Are singles really swingers?

[Alura 2,774]

If we could apply the word 'lifestyler" instead of swinger, I think anyone who fits into the community would be a lifestyler...that would include singles, poly groups, AND couples. There is a mindset that determines if someone (anyone) actually "gets it" or not. You are both correct to state that not every couple "gets it". To me, swinging/lifestyling is about embracing our sexual freedom in a way that steps outside what the rest of the world deems as socially acceptable - and if doing that as part of a couple, that requires love, acceptance and communication skills beyond what a traditional relationship demands. As a single, those same skills are applied in a different way - but still necessary - such as loving oneself enough to allow sexual freedom, accepting that others may never understand your choices, and excellent communication with those you meet and play with. To me, it's very much the same - the difference is if you go it alone or have a partner in crime.

 

Wasn't that tried when the title was changed from "wife swappers" to "Swingers?" Mrs. Alura and I called ourselves "spouse swappers" because that's what we did.

 

People who don't own Porsches are not allowed to join the Porsche Club, (they don't even ask!) nor are they allowed to drive our cars at events, even if they could, indeed, drive them better than the we could.

 

A single may, of course, join a married couple for a threesome, but that doesn't make him (or her) a "spouse swapper." In my opinion, when you risk the one you love most, you've earned the name "Swinger."

 

I never met a couple who "didn't get it" except those who didn't participate at all.

 

Alura

[CalendarGirl 148]

A single may, of course, join a married couple for a threesome, but that doesn't make him (or her) a "spouse swapper." In my opinion, when you risk the one you love most, you've earned the name "Swinger."

 

I agree that a single can not be a "spouse swapper" but I don't agree that this is the only definition of a swinger. Otherwise soft swap couples may not be considered swingers. Couples that like same room sex only, they aren't swingers. Couples that only have threesomes, they aren't swingers. And of course, I don't recall there being any need to "earn" the name swinger, it's not a badge of honor. It's a fun hobby/lifestyle. Especially since you can't "risk" another person since you don't "own" that person, that risk is their own. If a person is not confident in their relationship they shouldn't be swinging. I'm so sad to hear one of my gurus here at Swingersboard doesn't think I'm a swinger. Ruined my whole Friday!

[Alura 2,774]

I agree that a single can not be a "spouse swapper" but I don't agree that this is the only definition of a swinger. Otherwise soft swap couples may not be considered swingers. Couples that like same room sex only, they aren't swingers. Couples that only have threesomes, they aren't swingers. And of course, I don't recall there being any need to "earn" the name swinger, it's not a badge of honor. It's a fun hobby/lifestyle. Especially since you can't "risk" another person since you don't "own" that person, that risk is their own. If a person is not confident in their relationship they shouldn't be swinging. I'm so sad to hear one of my gurus here at Swingersboard doesn't think I'm a swinger. Ruined my whole Friday!

 

The definition keeps changing, from Wife Swapper, to Spouse Swapper, to Swinger, and now to Lifestyler. Ah, well... We must all have differing opinions or the world would be boring. I seldom post in singles forums, despite that I find myself single again. It's kind of like not minding my own business. Sorry about your Friday, but rest assured that my opinion will have no effect on your acceptance as a "swinger." I now consider myself a "retired" spouse swapper.

[CalendarGirl 148]

The definition keeps changing, from Wife Swapper, to Spouse Swapper, to Swinger, and now to Lifestyler. Ah, well... We must all have differing opinions or the world would be boring. I seldom post in singles forums, despite that I find myself single again. It's kind of like not minding my own business. Sorry about your Friday, but rest assured that my opinion will have no effect on your success as a "swinger." I now consider myself a "retired" spouse swapper.

