Only MFM...thoughts?

[Fitcouple1997 9]

Hi all! A couple of years ago, my husband starting dabbling a bit in MFM role playing during sex. With toys, talking out scenes, etc. I had never even heard of this before. It started out very gradually with dirty talk and then role playing with toys. He always made sure I was comfy with it and, much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it! That eventually led to talk of really having a MFM. Come to find out, this was a long held fantasy of my husband. He got really hot thinking about me satisfying 2 men. And the bragging rights of how hot his wife is. We eventually did it and had an amazing time. Since then, we have played with several single men...some more than once...and it has been so much fun every time. My question is this: I sometimes wonder if he, at some point, will ask me for a fmf. He's never indicated that he is interested in that. Not once. But it's something that I think about....like how would I handle that? I am EXTREMELY opposed to having another woman in bed. The thought of it makes me queasy. I don't like the look of the female body. And I don't think that I could even get into it at all. So if he eventually asks for that, how should I handle it without sounding like a selfish human? And, remember....he was the one that brought up the MFM stuff. I didn't ask for it. I really enjoy it, but it was his fantasy initially. Just thought I'd ask for some opinions on this...just in case it ever rears up! TIA!

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Hi, great to see you make your first post!

 

I would look at this as with any other rule or boundary.  Let's use anal sex for example.  Often you will read that even if couples are into anal themselves, that it is something they choose to reserve for just themselves and don't make it part of their swinging. Others may not like anal at all, with anyone, including each other.  Others enjoy it and don't have a problem doing it with anyone.  All are valid stances to have.

 

So, in this case, you both like MFM threesomes and are having an awesome time with it, great!

 

But, at least one of you knows for sure you aren't interested in FMF threesomes, so then that's something to just not do.  Just like if you didn't like anal, then don't do it. Maybe you've tried it and he loved it and you hated it.  His love of it is not going to somehow change your feelings about anal, nor should it.  But, there are lots of other sexy things to do to each other that you BOTH like, so you just stay focused on those.  A happy and fulfilling sex life doesn't have to mean you like every flavor in the jelly bean jar.  Granted, swingers may like more flavors than most folks   But for the vast majority, they have their likes and dislikes, and their boundaries are set accordingly.  You guys sounds like you are having a great time with swinging, so he should count himself a very lucky man right where he is at.  He's experiencing things that most guys only dream of (and yes, nearly all dream of it, there are just those that lie about it and those who don't ? )

 

Not that there is anything wrong with your feelings or staying right where things are, but just to throw something out there...

 

Are your feelings primarily based on you don't want him to be with another woman, or on you are not interested in being involved in any way, shape, or form with another woman?  If it's the latter, and the time does come where it is something he is asking about, which very well may be never, then there is always separate room swinging with another couple.  Some people prefer it for various reasons, one of which being while they have interest in being with someone else, and don't care if their spouse is with someone else, they don't really want to be a part of it.  Separate room is a solution to that.  You're there together, so some comfort in that, but not right there next to each other during playtime. Just an idea...

 

Hope that helped!

[njbm 2,860]

You could attend a house party where things are more a la carte. You could be involved in a MFM while your husband is involved in a FMF. 
 

My wife was involved in a lengthy tantric-like MF situation at a house party. I was bumbling around, not sure what to do next. A friend said his wife was playing with another woman and they were looking for male company. Who am I to say no? I joined them and it was a lot of fun. 
 

If your husband has a FMF fantasy, it can be fulfilled without your participation. 

[Lionheart72 2,189]

Welcome. It sounds like you guys are in a good place, but you are concerned that your husband may want to move things in a direction you would not be comfortable with. Have you told him what you just told us? I know, someone it's easier sometimes to share things with strangers on the internet than with those closest to us... but if you haven't, you need to. Just share with your husband that you are having fun with your current situation but that you would not be comfortable with an FMF situation, Talk to him about it. Find out from him what his thoughts and feelings are. You might find that he really isn't interested in FMF either, or you might find that he is disappointed... and then you can talk through that. What's important, is that you talk.

 

The key to successful swinging, as with any relationship really, is open, honest communication.

