Poll: Are you willing to go Bareback?

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

This particular thread Bareback Swingers made us curious about how common bareback sex is among those of us on the Board. The following is a poll we saw on a Yahoo! group earlier this year. We are looking forward to reading your feedback.

[oliverx 16]

Interesting poll. We usually do not go bareback with our playmates. But a couple we know and trust is our bareback playmate couple.

 

There is always a risk but when we have reached our age and feel comfortable with our players we do take the ride.

 

Life is a risk anyway and it is much more exciting and enjoyable to ride bare. As for oral sex it is like chewing the candy with the wrap around if it is not bare.

 

Even our condom players do not use saran wrap orally.

 

Al fun is risky and we do not use guns or do mountain climbing and also drive carefully.

 

Enjoy life it is too short anyway and can end anytime and the fun should not be taken away.

[Spoomonkey 421]

We voted the middle one... But like we said in the bareback thread - it really depends on really getting to know the couple. We've never done - may never do it - but wouldn't be opposed to getting to know a couple well enough to play unencumbered...

[good times 991]

It appears we are in the minority here, but we take the position that we don't need to use condoms but will if requested. In reality we usually do use them because I have had a vasectomy but my wife is very fertile. For medical reasons my wife can't take birth control or use the morning after pill and abortion doesn't seem like all that good of an option. So if the male of the other couple isn't fixed my wife lets him know that he needs to put on a helmet.

 

As far as std's go we have spent many hours discussing it and many more hours researching them, and these are our conclusions.

 

The one we are most afraid of, would be aids. After reading many studies, many focusing on heterosexual transmition, we have come to the conclusion that given the demographic makeup of the group we hang out with, our chances of getting hit by lightning while walking from our car to the club is much higher than getting aids from somebody while we are there. In our opinion the odds just don't justify a large amount of concern of contracting this desease.

 

The next most concerning would be hepatitus. This one could be a biggie in the future but for the common strains currently out there, their is a vaccine the gives more protection than would be afforded by using a condom.

 

HPV, herpes and probably a couple I forgot are currently uncurable, but from my research the protection provided by the use of condoms from the transmition of these is pretty much non existent as they can be easily transmitted by touch or contact.

 

Then their are the list of std's that can be treated like syphilis, gonerhea (sp?), chlamidia, etc,, These respond well to drugs so while they are a concern I don't think I will lose a lot of sleep worrying about them.

 

So after studying up on all these things I have come to the conclusion that even though we have sex with others, I'm still much more likely to die of more conventional causes than from an std transmitted through hetrosexual sex.

 

If we have sex without using a condum, are we taking a risk? Absolutely, but we have come to the conclusion that for the type of partners we choose, the risk is minor and so we generally have decided that it is worth the risk. Some of the most enjoyable things in life carry a risk, I intend to enjoy life to the fullest.

[BettyAnnMBSC 24]

We really look at the middle responses as about equal -- couple months, couple weeks -- same, same.

 

It's about comfort levels with the partner and it's my decision. I generally use the same rationalle I would if I were a single girl dating again -- if I'd go bareback if I were single, I'll trust him now.

 

I can't really describe the method I use to decide -- I'm not sure if it's a look or a feeling or what.

 

Most simply put, some guys get to go bareback and some don't -- and I decide. A sure way to make sure you don't go bareback is to insist that you never wear a condom or make some other lame excuse. Virgins almost always get to go bareback facelick

[Alura 2,774]

Anal sex is the most likely act to transmit aids because the rectum almost always gets small tears, giving access to the blood stream. Both of us don't really care for it anyway, so write off that risk.

 

We consider the activity of a couple we're interested in. The less activity, the less risk of STDs.

 

The time we've known a couple is not so important to us but how much we trust what they have to say about their history is.

 

We also believe that reading eyes can tell us a lot about anyone. If we "like their eyes" we're much more likely to trust someone. "White eyes," the Native American term for white men, has nothing to do with the color of their skin but their propensity to lie. My grandfather was much better at "reading eyes" than I am.

 

I think the best advice in this thread (sorry, forgot who wrote it) is "find a couple with whom you feel you don't need to worry about STDs and use condoms anyway."

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We use protection (condoms) almost all of the time, but go bareback with select couples (most recently, check out our thread HERE). Unless we've known you for a significant amount of time and we trust you, it's "no glove, no love".

