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Testdiva

Hubby's (soon to be) Ex-boss

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Ok... this is a little odd but have had a "thing" for hubby's boss for about a year and a half now.

 

And hubby is about to leave his job for another one...

 

Hubby is all ok with me being with other men (as long as it won't screw up his career and... taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.) So... is it like... OK after hubby quites and ilonger in a professional type relationship with this person??

 

BETTER question.. I don't even know if he's into this, though I do catch him staring a lot....

 

How do you tell someone... hey I just want to have a little fun with you?! If you are not sure what they are into or have no clue as to how to breech the subject...

 

Though part of me is afraid to pursue this at all... what if he were to react badly... or something... yeesh I don't know.

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I assume you have an open marriage based on your post.

 

Personaly I think it could be a bad idea to persue, at least without your husbands ok. Its one thing if the person involved had no relationship with your husband, but when that person knows him well AND was his boss it could lead to hard feelings I think.

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On one hand I would say that as long as your hubby is ok with it go for it. On the other hand even if your hubby doesn't work FOR this guy anymore he is still acquainted with him business-wise. And if by chance this guy is a talker and it gets out into your husband's business circle it could be bad.

 

In regards to the second part of your question about letting the guy know that you are interested. I would say let your hubby do it in a round about way. I assume they talk about things besides business. If so, have your hubby let it slip that you have this open relationship and see where it goes. Once he is aware of that then you can talk to him yourself and see where it goes. Just be careful.

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I think he *knows* I like him.. he just doesn't realize that its .. ok....

 

we flirt back and forth at parties a LOT.... (well, flirting in a way that would not be blatently obvious to anyone else there....)

 

at least.. I *think* we are flirting.. we are so careful I could be misreading everthing and seeing what I want to...

 

However.. I did get trunk and cop a fell one night... (he was drunk as well.. and never said a word .... so I wonder if he even rememebers.... not to mention he tries to pull me away from everyone else quite a bit... (show me new gym equptment in his gym... ) not to mention when he pulled his back last year.. he couldn't sit down.. but instead would stand up with his foot in a chair.. and.. (we were in a place with limited seating..) he made sure I sat in his chair and kept his foot between my thighs... THAT was .. probably a bit obvious.. but again nothing was ever said.. and by the time hubby and I got to the little get together Fred and the other 2 there had already wiped out a bottle of Jack... I would feel if he would ever flirt with me when he was NOT trashed

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I am going to offer a married woman's opinion based on what you have posted.

 

First, I do not see this as a swinging type situation. I see it as a lust for someone and the desire to "label" it as swinging in order to justify having sexual relations with someone other than your husband.

 

Secondly, all of your "flirting" encounters have been in an alcohol induced state.

 

Third and last of all, where is your husband when all of this is occurring? Where does he fit in?

 

I could be entirely wrong, but I see this as an application for a license to cheat.

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If she has (as she said in the first post) the ok from her hubby, how is it cheating?

 

I do agree that since all of the "flirting" encounters have been alcohol induced that that is not a good sign under any circumstances. But at the same time, it could just mean that there is interest there and the only time he feels that he can "get away with" showing that interest is if he has the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on later, if anyone were to confront him on it.

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Hold the show here a minute , is this guy married ? your husband say's ok but does his boss have a wife who would feel differently .

 

Let me give you another thought , Are you swingers or is this a first time out side the marriage encounter ? Your husband could have a motive for allowing this . Who has he been looking at ?

 

If it appears to good to be true , IT IS to good to be true , S and i are beginners in the life style but we do know it take a serious amount of communication before any thing is going to go right , also time to find who you are in the life style , it dont all just come to you in your sleep .

 

Frankly i think your steping in a mud hole and are going to land chin deep . Now if you are in the life style , you have had the long talks that are required and know what each other hope to derive from your pleasures OK , but i dont get that out of your post .

 

M :cool:

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If she has (as she said in the first post) the ok from her hubby, how is it cheating?

 

I do agree that since all of the "flirting" encounters have been alcohol induced that that is not a good sign under any circumstances. But at the same time, it could just mean that there is interest there and the only time he feels that he can "get away with" showing that interest is if he has the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on later, if anyone were to confront him on it.

