Would You Consider Sex a Hobby?

[1hotminute 72]

For the past few months I’ve been trying to find other ways of occupying my time besides sex sites, but nothing really peaks my imagination. My SO has many hobbies and can usually start a new hobby about every three to six months. She also isn’t thrilled that I’m into lifestyle things and prefers me to not involve myself in sites like this since she found me sneaking around her back and considers it dirty and cheating. Idk I feel empty without it and sad when I can’t be involved. Maybe I’m suffering from a sexual addiction but was wondering what other people think? Also she said I should ask my people on Facebook before if this would be considered wrong but that’s definitely not going to happen. Obviously most people would consider this wrong and might think negatively of me. I don’t even talk to my closest friends (which only consist of two co-workers) about this she’s the only person who knows and only person I’ve received feedback from unfortunately all negative. 

[Billygoat 443]

Most certainly.  Also a recreational activity as well as entertainment.....and just plain fun.  However, like art....it is in the eye of the beholder, or everyone has their own opinion and perception.   So it depends.  
 

Even with in the lifestyle each participant has his or her definition of who they are, what is acceptable and what is not.  Who and how they participate.  What activities etc.  and even have opinions of others and their activities.....if it is acceptable to them.

 

so no hard and fast box or rule applies.

[padoc 1,703]

Recreational sex is one of the hobbies we share and enjoy together. It is OURS not mine alone.  If you've been sneaking around or cheating in the name of lifestyle activities you won't find much of a welcome among swingers. Continue to do so at the peril of your marriage. I have more news for you too; watching porn isn't swinging and it isn't the problem, you're either bored or depressed and its likely that your marriage is in trouble. Address those issues first WITH your wife and maybe with counseling. Swinging only works when couples are both on board equally and you two are not.

 

[njbm 2,871]

Yes, swinging is a team sport. Both parties have to want to do it. It’s different than watching porn. We find many couples on sites are just looking and have no intent to meet or play. Honestly, if your wife think it’s wrong, dirty or cheating, you have a tough road to hoe. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

Yes, for us, sex is a hobby. There are two parts to this.

 

The first is sex between Mary and I. This was a hobby even before we got into ethical non-monogamy, and although it's changed a bit since we got into the sport, it's still the same to a great extent. It's about pleasuring each other, making sure we're both taken care of.

 

Then there's sex between us and others. There's some times when we just want to have this need of ours taken care of! It has a lot more to do with fantasies than the actual sex. And there's other times (this happens to me more than it does to Mary,) when the only thing I really want out of it is to make sure my partner is sweating bullets at the end of it; to the point that I'm willing to forego my own orgasm and other pleasures if I can get the other lady to have one of the best times of her life.  

 

Sex is a lot better than bowling!

[couplers 4,641]

4 hours ago, 1hotminute said:

She also isn’t thrilled that I’m into lifestyle things and prefers me to not involve myself in sites like this since she found me sneaking around her back and considers it dirty and cheating.

The others in our family aren't really interested in this site, but it doesn't bother them that I visit here.  I stay because it was such a source of support when I was first non-monogamous with my ex-fiance and my new boyfriend, now husband.

[couplers 4,641]

4 hours ago, 1hotminute said:

Obviously most people would consider this wrong and might think negatively of me. I don’t even talk to my closest friends (which only consist of two co-workers)

If you're worried about what other people think, then you shouldn't be involved in something that is on the front edge of human social evolution.  I don't talk to others about the sexual aspects of my life, but they know that I live with a group of people who treat each others children as their own.  I'm viewed as the professional, conservative, hippie chick, but living in a liberal part of the country, people don't make an issue of it.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

A hobby? Most definitely! But as Adam said there really ARE 2 different forms. We make love together and we like to fuck other people. It feels good and it's amazing to watch my wife getting pleasure from someone else and let's face it.....it's fun to be naughty. 

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I would like to understand your question. When you say you're involved in swing things, telling us that you you're involved in actual physical contact? Are you, rather, telling us that you are perusing swing Websites? When you say that your wide found you sneaking while her back was turned, did you mean to say that she suspects physical contact or are you, rather, saying that she suspects you are viewing swing-related stuff on-line? 