 

I had one woman who we knew for only a week try to "sneak" the condom off of me during play. That was awkward, but we decided to go our separate ways when that happened. I later heard rumors that her husband was naturally sterile, and she was looking to get pregnant.*

 

But we also acknowledge that there is a time and place for bareback sex as well. We play with two other couples sans condoms. And, frankly, everybody enjoys it.

 

Addendum: Anal sex with any other woman other then Amelia is always with a condom. No exceptions to that rule at all.

 

The motorcycle metaphor was appropriate. Yes, there is a chance that we may pick up a bug, but it's unlikely. There's also a far greater chance of me getting killed by a deer running in front of my car while I go down the road, but that doesn't mean I think all the deer in my neighborhood should be hunted down and shot.** After weighing the risks and benefits of going bareback with a very select number of couples (currently only two), we've decided to go this course of action. And we've been pretty pleased with it.

 

* - Boy, she would have been disappointed!

 

** - Nothing wrong with a controlled harvest, though. Venison's quite tasty, especially in a stew.

[Paul&Audrey 21]

In the few FFM threesomes (and the one cumming up this weekend ) I have yet to use a condom due to the "fetish" Baremama has with eating the creampie the gal & I have created. Baremama & I have been tested since our last "adventure" and both of us are clean as can be. If we had ANY fear of one of the women having something, the intimacy would never have taken place to begin with...

 

~~bare~~

 

P.S. In the immortal words of Sam Kinison: "If you don't trust the pussy, WHY are you fucking the pussy??!?!?"

[lcjtsd 20]

Originally posted by good times

It appears we are in the minority here, but we take the position that we don't need to use condoms but will if requested.

 

I don't know if we're in the minority here (seems like it) but we agree with you.

 

Our attitude is that if the husband of the other couple wants me (Mrs.) to give him head without it covered or his wife wants my husband to lick her coochie without it covered, why use anything when it comes to actual intercourse? If anyone has anything, it's most likely already spread around to everybody.

 

Think about it, with unprotected oral sex it seems that the concern is with the mans ejaculate. STD's such as gonorrhea are in the mans penis. (That's why it's called The Drip)

 

From the other postings I have read on this subject, the odds of catching anything is pretty low and HIV is almost non-existent. It seems that the only thing you are likely to get is something you probably already have anyway.

 

Please, this is only what WE believe and not meant to say that everyone should believe this way.

 

There is a risk to this lifestyle and it's all a matter of what level of risk you want to take. Let's be honest, except for monogamy, the only other way to be 99.99% safe is to have everyone wear a full body latex suit. What fun is that?

 

I remember reading on another post that someone stated that they choose to swing with others who had been married for quite a while. That's what we do also. We feel that by choosing others who are fairly new to this and have been married for a while (10+ years) and have kids, the odds of catching anything are pretty low.

 

I'm not saying that there is no need for condoms. If both the man and woman are fertile then, yes, use them. I have been tied but my husband is a fertile as they get. I would NEVER let him have sex with a woman who was not on birth control without one on!

 

Anyone else here with the same attitude?

 

Mrs. LCJTSD

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Originally posted by lcjtsd

ILet's be honest, except for monogamy, the only other way to be 99.99% safe is to have everyone wear a full body latex suit. What fun is that?

 

Well... what color latex suit we talking here?

[sensualtouch 16]

As the poll was for couples & I am a single male, I did not respond to it beause I did not want to affect the results. However, as a single male who swings with couples, I wanted to give my input. I prefer being bareback whether it's vaginal, oral or anal because of the heightened sensitivity. I love the feel of a woman & want us to enjoy my being inside her to the maximum. I realize that there are disease risks, but I am very selective in my partners. I also know that this is not foolproof. As far as pregnancy is concerned, my vasectomy has been tested quite often for over 30 years & seems to have proven to be effective.

[dc29 15]

As a couple new to the lifestyle, we would want to use condoms. She is on the pill, but any extra protection against pregnacy helps. We would still want to use condoms later, unless we were sure we could not get an STD. Any extra protection, is helpful.

[St. Augustine 20]

Mike does not like using condoms, but we agreed that if we are connecting with a couple or a single for play, that he would use a condom in the beginning.

 

Once the relationship became a long term thing then we would not be so strong minded about it.

 

Condoms do not prevent pregnancy 100%, but I feel a little safer knowing that at least we did our part in trying to prevent it.... I can't imagine what it would be like to swing with another couple and have the female partner in her fertile stage and become pregnant... and us not knowing who the father would be....

