Where are all the beautiful people?

[Guest Unregistered]

I'm a little confused. Maybe it's just an age thing, I don't know, but I hear all these stories about the lady who met this guy with the ripples stomach and the bulging biceps and they had great intense sex yada yada yada Or the lady with the flat stomach, big breast you know, built. yada yada yada.

 

I never see those people, do you? I see woman who are size 14 and men who have a little belly hanging over their belts. I don't see these "buff" bods.

 

Maybe my hubby and I go to the wrong places, but I think we are just average and so are the people we meet. Hubby's 60 pounds heavier from when we married, and a whole lot more grey with less hair and Lets face, I was 92 pounds when I got married. 4 kids later, 125. I'm certainly not built like I used to.

 

I'm not complaining, hey, it goes with age and I earned every stretch mark on my hinney. I'm just wondering if we are unique, if it's a bunch of fantasy, or are we just older and going to the wrong spots. By the way, I'm approaching the 40 somethings and hubby's there.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We have found that swingers run the gammet(SP?) of all shapes and sizes.

 

Most are average.

 

But what we have found to be most important is personality.

 

People you can click with is what is important.

At least for us anyway.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Hi, Unregistered.

 

No - those glistening, buff bodies - perpetually oiled and perfectly swollen - are out there. Of course - they have the good sense to make porn and not ruin my club experience

 

Just as normal, average people rule the world; normal, average people rule swinging. We are not the perfect teenage bodies that populate the "girl's gone wild" videos - or the 0% body fat adonises that can be seen in the background, drunk and tossing fistfulls of beads... Most of us have a love handle or two that we worry about to, at and after the club... Most of us have plucked a grey hair or two... And I'd bet all of us have secretly sniffed ourselves for body odor and foul breath. Some of us wonder what that "hot chick" saw in us - or what it was that made that gorgeous guy hit on us in the first place...

 

The funny thing is - that "hot chick" and "gorgeous guy" are one in the same with the normal, average - grey hair pulling, love handle fretting, body odor investigating - people that you yourself seem to be... So - instead of wondering where all the beautiful people are, just smile, lift your shoulders and realized that they arrived the minute YOU walked in the door!

 

Spoomonkey

[bugaboos 16]

I have to admit... hubby and I are intimidated by the "beautiful people". We're average...and even though we are trying to shed those extra pounds, we're happy to be with other wonderful average people.... Okay, truth be told, I'm sure hubby would love to spend some time with an amazingly beautiful woman, but I'd be terrified to shed my clothes in front of either a stunning woman or man... lol.. *shakes head in shame*. That's just me though!

[fun_pairTX 26]

However, so are we anymore. What is best is that if the other exceedingly average couple we meet are genuine, real, and funny people, chances are we would enjoy slammin some of our fat against theirs. Nuff said....................

[windsor4fun2 130]

Originally posted by bugaboos

I have to admit... hubby and I are intimidated by the "beautiful people". We're average...and even though we are trying to shed those extra pounds

 

At the club we used to attend we had a decent circle we socialized with at the club and else where. There was one couple who we both thought the woman was VERY attractive, but figured she would never be interested in us.He was OK to I guess.

 

The club has since closed and we have had the opportunity to meet this couple socially on a few occasions. They are very nice, down to earth people. In fact she was often feeling left out at the club. She felt she wasn't one of the "in" crowd. Just like back in high school where the most popular girl was often the most lonely.

 

It is easier said than done but we shouldn't feel intimidate by "beautiful" people because they are often just as insecure as the rest of us.

 

Jesse

[a_couple_in_pa 15]

Go to the mall, grocery store, or a restaurant. Pick out 10 random people. Guess what... those are your "average" swingers. Not sure where you got the idea that swinging was only reserved for "beautiful" people. I've never heard these stories. The percentage of "beautiful" people swinging should be similar to the percentage of "beautiful" people at the mall.

 

If you're using porn movies to pick your 10 random people, your results may be slightly skewed.

 

I'm curious also, you state that you are "just average and so are the people we meet". If you were to meet a guy "with the rippled stomach and the bulging biceps" and a "lady with the flat stomach, big breast you know, built. yada yada yada", should they automatically be attracted to an "average" couple? If you're not interested in the women who are size 14 and men who have a little belly hanging over their belts, why would the "beautiful" people be interested in you?

[sexypairca 41]

Originally posted by Unregistered

I'm a little confused. Maybe it's just an age thing, I don't know, but I hear all these stories about the lady who met this guy with the ripples stomach and the bulging biceps and they had great intense sex yada yada yada Or the lady with the flat stomach, big breast you know, built. yada yada yada.

 

These stories wouldn't happen to be published in magazines or online ads now would they? Average everyday people don't sound so exciting, so that would account for the tales of swinging adonis' and beauty queens. It sells. Thats not to say that these adventures don't happen just not the norm from what I've seen.