 

Yes, I think the definition keeps changing as it should. I'm not one for labels much anyway. I'm always happy to hear from couples in the singles forums, after all swinging is mostly couples and that's who I'm interested in so I like to know how they feel. I may not always agree with it but I always like to know. It's good to know that there are some couples that want me in their bed but not in their "lifestyle." Now I know that I don't want to play with those couples. Too bad. Oh Alura, I could care less about my success as a swinger, it's your inclusion I seek! XOXOXO

[Alura 2,774]

Yes, I think the definition keeps changing as it should. I'm not one for labels much anyway. I'm always happy to hear from couples in the singles forums, after all swinging is mostly couples and that's who I'm interested in so I like to know how they feel. I may not always agree with it but I always like to know. It's good to know that there are some couples that want me in their bed but not in their "lifestyle." Now I know that I don't want to play with those couples. Too bad. Oh Alura, I could care less about my success as a swinger, it's your inclusion I seek! XOXOXO

 

Well, Sweetheart, I'm single now so if we ever meet face-to-face, I'll be more than happy to seek your inclusion. XOXOXO, your own self!

 

Alura

[Chicup 41]

Posting in a 11 year old thread. Just think when we are elderly, talk about thread necro possibilities!

 

But I'm bored and thinking about this.

 

As a MALE I do NOT see single males as swingers in most cases. Men are sluts by nature, I've always been easy, swinging as a single male if I were that single male would just be an offshoot of my sluttiness. Now being I'm a swinger currently I would "get" it and have the right mindset which many single males don't. I think swinging appeals to a number of males who are just sex starved and can't land a girlfriend to save their life. They are the ones who give single males a "bad name" but really they seem to make up a majority. Perhaps the others are the ones who give them a good name.

 

Single females I view differently. Being slutty is not normal female nature. I say this from a biological standpoint. Females are the "gatekeepers" in sex, it is in our genes. For a woman to go "sex positive" requires more thought and mindset than a male. Longer term single female swingers seem a lot different than most of the males. Now that being said there are a number of single females in the lifestyle with "issues", issues which if they were a male would get them blacklisted but not so much as a female for obvious reasons.

 

As for the definition of swinging, it IS far different married than single and I think we all understand this. What I do is very different than what a single does emotionally. My give comes with a take, a take I have to be comfortable with. This is where so many single males just fail, they are all take and don't understand the give, many seem to be incapable of that give. These men are not swingers, they are simply sexual opportunists.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I mostly feel like I've posted enough in this thread and should just give it a rest, but the non-inclusion of singles bugs the crap outta me. Part of what bothers me is this insistence that couples risk something that singles don't. Knowing that M. is having sex with someone else is the equivalent of an absent minded nod for me, so that particular metric isn't universal enough to be the dividing line. Or I'm not a real swinger.

 

I've been round and round on the issue of risk. I risked a whole helluva lot ten plus years ago when I was a single mother with young children an ex-husband was itching to take away from me, a high profile position in an organization that would have been materially harmed and a lot of anxiety about claiming my own sluttiness after a decade of trying to suppress it. Now none of those things is true and I risk exactly nothing. If M. is going to leave me, it's not going to make the slightest difference whether he is or is not having recreational sex. Rather than bringing a Porsche to the game, for me it's more like bringing deviled eggs to the potluck, trusting that everyone else will contribute something.

 

And all that said, I still routinely reject single men because they clearly don't understand the concept of swinging, no matter how long they've had a profile on SLS. I've lost count of the number of men who have been clear they wouldn't consider swinging if they were part of a couple. Um, go away.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I think swinging appeals to a number of males who are just sex starved and can't land a girlfriend to save their life. They are the ones who give single males a "bad name" but really they seem to make up a majority. Perhaps the others are the ones who give them a good name.

 

And all that said, I still routinely reject single men because they clearly don't understand the concept of swinging, no matter how long they've had a profile on SLS. I've lost count of the number of men who have been clear they wouldn't consider swinging if they were part of a couple. Um, go away.

 

Yes. This is one of the reasons why I love this board. You guys always put what I'm thinking about in a more understandable and direct manner than what is rattling on upstairs.