[ch85books 16]

I am right there with you, my wife loves to eat those creampies, and that gets me going all over again to watch her! We usually know the couples we play with, but have to admit there have been a few big orgies where we just did whoever, wherever, however.

[MIbbwcpl 67]

We use condoms all the time with other couples. On an individual basis it's different, but overall we use them 99% of the time. Not during oral though, yuck!

[toycple 19]

We use condoms all the time. For one, we don't know everyone out there, and you can't always know where someone has been. The main reason is the Mrs. is not fixed or on any type of birth control. If we ever did get to the point were we were fixed or she went on BC then possibly, but it would have to be with a couple we knew extremely well, for a long time and are very close to.

[WeUse 120]

oliverx said:

Interesting poll. . . . a couple we know and trust is our bareback playmate couple . . . There is always a risk but when we have reached our age and feel comfortable with our players we do take the ride.

I noticed you are in Iceland. I think the population of Iceland is something like 300,000 pretty homogeneous white, Christian, church-going folks. In light of your general population, lack of real heavy influx of outsiders from the high STD countries, and your decision to go bare back sometimes, What is the incidence of STD in your community?

 

I've read where Isla Vista, California, has now surpassed the slums of Calcutta, as having a higher incidents of STD (all those college kids at Santa Barbara, I suppose). Where on that scale does your community fit?

 

For me, this would be a factor in electing to go bareback.

[steve as is 19]

yes we go bareback as long as it is with one of our regular mfm partners as the wife loves being filled and then me entering or going down on her.

[LFM2 1,482]

I highly doubt we will ever go bareback with anyone. It's a safety factor. I talked to Dave once about going bareback with our exclusive single male, and even though he was sexually monogamous with us, we weren't monogamous with him. Not fair to him. It would just be better to keep on wrapping the tool.

[Mr.Essex 264]

As a single male, my answer is a firm, definite "No". I'm a very slutty person, but I've never had unprotected sex. The first time that I have unprotected sex will be on my wedding night, no matter how tempting the lady(ies) who I meet upon the way.

[jdavisauto 73]

There is only one couple that we have sex with without protection and we knew them for about ten years. Everyone else we use protection with.

[j&rcouple 42]

we have gone bareback with some couples others we have to use protection we can't tell how safe they are you can't tell by looking at them you don't know their history the wife is very picky

[SecretAsianMan 348]

WeUse said:

I've read where Isla Vista, California, has now surpassed the slums of Calcutta, as having a higher incidents of STD (all those college kids at Santa Barbara, I suppose).

 

Wow... really???!!! Damn, I went to school at UCSB and remember quite a few drunken nights staggering through Isla Vista. Of course, that was ten years ago & I guess if I haven't shown any symptoms through all the testing I've done since then I dodged a bullet!

[Taylor74 28]

If you engage in unprotected oral sex, what purpose would wearing a condom serve? If anything, the gesture of wearing a condom would pretty much be an illusion of safe sex and a weak attempt at playing it safe, don't you think?

[rpu3 630]

If you engage in unprotected oral sex, what purpose would wearing a condom serve? If anything, the gesture of wearing a condom would pretty much be an illusion of safe sex and a weak attempt at playing it safe, don't you think?

 

One person's illusion might be another person's reasoned decision based on what few stats are known. Some STDs aren't as easily transmitted through oral sex as through intercourse. Thus, I don't think of it as an weak attempt to play it safe as much as I'm willing to accept the risk for odds of transmission of STD through oral but I'm not willing to accept the increased risk via intercourse at this time.

[Taylor74 28]

One person's illusion might be another person's reasoned decision based on what few stats are known. Some STDs aren't as easily transmitted through oral sex as through intercourse. Thus, I don't think of it as an weak attempt to play it safe as much as I'm willing to accept the risk for odds of transmission of STD through oral but I'm not willing to accept the increased risk via intercourse at this time.

 

I'm not so sure if I agree with your reasoning. I can't see how putting something in one's mouth is less dangerous and/or risky than putting it in another orifice. The contact and exposure is there regardless.

[sweet_tna 680]

I don't remember how I voted on this poll initially . . . but I as I will be having a tubal done next week, and Mr. Sweet is already V-safe, we've given the bareback idea some consideration. Of course, this would only be with couples we know well and feel comfortable with.

 

=)

[rpu3 630]

I'm not so sure if I agree with your reasoning. I can't see how putting something in one's mouth is less dangerous and/or risky than putting it in another orifice. The contact and exposure is there regardless.

