What are your swinging rules?

[DBL D 120]

Rules change all the time. It's whatever you are both becoming comfy with. We never talked about whether we'd swing with a couple who weren't married..but we have. They are fun and committed to each other and we'll probably see them again.

 

Try to give each other some latitude to do what you feel is ok as long as it isn't a cardinal rule.

[Purple 15]

Question to those that have said only married couples... do you mean "legally" married, or just in a long term committed relationship type married??

 

I have several friends that have been together nearly 10 years, but are not "married"...

if you knew swingers like this, would that put them on your "no" list, or are you meaning no b/f & g/f couples??

 

I'm quite surprised to see how many people save anal for their spouse. It makes me more comfortable to be able to tell people that is one of my rules.

[24play 15]

Long term relationship is fine.

[ready2play 24]

Thanks! We fixed this. this board helped a lot we picked the ones we knew would work for us. Not too many.

 

same room

 

condoms

 

afterglow petting is reserved for each other

 

We talked in depth about NO and also things that can be discussed at the time.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Purple said:

Question to those that have said only married couples... do you mean "legally" married, or just in a long term committed relationship type married??

 

I have several friends that have been together nearly 10 years, but are not "married"...

if you knew swingers like this, would that put them on your "no" list, or are you meaning no b/f & g/f couples??

 

In a couple on couple situation we're happy to play with couples who are in a stable relationship - the length of time that relationship has been going on is less important for us than its stability.

 

At the club it's a bit different, not surprisingly. There rarely seems to be the time to go into the background in quite so much detail!

[MrSnozzberryBlu 15]

Good question!

 

My wife and I have pondered this particular point for quite a while.

 

The most important thing is to make sure that no matter what your profile says, that before play everyone knows what to expect and respect.

 

Our profile had so many rules that at one point it was almost pointless. I guess you could say that it became intimidating to anyone who might want to view it. That is not good.

 

By all means set rules that are most important to you and your spouse. Things that are minor or turn offs can be discussed prior to meeting or playing. By doing this you will get more responses and more opportunities to meet possible partners. You don't want to scare anyone off who may feel that the possibilities are too slim that they meet your criteria.

 

Also, what you may feel should be a rule because you don't know these people, may not be an issue after you meet. There have been several couples that my wife and I have felt less restrictive about after meeting them. Pictures do not always capture the person. Personality, connection, comfortableness, and trust may override rules before they even come to mind. It is really something special to be able to lay your rule list down after meeting a couple and feeling so comfortable that they no longer apply.

[ALilOEverything 901]

Also, what you may feel should be a rule because you don't know these people, may not be an issue after you meet. There have been several couples that my wife and I have felt less restrictive about after meeting them.

 

This is how we feel and something we always keep in mind. Our rules totally depends on our comfort level with the other couple. And that's great, that's how we want it. We want to enjoy and be so comfortable with another couple that we can let go of some of the limitations and just have a good time and go with the flow.

[lonesomedove341 15]

We have a few..One is Safe Sex..Always use Condoms no matter what..No Anal...And we only swing with couples togather. Same Room only...I will not meet couples on my own hubby has to be there..And No means No..If one doesnt want then the other doesnt either.

[txduo2000 18]

Well … we have a few rules (one I just learned about ):

 

1. No anal with others (this was the one I just learned about … hubby is very adamant that no one goes “there” but him)

 

2. No separate room swap – we are in this together, to be together and share everything together

 

3. Initial contact with single men must be between the men, with couples, it doesn’t really matter if I or he talks with the woman, but the males must communicate early on in the game. This one is fairly new because we have had problems with posers and liars and men of couples who are just trying to notch their bedposts with every other man’s wife.

 

4. Safe sex … unless we are very comfortable with the other party and feel secure in their honesty about their “cleanliness”

 

5. Open and honest communication

 

6. No one "takes one for the team" - If we don't agree, or if one is not comfortable in a situation, it's called off.

[katejustkate 15]

i agree toyally, Except the no pain....No..don't ask!

