Are we really that far off the bell curve?

[ALCurious 5]

I'm a 39yr old guy, and after decades of observing how sex is talked about and portrayed in society and with my friends and what I hear from my wife's friends I am truly wondering what the deal is with me/us. Not in a bad way, just...different from what is portrayed as the norm. 

 

So, I can come 3-4 times easily, without need for a refractory period or going limp (after number 3 things start feeling kinda weird, and it's hard to cum again, but I stay stiff and can keep going).

 

 We almost always have simultaneous orgasms from P in V sex, she never has problems cumming without direct clitoral stimulation and cums almost every single time at least once per each of my orgasms (this was alto true with my only serious sexual relationship before marriage). She also says this (P in V) feels by far the best and is the most satisfying kind of orgasm, even over various toys or squirting or whatever. This has been true for every position we've tried (and we've tried quite a few), and was also true with my previous partner.

 

What's the deal? I hear all these statistics about how hard it is for women to orgasm at all, let alone through penetration only, and about how guys have a hard time cumming more than once without a significant break, or how women have to fake orgasms, or how they prefer getting oral to being fucked, and it's all in direct contradiction to my personal experience. 

 

We're both pretty healthy, we like each other a lot, are very physically attracted to each other, so I'm sure that helps. But still - anyone else have questions about this kind of thing? It just feels weird to be living a sex life that's in contradiction to what's apparently going on around me. 

 

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts/experiences.

Edited January 27, 2021 by ALCurious

[njbm 2,869]

You are off the charts. Both of you. Enjoy it while it works. Do you play with others?

I am presuming truthfulness and not trolldom to tease the swingers. 

[findinganswers 369]

My big question is how man times did you cum while posting this? 

 

Did you stop typing after each orgasm to regain your thoughts? 

 

Did you use F to T (fingers to type) or V to T (voice to text)?

 

What made you join a Swingers board to post your prowess for your first post?

 

Welcome to the board!

[Anon321 522]

I don't think you're as far off as some people are saying.  I have a friend that can stay hard and cum multiple times.  It's certainly not the norm and it does make me a bit jealous but it's not unheard of.  And my GF cums quite frequently from vaginal intercourse without clitoral stimulation.  That's not to say she doesn't prefer some clitoral stimulation but she doesn't need it to orgasm.  And she prefers vaginal sex to oral sex, masturbation, etc.  Everyone is different.  You two might be in the minority but I can assure you that you're not alone. 

[njbm 2,869]

1 hour ago, lovtosuc said:

at 39 better enjoy it while you can, it's about over for you anyway

I recall vividly wanting to start swinging at age 43 due to a slight loss of libido.      

[ALCurious 5]

Yeah, sorry about the just showing up out o nowhere and asking questions. I'm not trying to show off or anything - this is totally anonymous for me so what would be the point of that? Definitely not trolling. 

 

We're not swingers, although we have been to a swingers club and really enjoyed just checking things out and talking to people. I think people who are unashamed and unafraid of sexuality are admirable and a helpful resource, to be honest; that's why I'm here.  And, like I said before, because the general representation of sex in our culture is completely unrelated to my experience so...it just makes me curious.

 

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

[barefoot_so_goo 46]

I'd say you're on the right side of the bell curve for sure, but maybe not on the extreme edge. I've found a lot of variation, but for the most part the swingers and alt-sexual types I've been around tend to have higher performance because they're less inhibited, have fewer hangups, and maybe most importantly have supportive partners.

 

I may have been as performative as you in my teens and 20s, but didn't have an outlet for it then, so who knows. When I started experimenting in my 30s, I could climax 3-4 times a day still, though I'd have to rest at least an hour between. I was also on trazodone, which I'm sure helped with great erections. It probably 'interfered', if you want to call having to take a break after 30 minutes or so a problem--I just started to lose feeling. I liked having the break and none of the women complained, and I don't remember any complaints about finishing later.

 

By my 40s it was slowing down a little, but I'd gotten a divorce and so was highly motivated. Women at swinger parties would be impressed that I could have two orgasms a night, though this was a lot harder bc of the condom. Dating, I remember several women that we wouldn't get out of bed all weekend. By my mid-40s, it was a lot tougher to get there more than 3 times over a day, and I'd often have nothing until late the next day. But it was never a problem with the people I was around, even people half my age.

 

I'm really interested to know how well people in their 50s and 60s perform, so i know what to expect. I'm just 50 and once a day is where I've been for a while, but haven't been swinging in several years.

[PSULioness 841]

On 1/27/2021 at 3:47 AM, ALCurious said:

So, I can come 3-4 times easily, without need for a refractory period or going limp (after number 3 things start feeling kinda weird, and it's hard to cum again, but I stay stiff and can keep going).