 

Fair enough. No one said you had to agree and I don't disagree with your right to go without. Nor did I call out anyone else's reasoning to use condoms or not use comdoms as a weak attempt or an illusion. I simply gave you one viewpoint why one may use condoms for intercourse but not necessarily for oral, and why I personally don't view that as "weak" or an "illusion". If I want to use CDC and other research stats as the basis of my decisions, so be it. It's not weak or an illusion to me. Clearly, your mileage varies.

 

I've been on the bareback train with one person. I really thought I knew the person and thought, based on conversations, etc. over the course of a year, that we had the same idea as to safer sex practices and I could trust this person to be honest about things if there were changes in risk. I always advised as to negative tests or the fact that I had never received a call from the Red Cross that I was positive for HIV or Hepatitis C for the 20+ apherisis donations I"d given over the previous few months. Turns out, he had gone bareback elsewhere. That in and of itself isn't a bad thing. However, I wasn't told that there was a change in risk for him so that I had information to make choices best for me and that was the problem for me.

 

That event was and remains a very big deal. The trust was gone, of course, but it was a big lesson to me that you really don't know anyone else. I don't know if I'll ever be able to put some trust or faith in the words coming out of someone else's mouth when it comes to safe sex and histories and exposures. It's just going to be easier to require condoms so that I don't have to rely on someone else being truthful as to any change in risk.

 

I've tried to tell myself the same thing that you are sying, Tyler - it's really no difference. But when it comes to HIV, the stats say otherwise and my head can't get past that difference in the stats between oral and intercourse. It does exist, and it was the basis of my choice and that doesn't mean weak or illusion.

 

So, to each their own. I have no issue with the concept of bareback. I certainly would have preferred to have continued to do so. I'm glad others don't seem to have the same amount of problems I do with stats, and trust, and acceptance of risk.

[Opportunists 17]

thanks for the post rpu3...

 

we don't do bareback and aren't even considering it... while he is fixed, we don't feel you can really know or trust anyone enough to risk harming each other or our family just to have a little bit of fun.

 

yes condoms suck... but until they come up with something better, we will be requiring them for the necessary protection/piece of mind.

[shy_tn_gal 15]

Hubby and I have worked in health care for most of our adult lives. I spent about 5 years working on a National Institutes of Health GYN research project studying HPV human papilloma virus) and other STDs, including HIV/AIDS

 

HPV is very common - do the research - google Human Papilloma Virus. You'll find out more than you wanted to know.

 

According to the Centers for Disease control, Approximately 20 million Americans are currently infected with HPV, and another 6.2 million people become newly infected each year. At least 50% of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. There are over 40 types of the virus.

Most people with HPV do not develop symptoms or health problems. But sometimes, certain types of HPV can cause genital warts in men and women. Other HPV types can cause cervical cancer and other less common cancers, such as cancers of the vulva, vagina, anus, and penis. The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types that can cause cancer.

 

HPV types are often referred to as “low-risk” (wart-causing) or “high-risk” (cancer-causing), based on whether they put a person at risk for cancer. In 90% of cases, the body’s immune system clears the HPV infection naturally within two years. This is true of both high-risk and low-risk types.

 

Now, that being said, the 'bad' current stats are:

 

Genital warts. About 1% of sexually active adults in the U.S. have genital warts at any one time.

 

Cervical cancer. The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2008, 11,070 women will be diagnosed with cervical cancer in the U.S.

 

Other HPV-related cancers are much less common than cervical cancer. The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2008, there will be:

 

3,460 women diagnosed with vulvar cancer;

2,210 women diagnosed with vaginal and other female genital cancers;

1,250 men diagnosed with penile and other male genital cancers; and

3,050 women and 2,020 men diagnosed with anal cancer.

Certain populations may be at higher risk for HPV-related cancers, such as gay and bisexual men, and individuals with weak immune systems (including those who have HIV/AIDS).

 

 

All of that being said... and considering all of the other STDs out there, we still will play bareback occasionally, if the circumstances are right. We prefer test results... but have been known to use our own judgement on a person simply by talking and getting to know them for a while.

 

We are both tested often.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We haven't played bareback in years, but we're not opposed to the concept.

 

Essentially it boils down to comfort and trust. We're not going to play bareback with some random couple we met at a Meet & Greet or somebody we met on SLS on a first (or second) date. Do we really know them? Do we really know their history? I'm willing to bet "no".

