Single girl

[Kate B 14]

I'm single female interested in swinging. I'm struggling to find relationships with single men into swinging. I'm not big on just casual fwbs. I'm 21 so I feel like my whole age group is not as open to swinging. 

[christnthms 326]

Don't count me as an expert. But in the little experience I have, I'd say that stable swinger relationships are most often the result of an older couple. Maybe the perspectives of age play a role in that.  

 

Speaking only for myself, I know that when I was 21, I was way to insecure and inexperienced to be open to swinging. Probably the earliest in my life that I would have been open to the idea is early 30s, and the reality is that it took to my early 40s. 

 

Don't be disheartened though. There are going to more guys that match with you each year. Don't let the search for perfection make you reject the good guys you meet along the way. I think the best matches are usually the result of effort, not luck. 

[adamgunn 1,460]

I'd suggest you put up a paid profile on one of the big three (SLS, SDC, Kasadie) and in the profile state clearly what your looking for - as you did here. You'll be inundated with offers from single males, although the vast majority will be outside your age range.

 

Go on dates with guys you find attractive that contact you. Make it understood there will be no sex on the first two dates -  that will clear out some of the guys who are only looking for one night stands. Eventually, something will pop up.

 

Best of luck.

[Kate B 14]

Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate having insight from people who have experience in the community. 

[couplers 4,639]

11 hours ago, adamgunn said:

Go on dates with guys you find attractive

Agreed.  

 

11 hours ago, adamgunn said:

Make it understood there will be no sex on the first two dates

Don't put a number on it, as things move along you can decide not to have sex until you want to.  But when the topic does turn to sex be sober, abundantly clear, and matter of fact - you are looking for a long term relationship that is non-monogamous, and on your terms.

 

In my early twenties, I was surprised that when the man who would become my husband and I started having sex, he was fine with me keeping my ex-fiancé as a boyfriend while they both remained monogamous with me (I did, however, never turned either one down).  You are who you are, deserve what you want, and shouldn't settle for anything less.  There are men out there who will be your match, you need to find him/them.  The work and the wait are definitely worth it.

Edited March 22, 2021 by couplers

[Kate B 14]

I'm glad to hear these success stories. R there traits you guys find that make people better matches? 

[christnthms 326]

Self acceptance was first for me, then accepting my partner as-is. We all change and grow over time. But I think it's important to be 100% ok with yourself and your partner. That goes double if you're going to attempt a non-monogamous relationship. The opportunity for jealousy and insecurity is multiplied, so the firm foundation becomes even more important.   

 

On the other hand, if you have that at the start, there are a lot of other things you're ahead on too. 

[Kate B 14]

That's good advice. I feel very relaxed. I'm not a jealous person or insecure. I am patient and accepting too. How's ur current swinging situation?

[AndrewandAnn 360]

Well, well... a unicorn.

 

Maybe tomorrow will be visited by a leprechaun, too ?

[Idahocouple6969 294]

It's been our experience that age really is just a number. We have played with people in their 20's to in their 70's. 

The advice from @adamgunn about a paid profile ( we tend to bypass the free accounts) on one of the swing sites is the way to go. Which site will depend on your location. Another good idea is to find a local meet and greet. Quite often this is the best way to meet others in the LS. Make sure you are clear on what you are looking for. And don't "settle" for a one and done.... unless you you want to. 

For most folks in the LS it's all about the female. Never EVER do anything you aren't comfortable with. It's just like dating, you will have to weed out the duds, rude, pushy guys. You WILL find that a majority of people in the LS are welcoming and friendly. And it won't take long to find they are way more fun to hang out with than  vanilla friends. 

Please feel free to ask questions and see if you are interested in going further. Everyone here will tell you that communication is the key. If you can't be honest with yourself and your partner it will never work.  But it can be the best experience you have ever had.

An example: we had a single gal that attended a house party with a group we hang out with it was her 1st time and afterwards she said " no one ever told me that sex could be so much fun!"

Good luck and welcome to the board.

[PSULioness 847]

A 21 year old can’t find a guy to party with? I suggest visiting any college campus and setting up a table at the Union building and taking applications. 

I don't know what you look like, I just feel there are millions of guys who would be willing unless you are into some craziness. 

[Kate B 14]

I can get guys for fwb and one night stands. I'm in college. No one seems to be into swinging at my school.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

What Idahocouple said is a home run. There are hundreds...thousands of guys that are looking for someone JUST LIKE YOU. You get to choose the one you want, all you need to do is find him. Best place to catch a fish is to go where the fish already are (in this case: meet and greets or swingers clubs if they are open near you). Do not settle since you may be fishing in a somewhat smaller pond, there are WAY more male fish than female. As already pointed out, you, in the L/S, are called a unicorn (single female swinger) because women like you are more rare than finding a unicorn.

 

Kind of funny, but when I think about the 'younger crowd' today, I think of them being much more liberal and sexually open than when I was 'that age'. Hooking up isn't a big deal now and it sounds like threesomes are becoming much more common. Then again, when I was young(er), the older folks probably thought the same thing about my age group. Unfortunately, I was of that group that just missed 'free love' and arrived just as AIDS became known. No wild sex parties for me (then, at least).

 

The three things you NEED to be a successful swinger is that you and your partner need an abundance of love, trust, and communication. Love and trust takes time to fully develop, so if you see any developing, either address them immediately or move along to the next person. Knowing that these three things are so important should make it easier to keep your eyes open for what you are looking for. Don't settle (then again these work for ALL relationships: love/trust/communication and not settling). Anyways, let us know how things are going for you, come back as other questions arise, and we wish you luck.

