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Ok...here is how the story goes:

 

My husband and I went out with this great couple. My husband and the other guy have been friends for years. During dinner we chatted it up and tried to decide after dinner plans. My husband (who is very outgoing) brought up going to a club. The other couple was all for it. I, not wanting to be the odd person out, said "Yeah, sure~~lets go". I thought that I would be able to do it and have a good time. So...we drive to this club. I talk to my husband the whole way, explaining my uncertainty. He encourages me and tries to ease my mind. We pull into the parking lot and I tell him that I just can't go in....I didn't feel right about it. I wanted to go....I really wanted to go....just when it came down to it...I couldn't go. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I felt like I ruined everyone's night.

 

Has anyone had a similar experience and finally went to a club and loved it? What are the clubs like? HELP!!

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GirlieZ, there's nothing 'wrong' with you. :) I think you felt pressured by the spur of the moment decision and you needed more time to get comfortable with the idea. It's understandable to get 'cold feet' when suddenly faced with the unknown. Happens all the time with us humans! :lol:

 

We've been to exactly one club (off-premise), so I'm hardly an expert in the subject. We did enjoy ourselves very much, and yes, we were pretty nervous at first. I'm sure some others can relate their experiences and if you do a search, you should find several threads on the subject.

 

Like any other nightclub or bar, there are probably wide variations in swingers clubs. However, most of the stories I've heard are good ones and it seems that the boundaries of newcomers are generally respected.

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We had something "kinda, sorta, roughly" similar happen not too long ago. We were at our usual club and there were some couples there that we have played with and enjoy. However, there was another couple there that we really didn't know, though they were close with the others...

 

As the night unfolded, it eventually was conspired that we would all go to the largest room in the club and pile up... fun, fun fun! Except that that wasn't quite how things worked out...

 

One of the couples we knew well bowed out because the numbers were just too much for them. And I assumed that Mrs Spoomonkey would want to back out as well (for different reasons - I thought she was looking for something else) she said "okay."

 

Unfortunately, Mrs Spoomonkey didn't quite understand the whole picture. She went to the restroom to "scope-up" (a must do for those of us who play in clubs!) and I stayed upstairs and chatted with the other couple... But then the couple we didn't know showed up. I knew that was going to happen - and thought that Mrs Spoo did too - but when she came back to the room and saw everyone in various stages of disrobe (I was still clothed because I wanted to wait for her) she froze like a car without oil...

 

She didn't know the couple, wasn't really attracted to the couple and wasn't expecting them to be there... So - as gracefully as we could - we bowed out... It was awkward and we decided to call it a night...

 

Mrs Spoomonkey felt exactly the way you did. She felt like she ruined my fun and probably hurt/insulted a couple that we like quite a bit...

 

But the truth is - you sometimes have to make big decisions in a very quick time. And if you don't keep and use your right to say "no" you will be in some miserable situations within this lifestyle. You did the right thing... No - maybe it wasn't at the perfect time - but being able to say "no" now, in hopes of maybe being able to say "yes" later, can really save you and your husband from some misery down the road. Saying "no" is your right - always remember that :)

 

As for clubs - we were reluctant at first, but enjoy them now. Mrs Spoomonkey told me (she is busy doing useful stuff) that for her a club is no different than any bar - except for the occasional nudity... I'm not sure I agree, but it is sooo much easier to play at clubs than on-line (IMHO). Then again, we played with couples before trying the club - and maybe that eased us into it...

 

It sounds like you just need more time to talk things out and get comfortable with the idea...

 

Oh - Mrs Spoomonkey is also telling me (I sound kinda schizo don't I? :rolleyes: ) that at any club, nothing is expected. You can go a few times just to watch people. No one is going to pressure you. As long as you and husband are on the same page, you can go at your pace and let things happen as you are comfortable with them.

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty

I was also VERY nervous going to our first club. If we didn't drive 150 miles and spend $80 on a motel room I probably would have chickened out at the door.

 

We had talked about trying the swing thing and we even had a few by chance encounters. I brought up the idea of going to a swingers club and she took it from there. I dint even know we were going to a club when I got a call at home confirming our RSVP.:lol:

 

When we got inside I almost felt like I was going to toss my cookies. But I had a few drinks and the people at the club REALLY went out of their way to make us feel at home.

 

I guess the best way I can put it is like this:

 

It is actually scarier standing outside the door of the club than it is to be inside of it.

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Originally posted by Spoomonkey

 

But the truth is - you sometimes have to make big decisions in a very quick time. And if you don't keep and use your right to say "no" you will be in some miserable situations within this lifestyle. You did the right thing... No - maybe it wasn't at the perfect time - but being able to say "no" now, in hopes of maybe being able to say "yes" later, can really save you and your husband from some misery down the road. Saying "no" is your right - always remember that :)

 

As for clubs - we were reluctant at first, but enjoy them now. Mrs Spoomonkey told me (she is busy doing useful stuff) that for her a club is no different than any bar - except for the occasional nudity... I'm not sure I agree, but it is sooo much easier to play at clubs than on-line (IMHO). Then again, we played with couples before trying the club - and maybe that eased us into it...

 

It sounds like you just need more time to talk things out and get comfortable with the idea...

 

My husband said that he could tell that I was getting more and more upset the closer we got to the club. He said that he could hear me breathing faster and faster and knew that I was in turmoil. I told him that I felt like my heart was going to beat its way out of my chest. He was alright with it...and said that he is allowing me to "pave the way" .

