Swingers Interested in More Than Easy Sex

[Guest]

I was involved in an open marriage for many years. In that situation my wife and I were looking for more than easy sex; we wanted meaningful relationships. SwapFinder has a lot of questions to answer on profile about interests outside of sex and swapping. There is a topic on here about hooking up with best friends who you don't know if they are interested in swinging or not; the preponderance of replies say "don't chance it".

What I don't see on porn sites is is the hunt, the flirting, the sharing of interests outside of easy sex. What my second wife and I found when trying to swing was the same thing; just people interested in easy, fault-free sex. It didn't work for us, especially my wife, so she ended the effort to try to find friends that also wanted to swing with us.

Hence, I am starting this topic. Perhaps this is even more important in this new world of social distancing that may never end.

I'm too old and physically unable to have easy, no fault sex, but what I have to offer may help some people find something better than casual hookups and kinky sex without any emotional investment.

I will stop my introduction here and see what response I get before I go on with some ideas about how to bring more emotional commitment into swinging.

[couplers 4,724]

47 minutes ago, videoeditor44 said:

In that situation my wife and I were looking for more than easy sex; we wanted meaningful relationships.

We (my husband, my boyfriend, and I) started in meaningful romantic relationships, then had noncommitted sex with friends and acquaintances where there was nonsexual, mutual interest activities as well, then became deeply involved with two of those women to form our poly family.  Because the two guys no longer meet the sexual needs of us three women, we have a casual sexual relationship with a shared boyfriend, whose wife knows and is somewhat involved.

 

So I guess you can say that we have gone back and forth.  But we've never had stranger sex/one-night-stand kind of thing, even the guys.

[njbm 2,906]

We are friends and friendly with many of our swinging partners. For some of our swinging friends, we enjoyed our one, two or three sexual encounters, but we have no plans to have sex again. Many of them feel the same way. No hard feelings. 
 

I think we enjoy the novelty of sex with new partners. We do not want an emotional attachment with our partners other than platonic friendship, if that. It is really a physical release for us, no strings attached. 

[discreetplay 235]

7 minutes ago, njbm said:

It is really a physical release for us, no strings attached. 

Same kind of approach here. We do like to learn a little about potential couples but we're really out to add something to our sexual adventures that the two of us cannot do alone. Adding a couple opens up the MFM, MFMF, FFM, etc. It is much easier to continuously pleasure your partner when there is another couple. Taking a break to watch extends the night for the guys and overwhelms the women with pleasure. 

 

Though I would love to create a small group (2 couples, 3 max) where everyone has the same mindset. This way we could open up more areas including bareback sex. We would never go without condoms unless it was with a partners we knew were staying within the group.  If a small group was created, I could see some sort of friendship developing. Outside that, we're in it for the pleasure only.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

My wife and I have been open to the idea of emotions and a real relationship developing beyond just a sexual interest in play partners. My wife has had two long term boyfriends that lasted for years. Primarily it was about sex, but in both cases it was a fair bit more than that. She developed emotions for both of them, especially one of them. Though they never shared an "I love you" moment, the feelings were there.

 

This bends more into polyamory than swinging. But, our experiences in swinging helped lead to this. Having sex with new people is fun certainly. It isn't uncommon to run into a dud while swinging. Ok, the sex was alright, but it wasn't great. However, when you find someone with whom you really click then why not keep having sex with them? If you do, chances are that some sort of feelings will develop. Many swingers aren't comfortable with that. Initially we weren't open to that, but as we learned finding a great sex partner was hit or miss so we revisited the idea and made it work. There are sexual rewards for it as well, as a partner learns more about what makes you sexually tick.

 

 

[couplers 4,724]

2 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

She developed emotions for both of them, especially one of them.

When my husband and Lora fell in love it made me jealous, afraid.  But I also wanted it to continue, watch it develop and become a relationship between them.  The reality is that it became a relationship among us.  She and I are also lovers; they have children together.  There is something so potently powerful about all of it, which could have gone wrong but it didn't have to, and it didn't.  I suppose hubby knew all of this from the beginning, he never had any fears or doubts that I was still intimate with and in love with Red.  Without that first I would never have overcome my worries.

 

(My profile picture is Clair and me.  Sometimes I wonder if anyone has any jealousy about that.)

[JFunston 18]

My wife and I were active in the swinging lifestyle in the 2000's.  We stopped for a variety of reasons; chiefly savvy teenagers (we had 4 at the time), a company-related move, and ... too many people just wanting a notch on the bedpost.  Seriously, many couldn't even complete a sentence.  For these couples, "taking one for the team" was their mantra.  We have recently re-entered the lifestyle again now that we are empty nesters.  We are/were not looking for a polyamorous situation, but we wanted a level of trust before putting our faces between someone else's legs.  To us, swinging is/was a way to meet people with similar views regarding sex.  However, we also wanted to be able to be seen in public with these people.  Couples who cannot carry on a conversation, do not care about their appearance - no so much weight as personal hygiene, clothing, etc., or have manners or etiquette are a huge turn-off.   We do NOT jump into the sack with anyone on the first meet-up.  We make/made that very clear in our bio on the various websites.  In a Lifestyle club, we will flirt, converse, watch and be watched.  In a "normal" situation or location, we treat any potential couple as the newly introduced people they are. 90% of the vanilla dates people go on, are because of a mutual interest - concert, comedy, kids, whatever.  Meeting up with a lifestyle couple is exactly the same.  Said another way, a mutual interest will get you a date, after that, YOU have to keep the interest going.  

