Swinging with spouse- were you jealous/territorial?

[Openmindedwife1984 2]

Hi everyone,

 

I’m a married female that is interested in expanding my sexual experiences as I married young. I have brought up the idea of doing some new things with my husband says he’s not interested in much. I don’t know if that’s for real or he just is afraid to share his fantasies and links with me. He isn’t a horn dog so I really can’t tell. 
 

He has a milestone birthday coming up so I was thinking about setting up something fun, like a threesome as an example. For some

Reason I’d be interested and comfortable being with another man but think I’d be super super jealous and territorial about bringing in another woman. I might be more warm to the idea of just oral or something, but full

blown sex is a hard idea to stomach.
 

I’m curious if other people have experienced this— was it not as bad as you expected, or did your worst fears come true after opening up your relationship? My fear is that he’ll like it more than me, and not stray, I think we’d stay together, but I might wonder if he will think about it or not like my body as much after he gets a flavor of something else. 
 

thanks for any advice!

[Jane1902 476]

With him not on board this will likely blow up in your face. You’re comfortable being with another man but not so okay with another woman. It’s a common double standard that works when couples have clearly communicated what will work for their dynamic. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality. My advice is to find some way to spice up your sex life with the two of you. The big C in swinging is communication. Also very helpful in everyday life.

How would you feel if he tried to plan a threesome with another woman, especially as some kind of surprise? 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

4 hours ago, Jane1902 said:

With him not on board this will likely blow up in your face. 

Um yeah. I agree. Don't do that

4 hours ago, Jane1902 said:

How would you feel if he tried to plan a threesome with another woman, especially as some kind of surprise? 

I am of the opinion that you guys need to talk first..... sitting across from each other at the kitchen table type of talk. NOT pillow talk! To be really successful in an open relationship you both have to realize that you need to give up the last thing that you could have kept secret, your sexual fantasies as well as your reaction to them. Swinging can be the greatest thing the two of you can share. Or it can burn your marriage to the ground.

In many cases it's the man who brings up the idea (not in our case lol) but there are tons of articles written about how to propose swinging to your partner.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Quote

I don’t know if that’s for real or he just is afraid to share his fantasies and links with me.

Until the two of you can openly talk about what your fantasies are, then you are not ready to try and act out any of them. Love, trust, communication (I've said it a thousand times), you can't have too much of any of the three and the more you get of any one, the more the other two grow. Talk to him and be ready to lay some of your secrets out into the open (start small and work your way from there). Ask him how he would feel about a threesome...both MFM AND FMF. As far as jealousy goes, the more you communicate, the less jealous seems to enter the picture. It all starts with talking so get started. Let us know how things are going and good luck.

[njbm 2,901]

Everyone is correct. You have to talk about it first. This is not a good project to spring on someone unless you want to see them storm out. 

[couplers 4,717]

On 11/29/2020 at 1:10 PM, Openmindedwife1984 said:

was it not as bad as you expected, or did your worst fears come true after opening up your relationship?

Having hubby fuck another woman was better, much better than I expected.  The thing that made it possible for me to overcome my jealousy was that I chose the girls; it gave me a sense of control.  The two great things about it was that the jealousy became my friend and made my relationship and sex with my husband was better than ever.  It also eventually brought out my Lesbian side which has proven to be both emotionally and sexually fulfilling.

 

It was a bit of a slow journey, however.  At first I didn't even get to watch them; later I watched but didn't participate; then I participated but no girl-girl play; finally, full-on Lesbian.  Different women have different interests.

 

On 11/29/2020 at 1:10 PM, Openmindedwife1984 said:

My fear is that he’ll like it more than me

It will be different, not better.  Be prepared, however, for him to want to play with his new toy often in the beginning.  That troubled me at first, but I was more disappointed when he began to lose his intense interest in her.  I found another girl.

Edited December 2, 2020 by couplers

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Sounds like you want to set up your fantasy - not his... Bad idea - all around.

[Openmindedwife1984 2]

Thank you all for the advice. I really appreciate it. I was thinking it wouldn’t be a great idea for us from a relationship sense, but was trying to spice things up and give him a new memorable experience, but I do think I’ll hold off for now, ans try to bring up some ideas when we’re chatting one day and see what comes up for both of us. I appreciate it again! 

[adamgunn 1,461]

Ah, now a different question. If you're looking to spice things up in the bedroom, I'd suggest the book, '101 Nights of Great Sex' by Laura Corn. It contains challenges for her and him to provide mystery, romance and teasing. Available on Amazon.

 

Best of Luck

[JessicaJamison 864]

So I was the one to bring up a full swap,, and the first time we swapped I'll admit I was nervous about seeing my man inside another woman.  But I felt hypocritical cause I had been hotwifing for two years at that point.  So I swallowed my concerns and went ahead with the night, in the end I found it super erotic, and we have never looked back.  We have our little ritual at the end of a night to reconnect with each other on a more intimate level.  

[ROCKlandCpl 452]

I was hesitant, nervous, high. My idea or his idea we needed to be sure and being during a pandemic was the cherry on the hesitancy. Finding the right couple for our first experience was my homework answering and asking questions of potential couples. Deciding on authenticity of couples was step one, step two was finding someone who was normal and being the woman I had to dance around way to pushy men. I think by the time we met someone being territorial was the thought that didn’t come into play. 

[MrMrsswinger 205]

Did I read the OP correctly? Your a married female, HE has a milestone birthday coming up and you want to set up a threesome...but you wouldn't be comfortable with another woman. So you want to give your husband a MFM threesome for HIS birthday? Sounds like a birthday present for you, not him. 

 

I agree with everyone else, unless you two can talk about whether you're into bringing a third, I would highly recommend you get him a nice bottle of whiskey for his milestone.

[Numex 2,459]

On 12/14/2020 at 9:41 PM, MrMrsswinger said:

Your a married female, HE has a milestone birthday coming up and you want to set up a threesome...but you wouldn't be comfortable with another woman. So you want to give your husband a MFM threesome for HIS birthday? Sounds like a birthday present for you, not him. 

Some guys, like me, are into that.  My wife and I started in the lifestyle by her hotwifing with some exes she had particularly enjoyed having sex with.   It made the transition into swapping easy for both her and me, because they were exes.