 

I am just going to have to flat out disagree with you on this one Julie. Having been single for many years and seeing how different women act in an environment which is sometimes led on by alcohol, sometimes not, there are just times when you know that something is not all right in the "happy valley".

 

Heck I for one have "shown an interest" in some people I wouldn't ordinarily give the time of day to when under the influence of a couple of vodka and tonics. That didn't make me a swinger then, it just made me easy and more likely to make bad decisions.

 

I dunno, going with the gut feeling here unless the original poster can convince me otherwise.

 

Lori

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Which part are you disagreeing with me on?

 

The part where I said that it's not cheating if she has her hubby's ok. Or the part where I said:

I do agree that since all of the "flirting" encounters have been alchohol induced that that is not a good sign under any circumstances. But at the same time, it could just mean that there is interest there and the only time he feels that he can "get away with" showing that interest is if he has the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on later, if anyone were to confront him on it.
Unless I misread something she said that HE (the guy) had been under the influences during all of their encounters, she didn't say that she had. I'm guessing she's sober now and has been around him when she was sober. So she knows that HER interest isn't based on alcohol intake.

 

Of course, that doesn't mean that the interest he has shown her isn't. Since, from what I'm gathering from her posts HE is the one who has been under the influence during all of their "flirting sessions".

 

All that said, If he has shown no interest when he's sober, I'd say leave it alone. But I don't think that if she were to play with this guy it would be cheating or any less a swinging situation so long as she has her hubby's permission to do so.

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Well, I'm just a hick Okie, but it'd be my guess that any situation that has that much alcohol involved is not going to turn out to be a good experience. Avoid it as pure trouble.

 

Mr. Alura

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My position on the whole thing remains as I have posted above, specifically because of the alcohol involved, then throw in the possibility that there is a girlfriend/wife just makes it a bigger No-No.

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then throw in the possibility that there is a girlfriend/wife just makes it a bigger No-No.

 

Quite honestly I hadn't even considered the possibility of the boss having a girlfriend/wife. My feelings were expressed solely regarding the poster and her husband. When you throw in the above possibility, then it makes it all that much worse in my opinion.

 

Another thing that bothers me is the comment of "I have had a thing...". I know that I am attracted to other men/women in different ways, but I can't say that I've ever had a "thing" for them unless I was interested in more than just sex.

 

Just my opinion though.

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In my posts I was going under the assumption that this guy was single (all the way around) and that the original poster had enough respect for relatinships in general that if he wasn't this wouldn't be an issue. (I know sometimes I may hope that people are a little more than they are sometimes... but we still haven't heard otherwise either).

 

I would like to hear from Testdiva again to clarify some of the questions that have come up here.

 

I have stated from the beginning that the amount of alchohol that has been involved in this scenario is not a good thing (and thanks Lori for pointing out what I missed in that she was drunk in these encounters as well...) However I assume she wasn't drunk when she wrote out this post.. and has been around when they are both sober, to at least know that she is attracted to him without alchohol being involved.

 

There are really a lot of issues involved here that make this not a good idea. I think everyone has made points to that affect, but if Testdiva is set on doing this we would hope that she would use common sense and excersice caution in doing so.

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I, too, would like to hear back from Testdiva again as only she would be able to clear some of this up. It very well could be that I have barked up the wrong tree. I'll be willing to eat crow for dinner tonight if that is the case.

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I think there are several issues on the table here, Tesdiva.

 

1) This is hubby's boss. Consider this an extension of the tried and true "no office affairs" concept, made even more stringent by the fact that you are the wife of an employee

 

2) and, as was said earlier, you have no clue how much will information will find its way into your husband's business circles, so it could follow him wherever he goes.

 

3) Finally, I must agree with OhioCouple and Quin...you are looking for an excuse to cheat under the cover of your open relationship. Forget the whole influence of alcohol concern. Forget even, that you have hubby's permission. I see the real issue here being that your husband's boss makes you just a little too horny and you are investing just a little too much time trying to figure out how to get away with having sex with him. I believe that it is possible to want sex with a particular person just a little too much. When it's recreational, it's one thing, when it borders on obsession, that's another.

