Is it my responsibility to ensure my playmate orgasms?

[Fla-swing99 136]

Ok so we know that everyone of us is different in what we like sexually or dislike sexually, what really turn us on and what does not, what we would like our play partner do to please us and so on.  When you meet someone in the LS for the first time and you also happen to play at that time, each of us involved do not know what our new play partner of the night likes, wants or what pleases them, especially if its not verbalized.

 

Husband and I are at a very nice, fairly small LS house party.  There we meet another couple for the first time.  Eventually we all end up in a back bedroom swapping partners and playing.  So I am with the other husband and we are having sex for a while, various positions, oral sex, intercourse, etc.  This continues for a fair amount of time and I have had two orgasms however the guy I am with has not had any yet.   It was now to the point that I was getting tired as well as very sore and needed to stop or at least take a break.  So I politely ask the guy if we can do just that, stop  which he is fine with and we return to the party with the other guests.  Now, at this point its late, my husband and his wife are done at this point as well and rejoin us and I want to go home at that point.  When we said our goodbyes to the other couple the other husband became obviously upset.  He said that he had not reached his orgasm as I did and It would only be right if I returned to the room with him to continue having sex with him until he reaches an orgasm.  

 

Both my husband and I were taken back by his anger and attitude as well as his insistence that it would only be right that I do what he asks.  Why is it my responsibility to ensure he reaches an orgasm?  Don't get me wrong, when we were having sex I absolutely was trying to please him and bring him to an orgasm but, he simply did not.  He did not make me aware of any specific act that would almost certainly make him cum yet he now expected me to do exactally that. 

 

I am not a selfish lover and during sex with the man I really was trying to please him and wanted to please him but I guess he happens to be one that is hard to bring to an orgasm.  Now he expected me not to leave until, his words, I did my part.  

 

Can others please share your opinions about the situation please.  I did not feel it was my responsibility to ensure the man reached an orgasm regardless of what It took.  He did not give me any indication in the begining of what action would have help get him there and honestly we spent a good amount of time having sex so It was not a quick I got mine now I am done sort of thing.  I don't feel in this situation it was my responsibility to ensure his orgasm given the situation and circumstances.  Was I wrong to think that?  What to others think please.  

Thank you for your advice/tips/opinions.  

[adamgunn 1,460]

Well, I assume he won't be invited back to that house party again . . .

 

It seems to me that you did everything you were 'obligated' to do, and more importantly, you gave him reasonable opportunities to fulfill his fantasies with you. You had two orgasms and your husband (apparently) had an orgasm with the other man's wife. Both of these indicate that you played for plenty of time. If the guy didn't come, it's not on you.

 

Once you've stopped playing, there is no requirement for you to start playing again. Indeed, you (and he, and everyone else,) can choose to not play or stop playing at any time in any circumstance. That's the 'rule' of every house party I've ever been to. 

 

The fact that the man objected shows he doesn't understand the rules. Not only should you not feel guilty or sad about your actions, you and your husband probably should never play with him and his wife again.

[lcmim 1,082]

Ensure? No. Try Yes. You did you are in the clear.

 

I am one of those guys that take a long time. I also really enjoy foreplay in which I am the active partner.  There are many occasions is which the lady has had 3-4 orgasms before I take any action at all. I am thoroughly aroused by the foreplay, but I take a long time, especially if my wife and I have had a session previously that day.

This is good from the standpoint my "staying power" is the best that it has ever been, but there are times when i feel I am wearing out her jaws or whatever she is using.Then I have to tell the lady it is not going to happen and that I am quite content with the attention that I have received.

If later on I do get in the groove again , my wife is always happy to oblige.

 

She does tell me though that I should soldier on through with the other ladies as, she says, they get the same sense of accomplishment as a guy does when their partner gets off.

 

So again you do not owe any one. For him to demand was rude. Pity because it could have been complimentary if he had handled it correctly.

[padoc 1,703]

What an ASS!! You told him that you were getting tired and sore. His desire to orgasm does not supersede your physical comfort! From your description, you were a playful and engaged partner, that he didn't cum during oral and various positions is unfortunate, for him.  It appears that you were willing to continue even after your orgasms until you began to hurt. At that point, HE has an obligation to see to YOUR comfort. Recreational sex is supposed to be fun. When it ceases to be fun for one person (pain, boredom etc) that person has a right to end the interaction. Sex occasionally does not provide an orgasmic quid pro quo to both partners but in the end, you provided him with the pleasure of your hands, your mouth and your pussy. He should have been grateful and thanked you and your husband for the gift of sharing you. His demand that you stay till you make him cum is outrageous. Mrs Doc decides when and who to fuck and for how long and when she's done….she's DONE! You are NOT wrong, in fact, reading between the lines, you probably stayed at it with him well beyond the point of diminishing returns for you. 

