Swingers with best friends!

[JoshuaKing 16]

We have been together with my wife for 8 years. But now we want to experience the swingers. So we want to talk to the couple we are best friends with. But what do they think about this? I really don't know. Can you help me with this? How should I explain this to them?

[adamgunn 1,461]

Are you ready to lose this friendship? Are you ready to let your kink be known to all your friends?

 

If the answer to both of these questions isn't 'yes', don't go there. You can easily ruin friendships when you try this stuff.

[njbm 2,901]

I wouldn’t go there. If it goes wrong, you will lose your friendship. Swinging is a bridge too far for many couples. Even if you convince them to do it, things can go wrong. Play with new friends who are already swingers. 

[Guest]

I totally agree with not asking your friends to go to bed with you. I think it is natural to want to do it. We have given signals before that we are available. My husband made a coffee table book that we leave out and at parties everyone has looked at it. It's full of photos of me in lingerie...some totally exposed, and a couple of me masturbating. It's put together in an artistic way if you get the picture. No pictures of a strange man between my legs. One husband thought that it was fantastic and wanted to make one too with his wife. I suspect a few probably took some dirty pictures but never displayed them. We also had an adult toy and lingerie party. I modeled some racy things and I volunteered to demonstrate with a dildo and big vibrator. Only one couple and two of the wives were brave enough to follow me upstairs and watch me get off. I wasn't embarrassed about it all. But, even after that no one has approached us to ask if we are swingers. And we haven't lost any friends from it. But I think it would be a huge mistake to be sincere with some friends and tell them we want to go to bed with them unless you are sure they swing. Way too much can go wrong. 

 

 

[findinganswers 369]

So many say don’t play with friends and before we did I would have agreed. We didn’t approach our friends and ask them to join us. I don’t know for sure how it happened because my wife brought it up to me. Her and her friend worked together to get me to agree. Don’t think I will ever know for sure how the conversation started. Our friends were swingers before we joined them. 

Comments made are that you will lose your friends and so much could or will go wrong. I will say that who better to play with if you truly like them. 

I was the odd one who balked in the beginning. Before the pandemic we were having a really good time with them. 

[Alura 2,775]

I don't see why friendships can't survive Swinging. Laura and I had a Meet Up! here in Tulsa years ago. Of the attendees, (from all over the Country)  I'm still friends with at least four of the men and five of the women. One old friend, whom I've known since 1973 or 1974 (depending on whether one trusts his memory or mine) is coming for a social-distancing visit this weekend. I retired from swinging when Laura died.

[adamgunn 1,461]

FindingAnswers, I'm glad it worked out for you. I know that many others have had a lot of fun and no problems playing with their friends. Not all such things end in disaster.

 

BUT . . . many do. Our advice is only to let the posters who ask this question that there is a serious risk, and to evaluate those risks.

 

 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

Do you have reason to think they are swingers? Is there flirting going on? Do they seem receptive?  I would try some light flirting and see how it goes. Brush against their arm. IMO I would tread lightly. There are SO many things that can go wrong. Out of 5 things I can see happening 4 of them are really bad. I can't think of any of our vanilla friends I would approch. You also need to consider what happens if they become angry and insulted. Remember you are talking about sex and people can have strong reactions. And if it makes them upset or just really pissed and insulted and then the rumors start around town. Psst did you know that (insert your names here) are having these wild orgies with at least a hundred people and animals! I also 'heard' bla bla bla. We would strongly suggest that you guys consider making some friends in the LS. Locate a local group and attend local meet and greets. You can make some great, like minded friends. By the way where are you located?  

 

[EvolveYourIntimacy 18]

There are some unknowns when asking friends to play with you and if the conversation has never been brought up then I would advise against broaching that topic. BUT we are sexual beings and sometimes the curiosity gets the best of us.

 

As I read through the great responses provided by other members, I wanted to discuss another approach that MIGHT help break the ice IF you do choose to move forward. 

 

There are many ways for you to bring up the topic without fully coming right out and asking. For example, have them over, suggest playing a sexy game and see how they respond. If they are all for the game then play it and keep it simple. IF things progress, you are all naked or turned on, maybe suggest having sex side by side, no touching other partners, just enjoying the show. After everyone has finished then maybe talk about how it was with the friends and see where there head is at with the experience. I wouldn't push the play or overstep any perceived boundaries by initiating the touching if that occurs but if it happens I wouldn't shy away from it. I highly recommend that you continue to check in as the night progresses ensuring that everyone is comfortable with the sexy game, the side-by-side play, etc. 

 

WITH ALL OF THIS SAID, be prepared for the repercussions that might present, such as, them pulling away from you, them not talking to you again, etc. These are always delicate situations to maneuver if you choose to go down that road with them.   

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Search is your friend, there are dozens of threads asking this same question. Short version is asking yourself 'what if'. What if something bad happens. Could be anything...they separate, you have a disagreement, one of you falls in 'love' with the other (especially since they may not be ready or understand what swinging is), or something as simple as they are shocked and repulsed at your suggestion to swing. If ANYTHING happens, are you ready for all of your friends and family to know that you are swingers? If something bad happens, this is most likely the outcome, that whoever is feeling hurt or disrespected or left out or whatever, will tell EVERYONE you know (even if the only tell one or two people...and they tell one or two more, etc). In our opinion, the risk just isn't worth the potential reward. Especially since this was a major problem in  Ms. Golds previous relationship and everyone found out what she does in (and out) of the bedroom. It's just not worth the risk. We choose to find swingers and then made them close friends.

[Eddiem 139]

Avoid that...  The only situation this could play out positively too is if you can tell them you are thinking about visiting a club etc.. to see what it is about and check their response. Otherwise... you will loose your friends.

[sdexcalibur 27]

We had a rule of “no friends” and stuck to that pretty good. I think it stemmed from a nice way to decline people we knew that knew.

 

   We had 2 times where it was brought up to a friend. First was her half brothers best friend. We all grew up together (couple years apart) and honestly I had a feeling they would end up together. There was always sexual tension there. 
 

   We used her brother as the go between. He’s one of the few people that know about our lifestyle. He declined the offer saying I would feel

weird fucking with my best friends sister.... 

 

  second time was a old neighbor. He would help her out with her motorcycle and did some plumbing work for us throughout the years. They were text buddies and strictly platonic. He ended up getting separated with his wife and eventually we offered to bring him to a swing club and let him see Into our world. 
 

  He had a million questions but never ended up going with us. It came a time where he was relocating to another state for work and my wife figured this was the perfect time. He’s single, he’s leaving what can it hurt. They had a lot of back n forth messaging. 

 
  Even know he knew about our lifestyle he was taken back With the offer of just him and her and that I was ok with it. We clued him in we were mostly a hot wife couple and explained that. I think I ended up losing some man points with him as how can I just let my wife go out and sleep around.  Even though when we were the traditional “swinger” he was better with it. He eventually ended up saying he was seeing someone and declined. 
 

  It wasn’t awkward after we ran into him at a store, he ended up coming back to town (job didn’t work out). I even had him do a small plumbing project for me which was fun because all I could think about is him knowing about our little secret and the offer to have a roll in the hay with the misses.