What makes for a connection?

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Following our recent LS cruise, we were discussing the couples we met who we really liked. Unsurprisingly (we've been together more than four decades) we keep coming to the same features. 

 

It's not age, it's maturity. 

It's not physical perfection, it's how they look after themselves.

It's not their (Myers Briggs) personality type, we gravitate to extroverts and introverts, knowers and sensers etc.

 

It's their authenticity.

It's how they treat each other. 

It's their confidence in, and respect for, each other. 

It's their joy in being with each other. 

 

Call us old-fashioned. Or just call us old. 

 

What makes a couple attractive to/for you?

 

[lcmim 1,082]

Well said.

Your list above describes our approach better than 90%

 

I do wonder though if this is a function of age/experience or if not how much of this finds a reflection in our youth.

 

From observation those who are in their 60's and 70's, who go for body type, tell stories that indicate this has always been so.

 

I know  for Connie and I, that we have always been more drawn by the people than their facades. This holds true even back into our teens.

[njbm 2,870]

There has to be an initial physical appeal first. Doesn’t have to be classic beauty, but an attraction. Then we are with Fundamental Law, it’s about their personhood. Do we like them, are they fun and kind people? We don’t want to play with jerks. 

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

3 minutes ago, njbm said:

There has to be an initial physical appeal first. Doesn’t have to be classic beauty, but an attraction. 

Of course.

 

This begs the question--what attracts?  The first sense engaged is (for most of us) vision. And since first sight is (most of the time) clothed, a great deal of that visual "first impression" comes from how someone is "put together".  One of the things we noticed on the recent cruise is how few of the men made an effort to participate on theme night in ways that not only responded to the theme but also to what their lady chose to wear; those couples that made effort stood out. Even during the (vanilla) excursions, it was quite evident that some folks had thought about how they were presenting themselves, others not so much. 

[TeamCalgary 168]

Interesting thread this is, the source not surprising. FL, you two are the philosophers of the LS community, thank you. 

 

There was a surprise for us here when we entered the LS; our view previous to jumping into the pool, the greater the chance of a connection was

directly proportional to the attractiveness of the couple. Time and experience have shown the error of this, for both of us. 

 

We have been down that road and it can be bumpy; we found that what may appear to be solid gold, may only be gold plated.

Scratch the surface, and all may not be as it seems. For us, we crave couples that love each other, and can communicate well within the couple,

and with other couples. Good communication just makes everything else so much easier. A pair having a strong, solid, relationship, 

seems to be correlated with a higher chance of a connection we have found.  A sense of humour, being open and honest - this is all

very attractive to us we have found. 

 

 

[Billygoat 443]

For us it is and always has been the person or couples personality, attitude and humor.    Most are adventurous fun loving people, singles or couples who viewed sex play as an extra playful activity.  For us it is not a need or a notch on our belt.  It is a social event that also includes sex play whatever and where ever it might lead.

[ready4fun48 46]

The initial physical characteristic we are most attracted to are couples who smile a lot and seem to be happy and positive. After all, the lifestyle is about having fun.
Hopefully this will lead to conversations where we look for people with good communication skills and broad interests about a variety of topics. This is not really different from new vanilla friends, except we look for nonjudgmental lifestyle friends where we all have the freedom to open up to other topics (like sex).

During those conversations we appreciate everyone being fully engaged in discussions and always showing respect for their partner.  When conversations flow relatively seamlessly, our attraction is enhanced.  

The final stage of making a great connection for us is harder to describe because it involves the intangible “chemistry” of a four way relationship.  It is how everyone’s personalities mesh.  It is something you know when it’s there and hopefully everyone is on the same page.  
For us, good connections are not easy, but when they happen it can be really nice.