Swinging Reflections – Almost 12 Years and Still Going!

[DigginIt 1,132]

Those of you who are new and thinking about swinging or those that are veterans will hopefully find something in this post to appreciate.

 

I think it has been…maybe six years since our last post.  I don’t really know or have the energy to investigate the exact amount of time, lol.  However, we are not dead, divorced, or have otherwise changed too much over the years.  A few more wrinkles since our last post and a little more wear and tear on the body, but zero regrets.

 

So, hello to all of my old friends and hi to everyone we don’t know yet.  I just want to share some insights that almost twelve years of swinging have brought us.  I hope you enjoy.  

 

When you are new, I think everyone approaches swinging with a sense of wonder and nervous excitement.  For some, it’s too much to cope with emotionally, jealousy and envy leads the relationship to tragedy.  For some, it brings out the flaws in one’s relationship and they crash and burn because they turned to swinging to solve an issue that would have been better dealt with through counseling, not fucking other people.  For many, they strike a balance between the one they love and with the ones they want to love at that moment.  Feel free to substitute any word there that makes you comfortable -- if love is too personal.

 

We fit in that latter statement.  The sex is still just as exciting as ever, whether together or with others.  We have collected so many “been there, done that” t-shirts.  We have swung together, same room, different rooms, different states, had a few poly relationships/dated separately, threesomes, foursomes, puppy piles.  We have spread our wings and still seem to love each other at the end of the day.  I’m not saying it has been perfect.  It is a relationship with another human being and there has been fights, insults, hurt feelings, hurt partners, bad breakups with others.  Life is messy and beautiful at the same time.  If you can accept that, you have a great head start.

 

So what would I share with those looking at this from the outside or just dipping their toes into the waters?

 

First, once pandora is out of the box, there is no going back, only dealing with the consequences.  And more than likely, one of you is going to like it more than the other.  It’s okay.  If you love your partner, you love them for who they are, fetishes and all, and they love you the same in return.  If you can’t love what your partner loves, you are in for some tough times swinging, because this will bring everything to the surface.  Swinging is not a tit for tat and almost always, at some point, one is getting more out of it than the other.  That will alternate.

 

Here is a biggie, sex is ALWAYS more exciting with a new partner than with your SO.  I may get some heat for that one, I’m sorry.  I’m not saying it’s better, but definitely more exciting.  It’s hard to compete between sex with a stranger to having sex at home, same time, same place, same position, trying to have sex without waking the kids, the dog, the neighbors.  Also the strangers you are having sex with didn’t just argue with you two hours before about the bills.  They don’t want to know about your politics, your religion, they just want to fuck your brains out and then go home.  It’s just one of swinging’s brutal truths that I believe most people will deny so their partners feelings don’t get hurt.  Most people don’t’ want to believe that their SO is capable of being completely satisfied by someone else.  I put it to people this way…why would you want you wife or husband to fuck someone else for bad sex?  If you are going to fuck other people, it should be amazing or why do it?

 

Eventually, you will hit the seven-year itch…okay, not really, but just like the seven-year itch in a relationship, you MAY reach a period where you are more interested in only fucking other people than your spouse or just not fucking at all.  It has nothing to do with any lack of love, understand that most likely, it has to do with escaping the stress that is in the relationship rather than dealing with it.  If you hit this point, it’s time to regroup and know that it’s normal.  We know several successful couples and they have all experienced something similar. 

 

Poly – this was very hard as we looked for it together with another couple vs. each of us looking independently.  There are some good poly sites out there but ultimately, we discovered that we were actually just looking for deep relationships but not to actually be in love.  The male half here, I found sex more exciting if I had some connection with my partner.  I didn’t want another wife, but I wanted someone who was into me on a more personal level.  Those were a fun couple of years but those were some of the most disastrous break ups because you or your spouse will always be ready to move on before the other is ready.  At least, that was the case for us.  This is often the case with your regular couples outside of poly, one or the other will always be ready to move on before the other.  However, with poly, you are more emotionally invested.  There are still people out there that we love, we just can’t be with them for different reasons.  Same with any relationship that isn’t meant to last.

 

Full circle – once you have pretty much checked every block, you realize that you chose your spouse for a reason.  Nobody gets you like they do.  Nobody accepts you for who you are like they do.  And you are thankful every day that you have an SO that is in the lifestyle with you and that sharing is caring.  Only in the lifestyle do you truly get more if you share. 

 

Good luck swingers!
 

[njbm 2,871]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. You have lived a life. 
Hope you continue to post here. I remember you from your last stint! 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

What an awesome post, thank you so much for sharing!!  Every word so true and spot on.  There are some things that can only be spoken by a voice of experience, and your post is certainly that.

 

I heard a song I've heard a thousand times again the other day, and this time, one of the lyrics really struck me as it pertains to swinging.  I was actually going to start a thread on it, but think I'll use it here.

 

Sometimes at night, I see their faces,
I feel the traces they've left on my soul.
Those are the memories that made me a wealthy soul,
Tell you, those are the memories that make me a wealthy soul.

 

It's obvious that the last 12 years have produced many memories, and that indeed makes you a wealthy soul.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Hey, thanks for the feedback.  You never know how people are going to take something once it is posted. 

 

The funny thing is, in another 3 - 5 years, I'm sure I will have different thoughts and opinions.  Nothing is absolute and everyone is different but it is good to hear that our experiences resonate with others.