How Many Concurrent Partners?

[cm89 16]

Count this to either being new or nosey - How many active relationships do people maintain? Do most people keep only 1 or 2 couples in their black-book or do you keep more? As an add on, if you keep multiples, what kind of time passes between experiences?

[Alura 2,773]

We've never been involved with more than one other playcouple at a time. Ideally, we'd like to know two other couples so all three could play together.

 

Mr. Alura

[Brit_Pair 62]

Dito

 

(perhaps we should have made that one of our NY resolutions?)

[frenzb4sex 15]

Ok, so we'll put up the official scarlet letter on us. SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We usually like to keep our options open, so if you are talking active swinging-wise, we generally have between 4-5 couples that we stay close to and have an ongoing relationship with (meaning that we will meet with them usually one time every two months). We will occasionally have that "fling", but this is the core group that we stay in contact with on an ongoing basis. Friends do come and go, but we won't usually overbook or overwhelm ourselves with more than that. Generally, we like to get out and play 3-4 times a month, during weekends of course.

 

We consider ourselves very active in the lifestyle. So, is that a bad thing??? Are we just too damn active?

[fun_pairTX 26]

We have a 5-6 couple circle that plays together every month or so everyone's schedule is a bit cluttered to get together more than that, but when we do its one big steaming pile throbbing to really loud ZZ Top music, I gotta go I think I am getting excited......

[OhioCouple 40]

Ideally, we would like to connect with several couples that are all compatible with each other, so that we could meet with a small group of people on occasion. Personally I do not care for the endless sea of new encounters trying to find compatible people and am not into the club scene.

 

However, good things come to those who wait and we are in no hurry.

[Avantgarden38 18]

We like to have one very close couple that we swing with without the use of condoms. They are a couple that has stood the test of time and we know and trust. We must be very fond of them and consider them friends even when not swinging with them.

 

Sometimes we find a second couple (if we are lucky) to play with also. We find that it is possible to see too much of one couple and enjoy the variety and friendship of others too. Plus, scheduling and busy lives make it difficult to date just one couple with any regularity. Who wants to sit home on a Saturday night, right? During all of this dating we are usually chatting and meeting new people, but are particular who we hook up with. We think it might be difficult to juggle more than two or three couples and still be fair. We have never had a one night stand with a couple or had sex on the first date.

 

Our goal would be to have a sixsome with our couples, but that hasn't happened yet.

 

Our couples know of our other couples. We don't share details, but we don't keep secrets either.

[WesternSwing 504]

I think right now we are involved with four couples on an ongoing basis and one single male. We have all become friends and we consider this our "tribe". :-) So we all know about each other and we all have a great time either meeting just as two couples or throwing a party together.

 

Mr. WS

[XMonkey 15]

We do like to have a good 'black book' going, enjoy 3-somes, 4-somes and more-somes at regular parties.

[havefuninsun 122]

Very interesting thread -- thanks for starting this. Mr. Fun and I are "virgins" still and have been meeting folks, but haven't found the elusive "four people click" yet (almost as rare as that female unicorn >).

 

Although we've not jumped off the high dive yet, we think what will work for us is having a few (two? three? more?) "regular" couples that we play with, who also share our same views ... either be a “tribe” (as described above – cool analogy!) or have a sense of their play habits. The reasons are threefold: 1) Safety – this is a biggie – we’re not under the false illusion that condoms prevent the spread of all things unholy, so knowing the habits of playmates help us make a better decision whether we want to play or not; 2) Time – this process is very time consuming (duh!); and 3) Discretion – although, from what I’ve read, the swing community is very discreet, it’s the ones who don’t approve who find out that like to pass judgment and share their new-found information.

 

(It's all just preferences; just like dating in the vanilla world, but a hell of a lot more fun ...)