I guess I did leave off a few that I thought were a given as well:

No children or animals (We stick to over 21 yrs old)

No pain unless I ask for it!

No body functions (Do I look like a toilet?)

[nicecpl89511 15]

We have a few basic rules. The usual about no kids, no water sports, no potty games, etc.

 

We both have to feel very comfortable about the other couple.

 

We only swing together.

 

Unless we know the other couple(s) very well safe sex is the rule.

 

We are same room swap couple.

[greatesc 15]

We have strict rules.

 

No Anal, just never have gone there

 

Must be spontaneous and not planned

 

If we play it's all of us together at the same time, no going off into different corners

 

Have to be friends first

 

No Pain, water play, hate role playing

[twobears 16]

Hi there everyone we always use protection for intercourse and somtimes if we know the couple, if in thier work where they are tested yearly, then oral sex we may not use anything. We are new and my husband had the same thoughts as the couple stated on here, I put my foot down! I am in the health field and know the chances we take just being in the lifestyle but that is what we want. With our age a STD could cause health issues I don't want my husband to take, so ALL intercourse is with protection. We are trying in our sex life to find the best style of condom that fits my hubby. I want him to have all of the pleasure that he can. Most people only try one type and one size, so try something different. There are all kinds of condoms for everyone.! If I do not know the couple and we are in club setting even my oral on the male will be with condoms, some men have leakage during oral sex an I DO NOT WANT TO Swallow fresh seman. To the lady that is having difficulty enjoying seeing her hubby enjoy sex with other's, I have to keep in mind, when it comes up in my feeling, that I do want my hubby to be pleased he is only sharing his body functions, not his heart feelings. Safe and pleasure to all!!!

[Atilla 16]

Our rules are simple: same room, condoms always, no MM action, and if one of us or both of us aren't happy or comfortable then it's done and it doesn't go any further

[pairbond 19]

We have just 2 rules.

 

1) Have fun.

 

2) Remember who you are going home with.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Safe sex is a must, no oral sex for him and think he's going to kiss me, no anal sex for me, because that's only for my man, and no letting another man cum anywhere on my body.

[LFM2 1,482]

Mr. LFM and I have discussed this until we're blue in the face. We used to have this list as long as Al Capone's rap sheet.

 

We've pared it down to just a few things now...

 

• No anal for me. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I don't want some over-eager man going wild in my ass. Mr. LFM is allowed to perform anal if his partner wishes. He is excellent at giving!
  
• No condoms mean no intercourse. That is something only reserved for Mr. LFM
  
• No one-on-one meetings
  
• No kids or bathroom stuff
  
• Same room only
  
• Our number one rule: Have fun for Gawd's sakes. Isn't that the reason we wanted to try this?
  

 

 

 

*disclaimer: These rules may change as we see fit.

[telly2 15]

Biggest rule, always together, no seperate meetings.

after that what EVERYONE is comfortable with.

[r_poseidon 17]

No cumming in her mouth (unless we both say ok). Same with cumming on her face. For something like that, have to really like and trust the guy.

 

No kissing. But with the right couple, we agree that one can go.

 

Same room only. But again, with the right couple, it would be ok to go separate.

 

No anal. She just doesn't like it.

 

Present and conduct yourself with class. If we were to be seen in public, we would not want to be embarrassed.

 

Be respectful.

 

None of those are too out of line, am I right or wrong?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

LFM2 said:

*disclaimer: These rules may change as we see fit.

 

There has been one significant change to a rule with which JoAnn and I began. The change in attitude was needed on my part. The original rule, "You don't play with the husband unless I get to play with his wife." This rule still holds for occasions when we invited a couple to our home. But I was trying to maintain it for private parties. It ruined the spontaneity. JoAnn would be aching to jump some sexy guy’s bones. Instead she was anxiously watching me to be sure I was making time with the guy’s wife. Finally I said, the hell with it, I'll be OK even if I go home from a party without having had any sex. The dynamics of a party situation are just too subtle and complex to assure that I am going to get intimate every time. I am ready to report to you that this rule change has proven to be very liberating – for the both of us.

