How did you find out about swinging?

[njbm 2,871]

We were on a vacation at Club Orient, a nudist resort. We met a contingent from a southwestern state who invited us to lunch and explained that they were swingers. We knew nothing about it. 
 

One of the couples asked if we wanted to go to their cabin to see their art etchings. We knew it was a seduction move, but we went anyway. We were married for five years at that point, were about 32 years old and frankly it was too much for us. We chatted at their cabin, but chickened out of playing. We weren’t ready. 
 

But this incident sparked our curiosity. We went to a local club, Desire, Trapeze, hotel parties, cruises over the years and we became very experienced. The good experiences were fun, the bad ones became funny and we’ve met some great people. I think that there is a different level of communication with people after you’ve been intimate with them. Looking forward to the end of the pandemic!

[adamgunn 1,460]

So, this is a good story, I think.

 

For quite awhile, my wife and I had been considering opening up our marriage somehow. We told each other stories. One of hers was that she had gone to a luxurious and expensive ‘sex club’ in Milan with her first, Italian husband. She made it sound like a thing out of Eyes Wide Shut, where women would step onto pedestals and pose. Apparently, it was a mixture of ‘normal’ women and prostitutes. [According to my wife, she didn’t do anything at the sex club, just hung out in the sexy vibe with her husband.]

 

So, one Friday morning after Thanksgiving, I suggested to my wife we should go to a sex club, and she agreed. We immediately got on the Internet (a fairly new thing at the time,) and found two ‘Swing Clubs’ in our area. That night, we were at D.J.s Island in Pittsburgh.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,389]

Like @njbm we also liked to go to nude beaches and resorts (still do now).  We both already knew the Lifestyle was a thing, and saw some evidence of swingers on nude beaches but we didn't consider it our scene.  One winter while on vacation in Fla we visited Paradise Lakes in Tampa, met some friendly couples, and were invited to an after hours party. We suspected they were swingers so we didn't go.  On that same vacation we visited an unofficial nude beach (no longer there) on Sanibel Island and were basically picked up by a local single male and had our first LS experience with him in our hotel room.

[Shore2Please 611]

I have related our first experience before and I still get excited thinking back to a vacation that was life changing. 

Our experience also started on a nude beach with couples we met on a cruise. We figured being nude with people we would never see again would be safe and fun. Looking back I had no idea that I would have sex with anyone but my husband. 

Drinks, laughs and a dare led to a night I will always remember. I didn’t think of it as swinging that night which of course it was. 

[PSULioness 847]

12 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

I didn’t think of it as swinging that night which of course it was. 

I too didn’t think of my first threesome as swinging. I didn’t think of my playing with my bf and my girlfriends as swinging. I didn’t even think of me going to a party as swinging. I say that even though I googled having a threesome and it brought to the swingersboard. Not sure how I found this site before I realized I was swinging. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

PSU, Thought you might like to read your very first post here. I remember well when you first came aboard . . .

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am not a swinger and just looking for information. Just had a few firsts for me. First time 3some and first time with a female. It was a surprise for me. I am single and dating a wonderful guy and we are starting to get serious. He has no idea I just did this. 

 

I met my old room mate from college and her guy friend at a recent football game here in NJ. They drove in from Pa and got a room near the stadium. I live about an hour or more away. We met to tailgate then watch the game. During the game the temp dropped and it started to rain hail and sleet. Was really messy and they suggested going back to the hotel until it stopped a the roads were better. We picked up some more wine and beer and went back to their room. The guy she was with was just a good friend of hers. I know she is dating someone else. He went to our school too. I didn't know him. Of course we were talking school days. Guys we dated. Though we roomed together we never shared a guy but both of us had brought guys back to our room. It was just talk. 

 

Anyway I ended up sleeping over due to combination of drink and weather. I really really never ever thought anything about it. I have shared rooms with couples before. It was just easier to stay than take a chance driving. As roommates we have shared stories and there has never been any sexual thing between us. I never touched or had a desire of being with a female. Don't know how it happened but she started something that night and her friend jumped in...literally. I could sooner have had sex with him on a first meeting than ever think I would be in a 3some. Truth be told, I had a great time. Maybe the greatest time. 