 

Of course, everything is subject to change – but this at least gives us goals to work towards …

[BorisNatasha 63]

We have 1 couple that we play with right now, and 2 couples from online ads that we are at the stage of 'scheduled meetings' because things have worked out well in email and on the phone. If those 2 work out I think we'll be set... we don't really plan on playing much more often than once a month and it would be hard to keep friends you only see once or twice a year.

 

Boris

[IFEELFINE69 15]

We generally play with 5 or 6 couples at the same time. These are couples we know from around the area (100 mile radius). So we try to get together as a group in a motel suite and catch up on our friendship and play a few games and play. And then around 1 AM, we may go and find someplace to have breakfast.

We have about Ten couples that we always are happy to hear from and know we'll have a good time getting together with as a Foursome.

And then again we go to some parties with 100 couple present(at the bar) and end up with someone knew to our group or meet a couple that a couple we know has brought with them. It's all mostly good.The trick is to get out there and find the ones that are truly in the lifestyle and weed out the ones that are just testing the waters or are only doing this to save their marriage.

Fortunately we are very happily married and have better communication between us than do most of our "Vanilla Friends". Mark

[fun4Ds 1,097]

4-5 is a happy zone with 1-2 meet at the drop of a hat .

[Mike and Jan 20]

One at a time! Right now that one is very, very soft swing.

 

And, it's really been fun too. So slow, so sensuous, so flirtatious.

 

Just like being in school and dating all over again.

 

But, we've sure enjoyed full swapping too in past relationships.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We also get the scarlet letter. Then again I guess you could say we only play with one at a time.... each on a different weekend.

 

We're still working on building our black book, I guess you could say.

[two42lovers 273]

Wow - have to say this thread is a bit of an eye opener. Always have wished we knew more cool couples, but have to say from the sound of these responses we seems to have it pretty good. We are on ongoing-play-friends terms with maybe 8 or 9 couples - maybe more - don't always see all of them a lot because of distance, but we do play with all of them again and again.

 

If people think we are sluts that's OK - being a slut is a nice thing...

[exploringRM 305]

Came across this thread while searching for similar topics..it's a little stale but still worth a comment My wife and I are new to swinging (about 2 months)..and have had a good bit of interest via online contacts. With the holiday season and work schedules, its hard to be spontaneous but right now: we have one couple that we really clicked with, been with the twice and spending NYE at a LS club with them. Beyond that couple, we've been with 3 other couples, 1 will will definitely see again, another probably and probably won't see the 3rd (not adverse to that, just have not heard from them much).

 

From online contacts, we probably have about 5 or 6 couples where we both are interested in meeting at some point. So I guess we are on the path to being sluts..lol. But not sure if all of these meeting will grow into something more. But we do enjoy meeting people, and different kind of people. And we are still in the kid in the candy store phase!

 

When we started this, we didn't really think about the scheduling aspects, and difficulties of finding free time for all involved. But so far worth it.

[IvoryTowers 380]

Came across this thread while searching for similar topics..it's a little stale but still worth a comment My wife and I are new to swinging (about 2 months)..and have had a good bit of interest via online contacts.

 

We've been swinging about 7 months now and I wanted to let you know that the initial tidal wave of interest will die down. When you are new, everyone is new to you and you will get a lot of emails and even meetings. But after 3 or so months, we found that the emails died down to a trickle (maybe a couple a week or one a week).

 

That was actually fine--we'd made some good contacts and we wouldn't want to be reading 50 emails a day forever. Just wanted to let you know that things will slow down.

[exploringRM 305]

We've been swinging about 7 months now and I wanted to let you know that the initial tidal wave of interest will die down. When you are new, everyone is new to you and you will get a lot of emails and even meetings. But after 3 or so months, we found that the emails died down to a trickle (maybe a couple a week or one a week).

 

That was actually fine--we'd made some good contacts and we wouldn't want to be reading 50 emails a day forever. Just wanted to let you know that things will slow down.

 

Oh, I'm sure it's because we are new (fresh meat) that we get the attention. Even our favorite couple so far said that's why they contacted us. And we really enjoy going out and meeting people, so I guess we'll learn what number of couples will be right for us. With scheduling issues (work, family, etc), maybe it's good to have a nice full black book to rely upon.

