said:

.., whatever was available and interesting at the moment. Choices don't have to be made.

Good point.  Although we have settled on couples for the moment, within that group there's more alone play and threesomes than straight out swaps.  The flexibility allows for more play. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

1 hour ago, Numex said:

Good point.  Although we have settled on couples for the moment, within that group there's more alone play and threesomes than straight out swaps.  The flexibility allows for more play. 

Not only more play, but more satisfying play.

 

It seems to me most experienced couples are in this to assuage urges that can't or won't be scratched by play within their marriage. Sure, you can role play and talk about fantasies or past experiences all you want, and that will lead to great sex, but if you want to see what your wife would do with a big dick, even a large dildo won't give her the whole experience. (That's just one example, I'll leave others to the student.)

 

We all have different desires, and those desires can change from year to year, even day to day. Flexible non-monogamy allows us to satisfy those desires, sometimes.

[lovefest04 699]

Adamgunn, totally agree.

 

Desires change. And sometime you just can't live the fantasy alone or between a couple. The wife isn't interested in 'fake' cock, dildos etc. She likes the real thing, flesh and blood. We also pursue bi-male activities which can be simulated with a strap on but it's just not the same, again real flesh and blood, and doesn't ,for example, provide the opportunity for perspective on the wifes' part. ie Sitting back and watching.

 

Sometimes you just gotta have another person the help.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Jay, sorry, for whatever reason I just skipped over your initial message. So here is my answer to it.

 

There are many men who enjoy their wife playing who don't play themselves. Don't feel weird about it, for some people it's natural. 

 

As far as to what your wife would like, the only way to know is to ask her. Now, that conversation can. be difficult to start. But there's a tool, mojo-upgrade.com, that can help. You both answer questions as to what you'd enjoy, then the site matches them up. Conversations are easier after that.

 

Best of luck . . . 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

If you and your wife are good with it. And the people you are playing with are good. What's the problem? As for your wife it seems to me that a lot more talking is in order. IMO she isn't quite there......yet?