 

4) Add this to a potential unknowing wife, in the background, and you have a total deal breaker in my book.

 

My advice, for the sake of your husband's current and/or future career and possibly your marriage... chalk this up as a really bad idea, drop the obsession and move on to a better choice.

 

As an aside, you said in your original post:

 

"Hubby is all ok with me being with other men.. (as long as it won't screw up his career and.. taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.)"

 

but you didn't indicate that you swing together. Perhaps you should have a frank discussion about how you both really feel towards swinging and/or open marriage and consider making it a shared bonding experience rather than just an open door policy?

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I think that everyone is overreacting to her original post. What should be done first and foremost is for her and her husband to discuss her feelings about his boss. If they have an open relationship and everything is ok based on their relationship and whatever type of relationship his soon to be ex boss is in and they are both sure that it will not affect his future business/employment picture then she should approach the boss at a time when both of them are SOBER and just quietly and with decorum explain that she is attracted to him and also explain that she is only doing this with the ok of her husband and not behind his back and nothing will be hidden from her husband. Then see what happens.

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I am the Husband of testdiva.

 

 

I am going to offer a married woman's opinion based on what you have posted.

 

First, I do not see this as a swinging type situation. I see it as a lust for someone and the desire to "label" it as swinging in order to justify having sexual relations with someone other than your husband.

 

Secondly, all of your "flirting" encounters have been in an alcohol induced state.

 

Third and last of all, where is your husband when all of this is occurring? Where does he fit in?

 

I could be entirely wrong, but I see this as an application for a license to cheat.

 

Not too sure what the difference is in gaining justification on having sex with a person other them me is... but I thought it all fell to the same category...

 

I am usually sitting right there. Hell, it is usually at work parties where most of this has happened.

 

Next, why doesn't anybody ask if we are moving to another town and then ask the question if he will still be in a profession connection in any way with me... to tell the truth, I am moving roughly 400 miles away and there will be no possible way for there to be a professional connection.

 

Next just to fill you all in... my boss is not truly my boss... he is the manager of where I, work but he does not fall truly in the category of my boss... he is just a higher position in relation to where I work, which will make him my boss's boss, and that is the only connection to where there is a problem.

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wow... lots of... stuff here....

 

*I have not been drunk on every occasion.*

 

and, after asking my husband about it.. neither was he....

 

I was drunk on one occasion though.. he just drinks a little more often then me.

 

He is not married, and we don't know of any girlfriends.

 

As far as the insinuation that my husband has some kinda ulterior motive.. he never has before... if he did I would figure he would tell me. We have never been much on dirty little secrets...

 

I am gonna GO EAT... I will come back and weed through the rest in a bit.. just wanted to let you know I am here and I can hear ya!

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Thank you both for coming back in and clearing up some of the questions. It's often hard to give advice when you don't know the whole story and there are a lot of factors that make up that story and determine what that advice should be.

 

Please don't take the comments to heart. Sometimes we fill in the blanks with our own assumptions and those can be wrong at times.

 

So you are changing jobs and the two of you are moving to a new town and want her to do the boss before you leave? Did I gather that right?

 

If so, go for it.

 

Sounds like she has already talked to him a bit, at least enough to determine that his interest wasn't solely alcohol based. Have you told him of your interest?

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nah, we didn't take anything to heart... there were a LOT of little details that I never really thought about giving out... his marital status and all... since I would never "party" with a guy who was cheating it was a non-issue for me and... I just did not even consider that in the mix. I guess I never considered that as a possibility (the "swinging" with a married person whose spouse was in the dark...)

 

I guess the best way would just be straight up and quit with the strange back and forth games.... (don't get me wrong.. games can be fun but this is just getting crazy.) Though Tiger has been telling me for the past year that this person is my "forbidden fruit" -- in other words "Everyone wants what they can't have... so if I got what I wanted... would it really be as good as I have managed to build it up to be...