[ventz hurgby 15]

We are currently drawing up a new set of rules after 15 years of having an open relationship. We are both drafting an individual set of rules with the intention of comparing and blending them to reach our final agreement. Here is my first draft.

 

1. Contraception.

Both of us take responsibility for contraception, we do not rely entirely on barrier methods nor do we rely upon our lovers taking responsibility for contraception.

 

2. STDs.

Unless we have agreed that condoms are unnecessary, they must be used for vaginal or anal penetration. We are tested regularly and require our regular lovers to do the same if they are sexually active with others. Negotiated safe sex with trusted partners is safer than “always using condoms”. Ideally, regular lovers would agree to a fluids contract.

 

3. Strangers.

No sexual activity with strangers until they are friends to both of us. Essentially, no sexual activity on the first few dates/meetings and definitely not before we both agree to take things further. However “special circumstances” may allow that the person is a friend to just one of us.

 

4. Friends.

More spontaneous sexual activity is permitted with friends that are already seen as appropriate by both of us.

 

5. Special circumstances.

Under special circumstances (eg. extended OS trips apart) some of these rules can be modified or waived, but only by prior agreement. Any conditions that are attached to the modification, bending or waiving of any rules must be clear to both of us and must be honoured.

 

6. Rules of engagement.

• We only have sex with others that are, at least, acceptable to each of us.

• Things move as slowly as is comfortable for both of us.

• Frank and honest discussion between all parties involved must precede any sexual activities

• Everyone’s limits/boundaries are respected.

• No one has to “take one for the team”.

• If either of us has concerns in any situation, we stop what we are doing and find a way to communicate.

• No “on the fly” rule changes.

 

7. Communication.

• Self knowledge is essential.

• Honesty at all times.

• No surprises for all concerned, primaries and secondaries; clear statement of intent, desires, conditions, prerequisites etc. particularly prior to any sexual activity.

• Rational, caring, thoughtful, polite and non-destructive expression of thoughts and feelings.

• Mean what we say and say what we mean.

• Jealousy and other negative emotions will arise from time to time, when they do we have an obligation to find out what insecurity buttons are being pressed in ourselves and tease apart the difference between what is really happening and how we feel before we discuss this with each other. Reassurance and support is required and is reasonable to ask for.

 

8. Problems.

When we encounter problems we must do some deep soul searching before we attempt to discuss the problem. Any damage done must be repaired as much and ASAP by the person(s) responsible for the damage. A clear plan to prevent such a problem from happening again must be agreed upon.

 

9. Couples.

Initially we would try same room sex with a couple before full swapping occurs. We stay together when we do initially swap. 3somes and 2somes are desirable and acceptable, eventually.

 

10. Singles.

Singles must clearly understand what polyamory means in general and specifically to us and respect our limits and boundaries. We would like 3somes to be part of the plan, no specific frequency required, and not essential if someone really doesn’t want to. It is generally not appropriate to have a 3some with a single secondary and another person of their choice unless agreed to by both of us beforehand.

 

11. Together.

When playing together with others we include sexual contact with each other during the activity. We sleep with each other after the event.

 

12. Apart

When playing apart we trust each others judgement and must ensure that the secondary is fully informed of our significance to each other and what limits apply. Any competitiveness from a secondary is instantly called and is not tolerated. Any arrangements about communicating with each other, when we will be back, etc. must be honored.

 

13. Veto

Only under exceptional circumstances can either of us exercise the power of veto. We must have a good reason to do so and must be prepared to clearly and lovingly explain to the other why we are exercising veto power.