Sounds like bragging and trying to impress people on here. I don’t know if you are off the bell curve as I know many men who can go forever or quickly recover. Why do you think you are special?

[ALCurious 5]

On 1/28/2021 at 6:46 AM, PSULioness said:

Sounds like bragging and trying to impress people on here. I don’t know if you are off the bell curve as I know many men who can go forever or quickly recover. Why do you think you are special?

Yeah, I don't know what else to say other than I'm anonymous and intend to stay that way so what would be the point in bragging?  The answer to your question is in my original question: Basically, I almost never see a portrayal or hear of guys who aren't "spent" after one orgasm (needing at least a 10 min recovery or something), and it's just odd this important (to me anyway) part of my life experience is totally absent from society around me.

 

I mean, I can read articles or listen to podcasts or whatever and as far as all that goes I basically don't exist you know? And it's a bit weird to have my own lived experience basically be excluded - even as a theoretical possibility, usually - by the society I live in. And I'm not saying I'm awesome at sex or can withstand cumming forever or anything like that. Also, a large part of my question has to do with my wife and how she orgasms best from strictly PinV and that also seems to fly in direct contradiction to the norm, as portrayed/described by those who would presumably know.  

 

Anyway, this is the 3rd time I've said this, and if you decide to ignore it and assume the worst of me (that I'm being disingenuous about my motives)...I dunno, maybe just ignore me because obviously we've got nothing to offer each other on this topic.  =/

 

On the other hand, if people know of examples of this I'm curious to hear about that as well, and if our situation ISN'T that unusual (which I kinda suspect) I wonder why so many statistics and "facts" about sex make it seem that it's all but impossible. 

 

[cplnluv1 872]

2 hours ago, ALCurious said:

Yeah, I don't know what else to say other than I'm anonymous and intend to stay that way so what would be the point in bragging?  The answer to your question is in my original question: Basically, I almost never see a portrayal or hear of guys who aren't "spent" after one orgasm (needing at least a 10 min recovery or something), and it's just odd this important (to me anyway) part of my life experience is totally absent from society around me.

Think I know what the Lioness is trying to say, we are all anonymous on here unless we chose another couple from here and they know who we are. 

Being anonymous doesn’t stop someone from writing a novel, I will never meet some of the greatest fiction writers in history. I will also never meet the greatest athletes who write autobiography’s about their prowess. 

Some of the postings here IMHO are here just to excite the reader or the poster , which is very obvious to me from a first post. Most of us share our experiences and like you see if other’s experiences are similar to our. Some see if others have had the same problem and want to know how others would handle. It makes us think, we all make our own decisions on how to proceed. 

Back to your PROBLEM, most men, and we have met men on both ends of the spectrum, don’t have to come to our swinging site to on their very first post to tell us all anonymously that their problem is that they can fuck many times without going soft and most likely cum in quarts. 

Maybe at your age you haven’t played with enough men to see some can cum and still go for multiple orgasms. The difference is those men don’t come on here to cry about their problem, they are too busy having sex and not using their cocks that stay hard to text. 

There is that joke about Viagra, if your erection lasts more than two hours call your doctor and the man replies, Call my doctor? Hell I'm going to call everyone I know. 

[couplers 4,636]

On 1/27/2021 at 1:47 AM, ALCurious said:

Are we really that far off the bell curve?

Strictly speaking you are on the Bell curve, just somewhere on the tail, a standard deviation or so away from the mean.  

Edited January 31, 2021 by couplers

[MidwestHoneys 358]

We are on the younger side in the discussion and find we have not had problems with the guys not staying hard. I personally not had anyone complain with me staying hard after cumming. 

I don’t understand the OP. 

[ALCurious 5]

First of all, thanks to all who have responded in good faith or with a basic amount of kindness. 

 

Secondly, it's a little disappointing that even on an internet forum for/by swingers (who in my experience, at least until now, have been relatively open minded and sex positive) my genuine desire for conversation/information has been met with...hmm...resentment? I know my intentions, and when I see someone project negative assumptions about me in response to a sincere question it tells me a lot about them. Again, please feel free to ignore me if my posts bother you in any way. 

 

Who would you have this conversation with? Your acquaintances? Your family members? Co-workers?  

 

I've asked some of my closer friends but talking to 4-5 people isn't exactly much of a sample size. And to repeat, I do find it odd that men who are able to keep going for multiple orgasms are not even mentioned at all in mainstream culture. Like, with the amount of qualification about diversity and individuality that every sex expert makes before saying something like what's "normal" nobody ever seems to say anything at all like "most men orgasm once before needing a break but some men don't need a refractory period." I've never heard that once - not one single time - from any official-ish source in my life. Does nobody else think that's an interesting phenomenon?