 

We've made plans to go check out a club on our own....on a night when it won't be so busy. In the mean time we will keep talkin!:)

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Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

I It is actually scarier standing outside the door of the club than it is to be inside of it.

 

I agree. I was so nervous our first time at a club but now I see I had nothing to worry about. I "overthunk" it and reality turned out to be nothing like the images I had conjured up in my mind.

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Originally posted by GirlieZ

Has anyone had a similar experience and finally went to a club and loved it? What are the clubs like? HELP!!

 

I don't know if you'll find my first time experiences helpful at all but I'm more than happy to share. :)

 

I've had plenty of fright in my day...even going into a strip club for the first time :lol: I think we passed by the place around six times and left the front door twice. I felt terrible about being such a pain in the butt but was relieved to have a partner so considerate of my feelings. When we did finally go, it was almost as instantaneous as your decision not to!

 

It turned out alright after all. :) Bought ten laps much to Mike's annoyance. :fun:

 

The swing club wasn't as scary, but the thought of it sure was.

We went with another couple the very first time to an on-premise party in Texas and they pretty much held our hands for the most part. We didn't have sex with anyone just mingled and met people and conversed with them. I was really afraid of porn star type women "taking away my man".. :rofl:

 

Oh! The monsters I created in my head! This was so not the case. People looked like normal folks to my surprise! Lucky for us the hostess was very accommodating to newbies and this club wasn't as "clique-y" as many are. We really felt no pressure to go down the hall to the bedrooms although people all around us were. So I can honestly tell you it was a little like going to a party any of your friends might throw where a couple might go to a bedroom upstairs for a "quickie". The only thing that reminded us that we were at a "swingers" party was the number of women running around in lingerie after 11 and more men in robes than not. That took a little getting used to, but there were a few couples who remained "dressed" for the most part. I cannot say we loved it the first time around but we did enjoy the experience the second time already knowing just what to expect. By our fourth visit it felt more like a gathering amongst friends with new couples to meet.

 

We've visited many clubs on our travels and they have run the gamut from "hotel bar scenes" replete with access to hotel rooms upstairs, to house parties to true "pleasure palaces."

 

The club we have grown to love has been our own.

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Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

I was also VERY nervous going to our first club. If we didnt drive 150 miles and spend $80 on a motel room I probably would have chickened out at the door.

 

Our first went pretty much the same way. We thought it would be a great intro to things and since we were going with a group of people from here, we thought we'd be mroe comfortable. Well, we went in, and I still don't know if it was the music, the people or whatever, but we were just never able to loosen and ended up not going to another club for almost a year because we just didn't enjoy it.

 

Then pretty much the same group of people form here on the board met at another club and everything just "popped" for us. We now really enjoy our club nights there and even started going to a second club occassionally.

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The same thing happened to me.. before we ever even attempted going to a club actually. The club we were interested in was a private group and we had been talking to the hosts about trying to meet them or another couple from the club to act as our "sponsors" to the club. An opportunity came up where many of the couples were meeting out one night to shoot pool and they invited us to join them there. We made it to the bar parking lot and I did the same thing. I just couldn't go in. I freaked out and we went home. We did later finally meet another couple from that club for dinner and they did become our sponsors and when we went to the club we enjoyed ourselves greatly.

 

Since I've been single I've actually repeated the same thing with a club I had been to once. I'm still not sure how I convinced myself to go to the club alone the first time I went. But when I tried to go a second time I made the 45 minute drive to the club only to get there and chicken out.

 

Sometimes things just don't feel right for whatever reason, and if that's the case you shouldn't follow through (at least that's my opinion).

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Julie is right. First, last and always, follow your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, then walk away, and don't worry about upsetting anyone. If they really care about you, they will understand, especially when you are first starting out.

 

It takes time to get used to the idea of swinging, and there's nothing wrong with ramping up slowly until you get used to the environment. Remember, you don't HAVE to do anything if you don't want to.

 

-- Bear

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty

Instincts can be driven by fear of the unknown. A lot of times taking chances is all about going against your instincts.

 

If I always followed my instincts I wouldn't have had nearly the fun I have had in life so far. I am not saying to never listen to them but think about why you are having them before deciding whether to leap or not.

 

You only live once.:8-0::

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Some time ago YaWanna and I got invited to an on-premise club here, a rare thing! So we thought Hell Ya!! Gotta go there!!

 

Well! We walk into the place and it was set up with washrooms in the centre, bar on one side and orgy room on the other. So we stroll in, get the layout of the place and have a drink. Then we decide to check out the other side! In we go to the orgy room and we both stopped dead (I'm sure our mouths were wide open and our eyes popped out). We stood still for a few moments, looked around. Then we looked at each other and knew we were both thinking the same thing - Let's get out of here! lol What a surprise to us, we never expected that reaction.

 

We had one more drink and bolted from the place, never been back and it's closed now.

 

I think anytime you try something new there's a mix of excitment and fear. If you over think it beforehand that could doom your experience or as we found out, if you don't think about it you may get a surprise!

 

Now we know if it's something new, have no expectations. Go, check it out and leave. That way we can talk about it later and see what we liked or didn't like.

 

Have fun!!

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It seems everyone here has it happen on the way or at the door, we have both chickened out just making online reservations for a hotel in the same city. But we gonna do it soon, I can feel it!