 

14. Out of bounds.

Certain people are out of bounds; our partner’s boss, therapist, sibling or anyone who has a relationship with our partner that could be compromised by our sexual involvement, any one who is in a committed relationship and is cheating, anyone that either of us know we can’t trust. Our bed is out of bounds unless we both agree and then only if both of us are involved and present. Any situation is unacceptable where our privacy is compromised beyond our agreed limit.

 

15. Preservation of our relationship.

We both agree that the protection, preservation and nurturing of our relationship is paramount. If a secondary relationship is taking too much time or energy away from us to the point that our relationship is suffering then some management strategies have to change. If either of us falls in love with a secondary in a way that reduces our love for each other then we clearly have a major crisis and should act appropriately. We both accept that at all times and in all circumstances we have to be very thoughtful about how we behave, what we say and the way we say it. We have equitable arrangements; we both have very similar, if not the same, rights and responsibilities. Under unforeseen and distressing circumstances asking for exclusive attention for a period of time is reasonable.

 

16. Penalties

There is one penalty that applies in all circumstances; if the agreement is not honored then clearly we don’t have an agreement and the relationship will change. Penalties do not include punishments or revenge, they are concomitant consequences of our individual choices.

[countrycouple4 15]

We have not played yet but our rules right now are no cumming in my mouth, no anal, no jealousy of course same room always if one of us is not comfortable then we don't do it the useual stuff things may change but as of right now these are the ones we are set on.

[cubnamy1995 124]

OK, our rules are a little different from everyone elses. Here are ours.

 

1. Always use a condom.

2. Full disclosure is a must.

3. Never in our own bed if both of us are not home.

4. Never take time away from each other to scratch the itch.

 

We have no problems playing seperate. I travel a lot with work, and if I should want a little while out of town, all is fine and good, so long as I tell her about it. Same goes for her. In fact, if I'm going to be out of town for more than a couple of days, I sometimes arrange some "company" to stop by and make sure the pipes didn't freeze up while I was gone. I suprise her with it. I like to see her smile.

 

We enjoy same room too, it's just not a must. I think the condom rule has been thoroughly discussed already. The bed rule is one of respect. That is our marriage bed, and if we are both there to enjoy it, then we may welcome others into it. But our bed is a sacred place, and we do not share it without mutual participation. The time one is unique I think to different room swinging. There's nothing wrong with us playing apart, but I should have the common decency not to go get my wick wet when she's sitting at home watching Dr. Phil. All of our rules basically boil down to showing each other the respect we rightfully deserve in our relationship, and as long as we've kept that in the forefront of everything we've done, we have never had any problems.

[BryanSamantha 15]

The title says it all, what types of rules do you have for yourselves when you meet others. Does anything go? Are there things that are off limits??

[sexcupid 809]

The title says it all, what types of rules do you have for yourselves when you meet others. Does anything go? Are there things that are off limits??

 

Not every thing goes, unless you have come to an agreement on that. The rules can be made by both of you...it's not like it's always the female half of the couple 'laying down the law'.

 

For us, things that are off limits: no barebacking, no anal, and probably no rough stuff (that requires trust...and while I may be f*cking you for the evening...I'm probably not going to trust you not to hurt me or stop if I throw a safe word out there because I just don't know).

 

And those are what we have whittled it down to from our initial conversations airing what we would be uncomfortable with the other one doing.

 

Maria

[purpletiger 25]

Ours are condoms a must, we always play in the same room.

 

Other than that, we seem to bend them as we go:lol:

[ShellyM 0]

The title says it all, what types of rules do you have for yourselves when you meet others. Does anything go? Are there things that are off limits??

 

Every couple has their own comfort levels and rules. These usually change as you grow and mature in the lifestyle. We have only a few. We both play or no play (I don't think thats a "rule" however, just how we play), no anal and condoms. Other than that we usually go with the feel of the couple and the situation.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

we started with many, now we have few.

if i wear a condom, then my friend so do you.

 

Mrs.fun does no anal ill have to agree,

no anal no anal especially on me.

