MFM threesome fears

[Mfmcuriosity 12]

Hello, my wife and I have been interested in MFM threesomes for as long as either of us remember. We role play it in the bedroom a lot using toys. However, we aren't sure what the best way to approach this, and not potentially ruin our marriage. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. My biggest fear is post nut clarity. 

[MidwestHoneys 359]

Go to a bar and find a guy and have her ask him if he wants to fuck. If you can’t handle that you aren’t ready for it. Yeah it’ll fuck up ur marriage if ur head ain’t there  

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Search is your friend as this is a very common question. Short version: find out if it is something that she REALLY wants and not just a bedroom fantasy. Have an open talk about this outside of the bedroom. Make sure that your relationship is ROCK SOLID (an abundance of love/trust/communication). Establish limit and any rules (and knowing that they can be later changed, stick with them). If its still a green light at this point and you are both still wanting to go forward, join a swingers meet website (top of page: 'Please visit our sponsors'). All allow you to set up a free profile and look around. Find the one with the most people in your area and pay to JOIN IT (lots of members don't pay any attention to the free members thinking they are either not serious or real people). At this point you will be FLOODED with responses from guys (since women in the swinger lifestyle are called 'unicorns' due to their rarity, 'single' men are like cheeseburgers at McD's...they're everywhere). Pick one (you can afford to be VERY picky since it is an unending flood of men looking for women and/or couples like you) and set it up. If ANYTHING sets off a red (or yellow) flag with them, go to the next guy, since the last thing you probably want is drama. Pick a place (usually a hotel since you shouldn't be inviting a stranger to your house...can you say: stalker?) and have fun. Finally, report back here afterwards and feel free to continue to ask questions as you move thru this. Good luck!

[Mfmcuriosity 12]

57 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Search is your friend as this is a very common question. Short version: find out if it is something that she REALLY wants and not just a bedroom fantasy. Have an open talk about this outside of the bedroom. Make sure that your relationship is ROCK SOLID (an abundance of love/trust/communication). Establish limit and any rules (and knowing that they can be later changed, stick with them). If its still a green light at this point and you are both still wanting to go forward, join a swingers meet website (top of page: 'Please visit our sponsors'). All allow you to set up a free profile and look around. Find the one with the most people in your area and pay to JOIN IT (lots of members don't pay any attention to the free members thinking they are either not serious or real people). At this point you will be FLOODED with responses from guys (since women in the swinger lifestyle are called 'unicorns' due to their rarity, 'single' men are like cheeseburgers at McD's...they're everywhere). Pick one (you can afford to be VERY picky since it is an unending flood of men looking for women and/or couples like you) and set it up. If ANYTHING sets off a red (or yellow) flag with them, go to the next guy, since the last thing you probably want is drama. Pick a place (usually a hotel since you shouldn't be inviting a stranger to your house...can you say: stalker?) and have fun. Finally, report back here afterwards and feel free to continue to ask questions as you move thru this. Good luck!

She and I both want it tremendously. I am just worried how I could potentially feel after all is said and done. When I dream about it, or fantasize about it I don't feel any jealousy. However, dreaming and fantasizing are not the same as doing it

[asha1982 33]

Honestly mate, at the start you will feel jealousy, but it's a turned on jealousand lasts for about 5 seconds till you are overwhelmed by how hot your girl looks doing it

[HerSweetness 141]

9 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

Go to a bar and find a guy and have her ask him if he wants to fuck. If you can’t handle that you aren’t ready for it. Yeah it’ll fuck up ur marriage if ur head ain’t there  

This is wildly unfair to the bar guy in this scenario. They should figure out things internally before toying with innocent strangers. 

[Anon321 524]

15 hours ago, Mfmcuriosity said:

Hello, my wife and I have been interested in MFM threesomes for as long as either of us remember. We role play it in the bedroom a lot using toys. However, we aren't sure what the best way to approach this, and not potentially ruin our marriage. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. My biggest fear is post nut clarity. 

I know exactly what you mean by the post nut clarity.  There have been times in a MFM where I bust my nut and start having different emotions.  Unfortunately I don't think you really know until you just jump in.  Maybe you should start slow and see how you feel watching another guy grope your wife, finger her, and maybe continue to progress to her giving a guy a handjob, blowjob etc.

