Has anyone tired to convince a religious wife to swing?

[MikeBravo 16]

Stories would be appreciated.

[couplers 4,614]

Advice from a wife here.  I was raised in a traditional strict Catholic family.  My advice is to let your wife know that you love her, and love her unconditionally.  Then let her know that you would be happy for her to explore sexually, with absolutely no conditions or expectations that you want anything in return, other than perhaps for her to share whatever joy she gets from it.  Your wife needs to feel that she is in absolute control every step of the way.  Never criticize her for what she does, who she does it with, when she does it, or where (even in your bed).

 

Shortly after I started dating the man who would become my husband, David, he told me that he knew that I was still involved with my ex-fiancé, specifically that I was still having sex with him, that he was fine with it and he was going to be monogamous with me.  It felt to me like something that I deserved. It was a feeling of empowerment that I was fucking them on my terms. Even more so because they both knew about the other and still wanted me anyway.  For this reason and many other, I agreed to marry David when he asked.

 

When I decided after two years that it would be fun for both of us if my husband played too, I did the recruiting among my girlfriends and acquaintances.  The success rate with my religious friends was pretty high, much higher than I expected.  (None of them were "country" and not all Christian - there were two observant Jews and one a Muslim.)  I think that they felt comfortable that David and I were married and we were letting them into our marriage, like they weren't fucking around, it was all within the confines of marriage, just not their marriage.  Your wife has to feel that it is not cheating if you, her spouse consents.  And just as we can enjoy dinner, a movie, or anything else with another person, sex with someone else isn't wrong if everyone involved approves.

 

It may take awhile, but be patient, loving, and supportive every step of the way, and don't push - let her lead.  Good luck and keep us posted.

Edited March 7, 2021 by couplers

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

I think my wife spent ten years in Catholic school.  After that, if the Church doesn't have you hook, line and sinker they'll never have you and she fell into the "never have me" camp.

 We both look at it this way: Churchgoing men in suits unleash more evil via executive order every day than we could in an entire lifetime of our naughty yet consensual lifestyle.

If what we do is a sin than it's really just a small one in the grand scheme of things. Live, love, indulge a little.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Search is your friend and there are several threads that discuss this.

 

 

 

 

That ought to get you started with some light reading. Here's a story from another couple overcoming this:

Here's a book to also read on the topic:

 

Divine Sex: Liberating sex from religious tradition by Philo Thelios

 

And finally a quote or two that I made before and a link to a post that I regularly go back and read about monogamy and and the Bible:

 

Being raised in a very religious family, I have done more than a little research on this topic. I couldn't understand why in the old testament men had multiple wives but it just stopped in the new testament with no explanation as to why. If you also really search the Bible, there is actually very little information regarding sex and what is and isn't 'allowed'. What are big issues now were almost overlooked in the Bible: homosexuality for instance is almost ignored in the Bible, yet the Romans openly allowed it. Over the years, depending on who was in charge and what their beliefs were, the Bible was 'edited' and spelling mistakes and/or translation issues have changed what the Bible said. While the Bible may have been from God, it hasn't remained untouched or unchanged by man.

 

Bottom line is we both believe in God and are religious, but we also believe that whatever anyone else believes in, as long as it makes them a better person and doesn't hurt others, is a good thing and should be allowed and encouraged. I would hate to be in front of the gates of heaven only to see Buddha or Allah or The Great Spirit was the 'right' God and have Him tell us 'you picked the wrong God...sorry, you are out'. I believe that this won't happen, but at the same time believe that God wouldn't be so religious exclusive (only one 'right' religion and everyone else goes to Hell). Most organized religion teaches 'be a good person and be nice to everyone else'...we do our best to adhere to this although we identify ourselves as Christian. Swinging is something that we do TOGETHER in the light, not behind the back of our SO in the dark. It doesn't 'hurt' either one of us and we do our best not to allow it to hurt anyone else. We don't see where it goes against our 'makes them a better person and doesn't hurt others' belief so we don't have a conflict or issue with the two. We try, as instructed by the Bible, not to judge others and keep our stone casting in check.

 

Monogamy Isn't Biblical, It's Roman

 

I hope it is obvious that I have spent more than a little time on this subject attempting to understand the topic and we hope that something here will help you.

 

[Numex 2,409]

On 3/7/2021 at 4:33 PM, couplers said:

let her know that you would be happy for her to explore sexually, with absolutely no conditions or expectations that you want anything in return,

That's how we started, pretty much, although the goal at the time wasn't swinging and there were no religious issues.  My wife and I had just always talked about our past lovers as foreplay, and I told her it would be hot for her to get reacquainted with someone who she had really enjoyed and promised I wasn't looking to do the same.  After a while she wanted me involved as well, first MFMing with them, then couples swaps.