 

with just one more, we would have three

oh i'v got it... were not into pee.

[good times 991]

We only have two, at least two that I call a rule. Their are a few things we won't do, but they really aren't rules, we just aren't into it (like anal).

 

Our rules are, we both play or no one plays, and have fun or move on. Can't think of any others.

 

When we first started in the lifestyle we had a bunch, now it is pretty much just the two. We found that most rules didn't really accomplish anything useful and usually got in the way of the fun.

 

We actually discussed it and made our rules together, I don't ever recall any that one of us dictated to the other, even when we had a bunch of them.

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

Well 1st off we have no rules - more of what we would refer to as guidelines and they are really simple.

 

1 - for us girls like GT said no anal.......not our cup of tea within the lifestyle.

 

2 - If one plays we all play..........we don't like leaving someone alone on the sidelines - just not fair or polite and frankly for us - it becomes a distraction during our playtime for the one who goes off to play if the other(s) are left out because we are worrying about if they are having fun or bored, etc.

 

We don't worry about RULES..........we have found if we always worry about our partners needs and feelings first that the rules become unimportant. We understand that we are doing the lifestyle together and if something isn't working for one then we discuss it, figure it out and move on - there is no getting upset or holding grudges etc. so therefore there isn't room for RULES for us.

[socolais 696]

In the beginning, we read so many discussion about rules that we figured we should have some too. Our list was as long as anyone elses. In a moment of inspiration, we decided to flush the rules and state our preferences in a positive light. So we have preferences that describe what we enjoy rather than rules that state what we wont do.

 

We prefer respecting the feelings and individual preferences of our spouse. (domestic tranquility)

We prefer play with experienced swingers. (minimizes drama potential)

We prefer small house parties. (plenty of variety in a fun environment)

 

You can call it a universal rule of swinging - "no" means no without regard for anything previously understood.

 

Each decision to play is based on our assessment of the potential for fun and that includes the ability to communicate effectively along with mutual motivation.

 

We decided separate room play was not an issue with us and we "graduated" to full swap on our second playtime. We discovered that it's not so much "what" or "where" we do with our playmates that makes the difference. We're here because of the sexual excitement we'll take home with us (and we're more than happy to contribute toward your excitement). We can be just as excited by a fun cuddle session or a sweaty, grunty full swap - it's all in the attitude.

[NakedInSeattle 159]

Rules? We don't need no stinking rules!

 

Seriously, our rules are just common sense and one firm one...no going on dates separately.

[WesternSwing 504]

When we first started we had a bunch of rules, and I still remember posting them here in a similar thread.

 

Since then we have pretty much removed all of them except two that are important to us:

1. Condoms are always used
2. Let each other know what we are doing before we do it, not afterward. Basically this is a "Honey, I'm going to go play with so-and-so in this room over here, are you okay with that?" Neither of us has ever said "no", it's more of a courtesy to each other so that we're not left all alone at a party or club wondering where the other went.

Other than that we've pretty much discarded the rest as we've become more comfortable in the lifestyle. We had a rule about what sex acts were off limits and we kept to ourselves only. That one is gone. We had a rule about playing solo. That one is gone. We had a rule about same room only. That one it gone. It think out of 10 or more rules they've all be discarded now except those two.

[sweet_tna 680]

We only have a few rules/guidelines/things we don't want to do. Call 'em what you will, the important thing is that they're what my honey and I have agreed upon:

 

1) Condoms are a must.

2) We are a package deal. This is open to OUR interpretation, but generally means we both play or at least have the opportunity to do so.

3) We choose not to participate in anal, watersports, or really painful stuff.

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

We have been finding out lately that in order to experience more things in this lifestyle, we will have to do away with some of our rules. We've taken the "no rules" approach lately. Well almost. We still won't do anal with anybody yet.