[MrkLin 393]

We've been swinging for a long time, and currently have a circle of friends that consists of 15 couples, not including ourselves. We haven't played with each and every one of these couples (three are new and still getting to know us) but we've played with most of them. They're all invited to our house parties, and unless something else has come up, they all attend. We don't actively search for new couples, but if someone seems interesting, we'll contact them.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Guess that makes us a triple scarlet letter as we have lots of friends some we may only see a couple times a year some we see more often and we always enjoy meeting and playing with new couples. Nothing like an orgy for some good hot fun. Eveyone we play with is not a friend, in fact the friendship generaly comes after the first round not before. Yes we have been know to be with several couples at once and there is nothing like a little group play. Over the years we have made some good friends, found some fuck buddies (they are only fun naked) and been with some been there done that people. No regrets as even the been there done that are a new experence just not one that needs repeating. We have a relationship with each other after that it's just sex opr sex and friendship.

[shy_couple 458]

I posted a similar response some where else. We are new and have done the club thing and SLS. We met several people and got together with one. Our hope is to build a small gorup of 3-5 regular couple that we play well with with an occasional drpo-in here and there.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

We have only had one couple at a time in the past, because we are not into "marking notches" in our bed post, but a small group like SHY COUPLE mentions might be fun.

 

By the way SHY COUPLE we are in your area. look us up on SLS username is chrissuzanne, to see what you think. If you have an SLS id I will release our boring photos to you.

[exploringRM 305]

I posted a similar response some where else. We are new and have done the club thing and SLS. We met several people and got together with one. Our hope is to build a small gorup of 3-5 regular couple that we play well with with an occasional drpo-in here and there.

 

While we don't have a specific number in mind, we have the same thoughts. But in the short time we have been doing this, have learned that you are not going to find 3-5 regular couples in that order:

 

1) If you are looking for more outside of the bedroom, it's difficult to find a couple where you click enough to hang with them in general.

 

2) From #1, you need to meet many couples to find that select group.

 

3) Even when you click with a couple, as you get to know them more, you'll see reasons why sex is the primary common interest and perhaps there's not much more.

 

4) Distance, schedules, sickness (colds, flu..), kids, time of month..all of these make it difficult to make plans with another couple. So having a small group of couples makes it hard to play on a regular basis.

 

We are still in the process of meeting people, and perhaps less restrictive on how long we meet with a couple before playing. We've done both, meet once, played right after...Met once, no play and looking to meet them again, met once and decided we were not compatible..mostly not compatible in a sexual manner..most people we have met have been very nice.

[MrkLin 393]

1) If you are looking for more outside of the bedroom, it's difficult to find a couple where you click enough to hang with them in general.

 

2) From #1, you need to meet many couples to find that select group.

 

3) Even when you click with a couple, as you get to know them more, you'll see reasons why sex is the primary common interest and perhaps there's not much more.

 

4) Distance, schedules, sickness (colds, flu..), kids, time of month..all of these make it difficult to make plans with another couple. So having a small group of couples makes it hard to play on a regular basis.

 

We've been swinging for a few years, and it's been our experience that there's a lot of truth in what you say here. Still, if you really want to create a "circle of friends" who get together on occasion for parties, campouts, BBQs or something similar, it's not that difficult to do.

 

For example, this past July we helped a friend plan and pull off a swinger's campout that was attended by over 80 couples. If you've ever tried to get 3 couples together for one evening, you know how difficult that can be. I couldn't imagine the e-mail/phone/instant message trail involved in trying to get 80 people to agree on a weekend, so we didn't even try. We basically said, "The campout is going to be at this time, on this date, at this place," and let people make their own arrangements. We figured the couples who really wanted to come would, and out of the 100 couples invited, 80 of them did.

