Where did this go wrong? Unicorn now wants “husband” benefits?

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Once again thank you all for the sage advice that you have given me over the last two years. I appreciate it and I always take time to read through the boards and learn as much as I can.

So let me catch you up on where my wife and I are at now. We are in an open marriage having transitioned from swinging due to the fact of that we were having just no luck finding that elusive four-way match with couples. Single guys in the area around us tend to be plentiful, but single females/unicorns of course still tend to be extremely rare.

So we decided to transition to an open marriage and for us to play separately. We still share our experiences regularly and still discuss and communicate thoroughly before and afterwards.

My wife currently has a boyfriend that she enjoys time with and she also has a irregular play partner she sees once a month.

So today’s discussion is about me: I am currently in a, well I don’t know if I should define it as a “relationship“, with a female that started out originally trying to be a unicorn with us (the wife and I), but that didn’t work out as my wife and her personalities are total opposites. So I decided to try and pursue a relationship just with her as a possible girlfriend.

We’ve been seeing each other on and off twice a week for the last couple months before the covid hit and now stay in touch via text and have started to see each other again as of last week. Our relationship if you wanna call it that seems to be taking a change and I don’t quite understand why… before the covid hit we were able to spend time together, be intimate physically, and go out on the occasional lunch or and or dinner date. But lately it seems that each time I am engaging her, she brings up a financial need: last week she needed to get a new pair of shoes, this week she has major work needing to be done on her car. I sent her links as far as where there were some good shoe sales, thinking I would be helpful that way. I gave her recommendations for two mechanics that I trust and thought that would also be helpful as well.

But, that doesn’t seem to be good enough. Yesterday she asked me if I thought that my being a good boyfriend meant that I shouldn’t occasionally treat her to nice things. She also mentioned this morning that if I was in a situation where I needed help with my automobile she’d be willing to do what she could financially.

But, that doesn’t seem to be good enough. Yesterday she asked me if I thought that my being a good boyfriend meant that I shouldn’t occasionally treat her to nice things. She also mentioned this morning that if I was in a situation where I needed help with my automobile she’d be willing to do what she could financially.

So it just seems as if that she’s trying to get our relationship to cross a certain line.

Now for the record, I have no problem paying for drinks if we go out, and I don’t mind either going dutch on lunch, or dinner, or one takes care of one, one takes care of the other.

So am I wrong in thinking that, making financial supportive moves like giving her money for new shoes, or giving her money towards her car repair, might be too big of a step...?

I could see maybe a loan....But when I floated that idea her response was “how about I not loan you any p****y?” and to me, as shocking as that seemed, I was like is this what we’ve done, moved to a “pay for play” situation...?

I’m scratching my head trying to wrap my head around this. I mean she has a man, who lives and works out of state. So to me, that means she has a significant other, like i do. So he should be handling those major responsibilities like that.

Any advice I’d gladly appreciate.

But it seems to me like if we are moving in this direction, it’s time for me to move on, because that’s not what I’m looking for.

[adamgunn 1,460]

There's an old adage, 'never sleep with anyone crazier than you are.' Seems you've gone there, although it took you some time to find out.

 

Yeah, I'd ditch the woman. Expect drama when you do it. Does she have weapons?

[PeterJ 940]

1 hour ago, WeRblk2curious said:

...but it seems to me like if we are moving in this direction, it’s time for me to move on, Because that’s not what I’m looking for.

Yeah, I think you’ve answered your own question. 
 

I’m sorry you are having a hard time finding appropriate lifestyle partners — the two of you with couples, and you with women — but if you are looking to validate a decision to move on from your current FWB, consider it validated.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I am also sorry to see you have problems finding LS partners.....but this most definitely is NOT one either. I guess it comes down to how open your marriage actually is. I would run not walk away. Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head. 

[njbm 2,868]

Run away. Fast. 

[Fitlakecouple 451]

She wants a sugar daddy. Ditch her before she bleeds you dry.

[lcmim 1,081]

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I agree. At the best she is just needy. Or she is just looking for a Sugar Daddy.  Either wy it is time to leave, and watch you back on the way out.

 

 

[Alura 2,774]

In my opinion, when a couple stops experiencing the joys of swinging together we not only risk disaster but lose the fun swinging provides. Start again, perhaps with different goals.  Together.