 

Now, if it's a couple we know fairly well, who we trust, then bareback is a definite possibility if everybody's in agreement.

[Jim&Shelley 17]

Our situation is varied:

We have a couple that we play with at least 2 times/month. We have known them as friends for years and have been swinging with them for several months. In this arrangement DW (Shelley) has had her tubes tied and the other guy has had a vasectomy...neither he nor Shelley like condoms and they have never used them for oral sex and only twice for IC. Myself (not fixed) and the other swing partner (female #2 is not fixed either), she uses NuvaRing...so I always wear a condom with IC;however she no longer has me wear one for oral, although she did in the begining.

 

We have also swung with 3 other couples...I have always worn condom for IC because I just prefer saftey. One wife requested I also wear one during oral sex. Shelley has always required them for IC and OS with strangers except once when they got "carried away";-)

[justdoitasu 21]

I'm kind of dissappointed to see so many people not protecting themselves. I cant stand condoms to be honest. I'd like to find out if there is a way for people to verify whether or not a person has been tested recently....

[Islamorada 17]

We usually only play with condoms...we have one "special couple" we get together with at least twice per month. We play with thim without any condoms...close friends and we know they are STD free. They have a strict condom rule with any other couple.

 

If a man does not want to wear a condom for OS then I do not finish him orally...period.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I'm kind of dissappointed to see so many people not protecting themselves. I cant stand condoms to be honest. I'd like to find out if there is a way for people to verify whether or not a person has been tested recently....

 

Don't be disappointed. The reason for the poll and the thread is to give others information about the lifestyle so you can make a better decision for yourself.

 

 

You can't find out if people have been tested recently, medical privacy laws. And if the test is recent/old then basically it was only good on the test date for most STD's.

[MeandShe 15]

What do u think about the idea of Tests? I think that will make us very relaxed. My wife think discussing about such Tests with other couple will be uneasy.

[realcplub2 513]

If a man does not want to wear a condom for OS then I do not finish him orally...period.

 

You realise of course that, with the statement you just made, it doesnt matter if he does or not, right?

 

The moment the man in question becomes aroused enough to get an erection, the ejaculate, is on its way..

 

Translation: the pre cum is just as likely to contain whatever you fear as the actual cum is

 

Same thing goes for a woman, its great to settle in between those legs and spend quality time giving a serious impression of a kid with an ice cream cone, but unless you are using a dental dam... Oh well

[realcplub2 513]

Now, allow me to clarify our position on the topic, we are a bareback couple..

 

In our case, my wife has a severe allergy to latex, that developed after we began into our lifestyle adventures and for the longest time we put our fun on hold for just that reason..

 

But, when we thought of it in terms as I answered in the previous post, it really didnt matter.. My wife enjoys oral sex, giving and receiving.. and its a true man eater in the respect that, if she has spent that time providing the pleasures with her mouth to the gentlman, she expects the payoff.. Same applies to women..

 

But as was so elliquently explained to us, unless you go from start to finish, using condoms, and dental dams, you are still exposing yourself to the very risks you are attempting to avoid by covering up for intercourse.

 

In our case, we are extremely selective in WHO we play with, alot of what we ever wanted to try, .. Its a bitch to plan a gangbang, when the fantasy was getting covered in cum, and having mouthfuls..went off the menu when the allergy developed.

 

So, all that having been said.. Hope the answer is sufficent

[GoNatural 104]

I'm willing to go bareback after I get to know a couple really well.

[GoNatural 104]

What do u think about the idea of Tests? I think that will make us very relaxed. My wife think discussing about such Tests with other couple will be uneasy.

 

I agree with testing. In fact, in the poly world, not exchanging body fluids (even by kissing), is sometimes held off till after getting tested. This is called becoming fluid bonded, if an agreement is made to use condoms with all other non-bonded partners.

 

About making the other couple uneasy, it may. Some very respectable members here have stated their reasons for why they'd feel put off by requests for testing, but on the other hand, some may appreciate it. It is a toss up. They may appreciate your concern, or they may not like the idea.

 

I think that the way you present the question will affect their response, as well as the timing. Think it through.

 

Many will object that testing is insufficient, and it can be in some ways, but it is still a form of risk management that is very worthwhile. Combine that with spending time getting to the the couple and their mating habits, and statistically you will have reduced the risks greatly. Actually, I'd rather go bare with a tested couple that I've became familiar with, rather then have sex on the first date with condoms, with strangers.

