First time walking in on your spouse and a lover
By
JessicaJamison, in Swinging Solo
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By 2TexasTornados
My wife and I have been married for 14 years and began our journey into swinging over 2 years ago. We have a model marriage, rock solid and exceptionally sexually charged. It all started when our best (vanilla) friends asked my wife to video them having sex, and she was shocked. We discussed it, and I really liked the idea. It didn't happen, but we began discussing our private fantasies. My ultimate fantasy is to watch her having sex with another man. That desire took us down the road to swinging. We found our first swinger couple online, and became full swap. Only rule: We play together; same room sex. On that bases, we're able to signal each other if anything negative comes up.
Fast forward to present day. We've had a mutual (married) friend that we've known since college (15 years). This summer my wife confided in the guy of the other couple that we were swingers. He thought the idea was tantalizing, and immediately started introducing the idea to his wife. Within two months all the ground work had been laid and I ended up giving his wife a massage that ended up nude and I had sex with her (completely sanctioned by our spouses). We were alone in the living room late at night- the other two had left us alone because I was working on my assignment. Upon notifying my wife and the other husband, they went directly to the upstairs bedroom and caught up. This stretched our same room swinging rule, but since we were introducing vanilla friends to the wide world of recreational sex it was acceptable.
By chance we had already planned a mutual vacation in Las Vegas for the following month. In all the hot discussions with our friends with new benefits we ended up negotiating an overnight wife swap. All three of them wanted it, and I decided since it was Vegas, lets try it all. One night became all 4 nights almost right away. I didn't want that, didn't like it, but I reserved judgement. I wasn't going to be the Debbie Downer of the group in Las Vegas. So we went ahead as planned. 4 nights of separate closed door sex. I couldn't believe I had gotten myself into.
Now my wife and her (boy)friend of 15 years have all but established our group as a polyamorous. They only play behind that goddammed closed door, and I hate it. I have the same privilege with his wife, but for me I only consider myself a NSA swinger. Not a closed polyamorous "I love you" relationship. My wife is in love with this guy, we see them on 6 week intervals (240 miles separate us) and I don't know what to do. It's so far along now that I'll destroy the friendship if I pull the All-Stop lever now. I don't see the other-wife that I've been assigned as being in the same attraction class as my wife. He, on the other hand is ga-ga over my wife, and they have talked up a bond that rivals my own marriage. She's admitted to me that they're saying their I-Love-You's behind that damn closed door.
I've imposed time limits on them now, 1.5 hours is it behind that door. My wife respects that and follows it, but I know she (they) want more and likely resent it. I'm iron clad on that, and have shut out all discussions about more time -> all night swaps again. If I had foreseen any of this when we started swinging 2 years ago I would have squashed it. But now I'm here, and I'm conflicted. I can suppress my (is it jitters? jealousy?), but it keeps popping up and I become moody over the worst case scenario of those two running off and starting a bakery together. I don't want to stop what's possibly a good thing, but my primary fantasy has been permanently removed: watching my wife enjoy sex with another man.
I've deleted all our swingers profiles on the lifestyle sites in protest. I might just passively remove myself from the group. I'm so afraid of damaging my awesome marriage over this. Tell me, what would you do?
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By kayjay2k
Wow, ok, where to begin...jealousy is tearing me (Mrs. Jay) apart. I've told my husband on several occasions that I am fine with everything and he has developed a very non-threatening relationship with another lady. I know her and we hang out on occasion and she is a great girl! She is not interested in women at all, so it has developed as just an awesome relationship for my husband. And she is completely aware of the situation and totally fine with what she has with my husband and actually knows that eventually she will move on and find a husband of her own.
Unfortunately I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of jealousy, which I never thought would happen and found myself trying to hide it... from myself first and therefore also from my husband. Over the last two months however, it has been rearing its ugly head pretty much every few days. And I have very badly jaded my husband by it. I didn't even realize that it was happening even though my husband on several occasions told me that it was likely the culprit.
I had another freak out session yesterday and have completely turned my husband off to me for the time being. I fear I am trying to hold so tight to him now that I just keep pushing him further away. I feel rather helpless and hopeless at this point. Any constructive advice would be great! (Please no, "you shouldn't have gotten into this in the first place..." We knew exactly what we were getting into.)
