Swingers Remorse?

[Bravo sierra 0]

Advice for a man on first time swing when Man is absent.. (Deployed)

Im not put off entirely but trying to navigate & gauge the impact of what I’m experiencing internally. I appreciate tour time and words ahead of time!

Long story short:

-Not a first time swapper/swinger.

-Past experiences we both were always involved.

-All boundaries/limits, emotions/expectations confronted, discussed and agreed upon.

-Everything has always been well with those we engaged with.
-Everything has always been mutually exclusive with us both involved. We agree to public pick ups ect. 
-She does not feel safe letting me go out on my own for she would end up emotionally conflicted. (Maybe I should do the same now)

 

Fast forward:

-I enjoy the gf in Hotwife type situations immensely: sharing, solo, swap ect. Even with other couples we’ve been with. I am free to do as I please while in those situations also.

-Sex for her is purely physical & just sex. she cares not for things unless I really want them. (She enjoys being bad for me) Though she obviously enjoys the experience. 

 

Fast forward to event:

   This is the first time we’ve been apart doing things. She enjoys the thrill of newness, spontaneity & being bad for me. I approved a man & the two social meets leading up to  & including the actual sex. I highly encouraged & wanted videos in return as well. 
 

   We agreed between ourselves to allow sex ect just once to receive someone’s trust & familiarity to allow her to film for us. Needless to say, recordings of any kind didn’t happen this first time, though sex/oral did (no alcohol).

   We took all safety precautions from her being privately armed, to sharing location & persons name, face, reputation ect (he was a slight public person in the arts and media via tattoos).. she was fine all night & replied when checking on her. All went well.

 

Post:

   To start with I am not jealous nor insecure, though I am deployed..

It’s still a turn on ect. Before & during I was not thrown off. During the fact I was feeling expected emotions of ,“I wish I could play, everyone else is having fun”.. even on wake up next day, reporting & briefings were fine. No issues for me internally.

 

Problem & Questions:

   Checking in on her, she respectfully didn’t want to get into detail. Stayed vague (though the experience was everything but), she had a great time. He wasn’t the greatest but was great at oral (she climaxed/squirted ect) haha. He is not quite as endowed as me which idc either way. These things bring no jealousy or insecurity. I’m glad it went well (possibly to do it again with some video for me)

 

   I’m no cuck, we are more of a stag/vixen couple.. but As I texted her for information on the events, it created a disaster of a chain effect in my mind.. needing to know so many things (that turned me on but some that just ate at me in needing to know). It created obv adrenaline & satisfaction but also anxiety, nervousness, curiosity, comparability ect.. that is & has turned into frustration, “almost” anger (With myself) or sadness & hurt.. Things I never experience with this stuff..

 

I have lost patience within myself, I have to avoid personal interactions so I can focus internally and center myself. I am a stable, logical, reasonable person to be frank. I have not been this impacted since a past relationship heading for marriage fell apart years ago. When involved with the gf swinging together I never felt anything mildly resembling what I’m impacted by as of now.
 

   We are In a great place after the event (but I am not). She is fine and externalizes very well. We both know me deployed is very difficult so our type of relationship should endure easily (and we’re proud of it). So her being able to meet her needs was no issue. Only right now I have felt as I did before I met her. I was sucking it up in coping with a prior relationship ending. (Crash&burn) 
 

   I do not want to bring all this up to her, though I have somewhat in telling her some of what I’m feeling & how I need to naturally confront them. “I’ll be fine, It’s par for the course.”, is how it rolled. Though I’m not sure if I will be fine in the moment right now. I feel Ive lost something though nothing is lost. This is having a big impact, when it never has otherwise. I’m perfectly happy with her being with our swinger friends as I am always in the loop and don’t receive such an internal impact such as this. 
 

Advice?
Thoughts from those more experienced or have experienced these impacts to yourself (not your relationship).
 

-Is it because I’m simply deployed, isolated (covid restrictions for all units), and sit inside of myself when I normally wouldn’t in everyday life?  

-Is it because this is just the first time?

-Is this easier with time and practice?

-Is this just an issue of discipline within that I need to focus on and make stronger?

-Is it simply because I couldn’t get video to enjoy watching her and feel left out?

 

I feel hurt and angry. I shouldn’t. This is on me. I enjoy it otherwise so what the fuck is the problem? 
 

All advice appreciated.

Thank you,

A service Member.

[njbm 2,881]

Sounds like you have mixed emotions about swinging. With Covid 19 and you deployed, this would be a good time to take a break. See how you both feel after the pandemic and when you return. 

[Bravo sierra 0]

Thank you,

 

  Maybe the parameters in which we operated was best. Where we were both involved physically swinging/swapping together in real time, not from across the country/world. 

 

   I’m at a crossroads in walking it back now because I don’t want to create uncertainty and hesitation in the confidence that we had engaging in these things. However, you are right. You don’t think I can take time and cope & get used to the change in circumstance?

 

I am afraid to make things worse for myself if I encourage it again. I just don’t want to make the call prematurely. Not sure how to approach, now or later. 

 

Its just has has me at odds with myself because I love when she is with our swinger couple, I have no problem with that as we did that too since I’ve been gone. 

 

But it what happened last night hits entirely different. 

[njbm 2,881]

Everyone has their own preferences and parameters, but we play together with other couples. We can keep an eye on each other if something wacky happens. It has happened. Guys jumping in without consent, probing without a condom, getting too romantic, etc.

We will play in separate rooms with people we know, but we like to know what each other is doing. We are generally within 50 feet of each other.