 

Lastly, please don't ignore the (equally important) half of my question about my wife preferring and orgasming best from PinV with no extras. Again, this just seems to be practically unheard of if you listen to all the sexperts out there so I was wondering if people with a lot of varied sexual experience have noticed a difference between generally accepted statistics about sex and their own personal experiences and observations. 

 

Maybe I should have asked my question in a different way, I dunno. I was trying to give some background so people would know where I was coming from, that's all. 

[ALCurious 5]

15 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

We are on the younger side in the discussion and find we have not had problems with the guys not staying hard. I personally not had anyone complain with me staying hard after cumming. 

I don’t understand the OP. 

I'm not complaining about anything, just wondering if others know of A) guys who don't need a refractory period, or B) women who cum best from penetration. Because my experience in these areas go against pretty much everything I've been told all my life about how sex works and I find that interesting and confusing and perplexing. So enlighten me if you have any knowledge. Thanks. 

[PSULioness 841]

5 hours ago, ALCurious said:

I'm not complaining about anything, just wondering if others know of A) guys who don't need a refractory period, or B) women who cum best from penetration. Because my experience in these areas go against pretty much everything I've been told all my life about how sex works and I find that interesting and confusing and perplexing. So enlighten me if you have any knowledge. Thanks. 

When you want to know anything just look

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_(sex)#Other_studies

 

Looks like my husband’s alma mater did research on refractory period. 

 

Your second concern is your wife only orgasming from regular penetration may not be that abnormal. Keep reading older posts and you’ll see she isn’t alone.   Some need penetration to orgasm or orgasm stronger from penetration. 

 

Personal anecdotal experience say say I have been with guys who cum and continue without going soft and then cum again. I have been with more than one guy who has done this. I can’t say if they could go a third time. 

I personally orgasm pretty strongly from oral sex by both guys and girlfriends, sometimes a bunch of times and sometimes even stronger ones. As you can guess I am limited to the way I can make a gf orgasm and having a gf multi orgasm orally is a huge thrill for me.  

Why you don’t see people telling stories of not needing refractory periods on here, most men need a at least some time and even those who might be supermen don’t find it a problem and don’t feel the need to question their prowess. 

You and your wife are a perfect match, you can go on and on and that’s what she likes. You must make her very happy. 

[kcjones 59]

Just because you are in the 99th percentile, doesn't mean there aren't many others just like you.  While my wife can climax from clitoral stimulation, she prefers penetration, and has easier and bigger orasms from it.  I'm in my mid 40s and usuallly have a refractory period, but it really depends on my excitement level.  My inability to continue sex after cumming has less to do with going soft, but the temporary "Pins and needles" feeling I get in the head of my dick.  If the sex is really hot, I'll push through.  Cumming 3 times straight, Nah. That ain't me...at least not anymore.  When we were in the lifestyle, we always discussed our sexual habits so there were no surprises by either party.  

Edited February 2, 2021 by kcjones

[Anon321 522]

12 hours ago, ALCurious said:

I'm not complaining about anything, just wondering if others know of A) guys who don't need a refractory period, or B) women who cum best from penetration. Because my experience in these areas go against pretty much everything I've been told all my life about how sex works and I find that interesting and confusing and perplexing. So enlighten me if you have any knowledge. Thanks. 

There are plenty.  My GF cums from penetrative sex and I have a friend who can cum 3 or 4 times without a refractory period.  We've come across a number of guys who can cum twice with no refractory period but when you get to 3 or 4 times it becomes rarer but we have came across some.  I can understand the limited refractory period but the part I don't fully grasp is how some people can cum so quickly.  There was one guy who was young maybe 18-20ish who came 3 times in maybe 10 or 15 minutes.  The first time he was grabbing my GF's ass while he was jerking off and came.  Then he fucked her from behind and came.  Then she sucked him and he came.  It all happened so quick but the cum was real.

[Numex 2,413]

For me, and the other guys in our group of couples, it depends.  When the conditions are right (multiple female partners available, maybe one of them new, watching my wife enjoy herself with someone else, which turns me on) I can easily go twice or thrice with little down time.  But that doesn't necessarily make it better; a slow fuck with another guy's wife who I've fucked many times before, oral afterwards just to keep things going, then an hour or so later with another woman, my own wife perhaps, to finish off the evening can be just as good.

[ALCurious 5]

Thanks to the recent round of replies - I think that more or less answers my question, in that probably the way sex is reported and talked about in "official" settings is not necessarily an accurate reflection of reality. Small sample size, I know, but the responses here it do make me think that our sexual, uh, abilities(?) are less uncommon than mainstream resources might suggest. Possibly because even this far into the scientific era sex has not been an easy thing to study...perhaps a lot of data about sex is overly influenced by people reporting medical problems/dissatisfaction, and the people who are enjoying it and feeling fulfilled are not being tallied, or their stories aren't being heard as often or something.  Anyway thanks again for sharing your experiences, it's really appreciated. 

