DO I BELONG?

[Dvanni 0]

Hello everyone! I am a 40+ single /widow female, who has always been interested in the lifestyle( but husband wasn’t). I am ready to finally act on my curiosity. But after  doing some research and reading a post on here; I am left wondering if I would be welcomed in this lifestyle or looked down upon? I am in a FWB situation and he is interested in the lifestyle as well would it be easier if played as a couple? 
I have so many questions, such as what do you wear? Where should I begin ( in GA area)? NONE of my female friends are interested, so I am left to figure out on my own. ??‍♀️
 

Any honest advice and/or suggestion are appreciated and welcomed. 
 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Welcome!

There are no questions that are too simple. We were all new once. 
Ask away!

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Some basic responses. 
First, within the LS, no one will look down upon you. It is wise to keep your private life private. You may encounter others from your vanilla life at parties and clubs. Just smile and move on. They are there for the same reasons you are. 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Single ladies in the lifestyle are often more readily welcomed than single men. Still, you may feel more comfortable initially coming to LS events as a couple and playing either separately or together. 

[Fitlakecouple 451]

There are lots of LS podcasts that you can check out. Many of your questions will be covered there.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

You may even find it easier to start with a few couples dates (2+2)  as vanilla dates just to be able to chat with other couples. 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

As for “what to wear”, that’s one of the fun aspects of the LS—fueling your fantasies by choosing to dress in ways that might not be appropriate for a Kroger or Publix run or a visit to the High Museum. 

[adamgunn 1,461]

You will be enthusiastically welcomed into the LifeStyle, and (for the most part,) on your own terms. You need first to decide where you wish to fit into the LifeStyle: with Single Men, as a bi-female, as a unicorn (being with a married couple.) And then the way you wish to party: One on one, small gatherings, orgies, clubs. What level of participation do you want: in a private location, at a club, at a house party.

 

Understand that if you choose category A, it will be easy to slip to category B later if you change your mind or become more (or less) adventurous.

 

As to how to do it, there are two basic methods: on-line or heading to a place where swingers hang out.

 

If you want to do it on-line, the best way (IMHO) is to put up a paid profile as a single woman on one of the big sites, SwingLifestyle, SDC or Kasadie. Understand that you'll be inundated with messages, you'll have to wade through dozens or hundreds of invitations until you find a good match in the configuration (couple, single woman or single man) you want.  There will be very many fakes, flakes that reach out to you, along with people that are nice but just don't fit what you're looking for.

 

If you decide to go to a club, pick a club and a night, put on some sexy clothes, and go. When you get there circulate, have fun. Here's a list of clubs: www.swinglifestyle.com/swingers/clubs/

 

That's the basics, each of my points can be further developed. Best of luck. If we can be of further help, don't be shy in reaching out.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

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But after  doing some research and reading a post on here; I am left wondering if I would be welcomed in this lifestyle or looked down upon?

I don't know what post you read but you need to read a different post. As Adam (and others) pointed out you would be enthusiastically welcomed to the L/S. There are NEVER enough single women...hence the reason they are referred to as unicorns (finding a unicorn is usually easier than finding a single woman in the L/S). A bisexual single woman is called a golden unicorn since they are even rarer. Even if you want to play with your FWB, that's fine as well, but most other couples usually want their play-partners to be part of a long term relationship (less chances of drama). No matter which you pick, I think you will be able to experience whatever it is you are looking for without any problems. Let us know how things progress for you and good luck!

[Idahocouple6969 294]

Women in the LS run the show. Period. We firmly believe in the meet and greet way to start out. An important note about online, the area you live in will dictate which app you can get the best response from. Get a couple free membership so you can look around. Then absolutely pay for a membership. Many people bypass the "free member" listings. 

We routinely play with couple's and singles from early 20's to their 70's. And we both are about 60. So age, weight and other physical attributes are not all that important.  Clubs are another way to go. I absolutely frickin guarantee that if you don't find someone to play with, it will be because YOU didn't find someone to YOUR liking.

And most importantly... don't do  anything that you don't want to or with anyone you are not attracted to.  

The LS can be really empowering for women.  Good luck and let us know how it's going. Ask all the questions you want and feel free to DM me.

