Into the Girl but Not the Guy

[newbietolife 0]

We had our first swinging experience last night. We have so much in common with this couple that it was a perfect match. I was looking forward to this, new experience, fun couple, all of it. As the night went on, I wasn’t feeling a connection to the guy at all. I had great chemistry with the girl but just nothing for her husband. It bummed me out, I really thought we would work out. I thought maybe starting to fool around would help...but no. It came to a point where the guys were chatting and her and I decided to mess around. And it was amazing. We tried a soft swap of the guys going down on us but I wasn’t into it. Needless to say, didn’t go much further than that. 
 

I need help though, I want to hang out with them... we can be great friends, but if anything is going to happen, I would rather it be just her and I fooling around. Is there a polite way to let them know? I feel horrible but I can’t help that there is no connection. What can I do??

 

[adamgunn 1,460]

You've learned an important lesson - not all the fish in the sea make for a good fish fry. 

 

When you aren't feeling a connection, it's best to say so up front, be honest with yourself, with everyone. In this case, you should have said, "no, not tonight," and abandoned play.

 

As far as just playing with the girl and not the husband, turn it around. How would your husband feel if the other couple wanted to play with you, but they didn't want anything to do with your husband? I hope you'd agree that nothing should happen in that scenario.

 

Yeah, these people might make good friends, but it's likely they'll never make good swapping partners. Throw 'em back, go fishing again.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

G/G play followed by parallel play with your own spouses is always an option.

[njbm 2,881]

The elusive four way match. I think you have to move on. 

Someone told us that the odds that four people can all like each other are 24-1. I don’t know the math, but it sounds right to me. 

[Numex 2,420]

3 hours ago, njbm said:

the odds that four people can all like each other are 24-1. I don’t know the math,

The math depends on whether all four need to like both of the others sexually, or just one of the others.

 

We've found satisfactory situations where the wives didn't make a connection, but the couples swap was fine.  There were also several times when one of us wasn't into the other spouse, but a threesome worked great with the others and the fourth fucking his/her own spouse afterwards.  Flexibility is the key to success. 

[njbm 2,881]

True. We play with a couple where my wife is not a big fan of the other wife, but she is ok with me. I think my theorem applies more if all four are bi in two couples. 
 

I do want to like the guy my wife is playing with to some degree. I don’t like it if I feel the other guy is a jerk. Has rarely happened. 

[Numex 2,420]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

I think my theorem applies more if all four are bi in two couples.

Certainly, that does require luck and magic.

1 hour ago, njbm said:

 

I do want to like the guy my wife is playing with to some degree. I don’t like it if I feel the other guy is a jerk.

True again.  My wife is an assertive woman, so my attitude is she can play with whom she wants without me worrying about whether someone will take advantage of her, and I recognize which games are just games.

 

Fortunately, as with you, they've all been good people.  And now within our closed group everyone is really great.

[Jare1998 62]

We just had a similar experience this past weekend.   The couple we wanted to play with last year but didn't get an opportunity to were reintroduced to us over the weekend and we all seemed to hit it off great.  Good conversation and we had a great time dancing and talking.  But when it came time to play the guy and I had a great time but my husband just wasn't into her.  They fucked but he said he just wasn't into her, even though he gave it his all.  There just wasn't chemistry there to make it an awesome experience.   So we decided that this will be a one and done experience.  Since she is 100% straight and I'm not a girl-girl only won't happen.  Sometimes it just doesn't work.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

As pointed out, the four way match is hard to find. At the same time, don't ever think about 'taking one of the team' as this doesn't work as well. If the connection isn't there, it isn't there. Just walk away and try again tomorrow. There's pleanty of fish in the sea, it just some time to find the RIGHT fish to swim with.