[herpob 563]

I agree with testing. In fact, in the poly world, not exchanging body fluids (even by kissing), is sometimes held off till after getting tested. This is called becoming fluid bonded, if an agreement is made to use condoms with all other non-bonded partners.

 

About making the other couple uneasy, it may. Some very respectable members here have stated their reasons for why they'd feel put off by requests for testing, but on the other hand, some may appreciate it. It is a toss up. They may appreciate your concern, or they may not like the idea.

 

I think that the way you present the question will affect their response, as well as the timing. Think it through.

 

Many will object that testing is insufficient, and it can be in some ways, but it is still a form of risk management that is very worthwhile. Combine that with spending time getting to the the couple and their mating habits, and statistically you will have reduced the risks greatly. Actually, I'd rather go bare with a tested couple that I've became familiar with, rather then have sex on the first date with condoms, with strangers.

 

 

VERY well put!!! I agree 100% - I would much rather have a guy in me without a condom! However before we developed our exclusive group condoms were the norm, sorry but you cannot trust people to be 100% forthright or accurate about their sexual past when you first meet them. Once our group begin to form we focuses on the disease issue heavily. Everyone was repeatedly tested and had to provide the results immediately for the group to review. Everyone gave theri entire sexual history for the others to review. Then the attorneys in our group drew up our covenants or by-laws. We hashed out what everyone wanted, desired, and expected. Once they were fine tuned we all signed contracts binding us legally to certain rules and behavior. Testing is a MAJOR part of it. We trust everyone in our group and we are exclusive, yet we still test regularly.

 

I am very sorry to hear that people in this lifestyle are not open to testing - please please please pay attention to the statistics shy_tn_ gal posted, they are VERY Real!!! You may play now and have fun but you will pay the price later and cause many others to pay as well, even your dear loved ones. Please do not be selfish, get tested regularly and if you catch something don't spread it, find alternate ways to have sex beside unprotected.

 

As GoNatural mentioned, how you present it to others matters - think it through and do not have unprotected sex until you know you can trust them. Honestly now, do really want body parts eaten up with cancer and rotting within mere years?

[Malachista 170]

Everyone gave theri entire sexual history for the others to review. Then the attorneys in our group drew up our covenants or by-laws. We hashed out what everyone wanted, desired, and expected. Once they were fine tuned we all signed contracts binding us legally to certain rules and behavior.

 

I think this is the line were careful crosses the line to overkill

 

Also: How legally binding is it really? Would you really go in front of a judge with a contract about a group like that is someone would act unfitting?

[BiloxiCouple 695]

VERY well put!!! I agree 100% - I would much rather have a guy in me without a condom! However before we developed our exclusive group condoms were the norm, sorry but you cannot trust people to be 100% forthright or accurate about their sexual past when you first meet them. Once our group begin to form we focuses on the disease issue heavily. Everyone was repeatedly tested and had to provide the results immediately for the group to review. Everyone gave theri entire sexual history for the others to review. Then the attorneys in our group drew up our covenants or by-laws. We hashed out what everyone wanted, desired, and expected. Once they were fine tuned we all signed contracts binding us legally to certain rules and behavior. Testing is a MAJOR part of it. We trust everyone in our group and we are exclusive, yet we still test regularly.

I am very sorry to hear that people in this lifestyle are not open to testing - please please please pay attention to the statistics shy_tn_ gal posted, they are VERY Real!!! You may play now and have fun but you will pay the price later and cause many others to pay as well, even your dear loved ones. Please do not be selfish, get tested regularly and if you catch something don't spread it, find alternate ways to have sex beside unprotected.

 

As GoNatural mentioned, how you present it to others matters - think it through and do not have unprotected sex until you know you can trust them. Honestly now, do really want body parts eaten up with cancer and rotting within mere years?

 

I hope this post was about 90% sarcasm or at best wishing for a perfect situation.

 

I did bold two statements which seem to contradict each other in the fact that one groups wants protection and yet there is still some distrust and the other group that shows trust without protection. Maybe someone else can explain these two statements better than I can???

 

I feel it boils to down to what level of risk management you are willing to accept.

 

We have beaten this horse here before:btdedhrs: And we can all take turns at it. Protection, absitenance, testing, std's and anything else I may have forgotten.

