Wife finding Her First on a site

[NoAngels 334]

My wife has accounts on several meet up sites, all with my knowledge. She had been on sites for married people looking for extra marital meetings. I know this isn’t swinging, yet she did it with my knowledge. Don’t feel bad for me, I’ve had my own fun in my life. About over a year ago we wandered into swinging together. She has signed up on swinging sites now. I don’t go on the sites myself even if I know the password. We share our computers and it is very easy to see her history. Being we are both working from home I know when she is sexting and when she is working. 

I only ask that she doesn’t give personal information and no face pictures. I think it’s stupid that she has posted sex acts we had, again no clear faces. 

She has recently started chatting with a man she has since realized is her first boyfriend. Her first sexual experiences over 20 years ago. He and his wife don’t live that far from us, not that close either and coincidentally are also swingers.  He was her first real love. They shared many firsts that with all this time together she has shared with me. 

We aren’t meeting them anytime soon with the Covid quarantine keeping us home. She is very open about their chats online and she has FaceTimed with him. I don’t know him. 

Is it strange to think it is okay for us to eventually meet them? It has made me think about my first and how I would react if I saw her. 

[njbm 2,871]

Sounds like a bad idea to me. A hallmark of swinging is that it is for recreational sex with no romantic connections. This leads to the preservation of the primary relationship. Getting involved with a prior romantic partner is asking for trouble. In my book. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

As far as terms go, when your wife does it and you don't 'swap', it's hotwifing. If you have a girl while she has a guy, then it's swinging. And if you both agree on it, and it's fun for both of you, I don't see why not.  You're keeping safe, she's not letting her (and your) identity out, go for it when it's safe.

 

As far as the guy goes, the ex-boyfriend, you make it sound like she hasn't seen him in years, that you don't run in the same social circles. And his wife knows and is allowing it. Again, I can't see anything problematic here.

 

Have a good time!

[lcmim 1,082]

Good question, with perhaps no definitive answer.

I can see it working for our marriage, with our personal dynamics and history. I know people with sound marriages for whom I am guessing it would be an unmitigated disaster.

 

This involves your own jealousy threshold  as this is likely not a one and done.

It involves how much you trust your wife, and how much she deserves that trust. (These are not the same thing necessarily. She probably is a good, honest, trustworthy, intelligent, human being, but does she have any weaknesses that this might play into that are not in her control?)

 

It involves the levels and points at which your relationship is secured. ( Financial, dependency, religious/philosophical, communication, friendship, common interests, children ....) Each of these points has a level of anywhere from superficial to root deep. The more prolific and deeper the points of contact the less likely anyone else will be able to establish a threatening foothold.

 

You say that you do not know the guy. It might be a good time to rectify that. You will be in a better position to make rational choices.

 

 We personally do not hold to the no romantic relationships school. We each have found some level of personal connection that goes beyond recreation. Never have we found it a threat. We have always supported these.

The only pain involved has been on the occasion when the relationship phases out.

 

At any rate it is time for some good old fashioned soul searching on your part. There is no space for wishful thinking or self delusion.

It is also time for sincere transparent communication with your wife on this matter. After all the risk is on the two of you for the most part.

 

 

 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I would look at this in terms of risk assessment.  Anytime you open up your relationship with swinging, there is some level of risk involved.  STDs, being outed, jealousy and relationship problems, falling for a swing partner, etc., all can and do happen.  Not nearly to the extent that that vanilla world thinks where we are all just a bunch of STD carrying, cheating, sex addicted people with horrible relationships, but bad things do on occasion happen. 

 

So, is getting together with this couple more risky or less risky than finding a stranger?  One could look at that a couple of different ways.  There was some level of relationship type attraction there at one point, so maybe this is a bad idea since that ember is already there just waiting for new air to cause the flame to burn hot again.  Or, one could look at it as a been there done that sort of thing.  She's with you right now, not him, so maybe that tells you all need to know.

 

Here's what my gut tells me.  Them having a history probably moves thing along to where this could be a good solid swinging match quicker than if you were building that from scratch with a couple.  That's kind of leaving out the other wife since we don't know anything about her, but for the sake of argument let's just assume she is totally ok with this (if she's not, then no way no how do you want involved with this).  So there's a plus.  The negative is the "uneven swinging rule".  Your wife and him are way ahead of his wife and you.  That's going to take some extra time and effort to overcome to where all four are all on the same comfort level.  With strangers, that growth happens together, here it won't.

 

We would probably at least give it consideration.  The key would be the feeling out, do you like him, does she like her?  If after meeting in person a few times that all felt right, then we'd probably be ok with it.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I personally wouldn't have a problem. It depends on the level of trust between the two of you. I have the distinct feeling something is wrong with this situation. I sense your reluctance and that in itself should tell you that either you haven't talked enough about it. Or you just don't like it. 

[PSULioness 849]

Is there a question? You stated you approve her meeting men one way or another. You trust her. My spouse has sex with other women, without me. He trusts me and I have given him every reason to trust me. I learned never to do anything with letting him know. 

I happen to see my first sex partner from time to time. Our dating is our history. We have both moved on many years ago. I don’t love him. If we had sex again it would be just sex. 

It doesn’t sound like your wife searched for him. He is a swinger like you are. I’m sure if she didn’t see his profile and told you about him his name wouldn’t have ever come up. My husband has met my first and I don’t think there is a jealousy. 

 

Do you care that she sends your sex pictures out over the Internet? 

[enjoyingfun 69]

My bf was kind enough to let me look and play with who I want and we have a great relationship!!! I always ask him to come and play or watch as I know he like to see me going down on a guy. I like to play and love him to be there to watch and play with us!

[Numex 2,416]

Our path to swinging started with us talking about our past sexual experiences, who they were with and which were particularly enjoyable.  It was foreplay for us.  My wife kept speaking of two guys she had dated as the best sex she ever had.  I suggested that she contact them (separately), get together and see if the spark was still there.

 

Long story short - after getting together first just for dinner and introducing me by telephone to make it clear that I knew, the second "date" was for sex.  So we started our swinging career by my wife fucking two of her exes separately, hotwifing I suppose.  Eventually that led to us doing MFMs with them then regular swinging couples swaps with others.

 

Starting to swing with my wife getting back together with exes she liked was a good way to start for a number of reasons.  It was comfortable for her knowing these guys.  It was safe.  She knew that the sex would be good (it was).  I was fine with it because she had fucked them before, so there was no reason to be jealous.  And they were exes for a reason: she liked them and was attracted to them, but realized they weren't guys she wanted to be in a forever relationship with.  Maybe just a weekend.

 

So I highly recommend having your wife reconnect with an ex.

[NoAngels 334]

I don’t think there is a romantic connection between them. I know my wife and this is just another connection. We had an unspoken open marriage for years that turned into a spoken open marriage. My hook ups were normally spontaneous, me meeting someone for one nighters or maybe two or three times. I had searched on the net and found most women wanted either a relationship or gifts. I was on Ashley Madison and found it gave me nothing. On the other hand my wife was on that site too and she had fun. My take is women have more options. My wife enjoys playing on line too. She does the searching for couples who swing now. She is better at it. I’m not a back and forth sex chatter. Meeting someone from her past doesn’t bother me if they are nice people. Again know my wife she is looking for an experience not a romance