[lcmim 1,086]

First, welcome to the group. Stick around and read much. This is a group of folks sharing their experiences without any agenda.

It is always straight talk .

We do not always agree, because we all have different life stories, but everyone is speaking their truth. You may even find your eventual story in there somewhere. Time will tell.

In the meanwhile we provide what i see as a God's eye view of the LifeStyle reality.

 

 I suggest paying close attention to mostly everything that Fundamental Law says. 

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Welcome... and as I think you can see, you are quite welcome. I can see most of you questions have been well answers by others. I really wanted to weigh in on one which caught my (salacious) eye - what to wear?

 

First and foremost, wear something that feels good. That might mean something comfortable, or something flirty or sexy or downright outrageous... the important thing, above all, is that you feel good wearing it. Having said that, at most swingers gatherings I've attended one should "dress to impress" so ratty sweats and an old t-shirt might not be the best choice (though I've known some folks who can carry that off).

 

I can also add that most swingers clubs I've attended have changing rooms with lockers (bring your own lock) and I've known many ladies who brought multiple outfits and changed throughout the course of the night. From the guy-eye perspective, it's... interesting... to watch a lady start the night in business casual, move to sexy party, then to naughty nightgown and finally to nothing at all. Still, I expect it's exhausting. When we could go to clubs, my wife usually went with street clothes for getting to the venue, a nice sexy outfit for dancing and ended the night wearing nothing but a smile (and a bit sticky ).

 

As with most everything else in swinging the key is to be comfortable with it and have fun.

[MidwestHoneys 359]

Honey and I welcome many singles. So many women are open to enjoy sex are afraid to have labels put on them. Go out and enjoy yourself. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I totally overlooked this part:

 

Quote

I have so many questions, such as what do you wear? Where should I begin ( in GA area)? NONE of my female friends are interested, so I am left to figure out on my own.

As already said, where whatever you feel comfortable in. If you do go to a swingers club, the sky is the limit with what you wear (or don't wear). You can dress 'business casual' and fit in fine, or you can wear the most relieving thing you own (up to and including absolutely nothing) and find out that you still fit in just fine. A quick word about swingers clubs...nobody will make you do anything you don't want to do. If you want to go and spend the night just observing, you can. If anyone asks if you are interested in...well, anything, just tell them that it is your first visit and you are just checking it out. Swingers (on the whole) will ALWAYS ask for permission before they do anything. If they don't, a sharp word will usually put an end to any unwelcome touching. On the off chance that doesn't stop them, let someone working in the club know and they will almost always remove the perpetrator. The golden rule in swinging is no means absolutely no and one should always ask permission before doing anything. Also, when you first arrive, if you let the owners know that it is your first visit, they will usually give you a tour and make you feel much more welcomed. As for where in GA, it looks like there are several clubs depending on where you live. Since we live on the left coast, we really can't help you with particulars there, but I'm sure someone here will be able to make suggestions...maybe if you can tell us what major city you live near?

 

As for your female friends...I'm sure that one or two ARE interested, but just are not willing to admit that they are interested. All too often, it sounds like they are admitting that they might LIKE to have sex with others (especially if they are married)...luckily, you have all of us here to help you along. Once again, we wish you success. Feel free to keep asking questions.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Dvanni, adamgunn is absolutely right. If you set up a profile on a swinger site as a single female, whether straight or bi, you will be absolutely OVERWHELMED by the number of messages you will receive. There is an easy way to help filter this. In setting up your profile, make it so that it takes some time to read, a few paragraphs. Somewhere in the second or third paragraph, put a single sentence that says something like "If you read this, start your message off to me with 'I read it'". The vast, vast majority of messages you will receive will be people who do not actually read your profile. So, if you get a message that starts off without "I read it", delete and block and move on to the next.

 

As a single woman, you will have many, many offers and from some really great people too. You can do this as a single woman or as part of a couple with your FWB. It will work fine either way. Don't settle. If you're not actively turned on by and attracted to the guy or couple, don't waste your time. Move on.

 

We're always here, and we're always happy to answer questions!

[Thegreyarea 100]

Trapeze in Atlanta is a nice club. If you go there I recommend getting the diamond club upgrade.