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GirlieZ,

 

I can't judge you, but I if my wife had done the same thing, I would have been pissed. I'm assuming it was a typical couples club open to the public as opposed to a private houseparty/orgy.

 

When we first went to a couple's club, we were a little uneasy but common sense told us if we didn't like it, we could just leave. Trust me, I'd bet a million bucks that once you step through the door you'll be wondering why you were thinking such nutty thoughts. The most you'll likely see is a little topless dancing and some kissypoos, other than that, just people sitting at tables or the bar drinking and socializing.

 

You should apologize to your hubby for freaking out and offer to go again. If you start acting freaky on the way there, just get a grip on reality, tell yourself your a normal person and that if you don't like the place, you can leave. Trust me you Will NOT BE ATTACKED! It's not like your going bungee jumping!

 

For some reason, this reminds me of teaching my wife how to ride a motorcycle, I get her a Honda XR100, explain over and over the throttle, brakes and clutch. She knows how to drive a standard auto. Sure enough, she clutches the handgrips, inadvertently cracking the throttle open, releases the clutch and freezes, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh! Well she eventually learned how to ride.

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I... ummm... Respectfully disagree with this post...

 

Did your wife apologize for making her mistake on the motorcycle? God knows she should have... Right?

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flamethrow Okay - this is the first time I'm posting because someone made me mad, and I know that's never a good idea, but this is just heinous.

 

Mr. Man, it is GirlieZ's perfectly normal right to decide to change her mind if the situation bothered her. She doesn't have to apologize for her feelings or not wanting to be rushed into something. She has the right to move into swing clubs and/or the lifestyle at whatever speed she wants. She should NOT have to feel like she has to go in to appease someone else. This is HER choice and HER thoughts and she is absolutely not "wacky" for having them.

 

Maybe she will decide to go to a club and maybe she will look back one day and feel she had nothing to fear, but right then it didn't feel right and THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!

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First things first....I'm glad that you are not my husband.

 

I'm not going to deny that I felt horrible about allowing my husband and our friends to drive to the club. That is where my apologies end. My husband was very understanding, caring, nurturing and loving~~AND DISAPPOINTED~~but what makes him so outstanding is the fact that he was more concerned about my comfort level than his libido. He kissed me on the cheek and told me not to worry about it. He knows that it will happen in its own time.

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Your spur of the moment decision only works some of the time. As I have found out in my past experiences with women is this: Except for "love at first sight", everything takes time. If your man had just planted a seed of thought in your mind believe me that seed would have become a full blown tree with just a little time.

 

Chill out, relax, have a drink if need be, If he builds it, you will cum and cum.

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Wow, my husband taught me how to ride a motorcycle 10 years ago and I'm sure I made plenty of mistakes..... but he was very patient and encouraging and 10 years later we own a pair of bmw touring bikes and travel all over during the summer. Thank goodness he was patient with me or or we would not be riding together today.

 

Same can be said for going to a swing club for the first time....I was terrified and fortunately he was very patient during the long period of time it took me to become comfortable with the lifestyle. If he hadn't been we would not be doing this together today.

 

GirlieZ do what feels comfortable for you....as it feels comfortable for you and don't let anyone else make you feel like your feelings are invalid. If you cant get into this together and both be happy it's not worth doing!

 

My 2 angry cents!

Mrs DandS

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Originally posted by De and Ci

...Sure enough, she clutches the handgrips, inadvertently cracking the throttle open, releases the clutch and freezes, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh! Well she eventually learned how to ride.

I do hope you meant to express this in a better way than it is presented. Based on your analagoy, I feel fortunate to not be your life partner and being 'taught' to ride until I eventually got it. I'm just not the crash and burn type. :(

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As Mr Spoo expressed earlier about our similar experience, if she can't say "no" to going to the club how will she ever feel comfortable or safe once there to say "no" about participating in certain activities?

 

The lifestyle is all about giving your spouse/partner the freedom to say "no" even if it means you don't get to do something that you want to do. The Mr. and I have found that usually when we say "no" then the next time we are eager to jump into that very same thing. Sure it sometimes makes for a disappointing night, and opens lots of conversation over dinner out and a few beers, but it is worth it when we come out on the other side of a "no, not this time", stronger, happier and ready to 'play' again.

 

That's my two cents for what it's worth. I just know that we wouldn't be where we are in the lifestyle if we didn't always put each others feelings first instead of our own wants.

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Jeez! What a response.

 

GirlieZ, It has nothing to do at all with libido. It's the utterly irrational fear. If someone has moral issues with swing clubs excuse me-couple's clubs, I can understand-if you told your hubby "screw you-I'm not going you pervert" thats understandable. But to say you want to go, then start freaking out in the car-that would make me mad-maybe I'm wrong-but what's the worst that can happen??? Some slobbering swinger dude foaming at the mouth who says "Ahhh fresh meat just walked in-lets get her", then tell your hubby you want to get the hell out of there-I'm sure he'd comply. I'd bet at least half the patrons don't swing at all-they are there just for the sexy atmosphere. Come on, please go and tell us all about your experience-I'm sure it will be anti-climactic.

 

Regarding me espousa and the dirt bike, she wasn't wearing a helmet-my mistake but she said she didnt need it-was suppose to be to get feel of bike. If she crashed she could have busted her head open-the whole thing scared the shit out of me-wasn't funny at all. Yes, I got mad at her later (helmet issue)-but put her in open field next time and she caught on. She always (and I) wears a helmet now.