[Alura 2,774]

Maybe it's just that now is the dinner hour, but deviled eggs sound really good right now!

 

Alura

[sparkstar 128]

Swinger, a person who is part of an open relationship.

So someone who is single can't be a swinger.

 

The only reason singles are invited to some swinger type events is because some couples enjoy being with another man or woman instead of another couple. Some men enjoy having 2 women in bed, some women enjoy having 2 men in bed, or both enjoy the other person.

 

Quite often single men go into the lifestyle hoping to get laid with easy/loose married women, then find they cant perform in a MFM threesome or with her husband watching.

Quite often married men talk their wives into swinging just so he can experience a FMF threesome, but won't allow her to have a MFM threesome or let her go with other men.

These type of men single and married, should not be swinging.

[CalendarGirl 148]

Swinger, a person who is part of an open relationship.

So someone who is single cant be a swinger.

 

Um what's your source for the above? Here's a few more for you:

 

Merriam Webster defines swinger as "one who engages freely in sex". This includes couples & singles & triads & quads even

 

Wikipedia says "Swinging or (rarely) partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity...The older term wife-swapping, once considered to be equivalent to "swinging," is criticized today as being androcentric where it is presumed that the partners are a married heterosexual couple and that it is the male who is in control of the sexual activities and also that it does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which both singles or couples may take part." Hmmm, couples & singles!

 

The perennial expert, Swingersboard.com says "SWINGING An alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners; single men and women are sometimes involved." What? The swinging lifestyle is inclusive? Crazy!

 

Swinging isn't just "swapping" anymore! Let's all jump in a pile and enjoy!

[sparkstar 128]

Um what's your source for the above? Here's a few more for you:

 

Merriam Webster defines swinger as "one who engages freely in sex". This includes couples & singles & triads & quads even

 

Swinging isn't just "swapping" anymore! Let's all jump in a pile and enjoy!

It is our opinion, and agree with wikipedia.

Merriam defines swinging as someone who engages freely in sex, well that defines nearly everyone then? sex before marriage.

[CalendarGirl 148]

I mostly feel like I've posted enough in this thread and should just give it a rest, but the non-inclusion of singles bugs the crap outta me. Part of what bothers me is this insistence that couples risk something that singles don't. Knowing that M. is having sex with someone else is the equivalent of an absent minded nod for me, so that particular metric isn't universal enough to be the dividing line. Or I'm not a real swinger.

 

Exactly!

 

I've been round and round on the issue of risk. I risked a whole helluva lot ten plus years ago when I was a single mother with young children an ex-husband was itching to take away from me, a high profile position in an organization that would have been materially harmed and a lot of anxiety about claiming my own sluttiness after a decade of trying to suppress it. Now none of those things is true and I risk exactly nothing. If M. is going to leave me, it's not going to make the slightest difference whether he is or is not having recreational sex.

 

I couldn't agree more!

 

And all that said, I still routinely reject single men because they clearly don't understand the concept of swinging, no matter how long they've had a profile on SLS. I've lost count of the number of men who have been clear they wouldn't consider swinging if they were part of a couple. Um, go away.

 

I agree, go away. If he doesn't get it, it's his own loss. Next! You can reject any individual for any reason you like. It's the exclusion of a group of people from the very lifestyle where they are coveted (yup, us unicorns are singles!) that is just ridiculous! LOL! What is gained?! Isn't there room for all of us?

[CalendarGirl 148]

It is our opinion, and agree with wikipedia.

 

"Swinging or (rarely) partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity...The older term wife-swapping, once considered to be equivalent to "swinging," is criticized today as being androcentric where it is presumed that the partners are a married heterosexual couple and that it is the male who is in control of the sexual activities and also that it does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which both singles or couples may take part."

 

I'm so happy to hear that you have changed your mind and now agree that singles can be swingers!! We certainly need the support!!