[Fitcouple1997 9]

4 hours ago, cplnuswing said:

Hi, great to see you make your first post!

 

I would look at this as with any other rule or boundary.  Let's use anal sex for example.  Often you will read that even if couples are into anal themselves, that it is something they choose to reserve for just themselves and don't make it part of their swinging. Others may not like anal at all, with anyone, including each other.  Others enjoy it and don't have a problem doing it with anyone.  All are valid stances to have.

 

So, in this case, you both like MFM threesomes and are having an awesome time with it, great!

 

But, at least one of you knows for sure you aren't interested in FMF threesomes, so then that's something to just not do.  Just like if you didn't like anal, then don't do it. Maybe you've tried it and he loved it and you hated it.  His love of it is not going to somehow change your feelings about anal, nor should it.  But, there are lots of other sexy things to do to each other that you BOTH like, so you just stay focused on those.  A happy and fulfilling sex life doesn't have to mean you like every flavor in the jelly bean jar.  Granted, swingers may like more flavors than most folks   But for the vast majority, they have their likes and dislikes, and their boundaries are set accordingly.  You guys sounds like you are having a great time with swinging, so he should count himself a very lucky man right where he is at.  He's experiencing things that most guys only dream of (and yes, nearly all dream of it, there are just those that lie about it and those who don't ? )

 

Not that there is anything wrong with your feelings or staying right where things are, but just to throw something out there...

 

Are your feelings primarily based on you don't want him to be with another woman, or on you are not interested in being involved in any way, shape, or form with another woman?  If it's the latter, and the time does come where it is something he is asking about, which very well may be never, then there is always separate room swinging with another couple.  Some people prefer it for various reasons, one of which being while they have interest in being with someone else, and don't care if their spouse is with someone else, they don't really want to be a part of it.  Separate room is a solution to that.  You're there together, so some comfort in that, but not right there next to each other during playtime. Just an idea...

 

Hope that helped!

It absolutely does help! And thank you for welcoming me! I don't think that it's a jealousy thing. But I'm not quite sure. I seriously think that it's that women's bodies are just kind of yuck to me sexually. We were at a ls club last weekend and met this wonderful older couple. The male half was really chatting me up and wanting to go play. I explained that we really only do mfm and his response was "My wife said the same thing when we started and now I can't keep her away from women! She loves the softness." And that's just it for me. The idea of the softness is what makes me turned off. I am a woman's physique competitor at the pro level. My husband is a bodybuilder. We are those "hard bodies" that I've seen people post about. Because of this, we have extremely high standards for who we play with. All of the other men have been in the industry as well. And it rules out virtually all other women. I don't like the softness. It's one thing to see it at a club. But to have it in my bed...watching my husband with it...I just can't even imagine. And with regards to playing in separate rooms...that, for me, would take the fun out of it. I really enjoy doing it with my husband. To lock eyes with him. To see the expression on his face when another man makes me cum. And the feeling of him inside me after another man is the best. Going off with another guy to a separate room would lack all of that. I don't know. I guess if it isn't broke don't fix it. And hopefully he will be fine with things the way that they are!

[AndrewandAnn 360]

13 hours ago, Fitcouple1997 said:

Hi all! A couple of years ago, my husband starting dabbling a bit in MFM role playing during sex. With toys, talking out scenes, etc. I had never even heard of this before. It started out very gradually with dirty talk and then role playing with toys. He always made sure I was comfy with it and, much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it! That eventually led to talk of really having a MFM. Come to find out, this was a long held fantasy of my husband. He got really hot thinking about me satisfying 2 men. And the bragging rights of how hot his wife is. We eventually did it and had an amazing time. Since then, we have played with several single men...some more than once...and it has been so much fun every time. My question is this: I sometimes wonder if he, at some point, will ask me for a fmf. He's never indicated that he is interested in that. Not once. But it's something that I think about....like how would I handle that? I am EXTREMELY opposed to having another woman in bed. The thought of it makes me queasy. I don't like the look of the female body. And I don't think that I could even get into it at all. So if he eventually asks for that, how should I handle it without sounding like a selfish human? And, remember....he was the one that brought up the MFM stuff. I didn't ask for it. I really enjoy it, but it was his fantasy initially. Just thought I'd ask for some opinions on this...just in case it ever rears up! TIA!