 

Yes, I sometimes have fears of stupid shit too, But I tell myself to get a grip and think logically. It's just a pet peeve of mine when someone says they are going to do something then starts going apeshit and "no I can't-oohh I'm scared". Bungee jumping, skydiving, clearing a double on mx track-that's one thing. But couples club, strip club, bridge club--come on!!

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and if she didn't know how to swim..would you throw her off the dock?

 

:eek:

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Originally posted by De and Ci

Jeez! What a response.

 

. But to say you want to go, then start freaking out in the car-that would make me mad-maybe I'm wrong-but what's the worst that can happen??? Some slobbering swinger dude foaming at the mouth who says "Ahhh fresh meat just walked in-lets get her", then tell your hubby you want to get the hell out of there-I'm sure he'd comply. I'd bet at least half the patrons don't swing at all-they are there just for the sexy atmosphere. Come on, please go and tell us all about your experience-I'm sure it will be anti-climactic.

 

Regarding me espousa and the dirt bike, she wasn't wearing a helmet-my mistake but she said she didn't need it-was suppose to be to get feel of bike. If she crashed she could have busted her head open-the whole thing scared the shit out of me-wasn't funny at all. Yes, I got mad at her later (helmet issue)-but put her in open field next time and she caught on. She always (and I) wears a helmet now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ha...funny thing about the helmet...she said that she didn't need it. Same thing goes about a condom? She wants to get the feel of a cock? Oh yeah...if she would get some STD you wouldn't think that was funny either. Would you be mad at her then?

( I guess I have to get one strange analogy in there)

 

Yeah...I see your point...but you are way off base. I am allowed to say NO at anytime....end of it...I didn't want anyone to analyze my fears and how irrational they are~~I wanted to know their experiences and how they came through. Seems I received more supportive responses than your post telling me how irrationally I behaved. My husband and I talked (MOST IMPORTANT) and AGREED that we should do things when they are right~~and for some reason it wasn't right then. I was thinking rationally and clearly~~and at that time I did what was right.

 

 

As for going and telling you all about it~~forget it. Your posts have been rather mean spirited. There are ways of giving your opinion without making someone feel "nutty","irrational","freaked-out" and "stupid".

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Girlie Z,

 

I can totally understand how uncomfortable you must have felt on the spur of the moment situation. We haven't gone to a club yet, or done anything, but you can be sure that we're talking about things. Summer's coming and I bet we visit a club sometime over the next few months. If either of us feel as if we are uncomfortable, at any point, we will stop the process. Then, if we want to try it again later, we will. Of course, one or the other of us might be disappointed, but what's more important is that we will be in the situation together.............afterall that's what it's about, right? It's not just about one person's wishes, but both and I agree with those who encourage you to take your time to decide when, and if, the time is right for you. The fact that your husband is so wonderful about things is great!

 

There's no reason to push anyone into any of this. If you are interested and comfortable enough to move forward, fine. If not, then that's fine, too.

 

A person who would push another into something that he or she is not ready for is very selfish at that moment. Obviously, you can see by most of the responses you got here, most people are not like that.

 

Fear is there for a reason. Yes, some fear is irrational and sometimes it is good to go against one's instincts and move forward, when the situation is important enough to warrant it. I doubt seriously that your situation was and the fact that your husband was encouraging to you afterward proves it.

 

Good luck to you in whatever decision(s) you make. It sounds like you and your husband have a very good relationship and know what to do to keep it that way whether you move forward in the lifestyle or not.

 

Hugs to you both:kissface:

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I'd agree with the sentiments of the majority of the posters above. You acted within your own comfort levels, something that you're entitled to do at all times. Your husband supported your decision not to go into the club, and has been fully understanding about your concerns. Little else matters, IMHO. Take your time, consider your desires and keep talking with your husband. Perhaps with a little more warning next time, you'll feel comfortable and confident about going inside.

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Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Instincts can be driven by fear of the unknown. A lot of times taking chances is all about going against your instincts.

 

 

If I always follwed my instincts I wouldnt have had nearly the fun I have had in life so far. I am not saying to never listen to them but think about why you are having them before deciding wether to leap or not.

 

You only live once.:8-0::

 

Bah. Every damn time I have bucked my instincts in a given situation, I lived to regret it. I don't explain it, I just report it.

 

GirlieZ, I repeat; trust your instincts. Sure, you only live once (now there's a blazing statement of the obvious if ever I heard one). But if something doesn't feel right, if you are not comfortable, for WHATEVER reason, back off and think things over. One of the biggest mistakes people make in this lifestyle is diving in, for reasons of "going along", or making your partner happy, or what-have-you, before they are ready, with the result that they often end up having a miserable experience.

 

Clearly your OM did not have a problem with you backing out at the last minute, and he would have been an insensitive dickweed if he had. So don't sweat it, hon.

 

Take your time and ease up to it. When you are ready, you will know it. The main thing to remember here is that this lifestyle is NOT that damned important. The fate of Western Civilization does not hang in the balance on whether or not you go into a given situation, including one you are not comfortable with just yet.

 

-- Bear

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Just to clarify things for those of you who have not been to a "club" yet;

 

Everything depends on what kind of club it is, under the heading of a "swingers club". There are two basic categories, "off-premise" and "on-premise".