 

Annette

[Mich149 16]

I'll admit it. They scare me. The beautiful people in the corner that keep to themselves and seem to have their own private party in the middle of the rest of the party scare me. I know I'm being silly and I know they have their own issues (probably even more) but I still get nervous and stupid around "the beautiful ones".

 

My body issues were one of the things that held me back when we first started. Now I've met so many wonderful people that are real world beautiful inside and out - that even though I may still have issues, I am much more comfortable with who I am and the extra skin that I'm in.

[2New2it 19]

This is a very timely post for us.

 

We recently corresponded with a very handsome, well-built young man who had answered our ad for a single male. After we got to know him by mail, he sent more R-rated photos of him with a gorgeous young woman with a perfect body.

 

Since my wife is quite a bit older than he is and suffers the normal effects of gravity and time, she was too intimidated by the woman's photos to meet him. She didn't wish to be compared with physical perfection.

 

He might have been a great guy, but too much beauty can be a turn-off as easily as a young Frankenstein.

[yawanna 17]

I know they have their own issues (probably even more) but I still get nervous and stupid around "the beautiful ones".

 

yes, they do..and chances are they aren't even there to meet anyone more than socially. Up here they are called 'posers'.

A few clubs cater to them, at least one other club allows them as part of an overall swinger environment.

 

Granted...no one is expected to meet and play everytime. The posers are the ones who rarely, if ever, get sexual with anyone. One club up here is total posers, yet states they are a swinger club. You just don't know til you go and see what goes on at a club.....or doesn't

 

I also respectfully understand certain 'cliques' being established amongst like minded..and even friendships developing. And even longterm play relationships. As has been broached before..how does one move on..or does one?

 

We are in this to meet more and new people, whilst retaining to some degree our initial swinger relationships. It's all about growing and experiencing, with no hard feelings wherever possible.

 

Supposedly 'beautiful people' are, IMHO for the most part (excluding a few ) there for the ambience and not much more. So not mixing with them, is no big loss

 

You wouldn't be missing any part of 'swinging'.

[yawanna 17]

The club averages 120 couples every Sat, young and old

 

an aside.. is it the norm that a club has 240 people attend in an evening? Slutty wife? Vegas Lee? Close Encounters?

[yawanna 17]

If this is the club I think you are referring to..they started with the discounted entrance fees and promoted themselves as a club for young beautiful people which has now come to be known as a dance club and not a swinger club.

 

And the 'hired hosts' regularly, in the club chat room, refer to other folks as 'fuglies'. Sorry. That is just what the original and subsequent posters are talking about... being labelled one way or another..which ..as most posters share..has little to do with who we play with. It's not just looks and it's not just showing up. It's the connections you make, or don't..and where you move on from there.

 

I'm looking forward to other club owners sharing, again, how many people (couples times two) that attend.

[yawanna 17]

Well.. we've attended every club in our area and the one you attend is known as a dance club aka poser club in swinger circles. However..that doesn't mean for one minute that it doesn't work for you. Five clubs offer chat rooms.. two are busy. I' m guessing (correct me if I'm wrong) you chat in one of the two.

 

Each goes where they choose.. with no recourse if all they've done is attend a club to check it out, or choose to frequent.

 

To each their own. Let people go where they choose as long as no harm, no foul. it's chat and message talk from host couples speaking of 'fuglies' that shows a side of bad swingers that is nasty. And isn't indicative of swinging. ALL I'm saying.

[yawanna 17]

I see that shehecpl are still responding but quite frankly..I'm tired and I'm off to bed with my lovely. husband,. Good night all

 

 

I'll check in tommorrow and respond if it's relevant

[yawanna 17]

You know any on premise clubs in Ontario right now?

[yawanna 17]

name it .. 'cause none exist.

[b_and_sc 16]

About 'the beautiful ones'...I was soooo worried about being frowned upon because I carry a little extra padding since the three kids...etc etc

 

NOTHING cured that more for me than a week at Hedo...with EVERYONE walking around naked, you got to meet the real person, AND see that not everyone is as beautiful as the books and magazines would have you believe.

 

The BEST advice I ever got, and I saw it here too, was go to the grocery store or large retail store and look around and those are the kinds of people who swing...

 

b

[WhosBtchAmI 15]

buff ppl scare me lmao I'd be afraid to be with a guy that could bench press me . . . and NO OFFENCE to skinny woman . . but sometimes they scare me too . . .lol . . I lvoe to look . . but when it comes down to it I'd be afraid to break them in half in the bed lmao . . . I'm a BBW and quite proud of it . . .and oddly enough in just the short time sence I've joined the personals section 've started to descover alot of other ppl like me just the way i am too Even so though in the end it's ALOt easier to find your tipical * fit n trim ppl * then it is to find ppl who are intrested and looking for a woman with a little meat on her bones :P

[JandCMI 15]

We are about 50/50 into looks and personality both. Likewise, we have met some hot couples that had big time personality/attitude issues that just turned us off more than if they were 500 pounds each.