 

They went home the next day. Now I have a guilt feeling. Do I tell the guy I am dating? Do I tell anyone? 

 

I am searching on google for answers and came to this site. Now what my new friends?

[njbm 2,871]

Wonder what we told her? 

[PSULioness 847]

4 hours ago, adamgunn said:

PSU, Thought you might like to read your very first post here. I remember well when you first came aboard . . .

That is scary that someone remembers what I first posted. I should be afraid lol?  

 

2 hours ago, njbm said:

 

Wonder what we told her? 

 

Some told me to tell my boyfriend, others said being we weren’t engaged or married I should not tell him. 

 

Some were supportive others thought i ought I was a cheater. I had plenty of guilt. I confessed and it didn’t go well at first. Maybe it was a big mistake, but if you have followed my journey we got married. 

 

I still don’t call myself a Swinger, I think of myself as a free thinker and enjoying life without others casting aspersions on my lifestyle. To make my posts on this site relatable I allow the label Swinger. 

 

BTW I enjoy most of the posts and responses to my posts. I think on a few occasions I have expressed opinions that some didn’t agree with. C’est la vie. 

[Numex 2,416]

My wife and I didn't "find out" about swinging, we just did it.  First her getting reacquainted with two exes, who knew that I knew what was going on and approved but didn't know about each other.  Then MFMing with them; later dropping them and doing traditional swinging with couples who we hadn't met before.  

 

The question now is: Are my wife and I still swingers since we only play within a closed group of married couples?  It's all good, but quite different from our previous "true swinging."  There is alone play, no condoms, emotions, what feels like dating (not with our spouse necessarily), double dating, and a casualousness to it that has taken some of the excitement away from what was the edginess of my spouse having sex with another man/woman/couple.  IDK.

[njbm 2,871]

I think we get a kick out of meeting new couples. It’s exciting.
 

We do (did, pre-Covid) have a circle of friends that we play with periodically.

 

 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I've no idea how I first became aware of swinging. I've been aware of it from at least a young adult age. It was, on the odd occasion, the subject of snickering conversation among friends, and never something I would have ever thought for myself.

 

Fast forward some years; I had a very nice woman working for me at a company. She was attractive, and I'd always thought of her as so, but she was my employee and married. Two giant massive red flags there; there was no way my brain was even going to begin contemplating that. Then she quit, left town with her husband. I was single at the time, and looking for dating sites (this was somewhat early days of the Internet) and stumbled upon Adult Friend Finder. Out of curiosity, I signed up...and then by accident found a profile that matched her. I wasn't absolutely certain, so I reached out to her in private email and sure enough it was her. She was not terrifically experienced in non-monogamy either, but she was much further along than I, who had zero experience. We had a lot of email conversation over the next many months, and then she came back to town with her husband to visit some friends. We got to spend some hours together, and we had sex that day. Door opened, and door walked through. So, that was my introduction to it.

 

I think my wife new about swinging, but it was very far away from any sense of her doing it. When she found out I had had sex with a married woman with the consent of her husband, she was horrified. It wasn't a deal breaker, but she made it very clear she didn't like the idea. She'd felt I'd contributed to this woman breaking her marital vows (tow which I responded "How can that be if her husband consented?"). The subject would come up from time to time, with my wife continuing to disapprove. Then one night she (who loves massage) noted it would be nice to have two men massaging her at once. And with that snowflake started the avalanche. ~8 months later we were having sex with other people.

[njbm 2,871]

Did the husband of your former co-worker know that she was exploring non-monogamy?

[njbm 2,871]

I reread the bbarnsworth post and he did say the wife had consent.

 

I am uncomfortable with spouses playing alone. Just feel part of the fun is playing together.

 

I also have skepticism about hall passes when the “consenting” spouse isn’t there. Notarized hall pass? 

[adamgunn 1,460]

njbm, I understand your trepidation. However, other people have different opinions than yours. 

 

For us, we usually play together, but sometimes we (especially Mary) play separately. We find that there is a naughty atmosphere about it that is subtly different from playing together, even in separate rooms. It can be quite a bit of fun.

 

Also, we often meet single men for the purpose of MFM threesomes. We've become adept at finding out which ones are married, and of those which are cheating. So we don't feel we have to have a 'notarized' hall pass.

