How many men is too many?

[JessicaJamison 861]

So I stopped talking about the number of Guys I've had sex with a long time ago as it tends to shock people.  So this is a two part question.  

 

How many men can a woman sleep with before she is considered a slut?

 

What is the number of men that a woman could sleep with that would shock you or make you reconsider playing with her? 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

First off, it is not anyone's business but yours. we have no idea how many partners either of us have had. We enjoy sex and we like to play. We have been married 26 years and make love to only one person.

 

For us, that is all that matter.

[patrickmtn 21]

I would say many people are happy and eager to accuse someone of being a slut, no matter the number. This term has been weaponized for so long that it seems to have lost most of its punch power anyhow. Luckily, it seems to me that cultural norms are shifting away from these mindsets.

 

As far as considering someone for play or not, the explanatory power of numbers has little if any utility to me. They tend to give little insight into who a person is, and are highly flawed when it comes to predicting the quality or lack of quality an interaction is going to have. If a connection towards someone arises within me, it is there, high numbers or not.

 

Nice pillow! :) 

[discreetplay 235]

I've never asked how many men a woman has been with. I'm not sure there is a number that would be shocking. I would assume if the topic came up and a woman said "300" or "1,000". I'd assume she was in the lifestyle. 

 

To me, a more "shocking" number would be 1-5 for a woman in mid-life (30, 40 or so). My ex wife has been with 3 and she's nearly 40. She didn't date much and was focused elsewhere while in college. Then we married. Though the numbers were low, there was an explanation that made sense. I figure 

[Anon321 521]

I don't think there is a magic number if there is even a number at all.  Some people think being a slut is the number of people you have had sex with and others think it's the attitude of the person that makes them a slut.  The number might make no difference but if a guy takes his cock out of my GFs ass and puts it in her mouth he might say "wow you really are a fuckin slut."  Has nothing to do with how many guys she's fucked but rather the "slutty" act itself.

[Playman64 205]

True it is no one’s business, butt for me I find it erotic & arousing.  Especially a woman at play at a house party, just something about the number is just hot.   
I know for me in my younger swinging days before I got sick, I have had quite a nice high number from 25+ years of swinging as a couple & single. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

Although 'slut' is not a derogatory term as far as we're concerned, why don't people label men as "sluts" if they've had a high number of conquests?

[JessicaJamison 861]

13 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Although 'slut' is not a derogatory term as far as we're concerned, why don't people label men as "sluts" if they've had a high number of conquests?

Cause men made the scale and they decided they get to be studs and playas, while they reserved Slut and Whore for us ladies.  

[JessicaJamison 861]

1 hour ago, Anon321 said:

Has nothing to do with how many guys she's fucked but rather the "slutty" act itself.

While I agree that there are slutty acts, society labels promiscuous behavior as slutty.  The thing that made me laugh as I read that was that I do not have a lot of "absolute no's" in my sexual library, I've tried most things, and I have found a level of enjoyment in most activities, but I have two "not gonna happen" items on my list, and both involve things that were in my ass going in my mouth lol.  I'm a hard no on that so get your blowjobs and pussy up front cause once that dick has been in my ass it ain't going anyplace but in my ass.  So the anal is last no exceptions.  Now I do plenty of other really slutty things though.  

[couplers 4,615]

31 minutes ago, JessicaJamison said:

... once that dick has been in my ass it ain't going anyplace but in my ass.

Same for me/us except for a shower and some antibacterial soap.

[couplers 4,615]

11 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

How many men can a woman sleep with before she is considered a slut?

More than two per year since she first became sexually active.  Not my opinion, but that is what I believe most people think.

[JessicaJamison 861]

1 minute ago, couplers said:

More than two per year since she first became sexually active.

Well shit that ratio sucks

[JessicaJamison 861]

7 hours ago, patrickmtn said:

I would say many people are happy and eager to accuse someone of being a slut, no matter the number. This term has been weaponized for so long...      Nice pillow!  

I agree I have been called a slut since I was 13 and it has definitely lost its sting.  

 

And thanks this is my "hit them in the face with the obvious" pillow.  ??

[NWAtlSwing 522]

I do know at one party, my wife fucked 12 different guys, including me, a total of 15 times. She had a blast

[Playman64 205]

Over the years I have always treated women with respect, if they wanted to be treated like a queen or a slut I would treat them as such.  I have seen many classy women turn into wanton sluts at a party, when all Their inhibitions would disappear.  
 

We have left parties when guys would call my wife a slut or tramp type words.  
now maybe some late nights they would be.   

[JessicaJamison 861]

17 minutes ago, NWAtlSwing said:

I do know at one party, my wife fucked 12 different guys, including me, a total of 15 times. She had a blast

Well I also believe in most definitely having a blast, often. I've lived by that mantra since I was a teenager.   

[njbm 2,868]

After 100, stop counting. 