 

Its ok to be picky (we are) but just keep in mind that just because some people aren't perfect 10's they can still be alot of fun to be with

[SluttyWife 17]

Originally posted by yawanna

an aside.. is it the norm that a club has 240 people attend in an evening? Slutty wife? Vegas Lee? Close Encounters?

 

I think it could be the norm at the clubs that take place in "night club" style venues like Anchovies in Austin or Texas Players amongt a few others around the country. But it does sound unusually high to me.

 

The average attendance of our "meet and mingles" are 10-12 couples on average although we often get around 30-40 positive RSVP's and half turn up for some reason or the other.

 

Mind you we are a small niche club and still relatively new with under 100 member couples at present.

 

The average size of our Texas fetes was 15 to 25 couples. From all the swinger "scene and heard" over the years, that appears to be the norm at any average sized club. I don't know what the biggies like Trapeze in Atlanta, Platos in Florida or Red Rooster in Vegas might do. Something to maybe enquire to these clubs directly about?

 

Now...I'd like to offer my thoughts and ponderings on the "beautiful people" phenomenon if you care to listen. Otherwise feel free to ignore the rest of my post.

 

Surrender

 

We have one of those "beautiful people" clubs "up here" where 99.9% of our members come in pretty packages. Some wrapped up in pretty bows and gold Godiva-style boxes and others possessing the kind of beauty no camera could ever capture...and I say this in the most positive way imaginable..think Barbra Streisand, Meryl Streep and Mira Sorvino for instance..all beautiful but not stereotypically so..

 

About half of our club is comprised of newbies and the other are the more heavy hitting varitety. So I can assure you a "beautiful party" is not necessarily a poser one! So we never discourage our members from attending other clubs if they are seeking instant gratification. There's a time and a place for everyone we feel and we are simply here to facilitate introductions in the most unassuming way we know of. Now something very interesting we've taken strong notice of is that the majourity of our members are genuinely as interested in a meeting of "like minds" just as they are a roll in the sack in a five star hotel or some other sweet ending! How kewl is that?

 

We do not see "beautiful people" in the group "posing" at all...we're all beautiful! Now what constitutes "beautiful" is truly a state of mind. Being the happy, sexy feminist I am, Mike and I have tried to discourage the unofficial Barbie Height Weight Scale we see some west coast clubs clinging to. We feel if any couple is bold enough to apply to a "bi and beautiful club" there must be good reason. We've seen stereotypical size 2 blonde barbies in serious liplocks with size12 brunette goddesses. No joke. It could be the comfort and safety levels are stratospheric at our club and there are in general good vibes floating all around.

 

One look at my Latin curves might change many a couples mind about the female half trying to lose those last ten pounds.

and I just looove it!

 

I hope I've given you or whoever is laying eyes on this some valuable insight from the BP side of things. I also hope you or many of you can find a club that might better suit you with little wasted time and effort.

 

Mwah!

 

;-*

 

Slutty Wife

[VegasLee 1,486]

I can only speak for the Vegas Red Rooster on this matter.

 

On a normal Friday night there is 200 to 250 people total.

There is 350 plus people on most Saturday nights.

The Rooster is couples and singles, both male and female.

 

On Saturday night there will be about 125 to 150 couples and the rest are singles to make the 350 plus.

 

On avg. 800 people per week come to the Rooster.

 

They do have a couples only area but only about 25% of the couples use it.

 

On three day weekends we host what we call "Naked and Naughty Night" for the hardcore players that like to party. This night requires that all men must be naked and women can wear lingerie or less. We have about 250 people show up for this each time we do it. The most common complaint is that we do not have enough single men show up at it. Seems they get shy when they have to be totally naked all night.

 

On Halloween and New Years eve we can count on anywhere from 450 to 500 people showing up. These nights are wild!

 

You will find people anywhere from late 20's into their 60's at the Rooster on any given night. Avg. age group would be late 30's and into the 40's for most there. Since the avg age in the lifestyle these days seems to be about 40 then this group fits right in.

 

The Rooster has prided itself over 22 years of welcoming anyone in the lifestyle. Skinny, fat, tall, short, pretty or ugly. The lifestyle is about acceptance of others. They do their best to not put anyone into any "group" at all. Most of the people that go to clubs these days are not "players." We have spent the last few years watching that become more and more the case. Same with conventions, most that go to them do not play with others. They are there for their own reasons and it is all accepted as long as everyone respects eachothers rights.

 

For those interested, this year at the Vegas Convention I will be holding a three day seminar on this very subject and much more dealing with the "Lifestyle."