[lcmim 1,086]

Someone here once defined jealousy as fear of loss.

On the rare occasion when I now feel a bit of a twinge I recall that definition.

Whatever it is that I am feeling it is never jealousy. I have never lost anything and usually have gained something.

 Usually it is because I am feeling left out.

My lovely wife rectifies that by evenings end.

 

Most of us guys have carried around an unsure feeling. Are we "good enough"? If she has another will he be better and will she leave us for them? That is fine when we are 16 years old.

 

By the time we have a life-mate, hopefully that is far in the 

rear view mirror.

If you harbor even the slightest remnant of that in you, then stay away from swinging.

Grow up , fix it, and revisit later.

 

 

 

Edited August 4, 2021 by lcmim

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I used to be a very jealous person but what I found is that the enemy of jealousy is trust and communication. When you have that, when you KNOW that you have a completely open relationship and can tell the other person anything (and they tell you anything as well) and there is no judgement or condemnation, jealousy doesn't have a chance.

[couplers 4,724]

6 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

I used to be a very jealous person

I still am, but love the feeling, am addicted to it.

 

On 8/4/2021 at 10:05 AM, Mfmcuriosity said:

I am just worried how I could potentially feel after all is said and done. When I dream about it, or fantasize about it I don't feel any jealousy. However, dreaming and fantasizing are not the same as doing it

 

On 8/4/2021 at 3:23 PM, Anon321 said:

I know exactly what you mean by the post nut clarity.  There have been times in a MFM where I bust my nut and start having different emotions. 

My husband says that's why he always goes second and never masturbates to orgasm while I am having sex with another guy - no post-orgasm let down or melancholy while still watching me with another guy.  Since he's still excited after the other guy has finished with me, he wants me and goes for sloppy seconds.  That makes everything alright and he's never had any regrets.  

[EastInWest 1,524]

On 8/4/2021 at 2:04 AM, Mfmcuriosity said:

Hello, my wife and I have been interested in MFM threesomes for as long as either of us remember. We role play it in the bedroom a lot using toys. However, we aren't sure what the best way to approach this, and not potentially ruin our marriage. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. My biggest fear is post nut clarity. 

Do you experience guilt or shame after the two of you play this out in bed, like you've overdone it or said too much, or like she did?

 

I've found that's a reasonable indicator. You will almost certainly feel something related to jealousy, but you should know whether that's a turn-on for you or not.

 

You can always start small. Dancing, groping, even a handjob. You might figure out fast whether or not you actually like her feeling another guy's hard-on grinding into her.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

On 8/4/2021 at 7:18 AM, MidwestHoneys said:

Go to a bar and find a guy and have her ask him if he wants to fuck. If you can’t handle that you aren’t ready for it. Yeah it’ll fuck up ur marriage if ur head ain’t there  

Step one - ignore the above advice.

 

Step two - Communicate, communicate, communicate. A true story I have told many times here is that a wise man once told me that if he could watch his wife suck another man's dick, he could talk to her about anything. Since we were watching her do just that, I figured he knew what he was talking about. You and your wife need to be able to talk, openly and honestly about anything. Not just sex. Anything. You need to feel comfortable and that you trust her completely and she needs to feel the same.

 

Now, on the sex side, you need to talk about it outside the bedroom, outside of the sexual fantasy. Talk about it in a context where you don't get turned on by it, but where you can talk about it together and together confront your concerns, your desires and your hopes in the cold, clear light of day. Because you're right... what sounds like a good idea when your horny can sounds breathtakingly stupid in the cold light of day... so it's in the cold light of day that you need to talk about it.

 

Once you think you are ready, you need to find the guy... and that can be surprisingly difficult (see above re Step one) especially in these days of pandemic. There are a number of websites that specialize in helping swingers connect but a surprising amount of flakes, fakes and bad matches. Personally, I've never had any luck with websites so I'm of no help on this one.