 

"Off-premise" clubs are just what the name implies. These are clubs that, for all intents and purposes, are no different than any other club, with a bar, tables, dance floor, loud music, etc, that you have ever been to. The only difference is that these are clubs where swinging couples congregate. No sexual activity takes place at off-premise clubs, which is why they call them "off-premise"...:) Truth be told, there is often plenty of slap-and-tickle, usually of an oral nature, taking place in a dark corner or back room somewhere, but that's it. If you and whatever other couple(s) you are with want to play, you would go somewhere else.

 

"On-premise" clubs are also just what the name implies. These are clubs where sex does take place on-site, as it were. I don't know about other parts of the country, but in Texas these are private establishments, sometimes in residential homes, sometimes not, and they do not sell liquor (liquor licenses and sex do not mix in the great state of Texas...:). A buffet perhaps, and certainly set-ups, are about it. There will be a room or rooms set aside for sex, with common areas for conversing, games, dancing or what-have-you. Getting into an on-premise club is much more involved than going to an off-premise club, where you can just walk in the door. On-premise clubs will generally have some kind of vetting process, where you are checked out to one degree or another in order to make sure you are not a member of the news media, law enforcement or just plain riff-raff (you are going to pay a lot of money to get into this place, and the operators generally try to make sure that everyone admitted does not fall too far into the lowlife category). Just as in any other swinging environment, you are under no compunction to do anything you don't want to.

 

Hope this answers some of your questions...

 

-- Bear

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With us, where we live, the closest swingers club is quite a drive for us, and personally, we just don't feel ready to do the club scene. We are just more comfortable with meeting another couple, 1 on 1. As of yet, we have not branced out from us swapping with another couple. We have discussed a get together with us and 2 other couples, making it the 6 of us, but with us we want to make sure that everyone is all comfortable with everyone. Don't want to get started and then someone back out because they don't feel right with someone. So for now, we just need to make sure that everyone is comfy with everyone before doing anything along those lines.

 

:bj:

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty

Posted by Bear:

 

Quote
Bah. Every damn time I have bucked my instincts in a given situation, I lived to regret it. I don't explain it, I just report it.

 

Sorry to hear that. I have not found that to be the case but everyone is different. ;)

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We have never been to a club and now I know why. We were invited to a "party" with a couple and accepted the invitation. When we got there, it was us, the other couple and five other guys. We were not told it was a gang bang. We were under the impression there would be other couples. Hubby was very uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a woman with five other guys. He prefers one on one. We left quickly and talked about it on the way home. We both decided we would rather have more private encounters. We don't want to be totally involved with a couple, however, we are more comfortable with couples and more privacy.

 

I on the other hand am more adventuresome, but I respect his limits and am totally supportive of his needs. I think couples really need to discuss these things and know each others comfort zones. This is just my opinion.

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Originally posted by yawanna

and if she didn't know how to swim..would you throw her off the dock?

 

:eek:

 

Huh? I didn't force her to ride the bike, should I have just her crash into the wall?

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So - she rode the bike of her own free will?

 

Does that mean that she could have chosen NOT to ride the bike? Even after you taught her how to clutch, brake and shift? Would you have supported her desire to NOT ride the bike - even after you had spent so much time teaching her to ride? Would you have simply kissed her on the cheek, realized that anytime spent together is time well spent and encouraged her that she can ride when OR IF she ever gets ready?

 

If that is the case, then that is the point that most of us are trying to make.

 

By saying that you didn't force her to ride the bike - that is what you mean, right? Otherwise, backing out would be a rather irrational and silly decison that would have met with your state of "peeved-ness"... At which point, you might have demanded an apology and told her she needed to get back on the bike and ride it... In that case - she had no more free will... Or at least - that's the advice you gave GirlieZ.

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GirlieZ,

 

Sorry for berating you and I'm glad your hubby was understanding and not a "selfish dickweed" like I'm supposed to be. But its really easy to give warm and fuzzy advice. I was just expressing how I would have felt in that situation-whether I'm right or wrong.

 

Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was married-she and a guy who was also married, agreed to go a motel for some booty, They made it to the bed and he backed out at last moment-got scared and said they shouldn't do this. She was pissed-said he led her on, etc.. Yes he had every right to say no and what they were doing wasn't right. But he shouldn't have led her on like that. To be honest, I was single at the time and ended up banging her-that was wrong, But it would also be wrong for me If I had misled her

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say

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Originally posted by Spoomonkey

Otherwise, backing out would be a rather irrational and silly decision that would have met with your state of "peeved-ness"... At which point, you might have demanded an apology and told her she needed to get back on the bike and ride it... In that case - she had no more free will... Or at least - that's the advice you gave GirlieZ.

 

She wanted to ride, I got really peeved because she convinced me she was ready, As a result of her panic, she nearly got herself killed-I was scared and angry. She insisted on trying the next day. If she would have said never again-I would have respected her decision without getting angry at her

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"Say what you mean and mean what you say"

 

For some reason, this reminds me of teaching my wife how to ride a motorcycle, I get her a Honda XR100, explain over and over the throttle, brakes and clutch. She knows how to drive a standard auto. Sure enough, she clutches the handgrips, inadvertently cracking the throttle open, releases the clutch and freezes, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh! Well she eventually learned how to ride.

 

This was the analogy used to respond to a posting about a wife being too scared of the 'unknown' to enter a swinger club.