[Swingtown 15]

My wife and I have only had one swingers experience and I didn't wear a condom. The other gent did because my wife's not on birth control at the moment. The lovely lady I was with was 25 years old (I'm 33) and she is clean and on birth control. Frankly, I was afraid of what swinging would be like. I thought I'd get all jealous or perhaps feel super guilty, but I had the time of my life. I can't wait until we have another session. So far my wife and her friend seem to be thinking about getting together once a month. Dude....I think I'm the luckiest man alive. lol

[beachguyz 25]

In our first experience, I wore a condom with my partner, my wife went bareback.

 

The other time I went bareback, don't know about the wife.

[herpob 563]

"Then the attorneys in our group drew up our covenants or by-laws. We hashed out what everyone wanted, desired, and expected. Once they were fine tuned we all signed contracts binding us legally to certain rules and behavior. Testing is a MAJOR part of it. We trust everyone in our group and we are exclusive, yet we still test regularly.

 

As GoNatural mentioned, how you present it to others matters - think it through and do not have unprotected sex until you know you can trust them." herpob

 

 

Malachista said:

I think this is the line were careful crosses the line to overkill

 

Also: How legally binding is it really? Would you really go in front of a judge with a contract about a group like that is someone would act unfitting?

 

“How legally binding & would your ever go in front of a Judge?”

 

Well have you ever heard of a Complaint and Consent Judgment? Very binding! Maybe overkill who knows, but as one of the 7 females it helps me feel safer and more relaxed. As far as the other ladies – they say, "Ditto!"

 

All I can say is, “To each his/her own.” What works for us might not work for you. It is working wonderfully for us. I teach but also counsel and I see to many couples where disease is the predominant concern AND hindrance to sexual openness. Where one mate has contracted something and the other is clean it really puts a damper on the relationship emotionally as well as physically. Why not avoid this at all costs? Yes you can remain monogamous and hope your mate never had anything to begin with or you can go to great links to find what else might work for you and others like yourself. That is all we did.

 

Do I really have to keep reminding everyone of shy_tn_gal’s post on disease statistics?

 

 

BiloxiCouple said:

I hope this post was about 90% sarcasm or at best wishing for a perfect situation.

 

I did bold two statements which seem to contradict each other in the fact that one groups wants protection and yet there is still some distrust and the other group that shows trust without protection. Maybe someone else can explain these two statements better than I can???

 

I feel it boils to down to what level of risk management you are willing to accept.

 

No maam or sir – so sarcasm here. And the arrangement is working well for us.

 

As far as the two statements contradicting – they do not. I apologize I didn’t think elaborate on it.

 

Testing regularly was placed in the agreement at the very beginning; we all adhere to it, no questions about it, not a problem.

 

Over time everyone became more trusting and used less & less protection and yet we still adhere to the agreement, testing is a part of that agreement. There are so many bugs out there that you might have but the test might not show it for years. It would be nice to know and then everyone can get tested for it as well. I know a couple where after 20 years the husband just found out he has Hep-C. The only thing he has had were blood transfusions after a severe wreck. Thank goodness his wife never contracted it. He is getting treated for it and they have protected sex no where as before they did not. Things can happen out of your control, you know?

 

The only trust concerns I had early on was more about everyone getting used to the new arrangement and not forgetting or slipping up. I asked the other ladies and 4 agreed with me that their concern was that early on someone our newly formed group might be with a person not in our group and not be as careful as they should (alcohol causes some dumb things to happen). 3 of the ladies admitted that they were not sure that all the men would adhere to everything.

 

All of us had multiple partners outside the group and it took time for us to transition into an exclusive group. We discussed it for quite a while before the group was officially formed. It didn’t just happen over night. Then it took more time to make certain (as we could) that we were all clean and disease free. Then even more time to get comfortable with bare sex. We still use protection for anal sex, oral/anal, and even on the toys (makes for easier clean up) and at times we do not. Vaginal sex is almost always bare, oral is ALWAYS bare with the exception of the oral/anal I mentioned. We openly exchange cum and vj/pj.

 

I hope I explained that well enough.

[Malachista 170]

“How legally binding & would your ever go in front of a Judge?”

 

Well have you ever heard of a Complaint and Consent Judgment? Very binding! Maybe overkill who knows, but as one of the 7 females it helps me feel safer and more relaxed. As far as the other ladies – they say, "Ditto!"

 

No, I have not heard of Complaint and Consent Judgment.

But then we also don't get coffee-cups that warn for hot stuff inside

 

And how is this contract making you feel safer?

