Totally new to all of it. Seeking help

[Thisguy621 0]

Been shelterEd most of my life but always thought about being nude  and being around  nudity but have never had a chance. Been married now for 11 years and over the past year my wife and I have had great conversations about our individual and corporate desires. Although I want to experience much more than her, there are a couple things she personally might be interested in. She wants me to do some exploring  before she will consider anything. So I am asking for help, suggestions, connections or anything that can point me in the right direction. Mainly 2 things: watch people have sex and/or be watched and secondly give and receive erotic massages. Anything you can offer would be great. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

You both need to decide what you will do as a couple. You've started talking, keep talking. Always remember, if one person is hesitant about something, the other person should respect that. It doesn't mean you have to stop talking about it, but there should be absolutely no pressure on either of you.

 

A wonderful resource to define your desires and to get conversations started is the mojoupgrade.com quiz. You both answer questions about sexual topics and activities you'd be interested in, and the app matches where you are compatible.

 

Best of luck, keep asking questions. That's what we're here for.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I agree, focus on the things where there is overlap between the two of you.  Try those and see how it goes.  If it goes well, there will likely be growth from there into other things.  If it doesn't go well, then that to some extent counteracts any resentment, jealousy, etc. that can harm the relationship.  Those things can still happen, but they are going to be much easier to work through if they resulted from something that you did together rather something that just one did apart.

[padoc 1,703]

And be patient! Very few swingers we've met just jumped in deep end. Not to sound trite but for us and most couples we know, swinging was a long and leisurely  journey with a lot of stops and starts along the way. The key is to share the trip together and savor each new experience. We started in 2003 and until Wuhan locked everybody inside, we have continued to have fun and share new things together.

[Thisguy621 0]

Thanks every one. We are in Illinois   I can tell communication is key!  In response to some of the comments, she is really wanting me to find ways to check things out before she goes with me. We went to a strip club together and it was the first time for us both. We really enjoyed it but she said she was such a nervous wreck the whole time. That’s why she wants me to check some different things out before she said she would feel comfortable doing anything else.  This I where I need help from others. Don’t really know how to find anything or anyone for me to check it out with. Right now, the plan is for me to go to Florida to one of those suggested places but I’m not really sure how that works just going by myself. Thanks again. 

[padoc 1,703]

It is pointless to go by yourself to a swingers club or resort. Do you have any idea how many swinging dicks there are out there who think swinging is their key to NSA sex with someone elses wife? If you're serious about exploring this hobby then do so WITH YOUR WIFE. Swingers clubs and resorts have websites. They have pictures and descriptions. Swingers websites  have pictures and descriptions. Buy a membership, explore the possibilities WITH YOUR WIFE. This is the 21st century, you can find damned anything you need to know on the internet. Explore it WITH YOUR WIFE!  Oh, and re-read the posts in answer to your initial query. Did anyone suggest that the best way for you to  acquire information on swinging was to go off on your own???

[njbm 2,871]

Concur with everyone. Do not know where you are from, but a good low risk starter if you can “swing” it financially is to go to a lifestyle friendly resort like Caliente or Paradise Lakes in Florida or Desire in Mexico. You can meet swingers, be “exposed” to it and see if you are comfortable with it. 
 

Go as fast as your slowest partner. Some people just watch, some people are soft swap (I interpret as oral sex with others) or full swap ( intercourse). We started soft, later went full. Do what is best for both of you. Sorry you are starting at such an inopportune time. Things used to be more fun and they will be again. 

[njbm 2,871]

A friend of mine said if you go to a picnic, you have to bring your own ham sandwich. If you go to a swingers’ resort, you can’t go by yourself to check it out. It’s not a zoo. If your wife doesn’t want to go, don’t go. Keep in mind neither of you have to swing. But you get closer to knowing if you want to. 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

You know we pretty much do the same thing. I do the research and Mrs Idaho makes the final decision. Please don't go alone. We think of swinging as a team sport. IMO in the beginning everything should be done together. I also agree with everyone in that you guys need to decide what/how/where etc that you both want. 

[curious_2for2 92]

Welcome to the Swingers Board.  We're from Illinois too, and hope you find your exploration fun and productive.  We would stress that this is a team effort, based on our experience that what one might find as interesting/unique/fun the other could be totally bored.  Communication is important, but there's several things that might happen and it not be relatable if only one of you participate.  Note also that singles, especially males, are treated slightly differently than couples, therefore your experience might be different than what you would and could expect as a couple.

 

Have fun and enjoy your time with SB....

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Not really an option right now, but really nothing is other than something online, but once things get back going one thing you will for sure find close to home, and something low key and no pressure, would be to attend an off-premise meet and greet together. Easiest way to find these would be joining one of the online sites like swinglifestyle.  You should find event listings for your area, and they are nothing more than swingers gathering together at a bar or restaurant to socialize.  No sex, no nudity, just people gathering to socialize.  You'll be able to pick up on the vibe though and have the opportunity to talk to other swingers and get a feel for what this is all about.

 

Same rule is going to apply though, if you attend by yourself you are going to be looked upon with suspicion.  A lot of them are couples only too, and you for sure do not want to represent yourself to the organizers as a couple and then just you show up, that will be a quick way to get black balled. 

 

See how that goes and then if it goes okay, then next step would be to attend a social, again, find them on swinglifestyle, etc.  These are still off-premise, so no sex, but since the organizer usually rents a hall or banquet room at a hotel and access is restricted, then things can be a little sexier with what people are wearing, dirty dancing, etc.