 

When you do find a guy, know and clearly state your boundaries. It doesn't matter what they are... no kissing, no oral, no anal, no small talk, whatever... know what your limits are and make sure the guy knows them too. Also, make sure everyone understands that if anyone... you, her or him... feel uncomfortable at any time, for any reason or no reason at all, they have the absolute to say Stop... and as soon as anyone says Stop, everyone Stops. Period, no questions, accusations, guilt trips, nothing. No means No.

 

One last thing I really suggest is to set aside expectations. It's easy to build up a fantasy of what the encounter will be like. The reality will never match that fantasy. The best thing you can do is leave the fantasy at home and, if and when the time comes, go with it and enjoy the moment.

 

 

[MidwestHoneys 359]

I’m sorry if my first answer offended it was meant to be sarcastic. 
 

Jealousy is real. Only you know if you can deal with your feelings. When I got to fuck Honey I didn’t think about anyone who went before me and didn’t care what would happen after. I got to fuck a gorgeous athletic person who I was happy knew what she was doing. For some reason she was attracted to me for reasons I don’t understand. Deep in my gut I hated she was fucking others and got turned on know she was eating pussy too. I wanted to watch the latter and needed to see the former

I don’t know how others feel watching the person they love fucking others. One side of me wants her to enjoy as much as she can. Men know if their wife are enjoying by how she looks and sounds and how she moves. I know she isn’t faking. I have watched her with dozens of guys, still question my own abilities for absolutely no reason. She chose me as her love the one she wants to fuck every day. I have a hard time not comparing myself to everyone of her sex partners. Is he better looking? Fuck everyone is in my head. Every guy appears to have a bigger cock to me, every guy can go longer, every guy makes her cum louder and more times. I know it’s not true, there are though. You can’t tell jealousy to go away, you deal with your emotions or you don’t. I watched last week an athlete who from my POV was way bigger than me go nonstop for what seemed forever make Honey scream over and over again, I kept thinking do I do that for her. I’m thinking I’m happy for her, I’m thinking damn he’s doing it to my wife better than I can. Jealousy and then we go home and fuck and she says she loves me. I’m not an MFM guy, she normally is a MF or FF that often turns into a FMF with no jealousy from me. 

[cplnluv1 874]

3 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

Jealousy is real. Only you know if you can deal with your feelings.

Yes it is!!!! I bet most first time swingers have that jealousy of watching someone else with your spouse. I’m not sure how long it takes before the jealousy fades or if it ever goes away. 
Right now I am on a beach where everyone is without clothes, no fancy bathing suit to cover up any flaw. I am jealous of the younger women who haven’t felt the effects of gravity. I know women are looking at my husband as the men are looking at all the prettier women. Outside I say who cares, inside I hope to catch someone staring at me so I can feign contempt and call them pervert. Inside I don’t mind people checking me out as long as it isn’t a pervert. I have caught myself ogling. 
We had a pact before we started, if either of us were uncomfortably or over-jealous we would put the brakes on. Our first couple were certainly younger and more fit, we know now we both had some jealous moments. Best way to overcome jealousy is to confront and discuss.  

[EastInWest 1,524]

I'll add one thought:

 

OP, your other post suggests the two of you are in your 20s. We started as I was entering my late 30s and her her late 40s. She felt like she'd missed some sexual experiences and I wanted to have more with her.

 

We are delighted that we started. We already fucked a lot and talked openly, but fuck more, talk more openly, and see opportunities to have fun together where they didn't exist before. If you have confidence that you're both turned on by the idea, don't just write it off. Start cautiously and safely, but take the desire seriously.

[findinganswers 369]

OP you are talking about doing this which is the best start. We never spoke about swinging or sex with anyone else. I never even thought about and was sunk when she brought it up. Why was my question, why did she have the need. Her friend put ideas in her head because her husband got her swinging. I gave into her fantasy I think she may have played with our friends before I knew. I had to watch her play with another man before her friend drew my attention away. Post nut clarity? Making sense out her having sex. I had someone else and wasn’t just the man pleasing her. First time was very hard for me. A few years later I’m still posting. More clarity. 