If we take

 

, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh!

 

which to me reads as the only reason she didn't crash into the house was because of wet ground, not that her husband was taking care for her.... and the next comment of "Ughhhh" reads like her learning to ride a motorcycle was a huge disappointment to her husband, who takes no ownership in her failure, or success.

 

"She insisted"... so.. if the evening at the club went horribly wrong or YOU Mr. Husband had issues arising from the evening, only the person who insisted on trying something new or checking out a venue you've discussed, are the ONLY person to be held responsible for the failure of the exercise.

 

Swinging is a TEAM SPORT. Not Fear Factor.

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Originally posted by Spoomonkey

So - she rode the bike of her own free will?

 

Does that mean that she could have chosen NOT to ride the bike? Even after you taught her how to clutch, brake and shift? Would you have supported her desire to NOT ride the bike - even after you had spent so much time teaching her to ride? Spoomonkey

 

To be honest, I would have been pissed if she had backed out after going throught the trouble and expense-that very well may be wrong but we all have our faults. But I would have not have forced her to ride and would have respected her decision after I vented.

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Originally posted by yawanna

 which to me reads as the only reason she didn't crash into the house was because of wet ground, not that her husband was taking care for her.... and the next comment of "Ughhhh" reads like her learning to ride a motorcycle was a huge disappointment to her husband, who takes no ownership in her failure, or success.

 

I now understand what politicians mean when they say they were quoted out of context, mischaracterization, etc....

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To be honest, I would have been pissed if she had backed out after going throught the trouble and expense-that very well may be wrong but we all have our faults. But I would have not have forced her to ride and would have respected her decision after I vented.

 

Very nice.

 

If I've gotten any of the 'context' wrong.. this is the place to state in no uncertain terms (be clear in what you say) your position and to clear up for us all any misconceptions.

 

We are a good group of folks. I for one took issue with the 'tone' of your responses. Tone being based upon choice of words.

 

If we have you completely misconstrued, I'll be the first to say I had you all wrong.

 

 

 

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Originally posted by De and Ci

Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was married-she and a guy who was also married, agreed to go a motel for some booty, They made it to the bed and he backed out at last moment-got scared and said they shouldn't do this. She was pissed-said he led her on, etc.. Yes he had every right to say no and what they were doing wasn't right. But he shouldn't have led her on like that. To be honest, I was single at the time and ended up banging her-that was wrong, But it would also be wrong for me If I had misled her

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Okay, in this circumstance this reads as there are at least two people who are cheating and maybe a third. The girlfiend on her husband, you with the girlfriend and the other male on his wife.

 

Cheating has no place in swinging. Or have you missed that point?

 

Seems to me that the guy with the bigger 'head' made the wisest decision that night and exercised his right to say no. Just because you went on to bang her because you didn't want to mis-lead her, doesn't make you a martyr. Please don't expect to convince me that you did the 'saintly' thing. I've a hard time believing after reading your prior posts, in this thread, that this third party wasn't coerced into bed by you and your married/cheating girlfriend. :nono:

 

If you mean what you say, as you have said it, I'm distancing myself as far away as possible from any place called Hutto.

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Originally posted by OhioCouple

Cheating has no place in swinging. Or have you missed that point?

 

I wasn't seeking advice nor discussing cheating and swinging. Yes its wrong to cheat, and I shouldn't have participated. I said I was wrong, and he did the right thing. Nevertheless, I understand why she got upset.

 

I'm sure we all have issues that make us upset, mad, etc. when we shouldn't, whether right or wrong. I just shared some of mine

 

This was a lively thread, and appreciate everyone's input despite some of the harsh criticism I received.

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It seems to me that by saying he led her on you would also agree that no woman has the right to ever "stop" things once they get started at all?

 

If she can't even say no to going to a swing club, then what about once she gets inside? Well she's there, so she if she doesn't meet someone, she's led her husband on. Well they've met someone, if they don't have sex with them, then she's led everyone on.

 

That is the way that your comments come across.

 

I can see your point that by backing out at the last minute it is dissapointing to whoever else may have been involved, but EVERYONE has the right to say NO at any time. Whether it's at the beginning of the night or at the end.

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Originally posted by De and Ci

I wasn't seeking advice nor discussing cheating and swinging. Yes its wrong to cheat, and I shouldn't have participated. I said I was wrong, and he did the right thing. Nevertheless, I understand why she got upset.

 

I'm sure we all have issues that make us upset, mad, etc. when we shouldn't, whether right or wrong. I just shared some of mine

 

This was a lively thread, and appreciate everyone's input despite some of the harsh criticism I received.

 

 

When I started this thread I asked a rhetorical question that you jumped on. You went on to say in further posts that I was "nuttty", "illogical", "freaked-out", and "stupid". What I simply wanted from posters was their take on the "club" scene~~not your Lucy VanPelt five-cent psychological analysis.

 

Every person on this board, with the exeption of you, encouraged me. I really appreciate everyone who gave me good, sound advice.

 

You, on the other hand, really did nothing to explain the club scene.

 

I guess that you can dish out the harsh criticism...but you can't take it. I'm sorry that you feel so picked on~~but when you come off like a sphincter, you get treated like one.

