Is nudism a good gateway drug for couples where the husband wants the wife to swing?

[MikeBravo 16]

We all know how it's usually the husbands that bring up swinging to their wives. But what if you know that your wife will shoot down swinging? Would it be easier to convice her to become a nudist and then go from there?

[Alura 2,774]

In my opinion, a man who tries to coax his wife into swinging is headed for trouble. If you know she'll not be convinced, pick another sport. Horseback riding is relaxing. Especially for women. When a woman spends an hour or so clasping to an 800 pound clit-massager with her legs, her attitude often changes.

 

I think a couple gets into swinging by steps. Decide if both understand the difference between "making love" and "fucking," and go from there.

[Trophy1802 132]

Just my opinion on this topic. However, if the issue here is trying to convince her to become interested in swinging, I really think you are not going down the right path. As a couple, you both have to be on the same page on the issue, comfortable about it, and in agreement with it. If not, she may become resentful and feel she is being pushed into something.

 

We have met couples in situations whereby either the male or the female was not entirely comfortable with the whole LS approach and it ends up like the less interested party feeling like they are "taking one for the team" and is just putting up to keep the other partner satisfied. This usually does not end well. We have been involved long enough to pick up on this type of situation and never push the issue with anyone.

 

The main point here to to have open and honest communication between you and your spouse/partner. We are all different and the LS is not always meant for all couples or all individuals. If the comfort level is not there just move on to something that you both are comfortable with and will not cause problems with your relationship.

 

BTW, in our case, it was my wife who initially openly brought up the subject of exploring the lifestyle. We both openly talked about it ourselves, investigated things on the internet, and met and chatted with couples in the LS before ever taking our first steps in meeting and exploring the LS with another couple.  

[adamgunn 1,460]

If she's an exhibitionist, maybe; if not, nope.

 

And remember, the vast majority of nudist areas are not swingers areas. They get positively angry if they see any kind of sexual behavior, and there's kids running around. Very free, not not very sexy sometimes.

[njbm 2,868]

A subsection of nudists are swingers. Some swingers would be embarrassed to be nudists. 
 

But, we learned about swinging at a nudist resort. 
 

The OP’s wife won’t do either unless she wants to. And she shouldn’t be pressured. 

[Lionheart72 2,190]

3 hours ago, MikeBravo said:

We all know how it's usually the husbands that bring up swinging to their wives. But what if you know that your wife will shoot down swinging?

Ask her. If she shoots down the idea, drop it and move on with your life. Simple, easy, no fuss, no drama.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

It really depends on the couple, what are perceived as limits, as barriers, and as opportunities. 

 

Perhaps one can begin by acknowledging that many women are socialized by men towards body shame, sex shame, and pleasure shame. Many women are told from early in their lives that exposure of their bodies is sinful, sex is purely procreational and never recreational, and that the pursuit of pleasure leads to hell and damnation.  That destructive orientation has been used by men for centuries to exercise control and maintain power, and is reinforced even today. 

 

Dragging an unwilling spouse into nude recreation much less swinging is wrong for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which is that is will be perceived as a sort of public shaming. On the other hand, supporting a spouse's liberation from shame is a wonderful act for both members of the couple. Motive matters, actions matter, love and support matter most of all. 

[KatrinaandDriverX 101]

"We all know"?  Really?  My wife actually suggested it to me. Dang, she's always doing things out of order. 

 

If you have to talk her into it, she's likely not going to be into it. 

 

If you think it's bad  that she'll shoot down the swinging idea, wait until you push too much and she takes half your stuff. 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

14 hours ago, MikeBravo said:

We all know how it's usually the husbands that bring up swinging to their wives. But what if you know that your wife will shoot down swinging? Would it be easier to convice her to become a nudist and then go from there?

A lot to unpack here.

 

How do you "know" your wife is against swinging? Have you opened a dialogue with her on the subject? Or, are you just assuming you know her well enough to read her mind? Hint: Women are chock full of surprises and their attitudes, opinions, tastes, etc. continue to evolve their whole lives. There was a time when my wife would never have entertained having sex outside of our marriage.  And I wouldn't have, either. We both evolved.

 

One does not "become" a nudist. Nudism is simply being nude. It doesn't require a conversion. Lol! ;-) Some people enjoying being nude in the privacy of their own home and environment. Others are comfortable being nude around other people in the proper circumstances (for example, at a nude beach like the ones we have here in southern Florida.) Ann and I are nude as often as possible. We are fortunate to have a living environment that affords a great deal of privacy and we can be nude both inside and outside of our home without disturbing our neighbors or being disturbed by them (more likely.) Also, we belong to a social circle of people who are comfortable being nude together. Imagine a backyard pool party with friends--the only difference being everyone forgot to bring their swim suits. The "novelty" wears off quite quickly.

