First Time for Both Nudist Couples, advice on doing it right

[NJnudist 2]

We are new to the thought of having sex with others and are open to it with only one couple. More for emotional sharing then just sex.  We are all in our early 50s and very comfortable in our relationship. Let’s start off with the fact that we and the other couple are nudists and nude vacation together and visit each other’s homes. We visit nude beaches and when warm enough just hang out naked. Naked hot tubbing of course. Let’s just call it all very vanilla nudist behavior. During the last year on weekend getaways we stated to share a hotel room to save money.  We figured why not, we have already seen each other naked.  The evening usually ends at some point with all in the same bed for a while cuddling and kissing a bit, naked of course.  So when we get together it almost seems like as a couple we are dating them. Our couple’s dates usually also involve switching spouses holding hands while walking and hugs and kisses.  More like kids starting out dating but not sure where to go next, sort of innocent. The usual grab here or there and pulling off the other person’s clothing for fun and taking (naked and clothed) pictures and videos of our escapades to laugh at later. 

 

The other couple have never had sex outside of their relationship either. So entering into something more sexual would be a first for each couple.  But it seems so natural that we would want to share ourselves more intimately with a couple that’s more then just besties. The latest was when we get another hotel room the other husband says “let’s just get one with a king size bed”! Everybody was good with that! Now our other vanilla nudist friends would have a cow if they think we are even considering dipping our toes on the dark side. 

 

So how did we get here to ask these questions? The other night at dinner the other couples wife said she saw a show on TV about Swinging and the people seemed so normal and not what she expected. The conversation ended not so much as we were uncomfortable with the topic but because we had a bit to much to drink and it was time to go.  Was this an opening line to gauge our interest?  Anyway this was the opening line with my wife the next day and to much my surprise she did not change the topic.  She said he’s someone I would Fuck if I had a drink or two and I said I would have no problem Fucking her too,  with that we each gave the other’s approval.  

 

What are our thoughts? The primary reason for sex is not just the sex but because we really like them; is that XR poly or is this swinging? Sex would not be the end game of each time we meet, It just happens when appropriate.  Does anything happen from here or are we overthinking it.  Its tough to imagine that two naked couples in a king size bed are not going to get more touchy feel after some drinks. So just want to be prepared if it goes to the next level and to make sure it’s a positive experience for all.

 

This board has been a wealth of info and the comments I have seen posted are all well meaning with no shaming or bullying.  Very refreshing to see this on a forum of this nature. So seems like a great place to ask questions and get an honest response.

 

So some questions;

 

I have read that you should not swing with friends.  But what if nobody has swung before? We love our friends and don’t want to lose them. We have lost touch with other friends over time for other reasons/changing reasons so don’t see how swinging is that much different as relationships mature and other friendships weaken. But understand that sex adds another dimension. Is our situation different then swingers trying to convert vanilla friends since we’re all vanilla.

 

Do I just come out and ask the other hubby about intentions? Let my wife take the lead in strip play?  So afraid to ask as don’t want to oftend either. I know if the girls lead it can be a better outcome. 

 

Understand that communication is key.  So you get to the moment you realize your going to be more intimate. But don’t want to ruin the mood. Do you pause and ask is everyone ok with this? How do you make sure no one feels pressured.  When do you talk rules or just be real sensitive to non verbal clues (I.e, closing of legs when moving down on the body). Don’t want to overthink this to a point where we don’t get past go.  Once we get to a point of a soft swap or some heavy petting the cats out of the bag and we can talk about options of staying at this level or going further.  Logical?

 

What are the logical baby steps; get more touchy in the same bed with your own spouses first time around to make sure one gets comfortable with the watch/ watched aspect. Perhaps some more touching and some oral next time. Want to gain everybody’s confidence so we don’t get to a point we’re someone feels left out or participating because they feel obligated. Or at this point we realize that a foursome may be a bridge to far and we are all good with that?

 

We would want to play in the same bed? Does moving to another room or bed cause jealously? Cause want to avoid that at all cost. 

 

Now a messy question.  Remember we are beginners, discussions  about cum.  I guess will want to make sure we have a towel handy but cum is going to fly.  Wet wipes? I’m sure the wife’s are not going to line up while the guys unload cum simultaneously into their open mouths (fantasy though) .  Both girls regard cum as a messy outcome and not keen on swallowing but do when it’s move convenient then cleaning it up.  So what’s it the proper cum etiquette for nubbies? As I guy I just don’t want to shoot  where I want, it’s about her.  Do I announce and wait for clues? I don’t imagine her giving oral and just pulling me in closer. Obviously if it was my wife I’d know what to do but different in a group dynamic.  Just play it safe and grab a towel to cum into?  

 

Ok say we are all four playing around. So hands are all over and I think there are going to be times when guy to guy incidental dick, hand, mouth, cum contact happen. Don’t plan on going bi but assume that’s just part of the game? Nobody weirds out at that stuff and it’s just more of a humorous after note I assume?  

 

When is the best time to have the “after” conversation?  After the moment reassuring everyone that it was all great.  Waking in the AM  further offering gratitude to the wonderful time.  Some funnier monuments relived to lighten the mood?  

 

Thanks all in advance!

Mr (& Mrs) NJNudist

[njbm 2,871]

If you are both into it, you can ask the other couple if they are interested. If they say yes, it could be fun. If they say no, hope it doesn’t hurt your friendship. Don’t expect them to say yes or no on the spot. Let them have time to talk about it. Privately on their own. Don’t push it or they may resent it. 
 