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

2 hours ago, JFunston said:

We have recently re-entered the lifestyle again now that we are empty nesters...  To us, swinging is/was a way to meet people with similar views regarding sex.  However, we also wanted to be able to be seen in public with these people.  Couples who cannot carry on a conversation, do not care about their appearance - no so much weight as personal hygiene, clothing, etc., or have manners or etiquette are a huge turn-off

We are in the same situation and share the exact same views!

[Guest]

Good comments from all. Thank you.

My first wife wouldn't do same room, so what we had was an open marriage. It's lot easier for a married woman to find guys to play with than a married man who isn't claiming he wants out of his marriage. So that's something I don't recommend husbands get into. We did do a lot of socializing with one of her lovers and his wife. She was willing to swap (separate rooms) and I did have sex with her several times, but we had nothing to talk about when there was only the two of us. It could have worked with same room sex, but my wife didn't want that and wouldn't broach the subject to the guy.

I like hearing that some people are able to find good, meaningful sex and friendship with other. Unfortunately, my wife can't have intercourse anymore (lichen sclerosus) and isn't interested in sex either. But I won't cheat on her other than watching porn and satisfying my own physical needs. Long story.

I just signed up on Swapfinder.com and contrary to information that was published about their free memberships, free members can't exchange messages unless the gold members pay to let that happen.

What prompted me to get involved in the swinging sites again is an art video concept that is probably too crazy to get other people into, but I never know which crazy art idea I have will work. 

 

[Numex 2,463]

22 hours ago, discreetplay said:

Adding a couple opens up the MFM, MFMF, FFM, etc.

Agreed, and what we find interesting and exciting is the alone MF play.  It happens regularly among our closed group of married couples.  Some of it is just fun sex, some pairings involve romantic emotions.  One of the MF pairings involves D/S stuff no one else, especially their spouses are into. The strange one is another wife and me whose interests in theater, museums, and classical music line up with each other and no one else.  We have gone out of town together to catch events.  (My wife read our email exchange before a trip and was disappointed in the lack of sexual content.)  There is delightful sex between us, but much more too.

 

22 hours ago, discreetplay said:

Though I would love to create a small group (2 couples, 3 max) where everyone has the same mindset. This way we could open up more areas including bareback sex.

That's exactly what we have done, but with several more couples.  No playing outside the group but no rules inside the group.  Works perfectly for us. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

37 minutes ago, videoeditor44 said:

What prompted me to get involved in the swinging sites again is an art video concept that is probably too crazy to get other people into, but I never know which crazy art idea I have will work. 

I would love to hear the concept!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

From the beginning we have been into finding people we wanted to have as friends, people we had things in common with and liked being around...friends with benefits., and that has been what we looked for. There is one couple that we have now been 'dating' for almost 10 years now. So, yes, there are those who are looking for more than just a night of fun and then they're done.

[Guest]

Assuming no one has read my profile, I'm an artist and a writer. I recently started a new novel that is erotic literature with graphic sex. I wrote a long scene that prompted this crazy idea. The scene is around twenty pages, so too much to post, but this concept is based on it. Setup was two couple, four people who had only known each other for a week or so. Met at a company Christmas party and paired off as two couples. Then had to work on Christmas so planned a private Christmas dinner and party.

I have an erotic video art project in mind that I need volunteer help to produce. The basic idea is swinging/swapping spouses or girl/boyfriends. However, I find virtually nothing like my idea on porn sites.

What I want to do is to find women who will dress in sexy outfits; gowns, party dresses, or high end street clothes that are very revealing. Tits falling out of the tops, side boob, high end crop tops or backless as well as short skirts without panties. I’d like to see the men in suits, upscale club or street clothes.

Start with a fashion show of the women, then move on to dancing which will reveal breasts, asses, and pussy; friends fondling their wives/girlfriends to tease the other couple, then switching partners and having friends fondling friend’s ladies.

It can stop with that or move on to the bedroom for honest, loving sex with swap.

I’d like to assemble a compilation of couples with their individual interpretation of this idea. I don’t wish to sell it or make a profit from it, rather just give each contributing couple a copy of the compilation.

It will be different than other porn in that:

1-      The women in the fashion show move on to displaying the revealing clothing in the company of at least one other couple, with dancing.

2-      The couples each tease their friends with groping and flashing.

3-      The couples switch partners and tease each other with groping their friend’s partners.

4-      And last, if the couples agree, they end up in bed swapping sex.

I can see many videos of women in sexy clothes on stage or on the sidelines in clubs flashing and even getting nude, but not couples dancing dirty and swapping dance partners and more.

In the US, women can't get that daring in public streets, which is where most exhibitionist videos are taped. This also is something that seems like a way to help deal with COVID distancing. 

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it. Albert Einstein