 

You seem to equate nudism with sexuality. They have almost no correlation. A trip to a nude beach will squelch that notion in your mind fairly quickly. It's just ordinary people sunning themselves with the last bits of clothing removed. The average age tends to skew older, I'm estimating 60 and up. Not many "hard bodies" to be found. And, as with any other kind of activity, one is expected to follow proper etiquette. People tend to maintain significant distance from each other (even more so today thanks to the pandemic.) Ogling is not only in bad taste, it will get you invited to leave. Any overtly sexual behavior is illegal. At the nude beach we frequent, there is an organization of volunteers who act as ambassadors to ensure a friendly and wholesome environment is maintained. Creeps are reported to the local police.

 

You are correct about one aspect of nudism: Based upon our experience over the years, we believe nudists are, by definition, more "free" in their thinking and actions and are less likely to adhere to some of the dogmatic limits that society places on people (this is even more true for committed naturists.) And, certainly, they are less judgmental about alternative ways of living. I do believe women in particular find being nude liberating because they so often have body image issues (regardless of how beautiful they are.) It is wonderful to shed the last little bit of clothes and stop worrying about how you "look".  The sun and waves don't care.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

A nude beach is a good first step into the Lifestyle.  It's safe with no pressure or expectation of sex, yet by virtue of all the naked bodies, and the exhibitionist aspect, it tends to be a hot, sexually charged experience for a couple.

 

It's how we got into the LS. We started going to nude beaches, then on vacation we visited a few nudist resorts... there is definitely more than a little crossover betw nudists and swingers so it was a step along the way and honestly I don't think we would be swingers if we never took that first step as nudists.

 

If your wife gives an enthusiastic "Yes" to visiting nude beaches i think it's an indicator she is open-minded enough to check out the swing scene eventually.  If she is like "No way" that's also an indicator.

 

I think it's a legit first step.  Keep in mind things may never go past the first step and let things flow naturally - no pressure.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

28 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

A nude beach is a good first step into the Lifestyle.  It's safe with no pressure or expectation of sex, yet by virtue of all the naked bodies, and the exhibitionist aspect, it tends to be a hot, sexually charged experience for a couple.

 

It's how we got into the LS. We started going to nude beaches, then on vacation we visited a few nudist resorts... there is definitely more than a little crossover betw nudists and swingers so it was a step along the way and honestly I don't think we would be swingers if we never took that first step as nudists.

 

If your wife gives an enthusiastic "Yes" to visiting nude beaches i think it's an indicator she is open-minded enough to check out the swing scene eventually.  If she is like "No way" that's also an indicator.

 

I think it's a legit first step.  Keep in mind things may never go past the first step and let things flow naturally - no pressure.

Clarification is in order:

 

We've been members of American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) for decades. Its headquarters are in our backyard in Kissimmee, Florida. We are also members of South Florida Free Beaches/Florida Naturist Association and Treasure Coast Naturists, as well other international groups. The collective purpose of these organizations, big and small, is to promote wholesome, family-friendly venues for nude recreation. Nudism/naturism draws a very bright line between nudity and sex. Public nude beaches are the farthest thing from "... hot, sexually charged atmospheres" as one can imagine. At the public nude beach we frequent here in Florida, it is not unusual to see families with children.

 

Attending a nude beach at a adult-oriented resort (i.e., Caliente, Hedonism, etc.)  or private club is an entirely different atmosphere. Those venues are oriented towards creating a highly sexualized atmosphere. Being nude in that setting takes on a completely different meaning and caters to a different clientele. People who choose to attend one of these kinds of venues do so for the specific purpose of being in a "hot, sexually charged" atmosphere. And, yes, you will definitely find your fair share of "lifestylers" in attendance--especially during "takeovers" when the resorts are almost entirely filled with swingers.

 

It is important not conflate one with the other.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

agreed @AndrewandAnn i should have mentioned that sexual activity of any kind is not tolerated at any family-oriented or public nudist beaches or resorts.  Getting too frisky at a nude beach is a good way to get slapped with a violation that just might land you on a sex offender's list.  But, especially for new couples, you will likely feel the sexual energy simply by walking around and perhaps engaging in friendly conversation with fellow nudists. We don't have to get touchy-feely to get turned on at the nude beach. When we get back home we literally rip each other's clothes off.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

1 hour ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

agreed @AndrewandAnn i should have mentioned that sexual activity of any kind is not tolerated at any family-oriented or public nudist beaches or resorts.  Getting too frisky at a nude beach is a good way to get slapped with a violation that just might land you on a sex offender's list.  But, especially for new couples, you will likely feel the sexual energy simply by walking around and perhaps engaging in friendly conversation with fellow nudists. We don't have to get touchy-feely to get turned on at the nude beach. When we get back home we literally rip each other's clothes off.