[couplers 4,636]

9 hours ago, ALCurious said:

a lot of data about sex is overly influenced by people reporting medical problems/dissatisfaction

Agree, people are much more likely to ask a question/post when something is amiss rather than when all is going well.  Also here on the Swingersboard, the demographics tends to skew older, and that's when more problems arise.

[MidwestHoneys 358]

1 hour ago, couplers said:

Agree, people are much more likely to ask a question/post when something is amiss rather than when all is going well.  Also here on the Swingersboard, the demographics tends to skew older, and that's when more problems arise.

After reading posts about problems I think oh shit is that going to happen to me. Then I read and see viagra commercials and think the same thing, is it that bad. I’m happy to read positive comments it gives me hope that sex isn’t going away soon and then there is a problem in that his wife only cums from fucking and not from pussy eating so I read women taking viagra makes their clits more sensitive. Can’t verify cause Honey doesn’t need it as her clit stays hard after cumming ten times. 

[herpob 563]

On 1/31/2021 at 4:52 PM, couplers said:

Strictly speaking you are on the Bell curve, just somewhere on the tail, a standard deviation or so away from the mean.  

Good one!

[kc081878 12]

On 2/2/2021 at 2:06 AM, ALCurious said:

First of all, thanks to all who have responded in good faith or with a basic amount of kindness. 

 

Secondly, it's a little disappointing that even on an internet forum for/by swingers (who in my experience, at least until now, have been relatively open minded and sex positive) my genuine desire for conversation/information has been met with...hmm...resentment? I know my intentions, and when I see someone project negative assumptions about me in response to a sincere question it tells me a lot about them. Again, please feel free to ignore me if my posts bother you in any way. 

 

Who would you have this conversation with? Your acquaintances? Your family members? Co-workers?  

 

I've asked some of my closer friends but talking to 4-5 people isn't exactly much of a sample size. And to repeat, I do find it odd that men who are able to keep going for multiple orgasms are not even mentioned at all in mainstream culture. Like, with the amount of qualification about diversity and individuality that every sex expert makes before saying something like what's "normal" nobody ever seems to say anything at all like "most men orgasm once before needing a break but some men don't need a refractory period." I've never heard that once - not one single time - from any official-ish source in my life. Does nobody else think that's an interesting phenomenon?

 

Lastly, please don't ignore the (equally important) half of my question about my wife preferring and orgasming best from PinV with no extras. Again, this just seems to be practically unheard of if you listen to all the sexperts out there so I was wondering if people with a lot of varied sexual experience have noticed a difference between generally accepted statistics about sex and their own personal experiences and observations. 

 

Maybe I should have asked my question in a different way, I dunno. I was trying to give some background so people would know where I was coming from, that's all. 

I made a similar debut to the forum and it wasn't received well. I have been encouraged as kindness is outweighing the snarky posts.

[let's do it again 414]

Congratulations for such a compatible sex life. I  am 62 , had sex with a variety of women and alot of people have odd hangups about sex. Many hangups come from abuse when they were kids, alcohol and drug abuse, religious upbringing, and antidepressants and blood pressure meds. Many people struggle with sex, consider yourself lucky and enjoy. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Every person is different. Some guys cum in great amounts and are spent for a while. Some guys cum just a little bit and can keep doing it over and over again. I'm among the former. This has always been true for me. When I was in my early 20s, I could get in a lot of orgasms in a day if I tried really hard. Now more than two is seriously pushing it.

 

With women, I've seen both ends of the spectrum and lots in between. I had a ~week long fling with a woman who was a great deal of fun in bed. What a week! But, she never had an orgasm that entire week. She said she wasn't orgasmic, and I believed it. I wasn't inexperienced. It wasn't for lack of trying and making her feel great. She loved the sex, loved the physical attention, and loved playing for long sessions, but she never had an orgasm. A couple of years later, I fooled around with a very nice young lady who had never orgasmed. It took a bit of patience, and slowly working up to it, but I was able to make her orgasm. I remember her saying "I see stars!" Most recently, I've been playing with a woman who told me before we even started playing that it was quite hard for her to orgasm. Every time I've played with her, she's orgasmed. Go figure.

 

We're all different.

[couplers 4,636]

On 12/6/2022 at 5:57 PM, bbarnsworth said:

We're all different.

Not me.  I'm the same. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

15 hours ago, couplers said:

Not me.  I'm the same. 

As...? :) I agree you're the same as you, but you're not the same as anyone else!

 

"Be yourself. All the other jobs are taken!"