 

Honestly if we did go for it.. I would not wanna be him... seeing as I have some pretty hefty expectations (LOL) I am thinking this is one of those things better left as fantasy cause I'd be AWFULLY disappointed were he not to live up... As far as "obsession" I don't think I am obsessed or anything.... I just really get turned on by 3 things... (ironically) he is older - around 50 or so... pretty much bald and HARD as a rock...(I mean.. everywhere not just THERE :eek: THAT is what I like! can't really explain it.. but you don't find many men that fit into all three of those really... (however, Tiger says.. "at least I don't have to worry about getting older and losing my hair..."

 

We are gonna just kinda chill a bit and just see what happens at the next - and our last - little party. We'll see...

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Testdiva and Daddytiger,

 

Thank you for coming back and filling in some of the details. Often people will pose a question and then will not return to fill in the blanks.

 

My opinion has totally changed regarding this for many reasons. This person is not really your husbands boss, he isn't married, your husband is aware of your feelings, (ya'll give me the warm fuzzies for responding together!), and can't remember but I think one of you stated that you were moving from the area.

 

That said, here is my new take on this. I think you are wise to hold off for a bit. My reasoning for this is that I've had a couple of encounters with men that I have had the "hots" for. This was tho, back in my single days. Each event turned out to be sorely disappointing. I suppose that I expected a whole lot more than what I got.

 

In swinging tho, the experiences and my feelings are quite a bit different from my single days. I am very turned on by many things that makes some of the men so very attractive. Maybe it is the way they interact with their wives/girlfriends or the respect they have with all women in general. (not saying the others did not, I don't know and didn't bother to find out, nor did I care back then. I just wanted it and I had to have it now. Lust pure and simple.)

 

Now, I enjoy the "dance, romance and friendship", which leads to higher levels for myself and my husband. :)

 

Too each his own though I suppose. Some can just go out do it, get it over with and go on. That just isn't our thing, but like all things where swinging is concerned, it is whatever works well for you.

 

Lori ~ Who is eating crow tonight.

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No worries like I said lots of gaps....

 

and also as I said.. I would REALLY hate to be disappointed..... but... I suppose sometimes just the "end of the conquest" so to speak is satisfaction in and of itself... Honestly, part of this I think is my own ego... I want to just to see if I can.

 

Now I have thought on this for a bit... and felt bad for a bit thinking.. "Am I using him to get some kinda ego boost?" but then realize... "Wouldn't he be using me to get off and maybe get a ego boost of his own?!" .. so, its give and take... really....

 

As I said though, if it happens it'll be one of those spontaneous things.. I think my husband walking up and saying "Hey.. my wife REALLY wants to fuck you." would just be a BIT much in the way of PRESSURE... hehe :)

 

Honestly I wanna work out with him... that's his "thing" so... if I could get in his gym... **smiles** (Besides! its the ONE thing we have in common!)

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Testdiva,

 

Short story for you. Well maybe not, since I am not well known for brevity.

 

There was a fellow that I absolutely lusted after for nearly a year. He was the build, make, creme de la creme of all men. Perfect in stature and physically everything I thought I could have ever wanted. We worked in the same office building and every time I saw him my heart pounded. If by chance he would give a passing glance my way, I would become so wet that a couple of bath towels couldn't sop it up. And heaven forbid if he spoke to me AND smiled when he did so.

 

Eventually I could no longer stand it and sent him a card via office mail letting him know that I had an interest in him. We began to date and goodness the first few dates were really great but were strictly limited to kissing and hugging, some feeling around. Highly erotic and enticing indeed. Finally, when the time came and we got down and on it..I was severely disappointed. Turns out that his interest was more in his own sexual gratification than mine. (I am being kind here.) It took me nearly a year to dump him, being the nice gal that I am. (I tried to give him time to make up for it.)

 

The point here being that I would have rather had the absolute all out hots for him the rest of my life and lusted after that fantasy, rather than knowing what I do now.

 

Lori

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I am not sure if all your various warnings about him possibly "sucking" hit home or what... but I went over their ... did my little workout... (little hell.. I am SORE... he "helped me" work my calves on his calf machine... and after that I really wanted my husband to CARRY me home and just toss me in bed... and TODAY (2 days later) I can barely stand up! OUCH! (However, there is something somewhat sexy about a man standing behind you saying ok come on... up on your toes there.. 45 more!! well... actually no... there's not... by the time I was done I was sweating like a PIG(LOL) Fortunately.. so was he and hubby... so their horrid smell covered mine right up!