 

 

[J&Wu 408]

First of all, I love the photo album, all great especially the, "Hot Wife." I wouldn't call anyone a slut regardless unless it was a part of our mutual foreplay. I play with Ladies I like and I'm sure that I am not their only admirer.

[Billygoat 443]

I guess as swingers....living the lifestyle....the question is mute.   Sex play is desired, anticipated......and happens regularly.  Attitude....personality is probably more key.  If someone has issue cause that person fucks too much.....they’re in the wrong lifestyle.

[couplers 4,615]

14 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

I have been called a slut since I was 13 and it has definitely lost its sting.  

And it proves the point - you are a perfectly fine person, wife.  The word has not only lost its sting, it has lost its meaning.

[njbm 2,868]

If women are promiscuous, they are called a slut. Men are called studs.
 

I praise women who celebrate their sexuality. They are fully embracing life. No shame about it. Go for it!

[couplers 4,615]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

I praise women who celebrate their sexuality. They are fully embracing life. No shame about it.

I have my Catholic upbringing that still has its effect on me.  One time as Clair and I decided to have sex with Red, she took off her clothes and spread her labia for Red, asking him, "Do you know what this is for?"  It was a stupidly simple question with an obvious answer, but I thought "yeah, that's what it's for."

[lcmim 1,081]

Jessiaca wrote"What is the number of men that a woman could sleep with that would shock you or make you reconsider playing with her? "

Their once was a Lady who intimidated me because of her 'score".

Finally screwed up the courage to place myself in comparison to all the others.

We have truly struck up a relationship which is  a

love relationship. One which is supported by both my wife and her husband.

 

 That is , by the way one of the things that I am very thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.

 

Not saying I am the best. From what she tells me there are some who were spectacular. We just click.

[Sunday 119]

On 11/25/2020 at 6:48 AM, JessicaJamison said:

So I stopped talking about the number of Guys I've had sex with a long time ago as it tends to shock people.  So this is a two part question.  

 

How many men can a woman sleep with before she is considered a slut?

 

What is the number of men that a woman could sleep with that would shock you or make you reconsider playing with her? 

 

What's wrong with "slut?" ???

 

 

And good-fucking-god, who IS that hottie holding the hot-wife sign in the pic???

[EastInWest 1,524]

On 11/25/2020 at 6:36 PM, JessicaJamison said:

Well shit that ratio sucks

It's also a really meaningless way to interpret a woman's sex life, everybody goes through different "seasons".

 

I've known a number of women who enthusiastically went through dozens of men in their dorms, then settled down into stable monogamous married life like nothing ever happened. On the other hand, Mrs. E has fucked more men during her second marriage than she did before her first. The single woman we've played with for a while jumped on all the dating sites after her divorce, and it wasn't because she was trying to land a new husband.

 

People's circumstances change their confidence, openness, and needs, and so do our ideas about what's permissible - and how much people lie during or after as a result. It used to be widely assumed that a single woman was not having sex, and now it's widely assumed that a single woman is probably having more sex than a woman who has been in a committed, exclusive relationship for years. Either of those assumptions can turn out to be way off.

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

Recently, a popular idea has emerged that the key to becoming an expert was devoting at least 10,000 hours to the study and practice of a subject. In a 1993 study, researchers found that the most accomplished violinists at a music academy had spent an average of 10,000 hours practicing their instrument by the age of 20. Pop psychology author Malcolm Gladwell coined the phrase "the ten-thousand-hour rule" in his best-selling 2008 book Outliers.

So becoming a sex expert either takes a bunch of different partners or just one really devoted training partner (and lots of lotion and lube to help with all the friction involved). If you want to be the best, you have to put in the effort!

 

Finally: Anyone really asking where the number is going to make a difference to how they think of you isn't worth knowing.

[Alura 2,774]

Notice to "Sluts": For every man who disdains you, there are five guys who want to eat your pussy.

 

[2quirky806 52]

Being in the ls we don’t care about your number. If your down to swing then let’s swing and have a good old time. The only thing we are going to ask is are you clean and hard drug free also sober enough to make for consent. We are all hear for sex and having fun. If a number turns ya off in the lifestyle then your asking the wrong question. 

[JessicaJamison 861]

11 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

So becoming a sex expert either takes a bunch of different partners or just one really devoted training partner (and lots of lotion and lube to help with all the friction involved). If you want to be the best, you have to put in the effort!

I absolutely love this idea.  I've put in the effort lol.  

[Lee714 81]

On 11/25/2020 at 6:48 AM, JessicaJamison said:

So I stopped talking about the number of Guys I've had sex with a long time ago as it tends to shock people.  So this is a two part question.  

 

How many men can a woman sleep with before she is considered a slut?

 

What is the number of men that a woman could sleep with that would shock you or make you reconsider playing with her? 