 

Some guys don't cum easily, some who have taken a viagra and overdid the booze a little can keep a woody forever and not cum. None of those things are your problem.  My wife has an aversion to being pounded for a long time, her idea of a perfect romp is foreplay, multiple orgasms for her and one toe curling orgasm for him. If that doesn't happen within a reasonable time, she'll tap out.  I'll check on her after a half hour or so, especially with a new partner. There have been a few occasions where she'll see me at the door, give me an intense look and roll her eyes. That's my sign to tap the guy on his shoulder and say, " my wife needs a break" . No one has ever failed to take the hint. 

[njbm 2,871]

Agree with everyone else. My wife has been entrapped in situations in which the male cannot come. One trick that has worked for her is to lube her hands and give the guy a masterful hand job. Less wear and tear on her nether region. 
 

What was the ending of the story? Did you go back with the guy or just leave? Hope you left. Pardon my reading comprehension if I missed it. 

[njbm 2,871]

P.S. if a female partner tells me she has had enough and I have not come, it is over. No ands, ifs, buts. Swinging etiquette 101!

[padoc 1,703]

One of the things that has made my wife scratch her head for years is this male mind set of "staying power"!  She thinks some of it stems from porn. Her take on sex is simple, the goal is to have fun and have orgasms. Swinger sex is equally simple, have fun and share orgasms. Pounding eventually becomes boring. The fact is, she is complimented when her partner cums, especially if its more or less effortless in the flow of the sexual encounter. Of course, her view may have something to do with the fact that if someone takes just a little time with foreplay, she cums very easily, wetly and frequently.

[lovefest04 699]

Nice to see you are receiving so much support here. I agree with all said above. You owed him NOTHING!

 

Frankly, if I give my partner a couple of orgasms and don't orgasm myself, I'm still a happy camper. I like to give pleasure, I receive plenty as well. So, in the cosmic score keeping, I trust it will all work out.

 

Besides, it's all so fluid (sorry for the pun) anyway. I like to think of sex as pleasure, not orgasms. Pleasure is available to us in so many varied and erotic ways, why limit the experience as pleasureable to whether one has an orgasm or not. Seems reductionist.

 

 

[lcmim 1,082]

[couplers 4,641]

On 4/22/2020 at 7:37 AM, padoc said:

What an ASS!!

Ha!  Usually that's a compliment in these posts.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

She often does not cum when swinging. Sometimes guys keep trying, and she has to tell them "It is OK".

 

Sex is about far more than cumming.

[couplers 4,641]

41 minutes ago, NWAtlSwing said:

Sex is about far more than cumming.

?  But it's really, really important.  If I haven't cum by the time he's ejaculated (or the short time afterwards before it falls out) he had better get down there and lick it then.

[Guest]

If a guy gets me off, then I am going to use everything I know to get him off.  On the other hand, if he doesn’t get me off and I’ve gotten him off, I have a tendency to work on myself at the end.  Some guys seem to take this personally, while other guys seem to enjoy watching.

[micknchris 27]

I use Trimix (injection into the penis) to help me get hard. Now this keeps me hard for 60-90 minutes even after I cum, but I usually cannot cum a second time (at least not easily). On the last Bliss Cruise (I hope it was not THE last Bliss Cruise) I was with a woman shortly after having cum with another lady. She came while riding me and it was obvious to me I was not cumming again. I told her exactly the situation, she understood and wanted to get together later in the cruise. When we did we both had a wonderful time and both had orgasms. Even if she had not wanted to meet a second time, I would have had no regrets. On another occasion (different woman) during the cruise I was taking a long time (she had come multiple times with me and her husband) and I asked the woman if she was getting tired. She said yes, so we stopped intercourse and she finished me off with her hands. If we had stopped everything at that point, I would still have had a fantastic time seeing her respond to me and her husband.

So short answer is he had no right to say that you had to have more sex with him. 

Good riddance and hopefully his wife set him straight (what would he have done if your husband had treated his wife that way?)

Best wishes, Mick

[NWAtlSwing 522]

On 4/28/2020 at 9:18 PM, couplers said:

?  But it's really, really important.  If I haven't cum by the time he's ejaculated (or the short time afterwards before it falls out) he had better get down there and lick it then.

It is not super important to us.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

On 5/1/2020 at 7:15 PM, NWAtlSwing said:

It is not super important to us.

She does not normally cum when we swing, and does not always cum when we play together. I don't always cum when we swing, though usually together.

[couplers 4,641]

2 hours ago, NWAtlSwing said:

She does not normally cum when we swing, and does not always cum when we play together. I don't always cum when we swing, though usually together.

If I am preoccupied like with work or kids, I can put off having or thinking about sex for quite a while.  But once I get started, if I don't cum I get very tense and edgy.  Fortunately, I orgasm fairly easily vaginally and orally, multiple times if given the opportunity (just not anally).  Then I'm not tense and edgy any more.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

11 hours ago, couplers said:

If I am preoccupied like with work or kids, I can put off having or thinking about sex for quite a while.  But once I get started, if I don't cum I get very tense and edgy.  Fortunately, I orgasm fairly easily vaginally and orally, multiple times if given the opportunity (just not anally).  Then I'm not tense and edgy any more.

I am so with you on it taking the edge off. And I am working with my wife to try to do it more!