The term cuckold going mainstream

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

I have been at this for a while and one of the most puzzling things that I have noticed is how mainstream the use of the word cuckold has become. In my opinion, the word cuckold is not a term of endearment. The word is more of an insult to me but this is just my opinion. 

 

Although, the practice of sharing one's wife has gained worldwide acceptance in the 21st century its not a new practice. I read an article about the origins of swinging on SLS a while ago and they traced the origin of swinging back to military couples many many years ago. During times of war, a soldier would ask someone else to look out for their wife while they were away and that is how they explained the origins of swinging and wife sharing. 

 

The definition of a cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife. However, many of the men that identify as cuckolds on various social platforms are not married to women that are cheating. A majority of the wives, when asked why they sleep with other men, respond that its something that their husband likes and she does it for him. I see nothing wrong with this. 

 

The question I have is, why do so many men want to be labeled a cuckold if their wife has their consent to sleep with other men? 

[Fitlakecouple 451]

The definition and usage of words often shift over time. The old definition of cuckold is different than it's usage in the lifestyle today.

 

 

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

Yes, I agree. People use the term cuckold very loosely. But thats why I ask the question. People have been swinging for years and for years there have been couples that played with single men. Also, there are Dom and sub relationships where the woman is told to sleep with other men. Just curious why some would rather call themself a cuckold vs just calling yourself a swinger or a dominant. 

[Numex 2,409]

I'm a wittol.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

First let's agree that the non monogamy is consensual - the woman is not cheating on her husband. They are both in agreement to her extramarital playtime. This makes them swingers as they are both participating in sexual play outside of their relationship (his participation is just passive). (Some will argue it's not swinging as he is not having sex but it is certainly 'lifestyle'.) And, in this setting an additional kink is layered on top. He typically wants to be diminished and or humiliated in some way - by her, her lovers, or both. This is his turn-on. He likes to be made to feel small. He could be teased about his manhood, his ability to satisfy his wife, his ability to get hard or the size of his cock. He might be caged and prevented from masturbating or getting any release until she allows it. He may or may not be present for play. He might be restrained or made to wear women's clothing. He may be "forced" to watch, make her lover hard or even clean up his mess... The cuckoldress may be turned on by treating her husband/partner this way as well. Most of these actions are not present in a "hot wife" scenario where the woman may play alone as well.  There is also a "cuckold queen" dynamic where the above dynamic is reversed.

[EastInWest 1,524]

5 hours ago, PeeTWheatstraw said:

Yes, I agree. People use the term cuckold very loosely. But thats why I ask the question. People have been swinging for years and for years there have been couples that played with single men. Also, there are Dom and sub relationships where the woman is told to sleep with other men. Just curious why some would rather call themself a cuckold vs just calling yourself a swinger or a dominant. 

I think the key takeaway in swinging is that "cuckold" usually implies enjoying a submissive role to the wife's libido, and possibly being humiliated in favor of the bull. This is different from the old customary meaning, which, like Numex says, is maybe more properly a 'wittol' kink.

 

The boundaries are loosely defined, but this is a pretty important distinction from stag/vixen, hotwifing, etc., in that misunderstanding the expectations if they were all lumped together could lead to some bad communications and bad experiences.

Edited May 26, 2021 by EastInWest

[Fitlakecouple 451]

51 minutes ago, Fitlakecouple said:

First let's agree that the non monogamy is consensual - the woman is not cheating on her husband. They are both in agreement to her extramarital playtime. This makes them swingers as they are both participating in sexual play outside of their relationship (his participation is just passive). (Some will argue it's not swinging as he is not having sex but it is certainly 'lifestyle'.) And, in this setting an additional kink is layered on top. He typically wants to be diminished and or humiliated in some way - by her, her lovers, or both. This is his turn-on. He likes to be made to feel small. He could be teased about his manhood, his ability to satisfy his wife, his ability to get hard or the size of his cock. He might be caged and prevented from masturbating or getting any release until she allows it. He may or may not be present for play. He might be restrained or made to wear women's clothing. He may be "forced" to watch, make her lover hard or even clean up his mess... The cuckoldress may be turned on by treating her husband/partner this way as well. Most of these actions are not present in a "hot wife" scenario where the woman may play alone as well.  There is also a "cuckold queen" dynamic where the above dynamic is reversed.

Further to my post... This role/dynamic as a cuckold can be something a swinging couple simply tries out. They could be a full-swap, swinging couple and decide - I want to experience what some degradation, humiliation and denial feels like. It can be just another type of play a couple has in their sexy toy box. No different than let's try some D/s, or BD, or stag/vixen, bisexual, role play, or group play. It's not necessarily the only role and only dynamic in their swinging play.

