When your first is an online couple

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

We are new to this and I wonder how most couples feel that first time meeting. 

I read that couples have gone to clubs, met a random couple, had a friend start. Everyone had to start planned or unplanned. 

We started by joining a match site that we paid to join. I’ve read many on here are members of that site. Going back and forth crossing off frauds, single men, men masquerading as women and couples and many couples who just didn’t interest us we finally made a date. Meeting a couple for sex during a pandemic and we all decided to come to an outdoor restaurant with proof of negative Covid tests taken that week. We were happy to finally meet and they were the people who were the people they said they were. 

Before the meeting they asked us what we were looking for, we didn’t have an answer other than looking for a no pressure evening. I never thought about what others do or how to break the ice. I was honest that it was a thought that we discussed during quarantine. We talked about going through changes and how it was with me. She understood the way a man can’t. The pros and cons, the therapies, the sweats and other physical things. I told them things I don’t discuss with my friends. 

At their suggestion we went home to talk and make sure. I thought it was a way for them to bail on us. The next day she called me to say they had a good time. It was a call after a first date call which amused me. The call went on for almost an hour, her telling me about others they met and then decided not to meet again. She bragged about her husband and what a great guy he is. One thing I wasn’t ready to be asked about is if I was bi curious. I did not have that on my profile, yet it was something I saw in almost all the swinging porn we watched. My answer was the truth, I don’t know what I am. 

We did meet them again and we had a very memorable time. I just wonder how other couples met and how the meeting evolved to having sex. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

There are many answers to your implied question. The method you suggest is an on-line contact, a first meet to see if there is chemistry, then another meet for the purpose of sex. This is very popular.

 

Another way is for a couple to meet another couple and then go straight to sex.

 

Another way is to meet at a swinger club or house party and go straight to sex.

 

These three seem to contain most of the swinging activity, but there are others, such as going to resorts or on cruises, picking each other up at a bar or casino, etc.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We refer to it as 'quality' (FWB) or 'quantity' (just meeting to have sex). While there is no right or wrong here, we are of the quality side. We are looking for other people that we click with and can have a friendship that also includes sex. We also have in our profile that the first meeting is no pressure and that sex isn't on the table. That it is best to just meet and see if there is any connection (you will learn more in 5 minutes than you could in 5 years of phone/email/texting), then allow us to talk with our partner and see if they feel the same. After that if everyone is still interested, the second meeting is arranged...but that doesn't mean that sex is expected. Friends first, then sex is our way of doing this. One thing, however, is if the other couple can't talk about sex to others...well, it usually means that they may not talk about sex with each other (and that's a red flag for us). As for the rest of what you said...we have had to wade through all of the same stuff and have more than a few stories about couples we have met...once.

 

Bottom line: decide what it is you are both looking for and then look for it together. Whatever you decide is right for you...well, that's what is right for you. Have fun!

[Idahocouple6969 294]

56 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

 

 

Bottom line: decide what it is you are both looking for and then look for it together. Whatever you decide is right for you...well, that's what is right for you. Have fun!

This is the best advice you can get. And it really applies to the whole LS too. I usually start a conversation online and my wife makes the final arrangements. We meet for drinks and if there is a spark we are good to go. While we have made some really good friends in the LS we are in it for recreational sex. So when we do meet for drinks it's for sex. We meet in a public place and get a hotel room for the 1st encounter. A house party or a club is different. There you have to make a snap judgement on how you feel about the other couple.  

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

5 hours ago, adamgunn said:

There are many answers to your implied question. The method you suggest is an on-line contact, a first meet to see if there is chemistry, then another meet for the purpose of sex. This is very popular.

This is the way we approached our meetings, my real question is after deciding to meet for sex play how do you transition from socializing to actual play. When we were younger and dating there was foreplay, kissing, touching and undressing. It was a natural progression that I and my date both knew the outcome. I felt inadequate in know what we were supposed to do or how to respond. I know now my husband was hesitant as well. Fortunately the couple we met was better equipped to handle the situation and lead us. After the fact I told my husband that I felt foolish and showed my unworldliness, to which he thought I was overly nervous and they thought it was fine and I shouldn’t worry

 

3 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

That it is best to just meet and see if there is any connection (you will learn more in 5 minutes than you could in 5 years of phone/email/texting), then allow us to talk with our partner and see if they feel the same. After that if everyone is still interested, the second meeting is arranged..

That is the method we agreed on. After our first meeting I never thought they would be interested in us. I think I was not as much at ease as they were. I couldn't be me, I was who I thought they wanted me to be. I didn’t want it to be an interview even if I wanted to know all about how they got to this place. How did they start, why did they start, and if the are still meeting anyone they met before. I wanted to ask specific questions and didn’t think it would be right to ask. Our first meeting was limited by the restaurant to two hours, Covid rules and the need to turn the table. We did get to know them, their vacations, what they like to do outside of swinging. I felt they were like us in many ways. The one thought I kept in my head is how were we going to get naked and have sex. He came across as real yet did I want him in me, could I let him? They did not come off as sex crazed or weird. Were we the weird ones? Why was I expecting weird? 

