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Tips to meeting fewer, but better, matches while swinging

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Hello all. 

 

We have been engaged in the LS since Sept 2019 and have noticed a pattern in our activity; curious whether this mirrors that of many of you. 

 

When we first began, we meet folks usually online, and occasionally in a social setting.  Initially, our goal to gain a face to face meeting with the potential couple; a coffee, a drink, whatever. Looking back on it, we likely met with too many couples who were not good fits. 

 

Now, our goal is to ascertain the "fit" earlier in the process, so that we meet fewer couples, but the ones that we do meet are, in theory at least, ideally better fits for us. 

 

Peeling back the onion on this, it appears that we have gotten better at asking some of the dealbreaker questions upfront

(condom use, drug use, PnP, same room, play together,  etc) that would help to stratify best fit earlier in the process, long before we ever potentially meet.

 

Red flags are also coming into play as we are now more aware of what some of these things are and how they influence what works for us, and what doesn't. 

 

For those of you who have extensive experience in the LS, we would welcome your comments in terms of how you ascertain "fit". Is it a process or a particular step; certain questions upfront, etc?

 

Many thanks.

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Some people get annoyed if the pre-meeting questioning becomes like a job interview. 

I think that you have to meet a couple to get a good feeling as to who they are and what they are about. Some people who we were doubtful about on paper were absolutely charming in person. 
 

We find that we do better with committed couples who are in a romantic relationship with each other. Sometimes we met two single swingers helping each other out. Usually their relationship fizzled before we could meet or soon after our meeting. Hey, maybe it was us that led to their demise. Never thought of that. Doubtful, though. 

 

Before covid, we traveled extensively. We’ve met several couples from Calgary, some lifestyle, some not, but universally really great people. You have a great pool of friendly people to work with! 

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11 hours ago, njbm said:

Before covid, we traveled extensively. We’ve met several couples from Calgary, some lifestyle, some not, but universally really great people. You have a great pool of friendly people to work with! 

Fully agreed re: the great pool of people here in Calgary. Thank you for that NJBM.

 

What we find "odd" is that this pool is rather fragmented - for the most part, there is not the sense of "community" that we expected to find. 

Perhaps this is because the LS itself is so very diverse, with a plethora of sub groups/interests/approaches falling within that umbrella. 

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It’s more free agents than a cohesive group. As you get more experience and meet more people, you will probably get invited to house parties. I think that you will enjoy that. 

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We have been to some house parties already and have found them to be a lot of fun. 

 

The particular crowd on hand seems to have a huge impact on the "vibe" of the particular event;  lesson learned for us has been to go with no expectations and an open mind. 

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