Without prying, how do we find a local swing as newbies?

[Gator2360 1]

I have posted previously as to my wife’s and my interests in the swinging community, the more we talk, the more forward it seems to move. We are discussing our wants and don’t wants in the beginning. It all generated more questions....

1. Is it acceptable as newbies to just observe in the first experience?

2. In the event, we want to Pursue this life style it’s not like you can dial up the local chapter, how do you get introduced?

3. Is there a “sponsor” (lol, sorry) in the beginning?

We both realized this is complicated on many levels, any advice is certainly welcome.

[njbm 2,871]

Your best bet to meet people is to post a profile on a lifestyle site like SLS, SDC, AFF and a couple of others. Pick one or two that are popular in your geographic area. Other couples can contact you or you can contact others. You can agree to a vanilla meeting, where you just meet and talk with no sex anticipated. 
 

The sites also list hotel parties and other events. At these events, it may be easier to hang back and observe, although you have to expect invitations to participate. Few people watch or get watched, some people have soft swap (oral, as I understand). Most full swap (intercourse). 
 

I think it’s an interesting adventure. Enjoy the ride and don’t do anything either of you don’t want to do. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Some experienced swingers get annoyed at the club scene if there are too many people there who are 'tourists'; not really swingers (or not yet anyway) and just there to watch. You might find yourself being regarded as such if you go to a club. Or, you might not. There's really no way to know.

 

To get 'introduced'; njbm's advice is excellent. Get profiles setup. Don't have one line answers to common questions on them. Also, as njbm noted, there are hotel meetings, meet and greets, etc. in vanilla settings where swingers get together to meet, with no on-site play. This can be a little less intimidating for a first time. But, as njbm expect you might get some invitations.

 

No, there's no sponsor. If you're lucky, you might find a couple that's willing to help you learn and understand the lifestyle. Such a couple might be happy to have you watch. I know that my wife and I would be willing, but I don't know that many couples would be. Experienced swingers want to swing. When we got started, we did meet up with a wonderful couple who helped answer a lot of our questions. We never played with them or in front of them (or they in front of us).

 

You are talking a lot, which is great! My wife and I spent about eight months talking swinging through before we actually got into it. We thought of all sorts of scenarios, questions, etc. We kept looking into things, finding other people's stories, etc. and this forum REALLY helped with that. We eventually got to a point where we had talked over everything we could think of at least a few times. It was time to jump in, and we did. Our first experience was a very enjoyable soft swap.

 

Welcome to the forum! Ask us any question, and we'll give you honest answers. We're a helpful bunch here and will be happy to help.

[guest283 2]

My husband and I are also interested in meeting local couples. If your in our area maybe we could have a vanilla meeting?

[njbm 2,871]

51 minutes ago, tammycraw283@gmail.com said:

My husband and I are also interested in meeting local couples. If your in our area maybe we could have a vanilla meeting?

This site is more for discussions, less for finding partners. Check SLS, SDC, etc.

[lcmim 1,082]

Look around and see what is available.  For us it was chatting on SLS and a local group that hosts hotel parties and meet n greets. That will get you into the pond.

 

 

Ultimately it will be networking.

People you meet , and perhaps just talk you , will introduce you around at that or subsequent get togethers. It took a few times for people to get to recognize us as "real".

 

After that the process feeds on itself.

Be patient it may not go as quickly as you might imagine, or fear, set your expectations to low and your boundaries well within your safe zone.

No matter how little is accomplished at first it is new to you and should still be thrilling.

 

While it is correct to say that this is not, predominantly a hookup site, there is nothing preventing a respectful private message to someone that you find interesting. Most of us will be happy to spend a bit of time talking with newbies,and helping them get their feet under them.

 

 

[adamgunn 1,460]

I'll reply directly to a couple of your questions.

 

The first time you go to a swing club, it is perfectly fine to be 'observers.'  And this can take a number of patterns. You'd be perfectly welcome to find a quiet corner, perhaps in the bar/dance floor area, and simply watch the goings-on; that in itself would be a very interesting night. Or you could move around, talk to people without any intention of doing sexual things - you'll find some, if not most, willing to open up and give you some pointers. The thing to avoid is to be a fly on the wall for a long time in the common area where people are having sex; this can be a little creepy. Oh, peek in and see the bodies writhing, but just don't camp out there.

 

As far a finding a 'sponsor,' there's a couple of ways to do that too. First, if you find a couple you like in that first night at the club, let them know you'd love to continue the chat; if they're willing, trade contact information. Or you can PM someone here on this site and ask if they'd answer your questions.

 

Best of luck!

[tbone1 79]

Here is a slightly different approach to consider.  Take a vacation to Hedonism 2 in Negril, Jamaica.  Hedo is an all-inclusive resort in a beautiful country.  While not inexpensive to stay there, all food, alcohol, water sports (scuba, sailing,, kayaking, snorkeling, etc.), and entertainment are included.  There is no tipping.  Once there, the only things you pay for are the spa (massages on the beach, manicures, etc.) or what you buy in the gift shop.  A medical marijuana dispensary has recently opened, which is cash only.  You can use your medical marijuana card if you have one, or get one from the doctor for a small fee.  There are clothing optional pools and a beach where you can wear swimsuits or be topless, or be nude, whatever you prefer.  And there is a nude beach, nude pool, and nude hot tub.  There are various room categories based on location and how updated they are.  The staff is wonderful and works hard so everyone can have a great time.  The climate is almost always perfect.  We've been told that it has the highest rate of return guests in the industry.  We'll be going for our 22nd time soon.  Hedo can be whatever you want it to be.  The main rules are "Respect" and "No means No".  It is really an adult playground, but there is no pressure to do anything you don't want to do.  On the other hand, there are opportunities to fulfill various sexual fantasies from watching to being watched, soft swapping to full swapping, or group sex.  You do not need to be in the lifestyle to have a great time at Hedo.  We have met awesome people there from all over.  It could be the best vacation of your life.  The downside is you'll want to go back again and again.  Good luck!  

