Excited and Nervous

[ExcitedAndNervous 0]

Greetings-

My wife and I have been on quite a journey with regard to swinging over the last 9 months. We have been married 20+ years. For me, it's been a lifelong (since puberty) fantasy. Early on in our relationship, we joked about it, but it was clear it was a non-starter.

Last summer, she took a class in human sexuality. Part of the class was watching videos, and one of the videos was about swinging. We had incredibly hot sex as we talked about what turned us on from this video. In my mind it opened a door I thought didn't actually exist. Since then, she has gone back and forth from, "this is not something we are going to think about or do," to us having extremely hot sex (this afternoon included when she came home for lunch) while we discuss group swinging fantasies.

We talked for a while about getting a dildo (she has several vibrators,) and I asked if she wanted a realistic one or not. She wanted a veiny realistic one. I have a smooth tool with a small vein. I got her a big veiny one that we have nicknamed Thor!

We have been talking since October about going to a nudist resort, and we are making plans to do so, possibly as early as the end of the month. I asked her to decide where we are going, to a family friendly place, or one where there could possibly be sexy stuff going on. She chose a sexy stuff option.

It all seems to be heading in a direction that seems to say, "this is going to happen at some point." She cums incredibly hard when we fantasize together about it, with male or female fantasy partners involved with her. Yet she still says she has no interest, and doesn't want to do it, and is ambivalent about going to a nudist resort (it was her idea to start with back in October.)

Meanwhile, this is fantasy stuff coming true for me (even having the fantasy sex,) and I am increasingly having difficulty getting and maintaining an erection. I have no idea why and it's frustrating.

I am at the moment lost about our direction with this, whether we should push forward and actually go explore, or back off and just let it be something we toyed with. It is so unbelievably erotic watching her cum hard as we toy around with Thor and the fantasy people. Erections have never been a problem, and are not when we don't fantasize. I'm not sure what to do with that.

Advice, experience, anecdotes are all appreciated.

[adamgunn 1,461]

Well, she wants sexy stuff - cool. Before you go,  simply have a firm plan about how far it will go that first time, don't deviate from that plan. You'll certainly discuss it afterwards, and decide how (and if) to go further.

 

Is the video on-line? If it is, would you mind telling us how to find it?

[tbone1 79]

The perfect place for you guys to try is Hedonism 2 in Negril, Jamaica.  My wife and I went there for the first time 11 years ago, and we are now looking forward to trip number 23 in October.  There is lots of info about it online.  You can go to the clothing optional areas or the nude areas.  The food is good, entertainment is excellent, the staff is wonderful, the weather is usually perfect.  There are all kinds of activities, and all are included.  The all-inclusive includes all kinds of food, all alcohol, water sports such as scuba, snorkeling, and kayaking.  There are tennis courts and a tennis pro.  A nice gym of that's something you're into.  You can sit on the beach and stay to yourself, or join the party.  It is easy to make friends with all kinds of people, all shapes, ages, and sizes, from all over.  Most all people are very respectful, some in the lifestyle, and some not, but there is never any pressure to do anything you don't want to.  However, there is the opportunity to play with others, threesomes, foursomes,  or more somes.  Go to the Hedonism website, look at the groups going during various weeks and check out their websites, decide when you want to go and which group interests you.  You will have the best vacation of your lives and will be making plans to return as soon as you get home.  Good luck!

[certero 28]

Funny you mention your erection issue. I had this same issue when I first got my wife to open up verbally with regards to fantasy during sex (particularly involving other men). I would find myself going soft sometimes and it wasn’t because it turned me off.  The issue corrected itself in no time though. I think what was happening is that encouraging and hearing my wife of 20 + years talk about fucking other men went against my “alpha-ness” or ego . Even though I found/find it hot as hell it was something that I had to adjust to in a way. 

[Baconheads 437]

Yes I am interested in what video you were watching. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

Hedo2, in my personal opinion, is a beautiful, sexy resort but might feel like diving into the deep end of the pool.  Caliente Tampa is also nice and ppl there are a little less bold than the folks you'll find at Hedo.  I think your wife's ambivalence may just be jitters which are totally normal and when feeling on the fence i always say: Go for it.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.  Naturist-type ppl tend to be the friendliest, most relaxed and least judgemental ppl you will ever meet.  As far as the erection stuff there are some pretty reputable online pharmas like Roman or BlueChew that make access to Viagra or Cialis easy and affordable and i reccommend getting some before the nudist adventure.  There is no shame in ED meds!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Several issues here:

 

First: Is trust. The two of you need to have an open talk about fantasies. There are LOTS of women who don't want to 'admit' that they are interested in swinging (or any type of sexual fantasies) because they are afraid it will make them a 'slut' and/or scare you off. She needs to know that it's okay to have fantasies. She needs to know that having a fantasy doesn't mean that it will come true unless she would like to have it come true. She needs to know that if it does come true you will still respect and love her. She needs to be able to trust you COMPLETELY.

 

Second: Before you go, you need to talk about limits. How far are you both comfortable with going? Once that limit is set, it is SET IN STONE. No changing limits once you are there. She needs to be able to trust you that the limits are the limits and that you respect them and her. Even if she says it's okay to change them, it's still isn't a good idea because 'in the moment' it might seem like she wants to but later she might not think the same way. There will ALWAYS be the chance for another time as long as you both are okay with things. You have the rest of your lives together to take that next step, if you decide to take it. When it comes to swinging, taking a bunch of small steps will probably get you further than jumping in head first. (One of our hard rules is never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with)

 

Finally: ED. This is much more common than you would think, both with swingers and non-swingers. If only there was a pill for this...wait, there IS! One of the more common causes is YOU. You worry and pressure you put upon yourself, especially about what might happen or what others will think or being naked where other people will see you messes with your mind which, in turn, messes with your body. Back when we were first starting, there were times when I was watching my partner doing the hottest things imaginable...live porn right before my eyes! My eyes were telling my mind 'can you believe what you are seeing?!!' and my mind says 'nope, can't be happening' and my cock would then ask 'hey, what am I supposed to be doing here?'. Mind says 'nothing, this can't be happening'. Once it happens the first time, you then start to worry that it will happen again...so it does because you were already worrying about it. If only there was a pill...even if there wasn't, it just takes some time to get used to the idea that what you are doing is okay and there's nothing wrong with doing it. Take your time already, and always remember, if all else fails, you still have a tongue! Most couples will understand since this really isn't that uncommon.

 

Just remember that you are doing this together and just have fun with whatever happens. You can always stop at any time if things aren't working out for you both. Take your time and enjoy the experience. Let us know how things are going.