[1hotminute 72]

She considers virtual contact cheating. I was having explicit direct messages with others through swing sites. She asked me to not log in and instead share fantasies and discussions with her. But that just doesn’t work as the subjects usually die in her inbox or get blown off. At the end of the day I think some counseling be best in our future. 

[njbm 2,871]

She’s not into swinging. Counseling is a good idea. But if she isn’t interested in swinging, you may have to accept her decision. Unless swinging is more important to you than your relationship. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

Getting away from the 'is it a hobby' discussion and reacting to your situation. 

 

It appears from what you've said that actions of yours have hurt your SO. I'd guess you cheated on her, and you've lost her trust. If you want to save your relationship, it's time for you to give up all thoughts of non-monogamous sex. I know, that's so tough, you can't just wipe the subject from your karma; but you must disguise it thoroughly for your relationship to survive.

 

Immediately, get off all these sites that are to do with non-monogamy! She feels that if you access these, you're cheating again. In addition, accessing these brings your mind back to what you should be avoiding. With her, walk away from 'virtual' discussions - have real ones instead. I'd also start a new, non-sex driven hobby that you can share with her.

 

If you can't do this, it's probable that your relationship with her will suffer and quite possibly end. 

 

I wish you the best of luck . . .

[Guest]

Yes, it's a hobby and a sport. Hobbies are for fun and sports require physical activity. And I get to wear a uniform!

 

 

[Numex 2,416]

It's never a hobby.  Sex with my wife is my duty. ?  Sex with others requires no sacrifice as a hobby would, it is pure joy. 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I think your idea about getting professional help would be a wise idea. But I am thinking maybe you guys need someone to help with your communication. Sorta a can't see the forest for the tree's kinda thing.  Bluntly if you continue down this path you are most certainly going to blow up your marriage and your life. I don't know your situation but please PLEASE think this through. The LS isn't for everyone. Sometimes people can't or won't separate recreational sex from being in monogamous relationship. I have no doubt she feels the pressure of society (and religious upbringing) to be faithful and for you to be as well. Good luck ?

[PSULioness 849]

According to the Oxford Dictionary 

 

an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.

 

I never thought sex was a hobby like other things. Tennis is a hobby. Swimming is a hobby. Watching TV? Going to the movies? Reading is a hobby. Now I have to include sex as a hobby in the truest sense. 

A sex hobby is surely done for pleasure and it’s done in leisure. I do it regularly with my husband and less frequently with others. 

[Guest]

Not necessarily sex with my husband or someone I was dating, and not now, but when we first got into swinging, an MFM, I was so into it and so wanted to try another and another, more of this and add in that, too.  Yes, I would say it very quickly became a hobby and stayed one for at least a few years before I put it in better perspective.

[1hotminute 72]

This is great. I love how open this forum is and to be able to actually share ideas with people where in most places these topics seem forbidden. I personally consider sex as a hobby and a natural part of life as well

[Idahocouple6969 294]

16 hours ago, PSULioness said:

 

A sex hobby is surely done for pleasure and it’s done in leisure. 

This about sums it up. I don't "make love" to other women. I derive a tremendous amount of personal pleasure GIVING personal pleasure. Doesn't matter if it's some really good FWB or someone we met at a club 5 min ago. We have absolutely no jealousy or drama as we have the added benefit of being together for some 37 years. We make love. We don't swing from the chandeliers anymore (not that we wouldn't like too...) It's just not possible LoL. And we can't party all night anymore and sometimes our reclamation sex has to wait a day or two. LS friends and vanilla friends always ask how do you do stay together? It's really simple communication. I say all of this because I personally think you guys need to explore your fantasy together. There isn't a better way to start. It's not a easy trip and don't expect it to happen all at once. Over the years we have lost track of the number of couples that implode due to lack of communication. As everyone in the LS will tell you.....if you have absolutely no problem talking about sexual fantasy's. You can over come just about anything. After all sexual fantasy's are the last things people tell. If you guys can't do this alone or with professional help swinging might not be in the cards. LS people will tell you that it is about 90% female driven but with the full participation of both people. 

[NoAngels 334]

This is the only “sex” site I’m currently on. My wife enjoys going on different sites chatting about sex. Does that make it a hobby. She enjoys going on dates with new people instead of a steady friend. I don’t spend as much time searching even if I enjoy the new experience.