I think it's more how the woman presents herself that would cause her to be categorized as a "slut". You could have the classiest woman in the world with a voracious appetite for sex, however I don't think that would automatically categorize her as a slut. Again, it's how she presents herself.To a large extent, it's subjective. 

As tot he total number of men slept with. one would have to consider the number of men over a stated period of time. I don't think you can automatically assign a definitive number.  

 

(Or have I overthought the subject, again?  )

[NWAtlSwing 522]

17 hours ago, Lee714 said:

I think it's more how the woman presents herself that would cause her to be categorized as a "slut". You could have the classiest woman in the world with a voracious appetite for sex, however I don't think that would automatically categorize her as a slut. Again, it's how she presents herself.To a large extent, it's subjective. 

As tot he total number of men slept with. one would have to consider the number of men over a stated period of time. I don't think you can automatically assign a definitive number.  

 

(Or have I overthought the subject, again?  )

No, you are not over thinking. It is 100% how the woman presents. The Mrs here loves to suck cock, and loves to suck a new cock. She adamantly is not a "slut" she just likes sex. To her, the term is pejorative.

[Alura 2,774]

I was reading posts on this day of Covid. I've been struck with a couple o' thoughts:

Aslut is Tulsa spelled backwards. I resent that even though I like sluts. Is irrationality far ahead?  I won't let it bother me beyond this sentence.

The plural of "spouse" should be "spice." Marriage might be even tastier. In either case, the spice might want to taste other flavors. don't ya reckon?

 

I agree with NWAtlSwing: you're not overthinking it.

[Jimbobloves to please 1]

On 11/25/2020 at 3:48 AM, JessicaJamison said:

So I stopped talking about the number of Guys I've had sex with a long time ago as it tends to shock people.  So this is a two part question.  

 

How many men can a woman sleep with before she is considered a slut?

 

What is the number of men that a woman could sleep with that would shock you or make you reconsider playing with her? 

You are fine I would love to be counted.

[Numex 2,409]

On 11/26/2020 at 12:55 PM, lcmim said:

Not saying I am the best. From what she tells me there are some who were spectacular. We just click.

Same with me and another wife in our group.  We share a number of common interests that we don't with our spouses.  We travel out-of-town together to pursue those.  It's an odd advantage of being swingers with them, there's the freedom to be alone with someone of the opposite sex who is not my spouse, because what could happen?  Sex?  We already do that in front of ech other. 

[hotwife70 593]

I wouldn't call a slut to my wife if she has been sex with more guys. 

[Redcarcpl 0]

Is a 39 year old woman who has had close to 150 since age 17 considered a lot? Too many? Undatable or unmarriable?

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

Don't Ask Don't Tell! I mean I have trust issues anyone so even if a women says she has only been with 2 men I'll multiply that by 3, in my head, and assume she is lying. On the flip side, I enjoy the company of women not afraid to embrace their inner slut so that wouldn't stop me from dating or wanting to play with her. 

[lovefest04 698]

5 hours ago, Redcarcpl said:

Is a 39 year old woman who has had close to 150 since age 17 considered a lot? Too many? Undatable or unmarriable?

150 is probably on the higher end for most people, so yes a lot. BUT to many? who's to say? I suspect she would have a really clear picture of what she likes and dislikes. If she can bring that to the table and help her partner understand how to best service her, then more power to her. I'd classify that as 'experienced'.

 

Undatable - not in my book

Unmarriable - not in my book

 

You go girl!

[Redcarcpl 0]

I appreciate your input lovefest. We have a great sex life because of her experiences and I don’t believe it would harm our future.   I’m curious though if a lot of other women have had this many partners but just don’t admit it. 

Edited February 4, 2022 by Redcarcpl
Added more comment

[njbm 2,868]

On 2/1/2022 at 11:29 AM, Redcarcpl said:

Is a 39 year old woman who has had close to 150 since age 17 considered a lot? Too many? Undatable or unmarriable?

My wife’s motto when we met was “What’s past is past.” We did not discuss old romances, sexual adventures, etc.  We didn’t want to be compared with previous lovers, etc. It worked for us. 

Flash forward 25 years to our swinging career. We have been more active than we ever were in our youth. We’ve seen most of the action each other has had. We are ok with telling each other about our partners’ skills or deficits. She gets mad (disappointed)if my female partner fails to be a good sex partner, which hasn’t happened much. 
 

We never focused on numbers, inches, etc. Sex is an experiential process, not a measurable one. 

 

[Aikibobby 51]

For us we have an issue with someone thinking negative of a woman when she has had lots of guys. Why is she considered a slut but a guy would be a stud or a player. If you are in the lifestyle then sex is your hobby. It’s what you and your spouse do for fun. If y’all fished together would anyone be worried about the amount of fish you caught or that y’all spent your life doing your hobby together?  “Get those numbers up there!!!”