My husband was more pragmatic and thought they were an excellent couple, smart, caring, good looking. Good looking, she was very pretty in the pictures so we knew that, I don’t think we would meet a couple, a first couple, if either of us didn’t think they weren’t attractive. 

 

My real question is how do couples get from point A to point B.  How do you get from social pleasantries to sexual activity? I for one felt shy even if I knew what the endgame was. We were new and I didn’t want to misstep or do the wrong thing. 

[njbm 2,868]

We tried various methods. Our latest plan is to meet a couple for dinners or drinks and make it clear that the meeting is vanilla. On the way home, my wife and I discuss if we are interested and we guess if the other couple is interested. 90% of the time, we know if they are interested. If one of us is a no go, it’s a no go. 
 

Soon thereafter, we ask if they would like to meet to play. We often invite them to our house, serve drinks and appetizers. We then ask them if they want to see a map upstairs with magnetic pins of where we have traveled. It is right outside our bedroom. You can guess the rest...

 

Even on cruises and vacations, we like to have drinks, a meal or a long hangout with a couple before sex. We don’t have to be overwhelmed, we just have to like them and know they are not totally out of their minds ( a little kooky can be entertaining).

Edited December 18, 2020 by njbm

[adamgunn 1,460]

5 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

my real question is after deciding to meet for sex play how do you transition from socializing to actual play. When we were younger and dating there was foreplay, kissing, touching and undressing. It was a natural progression that I and my date both knew the outcome. I felt inadequate in know what we were supposed to do or how to respond. I know now my husband was hesitant as well. Fortunately the couple we met was better equipped to handle the situation and lead us. After the fact I told my husband that I felt foolish and showed my unworldliness, to which he thought I was overly nervous and they thought it was fine and I shouldn’t worry

 

 

My real question is how do couples get from point A to point B.  How do you get from social pleasantries to sexual activity? I for one felt shy even if I knew what the endgame was. We were new and I didn’t want to misstep or do the wrong thing. 

This is a common question, a real issue. It happens to every swinger couple, and experience doesn't always provide education. You're sitting there as a foursome, everyone seems to be on the same page, but nothing is happening! What's wrong?

 

Someone has to make a move. It's really as simple as that. Some strategies that have worked for us:

 

- We're all sitting in the living room. I (the male host), suggest another round of drinks, I invite the other wife to help me. When we get to the kitchen, I touch her on the waist. In all probability she'll respond, we start kissing. We take our time, the other couple (my wife and the other husband) figure out what's going on, they start kissing. You can figure out what comes next . . .

 

- My wife has invited the other wife to come up to our bedroom on some pretext. When they get there, she suggests they both put on lingerie. Then they come down the stairs together . . .

 

- There are games to play. Strip jenga is popular, as is truth and dare. Once sexy things start happening, things loosen up . . .

 

Someone has to be bold and make the first suggestion. It takes a little courage, but without it, the party will break up and everyone will wonder what went wrong.

 

The best of luck.

[findinganswers 369]

Our first was not an online find, it was our friends. My belief is everyone doing this for the first time is not going to know how things are supposed to go. I was scared and I knew the couple very well. I can’t imagine going to a strangers home to have sex. You were smart meeting them first and getting to know them. 

Five years ago I posted a similar question, how do you go from conversation and drinks to undressing and having sex. Even with friends who were already swingers my heart was racing. I played out the scenario in my head plenty of times not knowing how I was going to react seeing my wife having sex. I was determined to focus on my own sex with our long time friend. 

My wife was the one who brought up the idea of doing this with her best friend. I figured she was going to be eager that night and I would just follow her lead. When the time came she looked like she was hesitant. Luckily we were with friends and we laughed and took time. I think I would be annoyed if the husband pushed but he didn’t. My wife’s friend was the one who made us comfortable. 

My advice is to take a deep breath and let the time flow. If you are comfortable with the couple you met, let them guide you. There is something you saw in them that attracted you, maybe their experience. If you become uncomfortable you can always stop. 

Good Luck. Did I say welcome to the board? Maybe you will share your experience with us soon. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

At some point we ask what the other couple is looking for. Second or third meeting we (being more experienced/comfortable) usually press the issue. Either one of us will say something or I will start 'exposing' Ms. Gold. As already pointed out, someone has to be willing to take that first step...we all know what we are there for, just take a deep breath and say 'so, anyone wanna start this?'.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I guess I should add that if a couple says that they don't play on the 1st date we usually pass. That's just us. I guess chatting online is sort of a 1st meet up but endless chats or hesitant to play is not what we are looking for. It's recreational sex for us, we want everyone to leave exhausted and satisfied. And if we make new FWB great. But sometimes it's just about the sex.?

[njbm 2,868]

51 minutes ago, Idahocouple6969 said:

I guess I should add that if a couple says that they don't play on the 1st date we usually pass. That's just us. I guess chatting online is sort of a 1st meet up but endless chats or hesitant to play is not what we are looking for. It's recreational sex for us, we want everyone to leave exhausted and satisfied. And if we make new FWB great. But sometimes it's just about the sex.?