 

Have fun ya all!

[yawanna 17]

Thank you Slutty Wife and Vegas Lee

 

250 people aka 125 couples at a club per night here is only realized by one club, the longest running and most respected and not the one with 2 floors.

 

As my husband describes it, this established great club is like a stripper club gone wild.. what fun!!

 

We've also enjoyed the smaller clubs... the 50 or so that Slutty Wife speaks of...those are lovely and intimate.

[De and Ci 19]

Slutty Wife,

Interesting what you said about club size, We go to Anchovies regularly and only twice been to other clubs-Friends in Austin and Wishes in Houston. They all were nightclub style venues. I didn't realize there were other types of clubs (I'm referring to off-premise) . Based on what you said-Anchovies is much larger than the norm. A very slow night there is about 25-30 couples or so.

 

Changing the subject-on your website you state that you love group sex-any type, but later state that you only soft swing. I'm confused-I thought that soft swing is just same room sex with you SO only. Am I missing something here?

[SluttyWife 17]

Originally posted by De and Ci

Changing the subject-on your website you state that you love group sex-any type, but later state that you only soft swing. I'm confused-I thought that soft swing is just same room sex with you SO only. Am I missing something here?

 

No, you're not missing anything.

 

Oh...I do *looove* group sex... it's my favourite kind of sex...and believe me I've had plenty in my day in all variations...

but we have been limiting ourselves to soft swinging as of late. It's definitely widened our pool of prospective dates!

 

We define "soft swinging" with another couple as saving intercourse with your partner. All other activity is game depending on who we are spending time with, their limits, etc. etc. These limits vary from couple to couple.

 

Mwah ;-*

 

Slutty Wife

[naughtygirl27 15]

"Granted...no one is expected to meet and play everytime. The posers are the ones who rarely, if ever, get sexual with anyone. One club up here is total posers, yet states they are a swinger club. You just don't know til you go and see what goes on at a club.....or doesn't"

 

I am using the above quote from a post from yawanna. This isnt directed at her though, just using it to start my post.

 

I have a big problem with the term posers. Here is why.

 

When my husband & I got into the lifestyle a few years ago we made it very clear to everyone that showed interest in us that we are newbies, not sure how far we were going to go or how far we wanted to go. Many of the newbies we have met did the same thing. Since then we have never advertised who we sleep with,never posted on a message board saying "thanks to XX &XX for last night, we have always been pretty discreet. Now a few years later I have heard people refer to my husband & myself as "POSERS". When asked why we are labelled that they reply because we dont sleep with people, we dont swing.

 

I am not sure how to express this so please bare with me as I try to get my point across.

 

HOW DO THEY KNOW WE HAVENT SLEPT WITH PEOPLE???? head bang

For those people who call others posers please explain how you feel you have the right to do that. Just because these people have not slept with you does not make them a poser. Since when has being discreet with play partners make a person a poser?

 

WHEW ok done my rant for today. Thanks for listening. LOL

Have a good day everyone!!

naughtygirl27

[bugaboos 16]

I'm going to take a stab at this and guess that the "posers" in question were at an on premis club and never play at the club...not people who are discreet about their play partners. That's just a big ole guess though!

[RedRobin 15]

Where are all the beautiful people?

 

 

I thought they were all right here on the Swingers Board!

 

Be Happy!

RedRobin

[Spoomonkey 421]

My favorite pose is the one where a woman will put her hands on her hips and thrust out her chest in such a way as to accentuate the positive...

 

It is hard to know what a poser is... I mean - just because a person doesn't sleep with someone doesn't mean that they are not a swinger. They may be a different flavor - but they are swingers. However, I will "tag" a person a poser if I realize that they are in the club because they get a kick out of stringing people along; they are out there. I'd gladly soft swing with another couple, if that is what they are into, but some people are out there to "play" swinger, believe it or not. They show up on swing-personals, message boards and even clubs. And - if a couple I trust tells me that so-and-so are "posers" then I likely will not allow myself and/or Mrs Spoomonkey to waste our time. Life - and play nights - are just too doggone short...

 

Spoomonkey

[DuncanDoughnut 16]

After reading the post about the guy who was "too hot to resist" and the woman who ran after him begging for more

 

 

I'd have to say that maybe the poster was refering to rediculious stories like this. I have yet to meet a guy that was so hot I wanted to beg. Of course I've never met a guy I had to beg.

 

Exspecially when I have a great hubby who's available morning, noon and night.

 

The woman has issues!!! head bang

(The one that begged that is)

[Girlfit 15]

"and chances are they aren't even there to meet anyone more than socially. Up here they are called 'posers'.

A few clubs cater to them, at least one other club allows them as part of an overall swinger environment.