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Originally posted by meowkittyhascla

We have never been to a club and now I know why. We were invited to a "party" with a couple and accepted the invitation. When we got there, it was us, the other couple and five other guys. We were not told it was a gang bang. We were under the impression there would be other couples. Hubby was very uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a woman with five other guys. He prefers one on one. We left quickly and talked about it on the way home. We both decided we would rather have more private encounters. We don't want to be totally involved with a couple, however, we are more comfortable with couples and more privacy.

I on the other hand am more adventuresome, but I respect his limits and am totally supportive of his needs. I think couples really need to discuss these things and know each others comfort zones. This is just my opinion.

 

Not to put too fine a point on it, but whoever invited you to that "party" should be taken out and shot (although what this has to do with whether or not you go to a club escapes me, as it looks like apples and oranges in this case).

 

Sure, "gang bangs" happen, and there are some women who really get off on such scenes. But you NEVER invite someone to ANY swinger party, let alone a damned gang bang, without telling them first. That is inexcusable.

 

-- Bear

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Originally posted by De and Ci

GirlieZ,

 

Sorry for berating you and I'm glad your hubby was understanding and not a "selfish dickweed" like I'm supposed to be. But its really easy to give warm and fuzzy advice. I was just expressing how I would have felt in that situation-whether I'm right or wrong.

Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was married-she and a guy who was also married, agreed to go a motel for some booty, They made it to the bed and he backed out at last moment-got scared and said they shouldn't do this. She was pissed-said he led her on, etc.. Yes he had every right to say no and what they were doing wasn't right. But he shouldn't have led her on like that. To be honest, I was single at the time and ended up banging her-that was wrong, But it would also be wrong for me If I had misled her

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say

 

In another post, you complained about being "taken out of context", yet that is exactly what you are doing here. When I used the "selfish dickweed" term, at no point were you mentioned anywhere in the post. My point was and remains that if ANY guy rags on his S.O., who is just starting out in swinging (a major life state change in and of itself) he's being an insensitive jerk, period.

 

On the other hand, if the shoe fits...

 

When someone is moving into "unknown territory", regardless of the circumstances, it is not unusual for him/her to have second thoughts at some point, especially early on. That's human nature, and to "vent" on someone for having a normal human reaction is, in my not-so-humble opinion, rude and insensitive. Deal with it.

 

But that goes for ANYBODY, and you are not being singled out.

 

-- Bear

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Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

My point was and remains that if ANY guy rags on his S.O., who is just starting out in swinging (a major life state change in and of itself) he's being an insensitive jerk, period.

 

-- Bear

 

Gosh, I thought you had me in mind about the dickweed stuff. I feel so much better. I was just ragging on Girlie because I thought she was being a total wuss. I get your your point and I apologized to Girlie for being so mean to her. I assume they were just going to check out a couple's club-I'm sure her husband was just curious and wanted to check out the place had no plans for any swappin'. That's a far cry from "getting started in swinging"

 

As far as that poor couple who was invited to that "couple's" party that turned out to be a gang bang attempt-that was totally uncool and they should have a good "talking-to" to the shithead/s who invited them.

 

GirlieZ, I thought I made myself clear in my earlier ramblings. A couple's club (off premise), Is just like a regular club-people dancing, sitting around the tables-shootin' the shit, you will see some women taking their tops off, and a little smooching, discrete petting, no open sex, no depraved lunatics. Probably a big variety of music since the club is not catering to a specific musical taste, and so on. If you go-you will have fun and will wonder why you were making such a fuss before. I hope I made myself clear.

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Originally posted by De and Ci

Gosh, I thought you had me in mind about the dickweed stuff. I feel so much better. I was just ragging on Girlie because I thought she was being a total wuss. I get your your point and I apologized to Girlie for being so mean to her. I assume they were just going to check out a couple's club-I'm sure her husband was just curious and wanted to check out the place had no plans for any swappin'. That's a far cry from "getting started in swinging"

 

As far as that poor couple who was invited to that "couple's" party that turned out to be a gang bang attempt-that was totally uncool and they should have a good "talking-to" to the shithead/s who invited them.

 

GirlieZ, I thought I made myself clear in my earlier ramblings. A couple's club (off premise), Is just like a regular club-people dancing, sitting around the tables - shootin' the shit, you will see some women taking their tops off, and a little smooching, discrete petting, no open sex, no depraved lunatics. Probably a big variety of music since the club is not catering to a specific musical taste, and so on. If you go-you will have fun and will wonder why you were making such a fuss before. I hope I made myself clear.

 

head bang

 

Have you ever "wussed out" over anything?

 

And when you did, did you appreciate someone making you feel less than important and stupid for feeling a bit "wussy"?

 

You have no idea what my husband's intentions were...for all you know he was planning on going in hoping to "bang" every woman in the place.

 

Actually De and Ci it wasn't your "ramblings" that explained anything at all about what "swing clubs" are all about. I believe that Bear N Bunny explained all that. Now the club that we were planning to attend was an On Premise club~~a tad bit different than the club you describe above.

 

What are your experiences at swing clubs, De and Ce? Enlighten me...I'm intrigued about what you would have to say.

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Aside from the fact that GirlieZ stated it was an on premise club,which btw only adds to her understandable feelings of consternation, this

 

A couple's club (off premise), Is just like a regular club-people dancing, sitting around the tables-shootin' the shit, you will see some women taking their tops off, and a little smooching, discrete petting, no open sex, no depraved lunatics. Probably a big variety of music since the club is not catering to a specific musical taste, and so on. If you go-you will have fun and will wonder why you were making such a fuss before.