Lol... well, maybe we should start going to your beach! ?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

If you just cannot talk openly about sex, fantasies, and swinging, then YOU are not ready, let alone your wife. Work on being able to communicate first, then worry about the next step.

[Aircoffee 27]

We didn’t do things in order but we did early on go to a topless pool in vegas and another topless pool where swingers were known to stay.  In that environment we had a nice chat topless with some swingers and I drank too much but that's it lol.  Another time we went nude all weekend at a resort where there were swingers but it wasn't a requirement you be a swinger to be there of course.  So we knew ogling too much etc might not go over well.  I am not the type to do that anyhow.  

 

I guess you could say we like these minimal clothes environments just fine and we did find a pleasant play experience at the last place.  Still we have yet to go even close to full swap.  Baby steps.  Now its been wayyyy too long since even having a chance to explore more.  The last place we went, a club of sorts, only the women could lose their clothes after midnight something like that.  I was a bit shy that night but I would be up to get topless at least if i go back there.  I think it was a matter of not every female lost clothes by a long shot so i wanted to stay with the norm.  But now i say who cares lol. 

[PeterJ 940]

4 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

agreed @AndrewandAnn i should have mentioned that sexual activity of any kind is not tolerated at any family-oriented or public nudist beaches or resorts...  

...When we get back home we literally rip each other's clothes off.

Given your handle on this board, @hunterdonNJcpl, you might well be referring to Gunnison Beach on Sandy Hook. Kathy and I formerly well about a 30-minute drive from there, and enjoyed spending there late weekend afternoons (sometimes just the two of us, and occasionally with friends visiting us from out of town). We have found a couple of hours at any beach, nude or clothed, was about enough for us.
 

Public sex, as you note, is forbidden. And walking into the dunes, which are protected in this federal park, for relative privacy, can get you into as much trouble as fucking or sucking. But, lots of swingers attend, and over the years we were discretely approached on a number of occasions by individuals and couples looking for straight or gay play.

 

I can’t speak to the current situation but as of 15 or 20 years ago discreet sexual acts did take place. Some people brought tents they could zip them up for privacy. Kathy enjoyed sometimes going to the far southern reaches of the nude side of the beach, where there was no one within a couple of hundred feet of us, and masturbating with a pocket rocket. (On one occasion she was so turned on by having done that out on the open beach that she masturbated again during the car ride home. ?? )

[njbm 2,868]

I am a retired lawyer. Many years ago, I received a speeding ticket at Sandy Hook/Gunnison nude beach. I decided to represent myself (usually foolish) to try to knock down the ticket. 
 

While I was waiting for court, I was hanging out in the judge’s chambers. The prosecutor was discussing plea bargains.

 

One case involved a woman charged with disorderly conduct . She was caught giving her husband oral sex in the car in the parking lot. 
 

Her lawyer said to the prosecutor “Come on, this couple has been married for 25 years. She deserves a commendation!”

[PeterJ 940]

On 3/3/2021 at 4:31 PM, njbm said:

One case involved a woman charged with disorderly conduct . She was caught giving her husband oral sex in the car in the parking lot. Her lawyer said to the prosecutor “ Come on, this couple has been married for 25 years. She deserves a commendation!”

 

Well don’t leave us hanging, njbm, how was the matter resolved by the judge? (I assume this was a misdemeanor non-jury trial.) Oh, and dud you beat the rap on the speeding ticket? ???

[discreetplay 235]

You know your wife better than us random people on a forum. Given your comment that you know your wife will shoot down swinging...I wouldn't press the issue. YOu bringing up sex with other people when you already know the answer is a recipe for disaster.

 

And being nude where people can see you is light years away from having sex with someone else. You're not even in the same galaxy. 

 

[njbm 2,868]

In the oral sex case, it was downgraded to an unspecified municipal ordinance violation and a minor fine. It does not show up as a disorderly persons offense or a crime, so it does not appear on the blower’s permanent record. 
 

I got my ticket reduced from 4 points to 2 points. 
 

I was interested to note that state icon Bruce Springsteen was arrested for drunk driving at Sandy Hook. But he only blew a BAC of .02. Way under the limit. He pled to a minor charge like public drinking. I understand he did a shot with fans. If he was not drunk, tell him not to do it again, get his autograph and send or escort him home. 
 

Warning: the federal police at Sandy Hook/Gunnison loves to write tickets. 

[Shore2Please 610]

I am against coaxing or pushing a spouse to do anything they wouldn’t want to do.