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By GingerBuckeye
So after almost 2 years of my wife being in the lifestyle we ran across some bad experiences and more common than not couples where we aren't fully compatible. So we brought up the idea of solo play one evening and how it would work and if there were any "rules" other than communicating before hand. you know, the usual stuff that all normal couples discuss in the lifestyle.
Well the next day my wife approaches me to tell me a few things. That she has a man that she is interested in playing with and that she has known him for over 10 years and before we met that they used to fuck regularly. She was single but he always had girlfriends that he could not stay faithful to. She had stayed in contact with him through social media and runs into him from time to time in public where he always asks if they are ever going to fuck again. She has always turned him down. This I know. But now that we have opened the door to solo play she would like to play with him because of familiarity and she feels safe.
So after more discussion I agreed that it was okay. I would like to play solo as well but has not seemed to work out because the female either flakes out or doesn't believe that I have permission from the wife.
The following week while she had the week off she texts me to say "He called me to see if I could come over is that alright?". I could not really refuse since I already signed off on the idea but did not expect it to happen so quickly. I feel like I had agreed to a situation where she wanted to see this man for a long time and it was just a matter getting me onboard or okay with it.
They spent day together breakfast, then to his house until late in the afternoon.
The idea of her being with someone else does not bother me. We've played numerous times with many couples. I have a few things that make me uneasy about this arrangement. I was first upset that it happened so quickly. I stated to her that I felt like she should have called me or talked about it before I left for work. It felt too convenient that he contacted her 5 minutes after I got to the office and a text to me felt very impersonal especially for our first encounter that was solo play. Additionally, he is not in the lifestyle. He has a girlfriend that is unaware of the situation. So he is cheating. As I said before they have known each other for over a decade and have had a casual sexual relationship in the past.
Am I just being jealous that every time I am away from the house and they both have the same day off, which is every week, that they are spending the day together. We talked that solo play would only be a once a month thing and that we would sort of schedule it days ahead like a date. This felt like more of a booty call or that it was planned ahead of time without me knowing.
And am I jealous that with my schedule solo play is difficult for me and that when I am home she is home too. So I would have to leave her home while I go on a date versus playing with someone while my wife is at work.
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By PlaytimeWifey
Hi there,
I'll try to keep this brief. Hubby and I opened our 17 year marriage about 4 months ago. We had been swinging on and off for 5 years. We discussed that if either of us met someone and developed feelings that we would be ok with them pursuing that poly relationship.
Well, I found him a lovely woman who is a great match for him right at the beginning of opening up. I asked him a couple of weeks ago if he was falling in love with her. He said...with conviction...no. OK then. One week later he totally blindsided me telling me that he told her he loves her. I was VERY unprepared for it. I became very emotional. He said that he was lying to himself and denying the feelings he was having and not trying to deceive me (I 100% believe him).
I believe in polyamory and hope to find a poly relationship for myself in the future, but now I'm finding myself super jealous of this relationship and I didn't see it coming (the jealousy). I used to get so excited hearing about the time he spent with her but now it upsets me. When it was "just sex" I was fine. What's wrong with me? Has anyone else navigated this successfully? I'm really hoping this is just a bump in the road.
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By Username87
So my wife and I had our first swinging experience last week. It started off as two couples just having sex in the same room and then we all agreed to swap partners. Knowing my wife’s concerns with jealousy I confirmed probably 7 times that it’s something she wanted to do and was comfortable with it. I know in retrospect this conversation should have happened before. We each had sex with the other couple twice and all was well and good until the next day. My wife is incredibly upset and regrets our decision. I fully support her decision that she does not want to do it again and have made it clear this changes nothing and love her with all of my heart. The helpful thing is we will likely never see this couple again as we met them on vacation in a different state. She struggles with the fact that I am not jealous that she had sex with another guy. In fact I told her it turned me on. I no way is she blaming me or the other couple but she’s really hurting. Any advice? Or do I just continue to let her know I’m here for her and let her go through the grieving process? Thanks.
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