 

For a smaller party, like one of our house parties, we have a circle of friends that includes 15 couples. These are couples we know very well, and we've played with most of them. We've met them individually at clubs, at other house parties, or online, and have told them during face to face meetings about our parties. Each couple has told us that they want to be included on our invite list, and be invited to our parties.

 

I'll send out an e-mail to all of them, letting them know that we'd like to have a party soon, and tell them a projected date. If anyone has any objections to that date, speak now or forever hold your peace. We'll adjust it if someone isn't available, but that has only happened once. Our experience has been that if people want to come to something like that, they will do what it takes for them to come. Not all of them come to every party we have, but our usual turnout is 10 couples. It's been our experience that 2/3 of the invite list attending a party is a pretty good average. There have been plenty of occasions when all of them do attend, and it's always an absolute blast.

 

My point here is that if you want to create a similar circle of friends, you can very easily - just as you describe in #2 above. Just put yourselves into situations where you can meet other couples, get to know them a bit to see if they have similar interest in such parties, then create an invitation list. It can be done, if you really want to do it.

[Malachista 170]

I would not mind finding a few (3-6) steady playmates.

But so far I hardly ever played with someone more then 2 or three times. It's hard to find people who I can click with, and if I do they often only search one-timers

[exploringRM 305]

Just have to add more We just returned from a large hotel takeover party put on by one of the LS websites, and it's been some time since my last post. We had the opportunity to sit and talk to a number of couples meet for the first time, also met couples that we had exchange emails online. While for most there was no solid invitations to play, for several we could tell it might lead to that at some point. Due to schedule and distance it will take some time to meet everyone with mutual interest, but I think we're at the point where we need to pass on inquiries due to a long list of people to catch up with. We are only a little over three months into swinging and while we have met some really great people (some meetings went further as well).

 

I'm wondering how other people have dealt with this. Do you close off to meeting even more people? For example, say we're free for a weekend as no one one our "todo" list is available. But we get an invite from a totally new couple. Do wetake it and run, or decline due to having enough. For a number of recent contacts I've emailed back that we are happy with our current circle of couples (or something like that) and not actively seeking new encounters. It really depends on where the couple lives (how far away) and our level of interest (pickyness level) based on their profile.

[N8ture Girl 318]

 

I'm wondering how other people have dealt with this. Do you close off to meeting even more people? For example, say we're free for a weekend as no one one our "todo" list is available. But we get an invite from a totally new couple. Do wetake it and run, or decline due to having enough. For a number of recent contacts I've emailed back that we are happy with our current circle of couples (or something like that) and not actively seeking new encounters. It really depends on where the couple lives (how far away) and our level of interest (pickyness level) based on their profile.

 

We never close off the opportunity to meet someone. If we are all 4 willing then we go and meet them. It is unlikely that your current "to do" list will be the same in 6 months. You may have closed the door on some real good possiblities.

If your really not seeking new people, put it in your profile. This way your not "closing the door" on some one so to speak.

 

So basically what I am trying to say be open to the possibilities, sometimes those perfect couples show up out of the blue.

[exploringRM 305]

We never close off the opportunity to meet someone. If we are all 4 willing then we go and meet them. It is unlikely that your current "to do" list will be the same in 6 months. You may have closed the door on some real good possiblities.

If your really not seeking new people, put it in your profile. This way your not "closing the door" on some one so to speak.

 

So basically what I am trying to say be open to the possibilities, sometimes those perfect couples show up out of the blue.

 

Thanks for the advice, you made a very good point. We are always interested in meeting new people, but sometimes feel bad putting people off due to either already busy with meets, or simply not available for non lifestyle reasons. I do try to keep touching base with people that we've not had a chance to meet that we are still interested.

 

Perhaps part of the issue is that when we started this we of course had no clue, but thought we would find a handful of couples/circle of friends to have fun with. I now realize that's difficult to find in the short term that you need to meet alot of couples to find that small set of more than just sex partners. We originally didn't see ourselves meeting new couples to play on a regular basis , but we are enjoying ourselves! Somewhere between we just want a few couples to play with and we'll pounce on anything that resembles a lifestyle couple, lol.