[sparkstar 128]

"Swinging or (rarely) partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity...The older term wife-swapping, once considered to be equivalent to "swinging," is criticized today as being androcentric where it is presumed that the partners are a married heterosexual couple and that it is the male who is in control of the sexual activities and also that it does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which both singles or couples may take part."

 

I'm so happy to hear that you have changed your mind and now agree that singles can be swingers!! We certainly need the support!!

Nope, i read that part as the single person being part of the relationship. So we don't agree with wikipedia then

[Alura 2,774]

"Swinging or (rarely) partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity...The older term wife-swapping, once considered to be equivalent to "swinging," is criticized today as being androcentric where it is presumed that the partners are a married heterosexual couple and that it is the male who is in control of the sexual activities and also that it does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which both singles or couples may take part."

 

I admit to being older than dirt.

 

Oh, all right! I surrender.

 

I'm left to wonder why the clubs aren't filled with single swingers all fucking each other...

 

Alura

[angelkin 1,326]

I'm left to wonder why the clubs aren't filled with single swingers all fucking each other...

 

Alura

 

Sometimes they are LOL!

[Chicup 41]

Um what's your source for the above? Here's a few more for you:

 

Merriam Webster defines swinger as "one who engages freely in sex". This includes couples & singles & triads & quads even

 

Wikipedia says "Swinging or (rarely) partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity...The older term wife-swapping, once considered to be equivalent to "swinging," is criticized today as being androcentric where it is presumed that the partners are a married heterosexual couple and that it is the male who is in control of the sexual activities and also that it does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which both singles or couples may take part." Hmmm, couples & singles!

 

The perennial expert, Swingersboard.com says "SWINGING An alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners; single men and women are sometimes involved." What? The swinging lifestyle is inclusive? Crazy!

 

Swinging isn't just "swapping" anymore! Let's all jump in a pile and enjoy!

 

You know the last time someone used wikipedia for this very topic years ago, I showed them how silly it was to use wikipedia because I altered the wikipedia entry myself.

 

Lets look at it this way. When non-swingers talk about "swingers" what are they talking about? Singles or couples? I don't know when it became cool to call yourself a swinger, but no one says about a single guy "he's a swinger", no he's just a typical single guy who likes sex.

[Alura 2,774]

In my day, a male swinger was a fellow who dated a lot of "girls" and could dance really well.

 

The Concise Oxford Dictionary offers no definition of "Swinger," except several examples which refer to an object suspended in such a way that it is able to move back and forth, "like a hammock."

 

However, this is interesting:

 

Swingle (swing'l), n., & v.t., 1. Wooden instrument for beating flax & removing woody parts from it; swinging part of flail; Swingletree, crossbar pivoted in middle to ends of which traces are fastened in cart, plough, etc. 2. v.t. Clean (flax) with~; swingling-tow, coarse part of flax. (ME, F. M.Du, swinghet]

 

The American Heritage Dictionary of the American Language however, does define "Swinger." Slang "One who participates actively in youthful fads." or b. "To be a lively success in terms of enjoyment." and 6. (slang) "To be executed by hanging."

 

My guess is that the term "Swingers" was applied to spouse swappers because they moved from one partner to another and back again.

 

Alura

[BeStylnIT 114]

Austin Powers claimed himself as a swinger. He even spit in the proverbial eye of Britain's conservative culture by flaunting it on his spy car's license plate. If Austin Powers considers himself a single male swinger, sock it to me baby!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

The person who replied that way to a post sounds like they might be fifteen years old. I like to call single males or females who play with couples "thirds". In my opinion swinging involves couples, usually married but not necessarily, swapping with other couples. I agree that single people who go to swingers clubs are looking to get laid. Are there any single black guys that go to swingers clubs? (just havin' fun ) People are there for a lot of different reasons. Some are looking for the MFM, FMF experience. Others are looking for other couples. Most might be classified as reciprocators. "I'll let you do my wife/husband if I can do your husband/wife".