The newbies in town

[Bjerane 3]

Hello all.  So let me get right to it.  Me and my wife are probably why one might say are amateurs to swinging.  Our experiences we can count on one hand.  We have had one MFM.  And we then had a MFM where there was another guy watching us and joined in only to the point he loved the idea of tasting my wife as me and the other had our selves inside of her.  The experiences were both amazing, nerve wracking and everything between.  We both enjoyed many aspects of experiences, but also found parts we did not like.  The first experience was a little more planned and the second was a more like spur of the moment thing.  We both want to try again, but as I said we are amateurs and for some reason are just both super nervous to pull the trigger on it.  Like I said there were things about it that she did not like and things about it that I did not like.  She more than me wants to start the next one with just finding another guy that would be willing to massage her with me, then kiss her with me all over.  But she only wants me to be the one to penetrate her at first and he would be able to touch, go down in her and she would at the least stroke his cock with her hand and possibly go down on him if all goes smoothly.  She really just wants the control and doesn't want the other guy to just want bam thank you mam, or have control and do as he please's.  I enjoyed some of it so much I would honestly love going all the way again.  But I want her to be comfortable and happy.  Anyways I just rambling.  How and do you think it's possible to find the perfect guy that is patient enough for that.  

 

[njbm 2,871]

You could specify that your wife is soft swap in which she will receive or give oral. But it is really difficult to micromanage what partners can and cannot do, other than general instructions like no nipple play or no BDSM or no anal. 

If a person is too scripted, they cannot express themselves. Leads to constricted performance and erectile difficulty. 

[christnthms 326]

Welcome! 

I'm not actually any more experienced than you, but I'll offer one thing that I think I've had success with.  

When my lady and I were looking to bring another guy in, she was full of doubt and uncertainty. Instead of coming up with a do and don't list, I just told her that whatever she wanted was ok, and that I'd make sure that she stayed in control. It seemed to give her what she wanted. After a couple tentative experiments (I think she wanted to be sure how I'd react when it got real) she was suddenly comfortable doing everything.  

 

We both knew that she wanted to. But conditioning runs deep, and we had both grown up in very traditional families. I think she really just needed to feel safe that there wouldn't be shaming or resentment after.  

 

Anyway, welcome and I hope that helps. 

[njbm 2,871]

Of course, note that as with any sexual activity, no means no and no one should do anything they don’t want to do. 

[Numex 2,416]

4 hours ago, njbm said:

it is really difficult to micromanage what partners can and cannot do

Great observation. 

 

2 hours ago, christnthms said:

Instead of coming up with a do and don't list, I just told her that whatever she wanted was ok,

That's what we did and it worked out well.  That approach made her comfortable and she enjoyed it so much that she was eager to continue and move on. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Uhh, we are (hopefully) all amateurs at this. Turning 'pro'...nevermind.

 

Quote

We both knew that she wanted to. But conditioning runs deep, and we had both grown up in very traditional families. I think she really just needed to feel safe that there wouldn't be shaming or resentment after.  

This is worth repeating. Start with this and go from there. She needs to KNOW it's okay and you won't hold anything that happens against her (trust is essential).

 

When you are looking for someone to play with, just tell them that she is in charge...what she says, goes. If they break this rule, then it's over, done, instantly, put your clothes on and leave, never again to respond to them again. I've said this before: finding single guys to play with is like finding a cheeseburger at McD's...they're everywhere. If they won't obey your rules and limits, finding the next guy is still super easy.

[couplers 4,640]

On 3/20/2021 at 9:19 AM, Bjerane said:

She really just wants the control and doesn't want the other guy to just want bam thank you mam

I agree with everything above about making it clear that your wife has control, that's the best way to have a good long-term swinging experience.  But I can say as a woman that my moods change, so once you make it clear that she can do as she wants, don't be surprised if your wife decides to have different experiences later, including those things she doesn't like now.  It make take years and it may be only once in a great while, but wants change, we all like to mix it up some times.  You seem to be enjoying letting her control the adventure that you two are on, so let her know whatever she does is fine with you, be sensitive and open to what she may want later.

Edited March 22, 2021 by couplers

[Jandj2play 1]

That was rule number one with us. She has COMPLETE control. My main job is to make sure she’s safe (and satisfied).