[MrkLin 393]

Thanks for the advice, you made a very good point. We are always interested in meeting new people, but sometimes feel bad putting people off due to either already busy with meets, or simply not available for non lifestyle reasons. I do try to keep touching base with people that we've not had a chance to meet that we are still interested.

 

Perhaps part of the issue is that when we started this we of course had no clue, but thought we would find a handful of couples/circle of friends to have fun with. I now realize that's difficult to find in the short term that you need to meet alot of couples to find that small set of more than just sex partners. We originally didn't see ourselves meeting new couples to play on a regular basis , but we are enjoying ourselves! Somewhere between we just want a few couples to play with and we'll pounce on anything that resembles a lifestyle couple, lol.

 

We have our circle of friends, but we're always eager to meet couples. N8ture Girl is right in that things can change in 6 months - people move, drop out of the lifestyle, have kids, medical issues, or a lot of other things. Heck, you've only been in the lifestyle for a few months yourselves, and look at how much you've changed - lol.

 

Closing doors is something we don't like to do. While we don't actively search for new couples very much anymore, if someone contacts us, we're willing to meet if there's an attraction, then take things from there. Most swingers understand that vanilla life gets in the way of swinging at times, and if a particular night is bad for you, they'll be happy to try for another time.

 

Oh - and it's perfectly alright to be picky. Just don't be so picky that you miss out on a lot of fun in the process...

[exploringRM 305]

...Oh - and it's perfectly alright to be picky. Just don't be so picky that you miss out on a lot of fun in the process...

 

Well we are not too picky, just selective on who we play with. This past weekend at a hotel takeover we caught up with several couples that we have been wanting to meet and things seem to click well. At least to the point where we will meet again (only had a chance to chat for a short while at the event).

 

And yes, I feel we have come along way. We have been fortunate to meet some really great couples. And each of those couples introduced us to others so it's been a blast. Not that we've played with everyone, but that option is there for future encounters.

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

There are two other couples who we are very tight with and another three that participate when time allows due to distance and schedules.

 

Our get togethers are usually once or twice per month or when time allows. During the summer and holidays it is more often as we schedule vacations together.

 

Jamie

[MrkLin 393]

And yes, I feel we have come along way. We have been fortunate to meet some really great couples. And each of those couples introduced us to others so it's been a blast. Not that we've played with everyone, but that option is there for future encounters.

 

Between you and me, this is my favorite part of swinging. No, we haven't played with everyone we've met either, but we've met so many great people along the way, you can't help but to have fun with them. We've played with some of the couples we've met, and we haven't played with other couples - the point is that we met them, had fun with them, and expanded our social horizons in the process.

 

You were asking earlier how long this 'giddy, kid in the candy store' feeling will last. That depends on the two of you. If you play your cards right, it'll last forever...

[exploringRM 305]

 

You were asking earlier how long this 'giddy, kid in the candy store' feeling will last. That depends on the two of you. If you play your cards right, it'll last forever...

 

We do love the feeling and get giddy when we have a fun night with couples we've been with before as well as new couples. And when meeting people at a large event, we realize we can't eat all of the candy, but sure want to!

[MrkLin 393]

We do love the feeling and get giddy when we have a fun night with couples we've been with before as well as new couples. And when meeting people at a large event, we realize we can't eat all of the candy, but sure want to!

 

You can't eat it all, but you can give most of them a lick or two...

 

Which leads us to the big question - how many licks does it take...?

[Brian and Jo 344]

We do most of our swinging with a group of six couples we have known for many years. We get together as a group about once a month and enjoy an evening of group play with all six couples together in one room. We also meet with each of the couples separately - usually we will hook up with a couple for dinner and then play as a foursome. However we do like to add a little variety to our lives so we do meet with new couples from time to time, usually when we are on vacation which we always take at nudist resorts which are friendly towards swingers.