MFM threesome, can this be therapeutic and help?

[Orlandofuncpl247 0]

My wife and I are somewhat new to the Lifestyle. We have had multiple MFF threesomes, all of which had been very pleasurable experiences for us both. We are both very sexual people. I am a straight 43yr Male and She is a 38yr Bi-sexual. So, the experiences we have had align with both of our fantasies. We have enjoyed swingers clubs, but our experiences there have mainly been girl on girl play while the partners watched, or her and I putting a good exhibition together for others to watch. When we first talked about this lifestyle it was only about MFF threesomes or exhibition or vouyerism play. It never included another man in the picture.

 

Now we get to the conversations of full swapping. The conversation has gotten somewhat difficult because of trama my wife experienced when she was a teenager with 2 men. Without getting in all of those tramatic disgusting details its easier to say my wife gets extremely nervous when she thinks about 2 men naked in the close proximity to her. I knew about this trauma and we have been able to from the beginning heal so many of the issues that were there before we were together and married.

 

Our bond is extremely strong. The trust and connection we share is amazing. And the Love we have for one another is unmeasurable.  So learning about some deeper feelings that have arisen from our discussions about taking things further in our swinging journey and the boundaries we would have made me think alot about her and what lengths I would go to help her heal the pain and be able to feely enjoy all of the pleasures she desires. 

 

I have talked with my wife about us having a MFM threesome with someone who she wouldnt feel threatened by. A threesome in which could take place at her pace, under her control in an enviorment where she felt totally safe. This way she could slowly push her thresholds and comfort level to what ever point she wanted and stop on a dime if needed. I want my wife to finally feel free and safe to experience her fantasies. I want to be the man that was able to give her a gift that can help her move past pain and experience whatever she wants. She has said she is open to the idea, the idea of being pleasured by two men is exciting to her, but she is somewhat worried about having an emotional experience or outburst. Thats why I think its best to let this happen in a controlled enviorment with someone we can both trust and with someone who will put her first and keep their emotions in check and not be pushy or too aggressive in the heat of the moment.

 

And then lies the question. Up until I felt the overwhelming urge to help my wife move past this and have a healthy pleasurable experience, ive never actually considered watching my wife be with another man. Although now playing this situation over and over in my head and in conversation. I feel excited to see her experience it, and feel somewhat proud that Im a strong enough man to give her this gift. 

 

Please, what are you thoughts?

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I think you're in dangerous waters. If this is a path she wants to take, supporting her and recognizing that it will be difficult and probably painful for her is the best you can do. However, and please forgive me, it sounds like you are the one driving here. That this is something you want to do... you say you want to do it for her and that's admirable, but is it really something she wants to do, or is she doing it for you? Only she can answer that honestly.

 

Assuming that she is doing it for herself, even with the best intentions, you are almost certainly risking reopening wounds... and while healing those wounds is good, it probably won't be a fun, pleasurable experience for anyone at the start.

 

Honestly, I think you'd be much better served investing in a good therapist with experience dealing with traumatic events. After a good, professionally guided walk down this road, then she might be ready for the experience you are hoping for.

 

My $.02, take it for what it's worth.

[njbm 2,871]

Just don’t go there. Continue with voyeurism, girl on girl. A bad idea and entirely unnecessary. You can have adult fun without retraumatizing your wife. I am not a therapist, just a husband and swinger with experience. 

[Orlandofuncpl247 0]

I appreciate your response very much.  She  Was the originator in our 1st experiences with a threesome with a woman, and even the one to express interest in going to events at the swingers clubs.  She has always been bi Sexual.  I have never before a couple of weeks ago ever thought that I would be OK with seeing my wife with another man because we had only ever talked about having a unicorn join us.  As we met other couples and were on sites describing ourselves as soft swap started the conversation of what soft swap really meant.  As we talked about different scenarios of whether we were OK with things happening and grading them on a yes, hard no, and maybe with discussion system. We found ourselves diving deeper into emotions. And I for the first time feeling so connected and  In love with a woman That I was willing to put her pleasure and satisfaction on a level = my own. That being said my wife was willing to share an experiences with me with another woman, how could I ever deny her the experience or experiences if she desired to do that with another man.  That's when the deeper details of her past came about and why my mind went to possibly having  This different experience. She was the one that brought up Maybe finding someone she could trust to experience that with us, there was a Dungeon Master at 1 of the clubs we visited that we both liked and her experience with him made her feel very comfortable and safe. Someone like him she said that was used to respecting a womans limit, and at the moment a safe word was spoken, could back down immediately 

Edited June 17, 2021 by Orlandofuncpl247
Glitch while typing

[Numex 2,416]

On 6/17/2021 at 12:44 PM, Orlandofuncpl247 said:

I have talked with my wife about us having a MFM threesome with someone who she wouldnt feel threatened by.

More than that - someone who she knows well, is already comfortable with and attracted to.  Perhaps she could start with her having one-on-one sex with him (you there or not there, her choice) in order to take it a step at a time.  Then take turns on different occasions, her choosing to have sex with one of you, the other guy staying clothed.

 

BTW, my wife had no past issues, but we started our swinging careers with her playing alone with exes who she had fond memories of.  Worked out great for all of us. 

[couplers 4,639]

On 6/17/2021 at 2:25 PM, Orlandofuncpl247 said:

my wife was willing to share an experiences with me with another woman, how could I ever deny her the experience or experiences if she desired to do that with another man.

A good attitude on your part.  The same happened with me and hubby, he let me have a boyfriend, but it took two years for me to come around and reciprocate by allowing him to enjoy other women.

[Numex 2,416]

12 hours ago, couplers said:

hubby, he let me have a boyfriend, but it took two years for me to come around and reciprocate by allowing him to enjoy other women.

We started, I guess you could say, by "hotwifing" with Daniela playing with several guys, until after about a year we started couples swaps.  The activity and timing was all good for me, it wasn't like it was my goal for me to play with other women. 

 

An intermediate step for us between hotwifing and swapping was, at Daniela's insistence, bringing me in for MFMs with her partners, something I enjoyed a lot more than I thought I would. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Numex