[EastInWest 1,524]

44 minutes ago, Fitlakecouple said:

 It's not necessarily the only role and only dynamic in their swinging play.

Absolutely this.

 

Right before everything shut down, we had a busy travel schedule together for the winter. I'd been in touch on-and-off with a married woman in a committed relationship who wanted to have an encounter, and while we were on our way home, finally made it work with her to meet up solo at an airport hotel.

 

She's a submissive with a breeding kink who likes to be physically dominated, and it overlapped with her husband's lack of interest in dominating her as a cuckold kink. All of those things interplay to create their personal "thing", I couldn't help her with all of that, because unprotected play is explicitly not our thing, but we found a compromise that worked.

 

Is her husband a "true" or "classic" cuckold? I don't know, but it's a different dynamic from him being a dominant,  a more useful way of explaining it so that I understood what was going on and could make sure they got what they were looking for, as opposed to what I might assume they're looking for.

 

 

 

[Numex 2,409]

On 5/26/2021 at 5:16 AM, Fitlakecouple said:

He typically wants to be diminished and or humiliated in some way

That never happened for us.  My wife's play partners have been very respectful of me and somewhat envious that I have such a sexually powerful wife.  It's the same now that we're swap swingers, but it's not so much on our minds since the situations are equal all around. 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

On 5/29/2021 at 6:57 PM, Numex said:

That never happened for us.  My wife's play partners have been very respectful of me and somewhat envious that I have such a sexually powerful wife.  It's the same now that we're swap swingers, but it's not so much on our minds since the situations are equal all around. 

This is what we see. We have done gang bangs. The men are respectful to both of us. I am there to run things. We don't get the humiliation etc but I guess it if it someone's kink it is.

[Numex 2,409]

On 5/31/2021 at 5:49 AM, NWAtlSwing said:

We have done gang bangs. The men are respectful to both of us.

The wife is having fun; what's humiliating in that?

[TricianMike 772]

To be honest I never heard the expression before joining this group. I never thought of Mike being humiliated watching me with a man or men. He has watched many times and he says he enjoys watching me enjoying sex and additionally he is there for my safety. I have met men that try to humiliate me and in turn try to humiliate Mike thinking he is not able to please me which is the furthest from the truth, Mike is a terrific lover and partner. 
I have watched Michael with other women and I never felt humiliated or shamed, is a woman showing off her husband a cuckold too. I surely enjoy watching him bring a woman to a screaming orgasm. 

[NWAtlSwing 522]

8 hours ago, Numex said:

The wife is having fun; what's humiliating in that?

Things like calling her slut ect or playing head games with me as the husband. Not into that. So we don't get it.

[Numex 2,409]

On 6/2/2021 at 8:04 AM, TricianMike said:

I have watched Michael with other women and I never felt humiliated or shamed, is a woman showing off her husband a cuckold too. I surely enjoy watching him bring a woman to a screaming orgasm. 

Whatever the psychology of it is, my wife enjoys the idea that she is in a relationship with a man who has another woman for sex as well.  When she was single, it was married men with a wife.  Now there are married men with wives who know and approve, and it is me, her own husband.  Not only is it me with more than one other woman, she can watch the goings-on and even participate. 

Edited June 8, 2021 by Numex

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

We are newbies and never heard the word cuckold before reading it here. We never thought of sex as humiliating, watching Or being watched is for pleasure not humiliation. Our first experience was a learning session, we learned how to enjoy sex with others, letting us to remove our built in inhibitions and enjoy. 

[NerdsAreFun 226]

Yeah, if you wife swap you're technically a cuckold.  But the term's been given some new meaning/fetishization tying it in with humiliating the husband.

 

Also strange to see single men wanting to join a couple and be a cuckold...serious case of:

 

What was wild was seeing it come out as a mainstream insult those in a certain political party were calling each other.  Which I'm sure no one would be surprised to find out they were into that themselves anyway as is often the case. ?

Edited June 8, 2021 by NerdsAreFun

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

A guy on Fetlife had a real good explanation about his cuckold fetish. The usual conversation started about how the definition of the word is the husband of an adulterous wife. He said that because it was his fetish he could define it and role play it how ever he wanted to...??‍♂️. I mean he kind of has a point. I think this is how most people look at it. 

 

I just like to give credit where credit is due. Have met many woman that had a single profile posted on SLS and then later I learned that they were actually married. Im not saying that I support people cheating on their spouses but there are some women out there that do what they want with who they want and the husband knows and accepts it. I usually reserve my use of the word cuckold for those guys. 