 

Granted...no one is expected to meet and play everytime. The posers are the ones who rarely, if ever, get sexual with anyone. "

 

Am new here, want to say hello to everyone! I just wanted to reply to this thread as I seem to be in a reverse predictament. So let me get this correct, if you go to swingers clubs and turn down everyone that makes you a "poser"? Arent people entitled to fuck who they want? Aren't people entitled to their own personal standards? I am not familiar with how the swinging world is in Canada, but maybe some couples are turning others down because they simply aren't attracted to anyone there?! Maybe you could clarify exactly what makes these people "posers" in your book?

 

My ex boyfriend and I checked out a few swingers parties in our area (this was several years ago) and found the pickings to be slim. Of course we were friendly with everyone but we left largely empty handed as no one there met our standards.

 

I guess I am one of those "beautiful" people you refer to. I am not a total hard body but I've been rated an 8 or better by most people. I'm a former internet model so I certainly don't break any mirrors. My fiance is your typical "Average Joe", definately not ugly but cute in his own way. We recently signed up for an online swingers website to meet others to play with and are starting to get very very frustrated with the selection. I would like to think that I'm not snobbish or stuck up, but I've worked damn hard for my appearance I would think I have the right to have my own personal standards for people I would want to sleep with. . I am not attracted by men who are old enough to be my father. I'm not attracted by a man who has a gut so big he looks pregnant. If I am upfront with our standards and what we ARE looking for, should it be unreasonable that we would get just a little bit PEEVED when people who are obviously NOT what we are looking for tries to hook up with us? I realize everyone's version of what is beautiful or attractive varies. But some things are just common sense. If an ad says they are looking for someone "fit" and height weight proportionate, it should be common sense that if you are a woman who is 5'4" and pushing 200 pounds you are NOT height weight proportionate!

 

I think its unfair to dub someone a "poser" just because they aren't willing to fuck anything that moves just for the sake of fucking someone. No one is perfect (myself included!) but I shouldn't be EXPECTED to lower my standards in order to "fit in" or be "accepted" in the swinging lifestyle.

 

hopefully I haven't ruffled too many feathers by this post. Surely not looking to make any enemies my first post in...facelick

[De and Ci 19]

Good point Girlfit. Be aware that there are a lot of people here who are very touchy about this subject. I'm guessing that most of the "poser" talk is from frustrated couples. We have had to deal with a very frustrated couple firsthand-but it just goes with the territory. Not much you can do about it. Yes we all have standards and people need to respect them. I'm sure even couples who describe themselves as "big and beautiful" will not swing with "butt uglies", and to them, the "big and beautifuls" are "posers". In our area there are 2 couple's clubs and there is a definate difference in the attractivness of the patrons. You just have to find the right club. However, even if the none of the patrons meet your standards for swinging. Just have a good time socializing with them.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

These types of threads always interest me because I suspect we could put a hundred of us in a room and we would all define beautiful quite differently. Additionally, we would all most likely be far more critical of ourselves (and our individual body parts)than most others in that same room.

 

Over the years, I've known some people that found me quite attractive, and I've known others that thought quite the opposite. As for what I think about myself...I'm just me. Take it or leave it sort of attitude. I am what I am. I do all I can to make myself feel attractive - you know...clothes, make-up, hair...that sort of thing and I know some will like me and some will not. But the main thing to me is how I feel. Not how someone else perceives me. That's their problem. Not mine. Nor am I afraid of those that I personally find beautiful. I won't lump them into some category that tells me they are not accessible. I won't give them that power over me. People are people. They all have their own self-doubts, self-worries, self-concerns. Just like I choose people I do or do not want to involve myself with, I allow others that same privilege. Again, some might like me, some might not. Does that mean that all that don't like me are posers? Don't think so. And the reverse is true, too.

 

One of my best friends...I think she is absolutely gorgeous, yet I used to date a fellow that thought she was just "OK." Just goes to prove that thing about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, I suppose.

 

I don't know...I just think each and every one of us needs to make the very best of what we have to work with and not worry about things that we have little control over. I haven't met the perfect person yet. Have you?

 

- EBF

[Spoomonkey 421]

Originally posted by Girlfit

Arent people entitled to fuck who they want?

 

Short answer... No... You are no more "entitled" to fuck who you want than others are "entitled" to fuck you. You can be choosy, but that doesn't make you "entitled". Keep in mind that others have to want to fuck you back.

 

If I am upfront with our standards and what we ARE looking for, should it be unreasonable that we would get just a little bit PEEVED when people who are obviously NOT what we are looking for tries to hook up with us? I realize everyone's version of what is beautiful or attractive varies. But some things are just common sense. If an ad says they are looking for someone "fit" and height weight proportionate, it should be common sense that if you are a woman who is 5'4" and pushing 200 pounds you are NOT height weight proportionate!