[ShellyM 0]

We have no issues with rules or comfort levels of course...the only time we hesitate is when a couple has a laundry list of them. Not that its offensive, but long list of rules tell us that there is a possibility of issues and drama. PLUS I just cannot remember too many rules lol. Really the only rule that equals absolutely no play from jump is no kissing. We love kissing too much to compromise on that one.

[des1re06 200]

Rules - the list is getting shorter as we go along.

 

1) NO anal for her, he is allowed to participate with a condom only. She doesn't like it, don't go there!

 

2) We must both like the couple/single. We always reserve time to discuss the couple before proceeding. If either feels uncomfortable, it's off.

 

3) Separate rooms - Only at house parties, where we know the couples in advance do we separate to different rooms.

 

4) We don't go out on dates without each other (no alone dates).

 

5) Couples who cause drama are not given a second chance.

 

6) No calling her or him on the phone behind the other's back. There's a time/place for swinging, so please don't call us during work hours.

 

7) No naming names to other couples. General stories are ok, but no names. This is only broken in our close knit group, where everyone knows each other. Even then, we don't tell all.

[Spoomonkey 421]

socolais said:

We prefer respecting the feelings and individual preferences of our spouse. (domestic tranquility)

 

It really does come down to this for us.

 

We had rules, but realized that some of them were very artificial and based on everyone else's experiences and comfort zones. The truth is - our rules change with our play mates. With some, we can do things (for comfort reasons) that we wouldn't consider with others. And I can't really say that its about being extremely close either - there are just some couples or singles who give us a unique "vibe".

 

It'd be a shame to limit potential with inflexible rules...

 

So - for us - we simply know what hurts the other and choose not to do it (respect). And we talk constantly to make sure we are on the same page - throwing out "what if" scenarios that we evaluate together.

 

Now, of course, we do have our own inflexible rules based on our interests and comfort levels, but that reflects who we are - not what is right or wrong within the lifestyle. It is your experience, make it exactly what you want it to be!

 

[LFM2 1,482]

We used to have a shitload of rules. We got rid of them when we became more comfortable in the lifestyle and basically there are only a couple I can think of. Like everyone else, there is a condom rule. No anal for anyone else but Mr. LFM and finally, everyone must have fun.

[prettylady 221]

We tried the rules thing and found it hard to explore. So we threw out the rule book, then oops we ran into a situation that left me feeling sick and Dog completely confused.

 

Thank god for good friends and the ability to communicate.

 

Rules are made to be bent and at times broken, but I will never suggest skipping on rules in the beginning. My hickup caught me completely off guard and I still cant explain why I was bothered so much by what happened or better still why the hell I reacted the way I did.

 

It is amazing what can bother you and what doesn't.

 

I am dangerously close to ranting so I am going to stop here and try and relax, because even now after not having thought about that situation in a long time I am suddenly upset by it again.

 

I hate how somethings just stick with you, stupid stuff too it seems.

 

[xyzzy07 15]

prettylady said:

We tried the rules thing and found it hard to explore. So we threw out the rule book, then oops we ran into a situation that left me feeling sick and Dog completely confused.

Are you able to say what that was? We're tossing out rules pretty quickly as we gain experience, and I'd love to know if there's a road hazard ahead. Scratch that -- I'd love to know what road hazards could lie ahead!

[todesireu 16]

1. condoms

2. agree as couple on whom we play with

3. no solo dates

4. no kiss & tell

[MRnMSbhaven 45]

They're more like guidelines really. We make them together (which coincidentally is the top rule).

[prettylady 221]

xyzzy07 said:

Are you able to say what that was? We're tossing out rules pretty quickly as we gain experience, and I'd love to know if there's a road hazard ahead. Scratch that -- I'd love to know what road hazards could lie ahead!

