Sex Positive Parenting

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

A conversation at Easter dinner yesterday:

 

Daughter (age 33) : "Thank heavens I have sex positive parents."

Her fiance': "Really, thank heavens you do have sex positive parents. My parents never even talked about sex."

Mrs. FL: "How could we not be sex positive? Life would be boring. What would be the point?"

Daughter (replying): "This is why my parents are still married and happy."

 

Are you (or were you) sex positive parents?

Why, or why not?

What does/did it mean to be a "sex positive parent" as you are/were raising your kids?

Was it a conscious decision? How do you evaluate the outcome of your choice and actions?

 

 

 

 

[padoc 1,704]

We're positive we're parents.

 

We positively have sex.

 

Our kids (6 between us) all have children so they have sex 

 

I guess we did OK

[njbm 2,901]

My mother in law likes to ask my wife where she was when my wife missed her call. We both find that annoying and intrusive. So she called once and left a message while we were having sex. My wife called her back later. Her mother asked us where we were ( at 10am on a weekend?). My wife said we were having sex. Her mother replied “Wonderful!” So I guess you can say that my mother in law is sex positive. 

[lcmim 1,086]

Yes, both in terms of knowledge and attitude.

We always wanted the kids to know that we had an active and happy sex life.

Although we are noisier now, we never felt the need to overly conceal it when we made love. By the time the youngest was 8 or 9 they had a pretty good idea why mom and dad disappeared into their room for an hour or two on Sunday afternoon.

I know it , was not lost on them, that among their friends, theirs were one of the rare set of parents  that were still joyously married . I believe they made the connection.

 

We had to get the message across to each, according to their personalities, that there was a time and a season for it in everyone's lives.  That their season would come and that they would hopefully proceed with their minds not their gonads leading the way.

 

So far so good with each of them, I guess it worked.

 

It is such fun to have our daughter, and mother of three, be able to just drop a bit of ribald humor on us over a family dinner without a pause.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

1 hour ago, lcmim said:

 

I know it , was not lost on them, that among their friends, theirs were one of the rare set of parents  that were still joyously married . I believe they made the connection.

 

 

We do not have a statistically valid sample, of course, but you are not the first LS parents to have echoed this sentiment . What parents do behind closed doors is, of course, private. That parents remain in love and are still sexually active is distinctly reassuring to adult children. Against a backdrop of so many broken relationships, their parents' relationship stands out as one to model.

 

It does not mean that children should or will choose the lifestyle. It does mean that they will wonder whether choosing the lifestyle is a product of that happiness or that happiness is supported by the lifestyle.

 

We would answer, "yes". 

[PSULioness 859]

Not being a parent yet, I wonder how I will handle sex conversations with my future children. 

My mother had a birds and bees talk with me after the fact. When I told her I was no longer a Virgin she wanted to make sure I was safe. She insisted I be on birth control. 

I was about 14 when I realized the sounds coming from their bedroom was sex. Back then if I remember my reaction was ewww. 

My parents weren’t prudes. I don’t think they did anything more with friends besides sexy jokes. 

I am pretty sure my dad wasn’t happy when I had a boyfriend stay over. It was mostly acceptance by silence. My parents weren’t naïve nor stupid. 

[adamgunn 1,461]

Well, I can say my father and step-mother were not sex-positive parents.

 

When I was 17 in the mid-sixties, a senior in high school, my girlfriend came over when the old folks were supposed to be away for a few hours. We went into my bedroom and started messing around, we were both naked, and sure enough, they come home early.

 

There was no way to hide it, my girlfriend’s car was in the driveway. I told her to get in the closet, they came down the stairs, yelling. They wanted her to show herself, I just said, “Oh, c’mon!” They finally left, I had my girlfriend come out of the closet and get out of there as fast as she could.

 

The ensuing conversation was awkward, to say the least. They tried to ground me, I just laughed about it, kept going to work and school. Since I didn’t have a car yet, I couldn’t just drive away, but I did act very belligerently for a few days.

 

The next weekend, my dad took me aside and tried to have the birds and the bees talk. I gave him a lecture on the various methods of birth control that were available at that time, didn’t say which one we used. Then I told him to get over it. He finally did, my step mother never did. (But that’s another story.)

 

What makes this even worse is I was the youngest of five children. Don’t tell me my dad didn’t have similar problems with my older siblings. By that time, he should have expected I’d be having sex.

 

Take this as a lesson on how not to be sex-positive parents.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

2 hours ago, adamgunn said:

Well, I can say my father and step-mother were not sex-positive parents.

 

 

 

Take this as a lesson on how not to be sex-positive parents.

Do you have kids? And if so, what have you done differently?

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

13 hours ago, PSULioness said:

Not being a parent yet, I wonder how I will handle sex conversations with my future children. 

 

When you have kids, you and your s/o will have to decide...and stick to...decisions on three topics:

 

1. Drugs.

2. Alcohol

3. Sex

 

You will lead by example in your home. You have to stick to the rules, and you are entitled to expect your kids to stick to the rules. You need to make the rules clear and reinforce them. Expect to be tested. Stand firm. These object lessons in integrity will stick with your kids more than you know. 

 

 

[adamgunn 1,461]

Yes, I have two daughters. Unfortunately, my first wife divorced me, so I only got them on weekends. I'm proud that they occasionally asked me why boys are such dumbshits, and I never tried to dabble in their sex life. 

 

I did talk to them about birth control, and respect and such. They turned out okay.