 

Often people make the mistakes of writing some couples because they are interested in personality... This tends to give them the false hope that who they are writing may be interested in personality as well. Personally, I think a 1-10 scale is a great thing for beer commercials, but a lousy thing for actually connecting with people. Having never broken a mirror in my life either, I can tell you that I would much rather be with a fun 5 with an awesome personality than a stick in the mud 10. Eyes, personality and a great sense of humor are worth three years in a gym.

 

My advice - if writing a simple "not interested" makes you so terribly frustrated, perhaps learning a bit of Tai Chi would help.

 

I shouldn't be EXPECTED to lower my standards in order to "fit in" or be "accepted" in the swinging lifestyle.

 

You should never lower your standards. Nor should you expect anyone to lower theirs. Everyone approaches the lifestyle hoping to find something. For some it's parts and other "skin deep" affects. For others, it is friendship, personal connection and a great time with good people. Some people will lower their standards for someone who's beauty is only skin deep - but not everyone will.

 

hopefully I haven't ruffled too many feathers by this post. Surely not looking to make any enemies my first post in...facelick

 

No you haven't ruffled my feathers. I hope I am not sounding too harsh (it's been a rough week at Spoomonkey Ranch). But I am passionate about the fact that the lifestyle is about great people. You'll find more love handles than six packs - and more wonderful personalities than internet models. I just want to make sure that you know that - from another "average joe" - failing to meet a persons standards doesn't mean that a person isn't "good enough". It could simply mean that said standards are a bit narrow and shallow. And not everyone in the lifestyle thinks of it as a meat market.

 

Spoomonkey

[leftcoastcouple 32]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey

I just want to make sure that you know that - from another "average joe" - failing to meet a persons standards doesn't mean that a person isn't "good enough". It could simply mean that said standards are a bit narrow and shallow. And not everyone in the lifestyle thinks of it as a meat market.

But why do you say that, Spoomonkey, seriously?

 

I am playing Devil's advocate here to some degree, but the fact is--using my wife and myself as examples--we're average or slightly above in looks, and if we're going to sleep with another couple, we're going to look for people who are equal or better to us in terms of overall appeal, looks and personality included.

 

If we choose not to sleep with a couple we find overall less attractive than us, why would you label us "shallow?" I find this tendency as troubling as that of those who'd only fuck "beautiful people" and walk around with their noses in the air waiting for perfection that's unlikely to show up.

 

My wife and I are in this to a large degree for fantasy fulfillment, and part of that means screwing people we'd want to sleep with if we weren't married. While there may be couples less physically appealing than we'd generally consider who make up for it with personality--just as their would be if we were single and seeing singles--it's more likely we'll be attracted to the physical package first and the personality afterwards. And I don't see why that makes us, or anyone else who feels that way, inferior to those who'd be less discriminating.

 

Hell, I could make a really good argument why sleeping with folks you don't necessarily find attractive makes you more of a slut and more of a "meat market" shopper than those who wouldn't, but why bother? The fact is, we're all in this for our own reasons. And if I'd be more discriminating as an unattached single, then I'm surely going to be as part of a swinging couple, just as you are obviously more willing to take on all comers in hope of a good outcome, if I'm interpreting your post correctly.

 

Bottom line is you don't have to be a belt notcher just because you want the best package you can find. And you're not a "poser" just because you're waiting for Mr. & Mrs. Right, IMHO. We'd rather go home alone than think, "Ugh, we shouldn't have gone through with that." And we're not going to go through with something just to avoid a label, either.

 

I'll shut up now, because I enjoy your posts and generally respect your opinions. But you're not the first to express this one, and I felt the need to air another side.

[yawanna 17]

The term 'posers'..as it is used up here..is a label for people that are in a swinger club that is chock full of attractive people who aren't really swingers. As in....they are not there for swinging. It is not for a lack of attractive and potentially desirous folks. Ex models or what have you. They just don't engage in intramarital (thanks Alura) sexual relationships beyond flirting.

 

That's the definition up here anyway. It's not a slam on swinging as they aren't participating in swinging.

 

It's one thing to go to a regular club and 'play dirty'... that can be done anywhere. It's another to attend a swinger club and rarely, if ever, participate in what most would define as swinging.... engaging in sexual activities with others either at the club or later.

 

Posers have also been previously referred to as looky-loos and wannabes. This isn't a new thing.

[Bumpkin 15]

Hi everyone:) I have been reading the boards for a couple of days now, and just had to reply to this thread.

 

You can take the a beautiful super model man/woman and if they have a blah personality than that takes away from the outward appearance.

 

If you take an average man/woman and they have a super bubbly personality that is going to ADD to the what you see on the outside.

 

By only looking at people on the outside you are going to be missing half the picture.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Originally posted by leftcoastcouple

we're going to look for people who are equal or better to us in terms of overall appeal, looks and personality included.