 

But if a man wants to call himself a cuckold...then who am I to stop him. Do you!

[NerdsAreFun 226]

True, they can define their fetish how they want.  Just if they're looking to match with couples looking for that they might have more luck just saying they are submissive with a shaming fetish.

 

That's just a hard road since most couples who are into that, the husband is already filling that role and they're looking for a bull.

[Dave.Kate 17]

On 5/31/2021 at 7:49 AM, NWAtlSwing said:

This is what we see. We have done gang bangs. The men are respectful to both of us. I am there to run things. We don't get the humiliation etc but I guess it if it someone's kink it is.

I think that the mainstream view is that the cuckold wants to feel humiliated - perhaps the majority do, but I don't have any numbers to support any conclusion. My wife and I are definitely not into feeling humiliated. We both get off watching the other with another partner, and if things aren't respectful, then nothing's going to happen.

We've talked so often about why we both feel so turned on, and the best answer we've come up with is this, as I myself put it, "When I'm watching you with another man, I feel like I'm watching you as a very sexual woman enjoying herself, rather than simply 'watching you as my wife' - some part of me, I think, temporarily disconnects from you, and that allows me to see you with different eyes, as a hot woman that I want to be with. There's also a kink component for me as husband, watching you take control of, and tease another guy." My wife shares these thoughts, and it's one the things that makes our relationship so treasured. 

I hope that made sense :)

[Numex 2,409]

On 6/11/2021 at 5:03 PM, Dave.Kate said:

On 5/31/2021 at 5:49 AM, NWAtlSwing said:

 

I think that the mainstream view is that the cuckold wants to feel humiliated - . My wife and I are definitely not into feeling humiliated.

I believe that you're correct, and that's why the term "hotwife" was invented.  No humiliation, just a celebration of her sexuality and pleasure.  In the olden days such a man was called a wittol. 

 

On 6/11/2021 at 5:03 PM, Dave.Kate said:

We've talked so often about why we both feel so turned on, and the best answer we've come up with is this, as I myself put it, "When I'm watching you with another man, I feel like I'm watching you as a very sexual woman enjoying herself, rather than simply 'watching you as my wife' - some part of me, I think, temporarily disconnects from you, and that allows me to see you with different eyes, as a hot woman that I want to be with. There's also a kink component for me as husband, watching you take control of, and tease another guy." My wife shares these thoughts, and it's one the things that makes our relationship so treasured.

And may I add that afterwards it is an ego boost for me when a guy who has had sex with my wife is appreciative, grateful, and a bit envious of me.  The opposite of humiliation. 

[shy_couple 459]

We enjoy bringing in a single guy from time to time. It is absolute not a cuckold situation. An no way he he a bull, in control, or dominating/humiliating either of us. 
 

We could probably be labeled as hotwifing and may be a little closer to stag/vixen dynamic. 

[Numex 2,409]

9 hours ago, shy_couple said:

It is absolute not a cuckold situation. An no way he he a bull, in control, or dominating/humiliating either of us. 

Except towards me where she's neutral, my wife is dominant of me in all situations.  With women, interestingly, she's submissive mostly. 

[couplers 4,615]

Once again, what about the women/wives whose husbands play with other women with their knowledge and encouragement?  I've seen the terms like cuckqueen and cuckcake (I like that one, sound delicious), but not what applies when.  We're poly and have done some swinging.  The term swinging has a mutuality to it that doesn't capture the situations that we've been through where things are asymmetrical, one spouse plays while the other is monogamous or even something temporary like alone play for a day, weekend, or vacation.  It has nothing to do with humiliation, rather one spouse being generous without expectations of reciprocity, being loving while the other is given a rare freedom rarely experienced.  Uh, what's my point?  I forgot.

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

I saw a post on another social network platform where the poster asked someone what their definition of the word cuckold is. The definition of the word can actually be found in most online dictionaries. Yet, people continue to come up with alternative definitions to fit their interests. Im still trying to figure out what the fascination with this word is all about.  

[couplers 4,615]

4 hours ago, PeeTWheatstraw said:

people continue to come up with alternative definitions to fit their interests. Im still trying to figure out what the fascination with this word is all about.  

 

If it is for guys anything like it is for me, they are searching for a word that describes their feelings about having a spouse/partner that is being non-monogamous with them.   The package of emotions, fears, pleasures, desires are different for everyone, thus the confusing use of terms.  They grab a word that is somewhere in the neighborhood and bend it to their particular situation.  No crime is committed by doing so, but it leads to misunderstanding.  It saves words, but doesn't hit the mark.