Why are there no male pictures in profiles?

[Vested 17]

Hi,

I am fairly new to swinging . My husband and I have been active for a few months .  When on line and looking at profiles there is picture after picture of the wife but rarely one of the husband.  I get it, women are beautiful and bring more attention in general.  My husband will decide to start messaging with someone and be super interested because the woman is appealing ... To the point he is ready to set up a meet for dinner/drinks.  My response repeatedly is ... I would like to see the husband.  Many times the husband is not someone I would be interested in.  It's not because I have insane standards but it is just honestly the person is not even close to my type.  So I have to tell my husband, No. This leaves me feeling like I am the one holding us back from opportunities and disappointing him.  I am not taking one for the team.  It would be so much easier if the husband's pics were in the profile before my husband has started chatting.

If he engages them on an app like Kik and the husband also engages with good conversation I am much more willing to meet.  Most of the time the wife is happy to chat and banter while the husband just doesn't participate.  I have a hard time getting excited about meeting up with someone who has shown zero interest.

I am not saying this is ALL the guys. We have met a couple of couples where things have gone amazingly well.  

We live in a very rural area so the on line forum is the best way to meet people. It just seems like it's harder for someone like myself when I rarely see the husband's pictures or they don't participate in the chats.  My husband will have this great rapport built with the wife which he has already seen pics of and then I am stuck going to a first meet with no idea what the spouse is like and the weight of being the one to veto.  It is frustrating.

Any suggestions? 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,389]

We've noticed that too, and we think it's bc women in the Lifestyle tend to keep themselves in better shape than the men, but we agree that it's a no-go if hubby won't put himself out there. How can anybody think a woman will engage another couple sight unseen?

 

In these days of online everything, we have replaced our first meet - which used to be at pubs or coffee shops - with Zoom meetings. You get to see and chat with ppl, and if the decision is 'No' it's easier on Zoom than face-to-face.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Concur with hunterdon--the first meet, which used to be coffee or a drink or a snack, is so readily replaced by a video virtual meet and greet with all four. 

[njbm 2,870]

No male picture is a red flag. Same as when one’s weight is listed as zero. We have also met women who listed at 149lbs. who were closer to 249. 149 seems to be a magic number. 
 

Can’t talk myself, need to lose my covid 19. 

[lcmim 1,082]

1 hour ago, njbm said:

 149 seems to be a magic number. 
 

I would call it prime.

 

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

We would call it "sum of squares".  But then we're nerds. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

The only thing that is worse (IOHO) than not having a picture of the man (usually WITH the woman to prove that they are at least a couple) is the infamous 'dick pic' (where the only picture of the man is just a body part). Poor planning or just a mistake, but there should always be pictures of the woman and the woman and man together in a profile...nudity is optional, body parts can be completely skipped.

[enhancer 1,585]

One of our biggest pet peeves of online searching is this!  Lots of pics of the wife and none or just useless cock pics of the husband.  
 

We have put on all of our profiles that if there are not good pics that clearly show the body types of everyone who wants to be involved then we are not interested in even talking and cock pics do not count, because they are useless in determining attraction. We stick by this regardless of what message they send.  You can see plenty of both of us, we expect the same in return. Common sense really.

 

Your husband should respect the fact that you are not interested in fucking men that are not attractive to you regardless of what the other wife looks like and should not even start conversations until that is resolved.  This isn’t all about him.

[cplnluv1 872]

When we were on a site looking we would only entertain chatting if we saw a couple picture clothed. At first we looked for single women and all we got were crotch spread shots and we found even if they were pay members they were fake. We had many “couples” that were just men with wives who couldn’t make it. Funny that our first meeting was a couple who sent us nude couple pictures, not crotch pussy or dick pics, just nude non-sexual picture. We were sure they were fake and were surprised they were current pictures. 
We are no longer active on any site and we have no pictures posted. 

[Vested 17]

Thank you everyone for the responses.  I was beginning to feel like I was just being picky.  But in reality shouldn't I be picky?  I am not a Ken and Barbie kinda girl but I have to have some connection .  We just did a meet and greet with another couple. I literally said three times we should head home.  My husband just kept on chatting.  I know he loves the people in the lifestyle and making friends but honestly he is killing me with scheduling so many meets. I am exhausted .  And the male of this couple ....so not going to happen. In the meantime we are chatting with another couple where all four of us have a great connection which is hard to find... Why can't we just focus on that?  Yeah I know....communication ... It's the key... Already told him we need to sit down and talk some things out. It is exciting at first but holy crap,.way too many irons in the fire at once ... Especially when I never see the guys most of the time until we face to face meet .  My husband had changed our profile and explicitly said pictures of both required.  Step in the right direction.  Takes so much talking and communication in the beginning ... Isn't this supposed to be fun? Lol I mean it is when we do play with a couple we connect with but holy crap am I exhausted 

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Yes, you should be picky. There's lots of couples that are 'close but not close enough'. Finding the right couple is hard, but it should be hard. Finding a 4 way connection is 4 times harder than finding your partner. You already know what you need to do...communicate.

 

You have just opened a huge candy store for your husband and like so many guys, we tend to overdue it. Guys all too often want to run out and find the first couple and go for it, but while that might be what the guy wants, it isn't always what the woman wants and definitely not the best thing for the couple. Just need to have a talk with him (nothing heavy) and let him know that while you understand his excitement, you both need to spend your time on POTENTIAL couples, and not EVERY couple that you meet. We have a code phrase that says 'it's time to leave' and when either of us says it...it's time to leave. If one of us says no or pass, then we both take a pass. All of our decisions are required to be unanimous. Maybe you need to remind him that if he doesn't pay better attention, then this might not be the best thing for you two to pursue (that should snap him out of it). Let us know how things are going and good luck.

[Vested 17]

On 8/26/2021 at 10:38 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Yes, you should be picky. There's lots of couples that are 'close but not close enough'. Finding the right couple is hard, but it should be hard. Finding a 4 way connection is 4 times harder than finding your partner. You already know what you need to do...communicate.

 

You have just opened a huge candy store for your husband and like so many guys, we tend to overdue it. Guys all too often want to run out and find the first couple and go for it, but while that might be what the guy wants, it isn't always what the woman wants and definitely not the best thing for the couple. Just need to have a talk with him (nothing heavy) and let him know that while you understand his excitement, you both need to spend your time on POTENTIAL couples, and not EVERY couple that you meet. We have a code phrase that says 'it's time to leave' and when either of us says it...it's time to leave. If one of us says no or pass, then we both take a pass. All of our decisions are required to be unanimous. Maybe you need to remind him that if he doesn't pay better attention, then this might not be the best thing for you two to pursue (that should snap him out of it). Let us know how things are going and good luck.

Thank you We had the talk and he had promised to slow down.  He admitted that if the woman is not offensive in any way he is in ...in other words he is not picky at all ...so I guess I am destined to be the brakes lol 

[Sophy 569]

Male pictures are important for us, we need to confirm his age and see if he is reasonably fit, we are not after dick pictures, we do understand men are proud of their dicks, but we all have genitals and for us, it is more important a full body picture of the couple together than XXX pictures.  

 

[lovefest04 699]

On 8/26/2021 at 5:27 AM, lovtosuc said:

We are always looking at the background in pictures, says ALOT

I thought I was the only one that does this. Wife gets a kick out of it.

 

I say things like: "honey, did you see this couple, look at all the unfolded laundry on the sofa..."