[njbm 2,871]

Before you start your swinging career, make sure you are vaccinated for HPV. 

[guest283 2]

9 hours ago, adamgunn said:

I'll reply directly to a couple of your questions.

 

The first time you go to a swing club, it is perfectly fine to be 'observers.'  And this can take a number of patterns. You'd be perfectly welcome to find a quiet corner, perhaps in the bar/dance floor area, and simply watch the goings-on; that in itself would be a very interesting night. Or you could move around, talk to people without any intention of doing sexual things - you'll find some, if not most, willing to open up and give you some pointers. The thing to avoid is to be a fly on the wall for a long time in the common area where people are having sex; this can be a little creepy. Oh, peek in and see the bodies writhing, but just don't camp out there.

 

As far a finding a 'sponsor,' there's a couple of ways to do that too. First, if you find a couple you like in that first night at the club, let them know you'd love to continue the chat; if they're willing, trade contact information. Or you can PM someone here on this site and ask if they'd answer your questions.

 

Best of luck!

Thank you so much.

[dpjtpa 16]

On 10/23/2020 at 7:16 PM, Gator2360 said:

I have posted previously as to my wife’s and my interests in the swinging community, the more we talk, the more forward it seems to move. We are discussing our wants and don’t wants in the beginning. It all generated more questions....

1. Is it acceptable as newbies to just observe in the first experience?

2. In the event, we want to Pursue this life style it’s not like you can dial up the local chapter, how do you get introduced?

3. Is there a “sponsor” (lol, sorry) in the beginning?

We both realized this is complicated on many levels, any advice is certainly welcome.

My wife and I started with an open relationship being married directly from the start. After dating for four years in college we admitted to each other all the times & people we cheated on each other with and slowly began to realize how hypersexual both of us really were. SHe was always apprehensive and uneasy trying to answer the same questions you pose. For us, attending parties that were upscale with a large number of people was a tremendous help. In fact, we attended Swingfest when it came to South Florida as being relatively new to the scene. Keep talking and keep exploring and eventually you will both learn what each other truly wants and enjoys and then the meeting people comes naturally.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

As mentioned try a local meet and greet. Our first was the best thing ever happened.  We have made some great friends as well as FWB. As we live in a small town and a very conservative state it's almost impossible to get invited to any parties if no one has met you. A membership in SLS or one of the other sites is just about a necessity. Which one is fairly dependant on your area. 

 

When we attended our first meet and greet my hands were so sweaty that I could hardly hold the steering wheel. Our nervousness went away after about 10 minutes. I think you will find that swingers by and large are very accepting group of people. 

If you decide to visit a club for your 1st experience take the tour. Don't be afraid to say that you are really curious and the staff should step up and give you a bit more direction.

It also depends on how adventurous you are from the get go. Do you guys observe and make decisions afterwards? Or do you decide to jump in with both feet.....on the deep end? We did the latter and have never looked back. If a list of do's and don'ts are helpful by all means start writing.

 

Be sure to discuss what happens after sort of a debriefing. Nervous anticipation is fine and doubt or regret isn't. This isn't for everybody. You BOTH have to want this. You hear about taking one for the team. This is on the same level as doing stuff you don't like/are uncomfortable with. 

Would you rather play together in the same room or separate rooms. 

 

Finally there are a great number of things I could list. If you are interested in a more in-depth discussion please PM me and I can send you contact info ?

 

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

On 10/24/2020 at 3:01 PM, njbm said:

Before you start your swinging career, make sure you are vaccinated for HPV. 

In order to be effective don't you get that vaccination well before you even start having sex -- like in your teens? 

[lcmim 1,082]

No.

The argument is that as we get older and have been sexually active longer there is a greater likelihood that we are already infected. The last I heard the upper limit now is 40 ish(?).I do not know if it allowed past whatever the point is. I am certain that insurance will not cover it.

 

At our age , pushing seventy, we are told that given a "normal" sexual history it is almost a lead pipe cinch that we have been exposed.

In the beginning they were only vaccinating girls just around puberty.

 

This stuff must be in really limited quantity or very expensive. I do not think there are down sides to being vaccinated if you are already a carrier. It just wouldn't do much good.

Also becoming infect at 18 or so has more risk than at 50.

 

[njbm 2,871]

14 hours ago, SW_PA_Couple said:

In order to be effective don't you get that vaccination well before you even start having sex -- like in your teens? 

Some people did not get the vaccine young.  It did not exist when we were younger.  Some say it’s not worth getting after one is sexually active, because you’ve already been exposed to HPV. But some people have had few partners. It may be of value to those people if they have not been vaccinated.