 

Actually, that was my point. The post I was responding to seemed to be quite full of "appearance first and only." Let's say for the sake of arguement that I am a 5. Since this is the internet, I could say I was a 10 and actually be a 1, so it really doesn't matter where we start. But - let's start with 5.

 

Being a 5, I am likely comfortable approaching other 5s, reluctant to approach the 9s and 10s, generally disinterested in 1s and 2s. The great equalizer is personality. A personality can elevate a 2 to my level, or sink a 10 well under it. A personality can raise me to the level of a 10 or put me exclusively with the 1s.

 

I have found that regardless of what number I would actually put on myself, I've been hit on by 1s and 10s. My personality likely attracted the 10 and my looks may have attracted the 1. But, if in the course of conversation their personality doesn't click with mine, I doubt I am going to be interested. And, if the 1 turns out to have a wonderful sense of humor and a great sense of self - and the 10 turns out to be self-absorbed and a little dense, then guess who I'd rather play with.

 

Now - I understand that there are some people that, great personality or no, I just couldn't play with. That has happened for both me and Mrs Spoomonkey. But, my point is, the personality carries a lot of weight.

 

If we choose not to sleep with a couple we find overall less attractive than us, why would you label us "shallow?"

 

I wouldn't. I'm not advocating in my post that people simply sleep with whatever opportunity presents itself. Heck, there are as many 1s with crappy personalities as there are 10s. We all have our standards and our interests. Like you, we would rather go home alone than have an encounter that we have a tough time shedding the next day.

 

In my opinion, someone is shallow when the sum of a person is their outer appearance. That is not coming from a "frustrated swinger" as one person stated. We run in a really good looking circle of people. That is coming from someone who eats the peanut, not the shell.

 

While there may be couples less physically appealing than we'd generally consider who make up for it with personality--just as their would be if we were single and seeing singles--it's more likely we'll be attracted to the physical package first and the personality afterwards. And I don't see why that makes us, or anyone else who feels that way, inferior to those who'd be less discriminating.

 

I'm not advocating a lack of discrimination. We certainly don't jump in bed with the first couple who approaches us. We are selective.

 

Hell, I could make a really good argument why sleeping with folks you don't necessarily find attractive makes you more of a slut and more of a "meat market" shopper than those who wouldn't, but why bother? The fact is, we're all in this for our own reasons. And if I'd be more discriminating as an unattached single, then I'm surely going to be as part of a swinging couple, just as you are obviously more willing to take on all comers in hope of a good outcome, if I'm interpreting your post correctly.

 

I hope you've seen that you didn't interpret my post correctly. I likely didn't make my points well, but we certainly don't take on "all comers." We aren't "belt notchers" or "scalp collectors." We just enjoy good people and not all good people are packaged like Gwen Steffani (if I could whistle here, I would).

 

I'll shut up now, because I enjoy your posts and generally respect your opinions. But you're not the first to express this one, and I felt the need to air another side.

 

And I appreciate your points to the opposing side. I think we are likely closer to agreement than our posts may sound.

 

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain 326]

Wow!!! Spoomonkey, you explained it very well with the numbers thing. I have been on SLS a few months (can't remember exactly) and I had put seeking HWP on my profile after being inundated by emails from people weighing twice what I do. Then it seemed like only contact was from very very thin people and there are few of those. So, I have taken the HWP thing off and hopefully will just go on a case by case basis. It seems that everybody has a different idea of HWP and after reading some of these post on the message boards, I understand that much better. There was one where a woman who was something like 36-35-40 thought she wasn't HWP and wouldn't respond to an add requesting such. Hey, anybody with numbers like that is certainly HWP to me. So, won't use that in an ad anymore.

 

As to the numbers thing (sorry, got off subject a little). Let's say someone thinks they are a 5 (using your example). Someone of the opposite sex may think they are a 10 and someone else may think they are a 1 on the looks scale and the same can be said of personality. One person's sense of humor is another's warped view and one person's HWP is another's BBW and another's skinny minnie.

 

For example, two people can be the same gender, age, height, and weight and look totally different in shape and distribution. If I were a woman I would be a thick chick. LOL Not everybody likes that but it's kind of like licorice. Not everybody likes licorice, but those that do, like it a lot. I am 5' 11" and 208 with a 34 waist and 46 chest. Some women like that and some don't. God bless those that do and to those that don't, no problem everybody has preferences and I certainly don't take it personally. I am not a gym rat but spend about 8 to 9 hours a week working out. I don't do it for other people, I do it for me. I feel better and I can do more of what I like. I don't get tired as easily at work or play. I am able to enjoy hunting and fishing in the mountains around here much better and for me it is worth the time for what I gain and it is pretty much a hobby for me. But, some think it is a vanity thing and are turned off by it. That's OK, it's a free country and no skin off my nose as they say.