[couplers 4,639]

On 3/21/2021 at 1:51 AM, Kate B said:

I'm struggling to find relationships with single men into swinging. I'm not big on just casual fwbs.

 

2 hours ago, PSULioness said:

here are millions of guys who would be willing

 

16 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

There are hundreds...thousands of guys that are looking for someone JUST LIKE YOU.

The advice here is good, but if you're looking for a man who is into swinging and a long-term relationship, potentially marriage, I don't think that like every other guy is into that.  Men who want to share of life of non-monogamy and swinging with a wife are certainly out there (and if they are like my husband and the way other husbands here seem to be, the are above average spouses), but you need to be honest about what you are looking for and be choosey.  Most men still think that they want monogamy, so you need to say that you aren't going to be monogamous up front so as not to waste anyone's time.

Edited March 22, 2021 by couplers

[Kate B 14]

33 minutes ago, couplers said:

 

 

The advice here is good, but if you're looking for a man who is into swinging and a long-term relationship, potentially marriage, I don't think that like every other guy is into that.  Men who want to share of life of non-monogamy and swinging with a wife are certainly out there (and if they are like my husband and the way other husbands here seem to be, the are above average spouses), but you need to be honest about what you are looking for and be choosey.  Most men still think that they want monogamy, so you need to say that you aren't going to be monogamous up front so as not to waste anyone's time.

I'm looking for dominant partner into swinging. I see the other options are good for the current time.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

I would think the folks your age are more likely to found be on Apps like Feeld, Tinder, and 3Fun rather than SLS, Kasidie and others.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

I'm looking for dominant partner into swinging. I see the other options are good for the current time.

Then take off your clothes and present for inspection!

[Jlo60 9]

On 3/21/2021 at 3:51 AM, Kate B said:

I'm single female interested in swinging. I'm struggling to find relationships with single men into swinging. I'm not big on just casual fwbs. I'm 21 so I feel like my whole age group is not as open to swinging. 

Where are you located?  I’d prefer a regular swing partner as well. I am older but fun, easy going and experienced. 

[Sunday 119]

On 3/21/2021 at 3:51 AM, Kate B said:

I'm single female interested in swinging. I'm struggling to find relationships with single men into swinging. I'm not big on just casual fwbs. I'm 21 so I feel like my whole age group is not as open to swinging. 

 

I'm more inclined to believe that the person typing this is a 62-year-old dude that gets a cheap-thrill from the responses because this dilemma just doesn't ring true of a real world experience nor would this the place for that fictional character to come for a solution.

 

Maybe it's just me.

 

 

Edited April 8, 2021 by Sunday

[Kate B 14]

3 hours ago, Sunday said:

 

I'm more inclined to believe that the person typing this is a 62-year-old dude that gets a cheap-thrill from the responses because this dilemma just doesn't ring true of a real world experience nor would this the place for that fictional character to come for a solution.

 

Maybe it's just me.

 

 

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am actually 21 and this is my situation.  I'm not sure how old you are but the generation z culture does not like swinging. They are into one night stands fwbs and monogomous dating. Swinging is not mainstream anymore. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

That is why we try to treat every question as real. Even if the original poster turns out to just be looking for a cheap thrill (not saying that you are, just talking in general) there may be someone later who comes by and finds the advice helpful.

 

We hear you about the FWB and one night stands but swinging has never been mainstream. Maybe a tributary during the late '60's/early 70's, but never mainstream. There are guys out there, you just need to keep looking. Referring back to what Idaho said:

 

Quote

Another good idea is to find a local meet and greet. Quite often this is the best way to meet others in the LS. Make sure you are clear on what you are looking for. And don't "settle" for a one and done.... unless you you want to.

The best way to catch a fish is to first find a lake that HAS the right fish. Start with meet and greets or a swingers club. Trust me, you will have NO PROBLEM making friends. Just make sure that you vet them and never settle. You hold the cards here and should be able to find exactly what you want. It just takes some time, effort and patience. Now, did you ever take off your clothes and assume the position?

[Kate B 14]

I like the advice. I think your right about narrowing down options in the swingers community. What do you mean about assume the position

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

I'm looking for dominant partner into swinging.

Swingers sometimes are also into other types of sexual 'interests'. When it comes to the D/s culture, Doms usually will have their subs strip and kneel to assume a submissive position. This is used to help the sub transition from a vanilla mindset to a submissive mindset. As the submissive kneels and waits she will begin to focus on her submission. It is just a way to move away from the everyday things to D/s play.

[Kate B 14]

12 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Swingers sometimes are also into other types of sexual 'interests'. When it comes to the D/s culture, Doms usually will have their subs strip and kneel to assume a submissive position. This is used to help the sub transition from a vanilla mindset to a submissive mindset. As the submissive kneels and waits she will begin to focus on her submission. It is just a way to move away from the everyday things to D/s play.

I do like bdsm. I was more referring to dominant as having a boyfriend who wants to swing. 

[Sunday 119]

On 4/8/2021 at 11:39 AM, Kate B said:

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am actually 21 and this is my situation.  I'm not sure how old you are but the generation z culture does not like swinging. They are into one night stands fwbs and monogomous dating. Swinging is not mainstream anymore. 

Not buying it, sorry.

 

[MasterFuckdaddyLongdick 2]

On 3/22/2021 at 8:25 AM, PSULioness said:

A 21 year old can’t find a guy to party with? I suggest visiting any college campus and setting up a table at the Union building and taking applications. 

I don't know what you look like, I just feel there are millions of guys who would be willing unless you are into some craziness. 

Some of us even need the craziness. Just ask my wife

[couplers 4,639]

On 4/8/2021 at 10:15 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

That is why we try to treat every question as real.

There are some questions/stories that seem fake to me, but are interesting nevertheless.