[couplers 4,615]

This isn't my original thought (I read it elsewhere) but I agree with it: why does the number of different sex partners that a woman has had matter more than the total amount of sex that she's had?  Why is a woman who has had tame sex 1000 times with 150 different men over a fifteen year sex life deemed more sexually experienced than a married woman who has had kinky sex with one man 100,000 times in the same fifteen years?  What about the woman who has had sex only 1000 times and only with two men, but frequently had threesomes with them.  All this name calling is stupid.

[NoAngels 333]

Don’t ask, Don’t tell. 
I don’t know if it was a mistake to ask her how many men she has met on different sites. Over the years we kept our separate meetings to ourselves, I never asked. Now that we started talking about it I was wondering what type of men she was meeting so she shared her password with me. Together we logged into her primary account that she used to meet men. We went back six years and figured she met close to 50 men or appropriate 8 a year. It was way more than the numbers in my list of women I met. She allowed me to read the back and forth with the men which I found hilarious, I couldn’t believe it was the same woman. She told me the most men she dated at the same time was 3, and did meet 2 of them on the same day. 

[Blackwolf 56]

On 2/4/2022 at 10:10 AM, Aikibobby said:

For us we have an issue with someone thinking negative of a woman when she has had lots of guys. Why is she considered a slut but a guy would be a stud or a player. If you are in the lifestyle then sex is your hobby. It’s what you and your spouse do for fun. If y’all fished together would anyone be worried about the amount of fish you caught or that y’all spent your life doing your hobby together?  “Get those numbers up there!!!”

Exactly/ my wife and I play a lot, we are always trying to up the numbers. Sex is a hobby and we love it!! 

[couplers 4,615]

On 11/29/2020 at 9:11 AM, EastInWest said:

I've known a number of women who enthusiastically went through dozens of men in their dorms, then settled down into stable monogamous married life like nothing ever happened.

Yes, also hubby (with my permission) played (separately) with two single women who are now married.  We are vanilla friends with them.  Their husbands, who know that in the past my husband had a sexual relationship with their wives are fine with it.  One is comfortable talking about it, not the sex per se, but when we met, how we met, where we traveled...  So even vanilla people, men even, aren't necessarily put off by a woman's past.

Edited May 30, 2022 by couplers

[enhancer 1,584]

I don’t ask women how many men they have had sex with, because it is none of my business unless they choose to tell me and I don’t really care!  Besides I like women that like sex and know what they want and don’t consider them a slut, because they do.  I actually prefer women with more experience with multiple partners.  They tend to be more skilled, because like anything the more experience you have with something the better you are at it.

[couplers 4,615]

Why does it matter how many different men a woman has been with compared for instance to how often/many times she has had sex with a few or one guy, and the kinky things she has done?  I consider Lora, Clair, and myself more of a slut for having the same few guys going at the same time with MFMs, FFMs, FFMFs, MFMFs, MFMMs, etc. than a woman who is a serial monogamist.  (Do FFs and FFFs figure into the slut factor?)

[MrMrsswinger 202]

As a couple people have said, the number isn't a big deal. Two 40 year old women, one married for 15 years and one not. The married woman was a virgin prior to marriage, has sex with her husband 3 times a week = 2,300+ times. The unmarried woman has a few new partners a year, averages sex once a week due to random dry spells every so often. Her total is 780 encounters, but 30 partners. 

 

Is the woman with the more partners a slut merely because she had different relationships over the same period? 

 

I don't really care how many guys a woman has been with. A big number would lead me to inquire because I bet there are some awesome stories to be heard. It wouldn't be a turn-off by any means.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

Interesting to read the various responses and opinions on this topic. We have very different takes than many of you.

 

Although we are swingers, we don't consider ourselves to be particularly promiscuous. Our attitudes about sex, and swinging, is that sharing more and more partners is definitely not better. While some of you feel that the "more you swing, the better you get", we really don't see it that way at all. We see it as less is more. Or, said another way, it's quality over quantity.

 

Sex is not an Olympic event. The physical part, while important, is not nearly as important as the mental and emotional parts. The largest sexual organ is the brain. The more and deeper you get to know someone, and the better they get to know you, the better the quality of sex. That only comes with a substantial investment of time and attention. 

 

Studies have shown, repeatedly, that sexual satisfaction is closely associated with the quality of the relationships. We wholeheartedly agree.

Edited May 31, 2022 by AndrewandAnn

[couplers 4,615]

13 hours ago, AndrewandAnn said:

it's quality over quantity.

 

13 hours ago, AndrewandAnn said:

The more and deeper you get to know someone, and the better they get to know you, the better the quality of sex.

I agree.  Each of us in our poly family has a relatively low number of sexual partners.  But we have plenty of sex and can mix it up with with the partners that we do have.

Edited June 1, 2022 by couplers