Falling in Love with a partner

[Hot2trot76 0]

Hey everyone, 

Have a situation at hand that I don’t know how to handle as a single male . 
a couple sought me out that are engaged, Her partner travels frequently and is a great guy , but as he travels his partner started staying with me often , likes all weekend or even up to a week . During our time she told me she had feelings for me , and yes I did too . The feelings got stronger and stronger and she started telling me the negative things going on with their relationship, like what I do that he doesn’t “ not sexually” every day to day things . I never said anything bad about him, and also during his return I laid off so they could have their personal time. He insisted I shouldn’t do that . I told him it was out of respected . Well he ended up hearing her tell me she loved me then shit went through the roof . She came to my house telling me all of her feelings which mine were just as strong . Then out of the blue I received a text from her to stop communicating she was going to work on her relationship, which is fine , I get that , but at the same time if her feelings were strong as she said I’m finding it hard to let go

[KatrinaandDriverX 101]

Let her go. Do it now. Respect their marriage.

 

And this mess you're talking about, know that on some level, you had a hand in it. Your absence will be part of showing the 'respect' you mention.

 

Move on and do not look back. Frankly, it's what being a man is all about. Just watch the end of Casablanca. 

 

Here's Looking At You, Kid - Casablanca (5-6) Movie CLIP (1942) HD - YouTube.webloc

[Hot2trot76 0]

Thank you very much! Excellent advise 

[WesternSwing 504]

I've had partners/playmates start that kind of stuff with me, telling me what their partner lacks this or that or treats them this way or that or what their other issues are, etc. For me it's a BIG RED FLAG. Regardless of how I feel about her, I break it off. I don't need their drama throwing ruining my Zen. Usually that type of a person is looking for a way out of that relationship, and I refuse to be "it". 

[adamgunn 1,460]

Let's suppose you decide that you love her back, and the two of you create a shit storm with her fiancé. How long do you think it will be before there's a shitstorm in your life? And how stable do you think your relationship with her will be?

[njbm 2,871]

When people cheat on their spouse with a new lover, one would have to presume that the cheater will cheat on the new lover. 
 

Swinging between two couples reduces the chance of this love affair outbreak, but I am sure it still happens. 
 

We’ve had a couple of men looking for a girl friend experience with my wife. Bye, bye. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Don't leave out the NRE (new relationship energy) that happens when a relationship is fresh and, well, new. This also fades and eventually ends up where this woman is with her partner...seeing greener grass as the bloom falls from the rose. One feelings began to develop, you should have put everything on hold. Even if you leave and they are unable to repair their relationship, and she comes back to you I and I said IF) it is probably only a matter of time before the same happens to you...or you end up worrying that the same will happen to you. Walk away, make sure she knows that you have walked away, and start looking elsewhere.

[lcmim 1,082]

There is another facet of this that I would  like to mention.

 First, I would like to say that all of the above cautions are correct. There are however other possibilities.

 

In 2018 I had a conversation with a lady at a swingers event. We were both waiting for our spouses in the hotel lobby. I had seen her before. She was hard to miss. Ladies in wheelchairs are not the norm.

After ten minutes I knew that we were meant to know each other. I am still trying to figure that out.

When my wife came down, I told her that this lady was in my future in some way. It was that clear.

Over the next three years the four of us developed quite a friendship. With the knowledge and blessing of our spouses the two of us were clearly falling in love. At no time did this pose a threat to any of the marriages involved. The two of us were crystal clear about where our loyalties were placed.

My lady just died as a result of her MS. I owe my wife and the lady’s husband a debt beyond measure for their ability to allow us to be. Outside of my wife there is no human being with whom I have been able to share such total transparency.

Despite the pain it was worth it.

To say that opening oneself to other loves in the LifeStyle is always wrong, is an error.

Obviously there are dangers and if it threatens a marriage , either one, run for cover.

Sometimes though there are marvelous , life affirming possibilities.

 

 

 

Edited May 3, 2021 by lcmim

[MidwestHoneys 358]

Elsa said it best Let it Go. 

[couplers 4,639]

May I be the contrarian here.  First, this couple is not married.  Second, this is not really about sex.  Two people, one of whom is already in a relationship, meet and have an attraction.  Perhaps they are falling in love and could make it work.  It happens to people even without the introductory sex.  Having said all that, I cannot give any advice based on the information provided, other than:

On 5/2/2021 at 9:01 PM, Hot2trot76 said:

I received a text from her to stop communicating she was going to work on her relationship

Respect her request.

[lcmim 1,082]

Couplers, I don't think you are contrarian at all. The advice is solidly in the do no harm strain. Even my post which was a caution about dismissing possibilities out of hand was pretty specific about everyone being on board and well balanced in terms of their relationship with their spouse.

So I think that you are squarely in the mainstream.