 

By the end though I was... just NOT turned on.. not at ALL... (which is kinda odd generally after a workout at home I am tired... but not DEAD! However... I think I kinda went numb too... the idea of being turned down does not sit with me too well. I have a delicate ego.. what can I say :)

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On 10/27/2002 at 3:47 PM, Testdiva said:

Ok... this is a little odd but have had a "thing" for hubby's boss for about a year and a half now.

 

And hubby is about to leave his job for another one...

 

Hubby is all ok with me being with other men (as long as it won't screw up his career and... taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.) So... is it like... OK after hubby quites and ilonger in a professional type relationship with this person??

 

BETTER question.. I don't even know if he's into this, though I do catch him staring a lot....

 

How do you tell someone... hey I just want to have a little fun with you?! If you are not sure what they are into or have no clue as to how to breech the subject...

 

Though part of me is afraid to pursue this at all... what if he were to react badly... or something... yeesh I don't know.

Well if huby is ok with other men perhaps you ask him, will it come back on his work or  is the tie cut good. He may have fun if you do see if the boss is interested. One thing I loved was being around someone that was screwing my wife but they thought I knew nothing about it. Huby might like it , you n boss will. And if you normaly lplay alone you can have that hidden kick.

 

 

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Oof. So, I'm reading this thread with interest, and am considering a response to the OP...only to realize this thread is ... ____20____ years old. The OP's kids are probably grown and swingers in their own right 😄

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On 7/14/2022 at 7:38 PM, bbarnsworth said:

I'm reading this thread with interest, and am considering a response to the OP...only to realize this thread is ... ____20____ years old.

In an environment that rapidly changes in many ways, reading old posts here or stories from millenia ago makes me realize how little our sexual desires and kinks change.

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On 7/14/2022 at 7:38 PM, bbarnsworth said:

The OP's kids are probably grown and swingers in their own right

One of those kids isn't his.😉

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On 10/27/2002 at 1:47 PM, Testdiva said:

Ok... this is a little odd but have had a "thing" for hubby's boss for about a year and a half now.

 

And hubby is about to leave his job for another one...

 

Hubby is all ok with me being with other men (as long as it won't screw up his career and... taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.) So... is it like... OK after hubby quites and ilonger in a professional type relationship with this person??

 

BETTER question.. I don't even know if he's into this, though I do catch him staring a lot....

 

How do you tell someone... hey I just want to have a little fun with you?! If you are not sure what they are into or have no clue as to how to breech the subject...

 

Though part of me is afraid to pursue this at all... what if he were to react badly... or something... yeesh I don't know.

My wife Tits has had sex with several of my bosses and about five of hers!

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10 hours ago, Rock n Tits said:

My wife Tits has had sex with several of my bosses and about five of hers!

Some people like that dynamic.  Do one or both of you enjoy it because of the relationship? 

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      What do you use for an opening email to people you are interested in online?
       
      My goto is something like...
       
      'Hey read your profile and thought it was interesting!
       
      We are a friendly, outgoing professional couple having fun with this.
       
      Take a look at our profile and let us know if there is any interest.
       
      Good luck on here, and in the life style'
       
       
      What do you think?
       
      What do you use?
       
      What have you found successful that people like?
    • By findinganswers
      We too have been going to Sandy Hook and enjoy being with friends nude. Our friends introduced us to swinging and nude bathing, think their is a correlation, not all nudist are swingers.

      Recently while walking with my wife I saw a woman I work with walking with another woman. I am not sure who felt more awkward, me, my wife or the coworker. Neither of us have been to the office since the pandemic which led to extended conversation neither of us bringing up the elephant on the beach. 

      We are both senior management, work together but as equals. I don’t know much about her personal life, our office contact is purely professional. There is no way she wasn’t checking me out as I was trying not to be obviously checking her and her friend. 

      I am sure what happened, seeing a coworker or neighbor is nothing new. Lucky we are still on remote work from home and we won’t soon be in that awkward situation of being in the office together.

      How have others handled the unplanned sighting? Do you acknowledge the meeting back at work? My wife keeps saying she bets she swings. I say no way. 
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