 

But, we encourage you to play the way you wish to.

[njbm 2,871]

I have no objection to other people playing separately if both spouses agree. It’s just not our thing. Part of the fun of swing is both partners having fun. 
 

We understand different strokes for different folks. Some people are cuckolds, some people find it exciting to know their spouse is off getting laid. We have played in separate rooms at house parties and it is fun. 

[Numex 2,416]

On 9/26/2020 at 11:11 AM, njbm said:

I am uncomfortable with spouses playing alone. Just feel part of the fun is playing together.

My wife and I definitely enjoy playing together, but we also enjoy playing separately, even alone one on one.  The biggest reason that we do it is simply because it's easier to arrange.  There have been many times where it is one couple and one of another couple having a threesome because one of us has to watch our collective kids.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

On 9/26/2020 at 11:11 AM, njbm said:

Did the husband of your former co-worker know that she was exploring non-monogamy?

Yes, and he and I were friends. He didn't play, but he encouraged his wife to do so.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

On 10/8/2020 at 9:39 AM, Numex said:

My wife and I definitely enjoy playing together, but we also enjoy playing separately, even alone one on one.  The biggest reason that we do it is simply because it's easier to arrange.  There have been many times where it is one couple and one of another couple having a threesome because one of us has to watch our collective kids.

Like Numex, we found it easier to arrange solo dates than together dates. As we progressed and embraced the idea of having long term play partners, we recognized that going on play dates together was going to become harder to do with long term partners. We discussed that long term partners would sometimes have sexual needs that wouldn't want to wait days to respond to. It would need to be more spontaneous, like "Hey can you come over?" A response of "Sure, but it'll be a couple of days while we sort out a baby sitter". Kinda kills the mood

 

With the two long term boyfriends my wife has had, she had far more solo dates with them than both of us going. I always enjoyed her telling me the whole story when she got home, and having sex while she told me all about her date.

Now, solo dates with someone the first time....that's a different story.

[couplers 4,640]

On 10/11/2020 at 9:04 AM, bbarnsworth said:

sometimes have sexual needs that wouldn't want to wait days to respond to.

Days!?!  Most of the time when the mood hits, I can't even wait hours.  Fortunately, when I am working or tied up with the kids the mood doesn't hit.  Afterwards, I think of what I've been missing, then the mood hits.

 

On 10/11/2020 at 9:04 AM, bbarnsworth said:

it would need to be more spontaneous, like "Hey can you come over?"

Fortunately David, Red, Clair, Lora and I live in the same house so come over means another room.

[GoNatural 104]

I learned about swinging back in 1998.  My family didn't have the internet yet.  I was 18 and going into a porn shop for my first few times.  There were swinger's add magazines on the shelves.    One was called Bayou Swingers.   This was south Louisiana, and I knew a lot of people in the region.  I bought the magazine to look at wives, and see if there was anyone I knew.   There was not, unfortunately.   The ads were from Beaumont, TX all the way to Pensacola, Florida.

 

A lot of the adds resonated with me though.  I wanted to get with those wives, but I also envied the husbands and wanted to be married to a woman that had cravings for sex with other people, especially well hung guys.    Really, if I look way back, reading Penthouse stories a few times in my younger teen years might have played a role, especially in my fascination for size queen women, but I can't really remember any of those stories being about group sex.    Definitely, the stuff I read from the porn store had stories about husbands watching the wife though.

[Playman64 205]

Except for Ms. Kay, when I in the army when I was picked up by a couple.  I was in my early 20’s and they were 30’s or 40’s.  We went to a motel and I fucked her until he joined in. 

[Ice2waves 0]

GF and I are interested in finding a good documentary about swinging couples.  Figure that can help us understand it more and start the conversation about if we would consider it.  
 

can anyone recommend a good documentary for us to watch. It doesn’t have to be clean but not just wanting a porn video about it either.   

[njbm 2,871]

15 minutes ago, Ice2waves said:

GF and I are interested in finding a good documentary about swinging couples.  Figure that can help us understand it more and start the conversation about if we would consider it.  
 

can anyone recommend a good documentary for us to watch. It doesn’t have to be clean but not just wanting a porn video about it either.   

Go to Pornhub and search for Playboy’s Swing. There are many episodes of varying interest.