Basically we were at a club and I was dancing with a guy we knew really well. So Dog started to dance with a women we only just met and to be honest she never spoke so much as one word to me at this time. So when I looked over and saw Dog with his hands on her ass, I was completely taken back. I have no problem with him making out with women we know and who have talked to me, but a women who in the course of a few hours of being around me never so much as smiled my way, that was NOT ON in my books. So now if either one of us has not met and did the thumbs up, the other does not even fiddle around with this new person. Dog was set back by this because this woman was a good friend of our friends, so thought all was good. I don't know her from jack, so to me she is not a friend.

 

I am new to this whole lifestyle as well, and still nervous in some settings. I didn't really care for this girl from the get go. I know she is a friend of a friend, but I can't stand the playing dumb thing some people do and she was a master of the whole act. So put a person who rubbed me the wrong way with someone who wont make eye contact with me and you have a recipe for disaster.

 

But we chatted and made things right between Dog and I, so all is better.

 

But it is amazing as I said how so many things don't bother me at all, then something like that just set me back so badly.

 

Live and learn I guess.

[Spoomonkey 421]

prettylady said:

But it is amazing as I said how so many things don't bother me at all, then something like that just set me back so badly.

I think this is a great example of how individual couples make their rules and how comfort zones are explored. Sometimes, you just have to step over the wrong boundary - one you didn't know was there - and suddenly a rule is created.

 

The fact that you guys were able to talk it out is awesome! I think that is the key. Mistakes will be made, rules will be changed and in the end - you both know that at the end of the day, this is all about the two of you.

[xyzzy07 15]

But we chatted and made things right between Dog and I, so all is better.

But it is amazing as I said how so many things don't bother me at all, then something like that just set me back so badly.

Live and learn I guess.

 

Glad to hear that everything turned out OK. Different rules for different couples, I guess. This doesn't seem to be something that bothers us. In fact, it was recently tested. At the Halloween party, a tall lady wearing a lace nothing walks up to tell me she liked the way I looked in a tuxedo. Before we knew it, we were making out on the dance floor. My wife thought it was hilarious but sadly did not think the husband was very hot (she's very picky). Sigh.

[prettylady 221]

I am glad to hear that is a problem you don't have to face.

 

You know it may never bother me again. It was the first time I saw Dog with someone I didn't already know.

 

You know I can't quite put my finger on what it was exactly that bothered me so much.

 

But like I said, Live and learn.

 

Best of luck and I hope you never find a hurdle.

[ShellyM 0]

I think you are absolutely normal in that. I am not at all jealous and have been with Jay for like 320 years...well 16 lol. If I walked in and he was sucking face with some chick I don't know I'd definitely get prickly LOL. Same with him, he'd be like who the hell is that. I think it simply comes down to respect. You respect me I respect you and we all get on fine. Before I play with any man (or flirt for that matter) I make sure the wife is aware and cool. That is HER man and I am only borrowing him for awhile, and I make sure that she is okay with me.

[xyzzy07 15]

That is HER man and I am only borrowing him for awhile, and I make sure that she is okay with me.

 

That's a very interesting perspective, ShellyM. It makes me think twice, especially about how the other husband might feel. OK, probably a new rule.

 

Let me ask a related question. When at a club, do you think that I (a man) should first ask a lady's husband whether it's OK to ask her to dance, or just go up to the lady and ask? What about when a guy is not there with the lady? Usually we've gone up to meet couples as a couple, and both pairs dance. However, that won't always be so.

 

Especially after reading the last few posts (and also as a courtesy) I think I'd be better off asking the guy, but would be interested in your opinions.

[ShellyM 0]

Thats a hard call in my opinion and depends on the situation. If you don't know a couple and you are at the club and you see a pretty lady who you'd like to dance with I'd personally say yes, it would be nice to go up to her hubby/partner and politely say "do you mind if I dance with your wife"...however, that is a very traditional courtesy and I dont know honestly if the majority of people do that. I know with me I would appreciate that because it is showing Jay respect as my husband. However, if this is a couple that you pre planned to meet at the club or know I would say no, its not necessary to ask my husband. I think that is more a courtesy though that is extended in regards to strangers vs. people you already know.