[Mfmcuriosity 12]

We appreciate everyone's input and advice. We have decided to slowly ease into it as much as possible. The support offered on this forum was incredible!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

There's a very good reason that we have the quote in our footer (below). Because it's not only true but covers the amount of trust and communication a couple needs to have if they are going down this road.

[Thegreyarea 100]

Not everyone has jealousy though. We got into this having mfm’s for a while before we added couples to the mix. I remember the first mfm. I remember when he first started to fuck her. I was waiting for some twinge of jealousy that never happened. It was so fucking hot. We ended the evening with a dvp, which was even hotter. Compersion is real. 

[Numex 2,463]

20 hours ago, Thegreyarea said:

I was waiting for some twinge of jealousy that never happened.,. Compersion is real. 

Same for me.  Much of the credit goes to my wife.  We started with her hotwifing alone with a couple of exes (separately).  She was honest about her experiences, and when she came home, she was appreciative for the freedom I gave her and was loving.  Still is.  There was nothing for me to be jealous about, it was all about her having a good time.  Later, as we moved to MFMs and couples swaps (and alone play), the guys (and women) were respectful, appreciative, and somewhat envious of me, all the white I saw my wife treated well and happy.  Good playmates make for a positive experience.

 

The only WTF moment I had was the first time watching Daniela DP with two other guys.  I had seen her have plenty of vaginal and anal sex with other guys before, and DPs with me and another guy, but this was different.  But she enjoyed it and all is fine.

Edited August 11, 2021 by Numex

[Thegreyarea 100]

I personally can’t wait to see my wife in a dvp where I’m not involved. She’s going to have the chance in a few weeks. I can’t wait. 

[Anon321 524]

10 hours ago, Thegreyarea said:

I personally can’t wait to see my wife in a dvp where I’m not involved. She’s going to have the chance in a few weeks. I can’t wait. 

I think I've said it on here a few times that watching my GF get DP'd is actually hotter than being in the DP.  It's weird how some things are hotter when you step back and get to watch.

[Mfmcuriosity 12]

I figured I should make a follow up post. My wife and I have decided to visit a Swingers club here in a few weeks. We have also both decided to start with same room play and work our way up

[TnA83 314]

5 hours ago, Mfmcuriosity said:

I figured I should make a follow up post. My wife and I have decided to visit a Swingers club here in a few weeks. We have also both decided to start with same room play and work our way up

I would love to start with that.  It would be smoking hot just to do that!

[herpob 573]

On 8/4/2021 at 2:04 AM, Mfmcuriosity said:

Hello, my wife and I have been interested in MFM threesomes for as long as either of us remember. We role play it in the bedroom a lot using toys. However, we aren't sure what the best way to approach this, and not potentially ruin our marriage. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. My biggest fear is post nut clarity. 

Be wise, very cautious, you need to make 100% certain this is what BOTH of you want. I have said it many times here, it took us years of play, RP, talking, chatting, videoing, meeting with others, watching very slowly progressing to the next step. You need to trust each other and the other people you are going to have sex with wholeheartedly. No sex is worth ruining your marriage unless perhaps you are not having any but you guys sound young with a great sex life. 

 

On 8/13/2021 at 2:31 AM, Mfmcuriosity said:

I figured I should make a follow up post. My wife and I have decided to visit a Swingers club here in a few weeks. We have also both decided to start with same room play and work our way up

Not putting a damper on you guys but please be VERY careful for so many reasons and not only emotional but physically as well.

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by herpob

[herpob 573]

On 8/12/2021 at 9:48 AM, Anon321 said:

I think I've said it on here a few times that watching my GF get DP'd is actually hotter than being in the DP.  It's weird how some things are hotter when you step back and get to watch.

My husband always said the same as well prior to our marriage, then again once we begin swinging. I was the first to be active. Taking that step back to watch is so much fun, you can really see how much pleasure it taking place. 

 

Now I do that with him. And you are correct - it is very intense to watch your mate getting ravaged. 

 

But we both agree EVEN HOTTER watching two others while helping them out, feeling, touching, getting up close, spreading, stretching, playing. There is something about seeing it up close - the tug pull grip withdraw and push pump thrust penetrate as bodies try to hold on penises going in and out.