If this is genuinely a concern of yours, why wouldn't you just open up a conversation with your husband about it?

 

If he's comfortable enough to discuss his fantasies about you having sex with him and another man, and then is secure enough to actually make it happen, repeatedly... I can't imagine he would have any problems discussing his feelings about F-M-F.

 

From afar, this sounds like it may be stemming from just a little bit of insecurity on your part: "He's never indicated that he is interested in that. Not once. But it's something that I think about..." Chances are very good this is not a concern of his at all.

[Numex 2,371]

16 hours ago, Fitcouple1997 said:

I am EXTREMELY opposed to having another woman in bed. The thought of it makes me queasy. I don't like the look of the female body. And I don't think that I could even get into it at all.

 

9 hours ago, Fitcouple1997 said:

I don't think that it's a jealousy thing. But I'm not quite sure. I seriously think that it's that women's bodies are just kind of yuck to me sexually.

I think that the answer is relatively simple: if at some point your husband wants a sexual activity that doesn't interest you, go to separate rooms and each do your thing.  Why not have a straight couples swap where you don't play with her?  Or if he really wants an FMF threesome, it can be done with two other women. 

 

Within our closed group of married couples play partners, there are many things that one spouse likes that the other doesn't - anal, BDSM, DPs...  Everyone has found someone else's spouse who is into it, and we are all at the point where we are confident and comfortable enough that alone play and threesomes take place to meet those desires.  It is one of the most satisfying aspects.

 

Talk with your husband. 

Edited March 6, 2021 by Numex

[Fitcouple1997 9]

14 hours ago, njbm said:

You could attend a house party where things are more a la carte. You could be involved in a MFM while your husband is involved in a FMF. 
 

My wife was involved in a lengthy tantric-like MF situation at a house party. I was bumbling around, not sure what to do next. A friend said his wife was playing with another woman and they were looking for male company. Who am I to say no? I joined them and it was a lot of fun. 
 

If your husband has a FMF fantasy, it can be fulfilled without your participation. 

Thanks for your input. And I took some time to think about how I would feel with separate room play. If that were to happen, it would most definitely be a me "taking one for the team" situation. Because I really don't want to go off and have sex with another man without my husband. The erotic nature of what we do that I love so much is being with him in those moments. How he responds to what is happening and how turned on it makes him. That would be lost without him being there. But I will remain open minded if he ever requests that and always have the separate room scenario in my back pocket. Or me just staying home while he goes out to fulfill that fantasy. lol Hopefully he'll remain satisfied with our current dynamic 

[Fitcouple1997 9]

14 hours ago, Lionheart72 said:

Welcome. It sounds like you guys are in a good place, but you are concerned that your husband may want to move things in a direction you would not be comfortable with. Have you told him what you just told us? I know, someone it's easier sometimes to share things with strangers on the internet than with those closest to us... but if you haven't, you need to. Just share with your husband that you are having fun with your current situation but that you would not be comfortable with an FMF situation, Talk to him about it. Find out from him what his thoughts and feelings are. You might find that he really isn't interested in FMF either, or you might find that he is disappointed... and then you can talk through that. What's important, is that you talk.

 

The key to successful swinging, as with any relationship really, is open, honest communication.

Thank you for this! And, yes, I'm seeing that communication is absolutely key. I think I haven't brought it up to him because I haven't wanted to open up a can of worms that I didn't want to or wasn't prepared to deal with. And that's why I asked here first. You guys have been great in helping me work through it in my own head if/when it ever comes up.

[couplers 4,568]

19 hours ago, Fitcouple1997 said:

That eventually led to talk of really having a MFM. Come to find out, this was a long held fantasy of my husband. He got really hot thinking about me satisfying 2 men. And the bragging rights of how hot his wife is. We eventually did it and had an amazing time. Since then, we have played with several single men...some more than once...and it has been so much fun every time.

Seems to me that you have little to worry about, you both are enjoying what your husband has set up in the first place.