I recommend condom usage. I recommend HPV vaccination. I would wait till covid vaccines are available. 
 

We were nudists for many, many years before we became swingers. There are pros and cons to swinging. Nudism is far less complicated. 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome to the site! Great to hear you are already finding it informative and helpful.

 

Normally, I would be strongly saying that swinging with vanilla friends is a bad idea, especially with neither couple having any swinging experience.  But, I think your situation is a little bit different given what you have described the couple to couple relationship is already like. To some people, with the nudity, flirting, physical contact, etc., you already are swingers, of the soft swinging variety.  So, in this case, the "don't make swingers out of friends" rule maybe doesn't apply quite as much.  I'll still caution you though that you are risking the friendship. They may see everything you all do together as totally innocent, and taking it to an unabashedly sexual level is way beyond what they are comfortable with. Or, maybe they are thinking the same thing you guys are and this could be a great thing too, it's just hard to tell. It's risky though.

 

Given what I would call the "openness" of your existing relationship, I would just have a heart to heart talk about it. Doesn't have to have the seriousness of a boardroom negotiation, but I think you want to do it when everyone is relaxed but clear-headed.  I think that approach is way better than trying to set up a situation where it could just happen on it's own, like spontaneous that wasn't really spontaneous since two of you had tried to plan it that way. The "spontaneous" thing may very well work for one tipsy night, but if a long term thing is what you are after, then much better to have talked it through together ahead of time.

 

Same room vs separate room, a lot of different opinions on that. The majority seem to prefer same room when starting out, although we were in the separate room minority. Again, given the history with this couple, you all aren't in the same place as most people their first times, so I'm not sure it's really that big of deal.  I think just go with what feels right to everyone.  If one has strong feelings about one direction though, and the other three don't, then I'd take that as a sign that maybe things aren't just where they need to be yet and maybe just slow things down a little on the road to full swap.

 

The messy parts - we just handle that like we do any other time at home ourselves, have a towel handy, hit the bathroom after you are done, etc.

 

Incidental contact - we're both straight, and yeah, if all playing on the same bed, it happens. If accidentally touching his foot with your foot while changing positions is something that is going to freak someone out, then same bed play probably not the best idea.  But, it's not that hard to mostly keep to your own space, just really not that big of deal.

 

The "after" conversation - just play it by ear depending on the circumstances, when the time is right, you'll know it. Maybe have that conversation when relaxing with a drink after everybody is done the first time, or maybe the next day, or maybe next time you get together for dinner.  Trying to make it to clinical and forced is just going to feel uncomfortable.

 

You've asked a lot of great questions! That means you are really doing your homework on this and I think that is what it takes to be successful at swinging.  Anyone can get drunk and have a one-off one night, but those who go into it with eyes open tend to get the most out of it long-term.  Good luck!

[Shore2Please 611]

I think both of you are on the same page and neither of you want to be the one to say what is on your mind. You are nude, talking sex, even had some touching, you aren’t  teens wondering how to make the first move. The same conversations you are having, they are having. You already have so much in common, you already have a good friendship, you already have had sex talk, why not go to the next step? They are friends, what can happen? They could say they aren’t ready yet and you can make a joke or really be honest and say you understand and let them know the ball is in their court. Let them know there is no pressure and you will not bring it up again. If they agree to go to the next step let them set the ground rules, you can always add to the rules if you want. 

I wish our best friends gave us a signal as loud as your friends. Our friends are as vanilla as any couple, I think. I can only imagine how great it would be to add another dimension to our relationship. If only they gave us a clue or tiny interest in having fun, we would ask. Mr. S2P has said he would be willing to give a hint, I have asked him not to. They know we go to a nude beach and they never asked to join, maybe if they did we would give other hints. 

[J&Wu 408]

"The other couple have never had sex outside of their relationship either. So entering into something more sexual would be a first for each couple.  But it seems so natural that we would want to share ourselves more intimately with a couple that’s more then just besties. The latest was when we get another hotel room the other husband says “let’s just get one with a king size bed”! Everybody was good with that!"

 

It sounds like your friends are already thinking about more intimacy too, probably should just ask and then there is nothing wrong with starting cuddly and soft with your own partner. See where things go from there, I personally think best to keep it in the same bed, and good sex is juicy. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

While we don't believe that swinging with friends is a good idea (at all...the risk/reward is way too high), it sounds like they are in the same boat as you...not knowing how to move forward. Best way to approach this is to just ask. Usually, this is best accomplished with either just the two women or two men in private. You know, the 'hey, have you ever thought about...'. If it is a hypothetical question, then it doesn't mean that you are really asking, just posing a 'what if' and you always can back out if the response is one of shock or surprise. Bottom line, if you can't TALK about sex, how are you ever going to get over that hump that leads to sex (best Bevis and Butthead impression: ha, ha, I said hump).

 

First, consider the risks (knowing that all your mutual friends and family may find out what sex perverts you are) if things go wrong...and not just now, but later down the road if their relationship breaks up, and if you are good with accepting that risk, then bait that hook and cast that line and see if the fish are biting. Good luck and don't forget to report back.

[lcmim 1,082]

4 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

That risk is real even if the others are not friends first.

Once they know your names and any personal info.....

It is a risk we all know  we are taking.

 

 

4 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

 

"First, consider the risks (knowing that all your mutual friends and family may find out what sex perverts you are) if things go wrong...and not just now, but later down the road if their relationship breaks up, and if you are good with accepting that risk, then bait that hook and cast that line and see if the fish are biting."