Exclusive or not.

[Aerofan1973 18]

Wife and I have found a guy we both like to swing with and do more often then any person we have meet before. The question is, the guy asked us if we wanted to be in a closed relationship. He will not meet anyone but us and we are expected to do the same. I do not find this a bad thing (nor does wife) and liked the idea at first, but I like variety and am not sure I want that. Wife and I talked about it and we both are not sure about it. Has any other couples ended up being exclusive with another couple / person? Thoughts. 

[Billygoat 443]

We have been involved with several poly based relationships that were a result of or swing lifestyle.  Shared physically and included emotionally and socially.....family and friends.  But never did mutually exclusive come up in conversation.  Partially with one lady friend but not wanting that limitation our relationship deteriorated....largely on her part.

[adamgunn 1,460]

It might be interesting to try it out for a little while.

 

But . . . the action would all be limited to your wife (unless you guys are bi.) Are you willing to settle for that, long term?

 

I have to ask, what is the impetus for this desire for exclusivity, on his part, on your part? What would you get out of it? If you decided not to become exclusive, what would his reaction be? Would he break up with you?

[NerdsAreFun 226]

Yeah if you’ve found another bi male(based on your other posts) that you like, I imagine this is in the context of losing condoms and having a closed system?  
 

We had that going with one guy, but it was for less than a year before he moved away.

[njbm 2,880]

There is an upside if you are all tested and STI-free. Downside is lack of variety. Do you want the same entree every time you go to a restaurant or do you want to try the buffet, knowing that some of the buffet items may be spoiled?

[couplers 4,654]

We are in a closed arrangement - our poly family and one other couple.  Indeed the trade off is variety vs.  

7 hours ago, njbm said:

an upside

which is being able to go bareback.  For us, the balance definitely is toward uninhibited sex, we get enough variety with the people we have (two guys and three women in our family plus the other couple).  I especially want a guy to be able to ejaculate in me and have those little swimmers living for a few days within.   

Edited May 9, 2021 by couplers

[NerdsAreFun 226]

Yeah and no one says such exclusive arrangements are permanent.  Could just be over a few months.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,391]

We went through the whole pandemic in a closed mfm situation and it was great. Our 2nd covid shots are this week, so while we will def stick with our friend we will also start to open our circle a little.

[enhancer 1,585]

The only person we will be exclusive with is each other.  Not to say we won’t play with the same people more then once and have before,  but we would not make that commitment to anyone else.  We are not poly.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

It really comes down to what you want.

 

For my wife and I, exclusivity means being able to play without condoms. With new people, we play with condoms. My wife has had a couple of long term boyfriends with whom she was exclusive (besides me of course) for a while. That allowed for bareback, which she far, far prefers to condoms. Both were good arrangements, with many play sessions over a few years. We were happy to give up the variety in exchange for a sex partner for her with whom she could play bareback. This was really mainly because both sex partners were really good for her. Neither of us wanted to have her break it off with a guy she really enjoyed having sex with because of a desire for variety or concerns over becoming too emotionally tied together. We're not poly, but also not averse to emotions developing.

 

You need to consider the emotional impact of playing exclusively. The more you play with someone, the more likely it is you will develop emotions for them. Are the two of you ready for that? If you haven't discussed it, you need to. My wife developed emotions for both of her long term play partners. We talked about that beforehand, and it was ok with us so long as we kept our communication completely open and our relationship was stable and still primary.

 

So, are the two of you ok with not having new partners for the foreseeable future and are you ok with the idea of emotions developing? If so, then go for it. There are rewards in having an exclusive partner.