Please Help!

[GaryAllie-new 1]

We’re a very happily 17 year married couple in our mid 30’s. My wife is a very shy person in public but in the bedroom, she’s everything I want her to be! For over a year now, I’ve been telling her while having sex that I want to watch her fuck another guy. We’ve also talked about fucking somewhere that people would see us. I don’t want to mess up my relationship with her so how do I test the waters??  How would I even plan such a thing? 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,389]

Just a Q: is your wife on board with this idea? If so, there are swinger sites that make it pretty easy to find willing men. Screen carefully. As for us, we got our start by visiting nude beaches. It was a fun, safe but sexy way to do a little exhibitionism (show off but definitely don't have sex on the nude beach). Eventually we picked up a single guy at one for our first threesome (or he picked us up lol)

[Billygoat 443]

Tread lightly.  Jumping from bedroom fantasy to reality has its own many pitfalls;  regrets, hurt, emotions……creating self doubt, a sense of insufficiency are just a few.

 

The lifestyle is wide and varied but is always much more for the women than men.  Men enjoy themselves based on the woman’s interest and level of exploration.  Anything different tends to lead to disaster when forced in any way.  Female physiology allows for multiple partners while males tend to be earnest and one and done til a refractory period.  However it all depends on the woman’s mindset and comfort level, mentally, emotionally and physically.  It might surprise you that men, husbands and boyfriends tend to have far more difficulty navigating this lifestyle.

 

Watching porno (good, realistic amateur home made) together of shared threesome scenes commenting and discussing what you saw. roll play, using toys (Realistic, comfortable safe toys). To enhance your time together.  Allows her to enjoy being penetrated while giving you oral. DP, DVP, size.  Suction cup dildos are able to be mounted and ridden or strapped on to cylindrical pillows/cushions.  
 

Communicate….open and honestly…..not during the heat of the moment, sober and with time to discuss in depth.  Explore your inhibitions casual outings, dancing with other partners, attend a clothing optional (non sexual, family) nudist park/resorts.  These are non sexual.  Most forbid open displays of affection and any sexual activity.  
 

and lastly swing clubs/house parties.  avoid any that have rules of mandatory nudity or sexual participation.  Attend locations that promote couples not heavily attended by single men.  These parties are open to many levels of participation including just voyeurism.  You both attend and any activity is just between the two of.  Maybe graduate to same room sex, soft swing….and you both must be agreeable on next steps you are comfortable with.

 

the key is open, honest and frank conversation.  No coercion or giving in to please the other.  Agree on parameters, rules for yourselves…..stick to them.  Do not change in the heat of the moment.  Discuss after with clear heads.  Have a safe word either of you can use so the other knows you are uncomfortable.

 

this should be a journey….not a race.  Discover yourselves, each other…together.

 

 

Edited August 1, 2021 by Billygoat

[HerSweetness 141]

Such good advice there! 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

We wholeheartedly agree with everything Billygoat wrote.

 

We'd like to add that, at least in our opinions, one of the best ways to explore your *possible* interest lifestyle is to make vanilla friends with an open couple and ask them to take on the roles of both sounding boards and, if it gets that far, potential mentors.

 

From both the tone and content of your post, the motivation appears to be purely a fantasy of yours, and one not necessarily shared by your wife. Fantasies are perfectly fine. Sexually fantasy is the stuff that drives passion. After all, the brain is the largest and most important sexual organ.

 

However, some things are best left to the imagination. Seldom in life does reality match up to fantasy. That's why it is a very good idea for you to do your homework before making the leap.

 

Measure twice. Cut once. Right? 

 

Best of luck,

[lcmim 1,082]

One of the best pieces of advice I have seen here for situations such as yours is to just plant the seed, let her know you are not just talk and then shut your mouth, for a good long while. In the interim make sure she knows that you are the center of your world.

 

Like all things planted , if it is intended to grow, it will.

 

In our case it gestated for years(?). Now it's "Katy bar the door.' Because my wife internalized the concept and made it her own on her own terms. Life is GOOD.

Edited August 1, 2021 by lcmim

[Numex 2,416]

On 8/1/2021 at 2:47 AM, GaryAllie-new said:

I don’t want to mess up my relationship with her so how do I test the waters??

The same way for anything else you two would do, let her be in control and you don't do anything rash or impulsive, put her first. 

 

On 8/1/2021 at 2:47 AM, GaryAllie-new said:

I’ve been telling her while having sex that I want to watch her fuck another guy.

Slight adjustment: let her know that she can fuck whoever she wants (even a woman), whenever she wants, however she wants, with you watching or not, with you there or not.  How it all begins is up to her.  Treat her right and your reward will naturally flow.

On 8/1/2021 at 2:47 AM, GaryAllie-new said:

How would I even plan such a thing?

Let your wife do the planning, you help her execute the plans.

 

Before I ever saw my wife fuck another man, we went to dinner with the fellow she chose for everyone to be comfortable and show that I was good with it. The next weekend they went to the hotel room she chose, I reserved and paid for.  The only thing that I got to see was his cum inside her pussy when she got home, right before I dipped in for seconds.  Although during her subsequent play I got to watch, do MFM, then started couples swaps, those first times when I wasn't there are special memories burned into my mind, and proved myself to Daniela.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Numex

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Love trust and communication...there is no such thing as too much of any of the three. In addition to what Billygoat said (hey Billygoat, are you gruff? LOL) remember, you have all the time in the world so don't rush things. Start by talking outside of the bedroom about your sexual fantasies. You need to be open and truthful with her so that she feels she can be the same. Realize that some (ie: most) people have been programmed that swinging is BAD, having sex with someone other than your partner is BAD, and that only BAD people would even imagine doing this. If she is one of those people, then (at least for the time being), you're done at the starting gate. Don't press it, just let it go (for now). Just because she feels this way doesn't mean she always will (plant the seed). Every now and then, come back and give that seed some water (check back in) but doing it too often and too many times will be a bad thing.

 

If she doesn't say no from the start, take baby steps. As mentioned try a nude beach or nude resort and see how that goes (some nudists are swingers, but don't assume all are because they aren't). Set your rules and boundaries...just in case anything happens, and don't ever violate them (they can always be changed at a later time). Maybe plan a vacation to Desires or Hedo (we recommend Desires). A vacation like this will almost always remove her fear of running into someone she knows (but if she runs into someone she knows at a swingers club or nudist resort, they are doing the same thing you are...). Just don't pressure her (never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with) so she feels 'safe'. Small steps, one after another, can end up in making a long journey before you know it. Let us know how you progress.

[couplers 4,639]

19 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Realize that some (ie: most) people have been programmed that swinging is BAD, having sex with someone other than your partner is BAD, and that only BAD people would even imagine doing this.

That's the way I was raised (sex with someone other than you spouse, not just partner, was BAD; Lesbian sex was BAD) and until my late teens I believed it.  Having overcome all of that (thank you, hubby) makes looking back ever so more exciting.  I'm a BAD girl.