 

But, I know I have always sought out curvy, voluptous women, thick chicks if you will. Of late, I have been with a couple of thin women and what an eye opener. Evidently I had been turning down some good times throughout my life. It has made me rethink the BBW thing. Maybe I have been turning down some good times there too. I know that is subjective and we all have our limits on physical appearance, personality, etc. But, maybe it is time I thought outside of my old envelope. Maybe its not too late for an old dog to learn new tricks.

Play careful, play safe, it's a big world out there.

Curiousagain

[Girlfit 15]

"My advice - if writing a simple "not interested" makes you so terribly frustrated, perhaps learning a bit of Tai Chi would help."

 

You're probably right, I could use a little Tai Chi! What I probably should've clarified is when our listing very CLEARLY SPELLS OUT what we ARE looking for (age limitations, weight, etc) and people somehow think they are the magic exception to our rule. Yes, I get a bit frustrated when we as a couple in our late 20's-early 30's CLEARLY STATE in CLEAR ENGLISH we do not want anyone older than 40 and someone 20 years older than THAT emails us.

 

What is even MORE aggravating is when we give a simple "no thank you" reply and people have the AUDACITY to ask "well, why NOT" and DEMAND an explanation for us turning them down. As if we have to JUSTIFY our reasons to ANYONE. Isn't it one of the unwritten rules of the lifestyle that a "no" means NO?

 

 

And you're very correct, personality does mean quite a bit. But the hunchback of Notre Dame could have the personality of say, I don't know, Robin Williams, that doesn't mean I would fuck him. But transversely, a guy ripped with a six pack who acts as if he's doing me a "favor" by banging me will instantly turn me away. I may have come across as conceited in my post, but honestly I really am not.

 

And what I said about having the "right" to fuck who I want, I think it should've been understood that I meant we have the right to fuck who we want granted they would also want to fuck me/us as well. I have my physical standards and as it was so eloquently stated by someone else, we are in this as a couple to satiate our own fantasies. And part of that involves being freaky, if you will, with people who are equally or more attractive than us. In an ideal world, for us anyway, that would mean a drop dead model type with a heart and personality of gold. But that rarely happens. But we'll wait until it does. It may never happen, but we aren't going to lower our standards either just for the sake of getting laid.

 

I certainly don't want to give anyone the impression that I am hung up on looks , but let's cut through the bullshit folks, whether or not you want to ADMIT it, looks do weigh HEAVILY for everyone when deciding who they want to play with, based on YOUR own standards. And while everyone has their own perception of beauty (which is GREAT, the world would be lonely if we all had the same ideas of what is "beautiful"), for ME, my standards are a bit higher than some. I don't think that makes me shallow, I just think it makes me honest and selective.

[leftcoastcouple 32]

Originally posted by Girlfit

[bI certainly don't want to give anyone the impression that I am hung up on looks , but let's cut through the bullshit folks, whether or not you want to ADMIT it, looks do weigh HEAVILY for everyone when deciding who they want to play with, based on YOUR own standards. And while everyone has their own perception of beauty (which is GREAT, the world would be lonely if we all had the same ideas of what is "beautiful"), for ME, my standards are a bit higher than some. I don't think that makes me shallow, I just think it makes me honest and selective. [/b]

Agreed 100%, Girlfit. My wife and I were discussing this tonight, and she agreed with me--and you--completely.

 

Having said that, our interpretation of "beautiful" runs a bit off the beaten path. Guys I know drool over, say, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and I say, "Hunh?" Yet, I'll drool in similar fashion over women some guys consider plain or even nerdy. Wife's the same way. There's a minor celebrity we kinda sorta know who she was joking tonight that she'd like to "do," and given his unconventional appearance, it made me realize that while we both want people who meet OUR definition of "good looking," the folks we'd target prove that we're not just looking for 10s.

 

Conventional or not, that we'd focus on folks we find attractive does not, as I said last night, make us shallow in my book. Granted, we might miss out on some great prospects in the process, and we'd be the first to admit that we both find 7s with charisma far more appealing than 10s without. But if SOME initial physical attraction isn't there, it's likely to be a chance meeting at best that would bring us to those 7s!

 

PS to Spoomonkey: Thanks for the detailed response. Obviously, there was some misinterpretation on my part, and I'll respond via PM when I can give it the time and thought it deserves, rather than dragging it out here.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Originally posted by Girlfit

the hunchback of Notre Dame could have the personality of say, I don't know, Robin Williams, that doesn't mean I would fuck him.

 

Ouch... I think you just nailed me...

 

 

Thanks for the response. I think I understand you a little better now. Jusy my opinion, but I think you are describing pushy swingers - who also don't fit your desired profile. Pushy is a personality issue. See? We all can get along

 

Thanks for allowing the spirited debate. I shall now return to the bell tower.

 

Spoomonkey