Need woman to get into parties and resorts

[Dazedandconfused 0]

I really want to go to a lifestyle parties and resorts (e.g. Sea Mountain), but my wife doesn’t want to come with me. She’s really nervous about the possibility of someone in her professional circle seeing her). She has a very high position in a job that has to do with elementary school kids. 
 

We’ve been to a few parties that I loved and felt like coming home I loved it, but because of her situation, she couldn’t get comfortable. We know that the lifestyle is a community that is based on - among many other things - respecting the privacy of the people in the lifestyles. That said, she still doesn’t feel at all comfortable. 

That said, she is fine with me going to parties without her (based on agreeing to terms decided by her).

 

so, I need a woman to go with me to parties and events…no strings attached. Suggestions?

[Fitlakecouple 451]

For what it's worth, a good many of the couples we meet - one of them is a teacher. Go to Desire in March - teachers on spring break! Teachers are open-minded, nonjudgmental, and fun (freaks).

[EastInWest 1,524]

Anyone who would see her is likely there for the same reason, no?

[Dazedandconfused 0]

She is very recognizable (think she’s often interviewed for anything that has to do with her specialty. Teachers are the last people she wants to see her.

 

That said, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to redponf

[Dazedandconfused 0]

6 hours ago, EastInWest said:

Anyone who would see her is likely there for the same reason, no?

That’s what I tell her, but I don’t think that having to convince my wife to try out the lifestyle is the best to convince her that the lifestyle is for us. And, it’s somethings we need for our marriage. I hope she eventually realizes that.

[EastInWest 1,524]

7 hours ago, Dazedandconfused said:

That’s what I tell her, but I don’t think that having to convince my wife to try out the lifestyle is the best to convince her that the lifestyle is for us. And, it’s somethings we need for our marriage. I hope she eventually realizes that.

I'm wondering why you feel that you need it for the marriage?

 

Either way, she may not be giving you her real reasons, either. I know Mrs. E has a lot of hangups about going to a "club" setting, although she's increasingly open post-pandemic. I think some of it has less to do than her explanations and more to do with going to an "official" swingers' venue, as opposed to experimenting on our own.

[Dazedandconfused 0]

15 hours ago, EastInWest said:

Anyone who would see her is likely there for the same reason, no?

 

1 hour ago, EastInWest said:

Either way, she may not be giving you her real reasons, either. I know Mrs. E has a lot of hangups about going to a "club" setting, although she's increasingly open post-pandemic. I think some of it has less to do than her explanations and more to do with going to an "official" swingers' venue, as opposed to experimenting on our own.

That’s what I tell her, but I don’t think that having to convince my wife to try out the lifestyle is the best to convince her that the lifestyle is for us. And, it’s somethings we need for our marriage. I hope she eventually realizes that.

 

While everything else is awesome, intimacy is almost completely.
 

I’m confused. I’ve read a lot about the lifestyle, and people consistently say that it’s been great for this messages. It seems your question in counter to my reasearc

 

[Dazedandconfused 0]

1 hour ago, EastInWest said:

I'm wondering why you feel that you need it for the marriage?

 

Either way, she may not be giving you her real reasons, either. I know Mrs. E has a lot of hangups about going to a "club" setting, although she's increasingly open post-pandemic. I think some of it has less to do than her explanations and more to do with going to an "official" swingers' venue, as opposed to experimenting on our own.

That’s what I tell her, but I don’t think that having to convince my wife to try out the lifestyle is the best to convince her that the lifestyle is for us. And, it’s somethings we need for our marriage. I hope she eventually realizes that.

 

While everything else is awesome, intimacy is almost completely.
 

I’m confused. I’ve read a lot about the lifestyle, and people consistently say that it’s been great for this messages. It seems your question in counter to my reasearch. Right?

[EastInWest 1,524]

11 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused said:

While everything else is awesome, intimacy is almost completely.
 

I’m confused. I’ve read a lot about the lifestyle, and people consistently say that it’s been great for this messages. It seems your question in counter to my reasearch. Right?

It can be and is for us, but I think there's at least something to think about here if you feel you "need" it to patch up the intimacy. Working on that intimacy should be a priority whether you're swinging or not.

 

Obviously, you know your relationship better than I do, but I would be questioning whether visiting a club with another woman because your wife isn't interested will yield the same benefits. I would also point out that there's a lot of survivorship bias in discussions of swinging: most people who discuss their marriages in swinging forums, etc., are successful swingers. People who had the cracks in their marriages exposed by the intense experiences it can provoke probably don't post.

 

I'm not trying to talk you down, here, it just read to me like a yellow flag. We really enjoy our experiences and want to have more, but if one of us didn't anymore, it wouldn't  leave a hole in our relationship at all. We just happened to be in the right stages of our lives where we introducing her to a more casual and taboo side of sex was perfect for both of us.

Edited July 7, 2021 by EastInWest

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This is not the path you want to go down. You either play as a team or you don't play at all. If she doesn't want to go someplace local, then plan a weekend or vacation where it isn't local. Most couples are looking for other devoted couples so they can avoid drama...this plan seems to create drama from nothing.

 

Bringing a 'stand in' is in a way misrepresentation and (lets just suppose) you are seen by someone who knows you at a swingers party with someone they know is not your wife...Usually seeing someone you know is a secret you both want to keep private, but being there with someone who isn't your wife now becomes a HUGE secret that will get out. Then there's the problem of finding a single woman that will want to go to swingers events with you...they are known as unicorns and are in even greater demand as a single woman. Presenting the two of you as a couple means that you will be expected to play in some manner together as well. While I doubt you will be able to find a play partner, being discovered with someone who isn't your wife will be much worse that being found at an event with your wife.

 

Teachers and nurses/caretakers are VERY prevalent in the l/s, probably something about their willingness to please others. For the record, both of us work in the teaching field and have morals clauses in our contracts. A better question to ask is probably why do you want to pursue swinging without your wife? Swinging can make a great marriage even better, but it takes two devoted people in a relationship to play the game. If it's only one playing, then there really cannot be much of a benefit.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

If Ms. Gold wanted to not attend an event, or not do something or go somewhere, or even stop swinging, we would stop without a second look back. Swinging is the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae that is our relationship. Better with the sprinkles, but if they were not there, they really wouldn't be missed.

[EastInWest 1,524]

4 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

If she doesn't want to go someplace local, then plan a weekend or vacation where it isn't local. Most couples are looking for other devoted couples so they can avoid drama...this plan seems to create drama from nothing.

 

...

 

(lets just suppose) you are seen by someone who knows you at a swingers party with someone they know is not your wife...Usually seeing someone you know is a secret you both want to keep private, but being there with someone who isn't your wife now becomes a HUGE secret that will get out.

 

I totally spaced on the first part. That's the obvious answer to her stated problem.

 

The second part is, I think, at least some of the evidence that the problem she's describing is not the real problem. If she was so worried about gossip, she'd surely be worried about people recognizing him, too.

 

Mrs. E always mentions STDs as one of her fears about clubs. Mrs. E has never expressed the same concern in any other setting, playing on exactly the same terms we would in a club. Ergo, there's something else going on, and that's OK. People come to ideas at their own pace.

[njbm 2,870]

Maybe you just can’t be in the lifestyle. Sometimes you are getting a signal and just not accepting it. Respect your wife’s concern, watch porn, buy more toys and equipment, be thankful your wife has sex with you and has a good job that she values. Sorry to bear harsh news.