We don’t chat through Facetime or Zoom, so pre-pandemic, we met people for the first time in person. More than once, people posted 10 year old pictures. We thought we were dining with our grandparents. So we are not ready to go before we meet, see and get to know people a bit. 
 

Also, sometimes one of us notices things about the other couple that the other did not. Like some space to discuss. 

[cplnluv1 871]

We know the problem with that first time meeting. We tried and tried to find someone who would fill our fantasy. Free accounts gets you what you paid for. Plenty of fakes and no shows. We went back and started with a brand new account and paid for it and still struck out. We had too many no shows leaving us with paid hotel rooms. Dinners and drinks just the two of us. 

Our first meeting with a couple was too easy to set up, for sure it was not going to happen. They weren’t married and the boyfriend agreed the women would play first. The pictures they sent were too good. They showed, looked like the pictures, she was sweet, he was someone we normally would have walked away from if we met them first. 

We learned from our early mistakes and promised ourselves to be sensitive to the needs and wants of couples we meet. Sure we want sex, not rushed sex. We like to start with girl play and we always ask if that is what they want. If agreed on Linda will put the wife at ease. She normally makes all the first moves then things just happen. 

[njbm 2,868]

Don’t pay for a hotel room till you are sure! I did that early in our career with a couple of other newbies. After HOURS of blabbing in a hotel lobby, we made a move by booking a hotel room and asking the other couple up to it. I took an ED pill in the bathroom. More talking, then they left! 
 

I think they were new and chickened out. 

[PSULioness 839]

I find the females will start most of the play unless it is a bigger party. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

They showed, looked like the pictures, she was sweet, he was someone we normally would have walked away from if we met them first. 

I swear we met this same couple. She was the nicest, cutest woman and he was a rude, dirt bag, lowlife. Luckily, we learned this quickly on the first meeting and while we would have loved her, we weren't going to do anything as long as he was involved (even if it was just watching). Ewwww...

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

Second meetings are a little easier if the other couple knows what they want to do. My husband and I are still hesitant to be aggressive and we both would rather have the other couple take the lead. I spoke to the wife of our first couple a few times when I wanted to see if they enjoyed our time together. Part of the calls was sexy and some was just general talk. I thought the calls went well yet I hadn’t heard from her again. I hesitated calling her again until she called first. My husband wouldn’t call the husband saying guys don’t make those types of calls. 

She did call me last week and apologized for not calling, snowed plenty and just got caught up doing nothing. She said they haven’t answered any ads on the site since we met and that they agreed that they didn’t need to if we were interested in meeting again. We talked about the hassles of finding new people who think alike. 

 

[TricianMike 772]

5 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

My husband wouldn’t call the husband saying guys don’t make those types of calls. 

Tell him guys do make calls and set things up. What would he say if you set a date up and he didn’t want to go?

 

It’s great you met a couple that you enjoy and they enjoy being with you. With the pandemic and most couples not looking to risk people they don’t know you lucked out. 

 

Did you finally find out how to start playing? It does get easier as you get comfortable with your own body. 

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

12 hours ago, TricianMike said:

Tell him guys do make calls and set things up. What would he say if you set a date up and he didn’t want to go?

 

12 hours ago, TricianMike said:

Tell him guys do make calls and set things up. What would he say if you set a date up and he didn’t want to go?

 

As we go into meeting others he said he would make calls til then he likes me do the talking. We make the decisions together to meet a couple and we usually agree if it’s a no go. 

 

12 hours ago, TricianMike said:

Did you finally find out how to start playing?

With this couple we had a very easy time starting this time. In my call with the wife she explicitly asked about me being open to playing for our husbands. She said she wasn’t sure how I felt about girl play I think she saw my shyness. She talked about toys they have been playing with. She assured me she cleans and sanitized her toys. She also told me if she starts and I didn’t feel good with it she would just go back to swapping only. 

When we met this time she had a bunch of toys out and said she had favorites. We started with her choice which broke the ice

[cplnluv1 871]

4 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

She also told me if she starts and I didn’t feel good with it she would just go back to swapping only. 

When we met this time she had a bunch of toys out and said she had favorites. We started with her choice which broke the ice

I agree with the openness of knowing what to expect as it takes away any unwanted play. 

We like to meet couples where the female is curious, it was the reason we started playing. I like that she assured you that stop is stop and no pressure to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. 

Now that I’m the experienced one, I will start the play with kissing, not every woman wants kisses, I don’t understand but respect wishes. From there I need to read signals, touching and being touched. Most women we have been with who are still exploring this new sex play never take the lead in touching. Most will follow the lead I show and then the ultimate move. I find the hardest part for a new curious woman is oral yet the all want the oral they may balk on giving. Some just can’t do it, some go very slowly and very few go right to it. 

Most acts just go forward naturally as you become more comfortable doing it. It will get easier without thinking too much, there isn’t a manual or step by step directions, it should flow with excitement.