 

Now that I got that out our first swap came after a visit to a nude beach while on a cruise and it was with a couple we went with to that beach. The visit to that beach was the catalyst to the conversation we had later back onboard our cruise. Being completely nude on the beach and some wine and laughs back on the ship could be considered the drug that led to swinging. 

 

Thank you for asking the question as I get to relive that night every time I write about the experience. Every woman remembers the firsts, first sex, good or bad, the first time with her husband when dating, our wedding night, and for me the first time being alone in a bed with a man after years of monogamy. 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

15 hours ago, PeterJ said:

Given your handle on this board, @hunterdonNJcpl, you might well be referring to Gunnison Beach on Sandy Hook. Kathy and I formerly well about a 30-minute drive from there, and enjoyed spending there late weekend afternoons (sometimes just the two of us, and occasionally with friends visiting us from out of town). We have found a couple of hours at any beach, nude or clothed, was about enough for us.
 

Public sex, as you note, is forbidden. And walking into the dunes, which are protected in this federal park, for relative privacy, can get you into as much trouble as fucking or sucking. But, lots of swingers attend, and over the years we were discretely approached on a number of occasions by individuals and couples looking for straight or gay play.

 

I can’t speak to the current situation but as of 15 or 20 years ago discreet sexual acts did take place. Some people brought tents they could zip them up for privacy. Kathy enjoyed sometimes going to the far southern reaches of the nude side of the beach, where there was no one within a couple of hundred feet of us, and masturbating with a pocket rocket. (On one occasion she was so turned on by having done that out on the open beach that she masturbated again during the car ride home. ?? )

I appreciate your wife was turned on and you two practiced some discretion. Also, I understand the desire to have a little sexy fun and be cool about it. And I'm never going to say I haven't felt my dick twitch when I've been applying sunscreen on Ann's body, or her mine. Trust me. I'm as perpetually horny and full of testosterone as the next man.  Lol...

 

So, this is not directed at you per se. It's more just a statement about nude beaches and acceptable, and unacceptable, behavior:

 

The people who attempt to use nude public beaches as their sex playgrounds are the very people who ruin it for everyone else. These kinds of activities, although comparatively rare and practiced by a distinct minority, create the image problems we in the nudist community have to overcome when working to either maintain a public beach's nude status, or establish a new nude beach.

 

It took YEARS of effort, not to mention significant financial costs, to establish the nude beach we frequent most. We had to work closely with local political leaders, and law enforcement, to persuade them that people who enjoy nudism are not sexual deviants, and that nude beaches do not act as magnets that attract sexual deviants or predators. 

 

Our nude/clothing-optional beach ambassadors are well-trained volunteers who spend considerable time with local police departments and receive training on how to spot and respond to violators. Most mistakes are very minor and quite innocent and are the result of a simple failure to understand and follow proper etiquette (for example, disrobing in the parking lot rather than in the designated clothing-optional area.) However, unfortunately, we do have some idiots to contend with from time to time. It normally doesn't end well for them. We, both as an organization and as volunteers, actively support the arrest and prosecution of all serious offenders.

 

In the State of Florida, *public* sex (i.e., intercourse, oral sex, masturbation, etc.) is considered "lewd and lascivious behavior" and will get you slapped with a potential first-degree misdemeanor that will include a serious fine and up to a year imprisonment. Do it in the presence of a person under the age of 16 (they just simply have to be anywhere on the beach, not necessarily in sight), and you graduate to a possible first-degree felony with a luxury car-sized fine and imprisonment up to 30 years, as well as registration as a sex offender. How's that for a bucket of ice water.

 

Moral of the story? Public nude beaches are not for sex or sexual exhibitionism. Behavior that is not tolerated on a clothing-required beach, is not tolerated on a clothing-optional/nude beach. Let's all use good judgement and common sense. 

 

 

[PSULioness 839]

To my fellow Jerseyites who go to Gunnison’s in Sandy Hook, I know I’m a Bennie, a label put on us North Jersey peeps, the beach is not a place to have sex. We were warned very strongly not to do anything sexual the first time we went and things have only gotten stricter the last few years like no alcohol and I think no tents. We have taken our out of town friends there a bunch of times and I plead with them not to break the rules. I know people who claimed to have sex in the ocean, they said it was discreet. Not worth the risk. 

 

Is it an entry drug? I can see where it might be a way to get comfortable being nude in front of other people. If you think your body isn’t perfect, here I raise my hand ??, you now see in a perfect natural area, very few bodies are perfect. Most people will pay no attention to you and yet there are people who are looking, I did when I went. I looked at most likely gawked at T&A and P comparing myself to all those I thought were attractive. And how can I not notice the guys swinging as they walk. If you aren’t comfortable being looked at, you might need to wait for swinging. All the friends we have gone to the beach with we had played with so for us it wasn’t an entry drug.