 

helps no one. Many have posted about their first time at a swinger club, on or off premise, and many have sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes and then driven off. Only to try again another time. Once they get in, yes, usually the fears dissipate. You can't tell someone that a total unknown will be safe and fun. Nor should they be expected to walk in to the club regardless of their feelings.

 

Many of us say 'trust your gut instinct' and if your gut says 'I'm REALLY uncomfortable and don't want to go through with this'

... then ya gotta listen to that. No one has a right to fault you for doing what is best for you at the time.

 

Once again.. this isn't Fear Factor.

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GirlieZ,

 

Yes, Im sure I've wussed out of something.

 

Go to First swing and other couple issues. That was a post documenting our first ever swing type experience.

 

I stand by what I said about your husband unless there is some heavy shit your not tellin' us. Even if your husband wants to bang every woman in the place-it ain't gonna happen. Best analogy is a hoppin' night club, lots of guys and girls are there wanting to get laid-but you gotta talk to them, be charming, then ask if she/he wants to go to your place. A swing club is similar. You got there, a couple or group may introduce themselves, you talk to them, joke around, share drinks, dance, and so on. If one couple thinks the other is interested-They say something like "you want to come to our house and party", I've learned that "party" is euphemism for "group sex". You say yeah-lets go or "we're tired and just going to go home and sleep but thanks" . Lots of couples don't intend to swing, they just go and make out with each other, play under the table and so on. Experienced couples will spot a nervous newbie a mile away and most likely they won't be approached.

 

We go to off-premise regularly. We went to on-premise once, It was similar but they had private rooms in the back and they also didn't have dance floor, we thought it was lame. We didn't see any open sex but that probably varies by club.

 

Hope this helps.

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      Mary took a few minutes to change into what she called a ‘trolling outfit.’ As I remember, that night it was a black babydoll with a loose bodice, thong, low heels. Many men admired her legs as I checked the forty or so women, many as scantily clad as my wife. None of our regular playmates seemed to be in attendance that evening, but we had our customs, we weren’t concerned. Perhaps an hour and a half later, I sat at a table next to the dance floor, Mary was on her feet, on the parquet, moving her body, seeing if anyone would move in. A slow sequence of men approached her, danced with her. Some would take liberties such as moving their hands under her garment, feeling the small of her back, perhaps place their palm on the roundness of her ass.
       
      I’d seen this many times before, I waited for one of two reactions.
       
      The first was that she’d spin away from the man; it signified she wasn’t interested in what he had to offer.
       
      The second was that she’d get closer, I’d watch her whisper in his ear. I knew the question, “Where’s your wife?” Some of them would shake their heads, they were attending as one of the few single men the club allowed, and when they received Mary’s response, they’d move away - that’s not what we were looking for at the moment.
       
      But the man might indicate where his wife was dancing a few feet away. When this kind of thing happened, Mary would glance to me and give our special signal - she’d put one hand on the back of her head, one on her stomach. When I got the cue, I’d come out, we’d dance as a foursome.
       
      As I approached, a man grasped the elbow of a tall attractive lady who was more modestly dressed, at least for the club. There was no conversation on the dance floor, the heavy volume of music and the thumping of the bass wouldn’t allow for speech. But I could tell the woman was interested in me, the four of us paired off and I often found myself facing this vixen. It was obvious they were as interested in us as I was in them, I could tell by the way Mary was rubbing against the man that she felt the same.
       
      After a couple of songs, Mary led the way off the floor, holding his hand, leading us off into a corner away from the speakers. As we sat, the man said, “I’m Ed, this is my wife, Marilyn.”
       
      Marilyn and I softly shook hands, I believe she raised the hem of her skirt to give me a view of her upper thighs. Ed had no problem seeing Mary’s legs, or where they met - she was sitting so that the babydoll was gathered to her side, leaning forward so her globes were exposed to his view.
       
      “Do you come here often?” Ed asked.
       
      “Every few weeks,” I responded, “you?”
       
      “This is our first time here.” Mary gave him a look that asked for further info. “We’re just starting this,” he admitted.
       
      Marilyn picked it up. “We’ve only had one time with a couple of friends. We liked it, heard about this place, decided to see if we could get into more trouble.”
       
      “Trouble’s our middle name,” I joked.
       
      Our conversation continued, where do you live, what movies have you seen lately, etc. It was a screen, of course, we were all calculating if the four of us would be pleasurable bedmates. I paid my attention to Marilyn, my wife had told me numerous times not to worry about her, she can take care of herself. My hand found Marilyn’s knee, she smiled at me, encouraged me to reach a tad higher. We bent towards each other, our mouths met.
       
      Marilyn opened her lips to me, the kiss was ardent, her mouth moist. She licked at my upper lip, her hand fondled the back of my neck. Our tongues clashed, promising cupidity, mimicking what I presumed our bodies might be doing in a few scant moments.
       
      We broke for a moment, Marilyn invited, “Would you guys want to go to one of the rooms?”
       
      I, of course, was all for it, but then I heard Mary. “Uh, not right now. But thanks.”
       
      We’ve always had the guideline that if one person doesn’t want to do something, she speaks for both of us. Regretfully, I pecked at Marilyn’s lips a last time, we stood, went separate ways.
       
      “You’re not upset, are you?” Mary asked me.
       
      “Of course not, not at all. You’re not in the mood?”
       
      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
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