Everyone can have unprotected sex with someone else without everyone ever finding out that they have broken the contract...

 

 

I know a couple where after 20 years the husband just found out he has Hep-C. The only thing he has had were blood transfusions after a severe wreck. Thank goodness his wife never contracted it. He is getting treated for it and they have protected sex no where as before they did not. Things can happen out of your control, you know?

 

You (and they) may also do some research on how Hep C gets transmitted

[herpob 563]

CDC Division of Viral Hepatitis - Hepatitis C FAQs for the Public

 

Can hepatitis C be spread through sexual contact?

Yes, but the risk of transmission from sexual contact is believed to be low. The risk increases for those who have multiple sex partners, have a sexually transmitted disease, engage in rough sex, or are infected with HIV. More research is needed to better understand how and when hepatitis C can be spread through sexual contact.

 

It's sort of like playing Russian Roulette and they don’t even know for certain how many bullets are in the gun…

 

As far as how it makes us feel safer - for me it because of the repercussions and restitution. If anyone does want to go outside the group they merely have to let us know, leave the group and have at it. If they do as you propose and someone does catch something we can only hope the next person who gets tested and finds out they have caught whatever tells everyone one before anyone else gets infected. Then track it backwards and we find out how strong the legal agreement is. If it works then they pay for their stupidity.

[rpu3 630]

Well have you ever heard of a Complaint and Consent Judgment? Very binding! Maybe overkill who knows, but as one of the 7 females it helps me feel safer and more relaxed. As far as the other ladies – they say, "Ditto!"

 

Now, I'm just a lowly paralegal, not an attorney, but last time I checked, a complaint is nothing more than the initial document filed with the Clerk of Courts to initiate the court proceeding which states the issue and its legal basis. It doesn't bind anyone to anything. Sure, your contract might be attached to it as an exhibit, but the complaint itself isn't binding.

 

The consent order is a voluntary agreement, but carries the same weight as a court-issued judgment decree.

 

I think Malachista's point was, are you really going to file a lawsuit, which is a public record, and take this before a judge? I don't do contract work as a paralegal, thank goodness, but honestly, is this kind of contract enforceable? I mean, is bareback sex with someone other than your spouse really what the law considers legal consideration, and are the conditions of your contract enforceable? Is it even something that can be contracted in the first place? Seriously - it's not a car loan, a purchase agreement or a non-compete agreement.

 

Overkill? If it ends up in a courtroom, I say yes. I hope the threat of dragging people's sex lives into a public forum is worth everyone feeling safe. If it's working for you, fine. But I'd hate to have my sex life contracted and would further hate my sex life being on display should someone actually decide to sue because of the contract terms - especially if it's just going to get thrown out because it wasn't an enforceable contract in the first place due to the basis of the contract - sex.

 

But, as always, whatever works for you.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

VERY well put!!! I agree 100% - I would much rather have a guy in me without a condom! However before we developed our exclusive group condoms were the norm, sorry but you cannot trust people to be 100% forthright or accurate about their sexual past when you first meet them. Once our group begin to form we focuses on the disease issue heavily. Everyone was repeatedly tested and had to provide the results immediately for the group to review. Everyone gave theri entire sexual history for the others to review. Then the attorneys in our group drew up our covenants or by-laws. We hashed out what everyone wanted, desired, and expected. Once they were fine tuned we all signed contracts binding us legally to certain rules and behavior. Testing is a MAJOR part of it. We trust everyone in our group and we are exclusive, yet we still test regularly.

 

I am very sorry to hear that people in this lifestyle are not open to testing - please please please pay attention to the statistics shy_tn_ gal posted, they are VERY Real!!! You may play now and have fun but you will pay the price later and cause many others to pay as well, even your dear loved ones. Please do not be selfish, get tested regularly and if you catch something don't spread it, find alternate ways to have sex beside unprotected.

 

As GoNatural mentioned, how you present it to others matters - think it through and do not have unprotected sex until you know you can trust them. Honestly now, do really want body parts eaten up with cancer and rotting within mere years?

 

I actually didn't realize this was something that you were actually doing. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

 

I can understand writing up a contract so everyone in the group knows the rules. Which is a very good thing. Ya'll did the right thing by going this route. It gives the group a positive sense of security.

 

But the contract is only as good as the paper it is written on and some people will do what they want anyway. Then is it enforceable in a court of law? Only a judge can decide if it is legally binding. Your attorney's know that.