By
davidh304
I wrote a nice long trip review that I accidentally deleted so here's the highlights.
We are a mid 40s couple that has never been to a Desire property. We have been to Caliente twice for a weekend but do not swap and our experiences have been limited to some voyeurism and minor public sex stuff.
First off, the rave reviews about the staff being excellent and outstanding are all true. The staff makes the resort the world class place it is!
We didn't communicate with anyone in advance and showed up blind. That's a personal choice but I think making an effort to connect with people that might be there the same time you might improve your stay. If it's your first time, or you don't feel comfortable doing that then it's no big deal. All the other guests are very friendly and it's easy to strike up a conversation with anyone!
Cons:
More bartenders would have been nice. Not a big deal but those poor guys and girls were overwhelmed. At night on Saturday trying to get a pizza outside the lobby at the bar took about 25-35 minutes. On the plus side it does give you more time to talk to people.
Perhaps having staff periodically come in and clean and pick up the play room would have been nice. Remove empty cups and so forth.
Pros:
Everything
Staff is the best I have ever dealt with anywhere in the entire world bar none.
The grounds and rooms are very clean.
The nightly entertainment is amazing and I would say don't miss it. Performances were behind the lobby. I didn't see if the times were posted but we might have missed it.
Other stuff:
The people at Desire make the experience. Hands down. I (m) am introverted and have a tough time making conversation. I go from “oh what do you do for a living,” straight to “what's your deepest darkest fear and secret?” There is no subtlety or tact. My wife, on the other hand can converse with anyone and strike up a conversation.
I can't get over how nice, and friendly everyone was! You could strike up a conversation with anyone or everyone male or female. It was like the other guests took a real effort to be outgoing and make you feel comfortable. The best part of the vacation for me was the people. Just nice genuine people. And there's naked people. You think people watching clothed people was fun, try taking their clothes off!
Since everyone was there with a spouse or partner no one was trying to prove anything. No one was taking a vacation here for their kids or under a rushed schedule to see things. People were there to enjoy their loved one and maybe have some sex. Or a lot of sex.
We had boudour photographs taken by Provoke Photography. It was expensive but I highly recommend it. We had never done anything like that before and they do a great job. I would definitely recommend using them for hair and make up. Three young ladies came in performed hair and make up like a formula one pit crew. My wife's hair and make up looked great. Definitely worth the money! Our photographer did an outstanding job of making us feel comfortable and look good! For men the recommendation was a pair of pants and a dark shirt (we were keeping our photo shoot pretty tame).
If you have any requests during the photoshoot don't be shy and ask. Everyone was very accommodating. Several hours after the photoshoot we had an appointment and selected our final photographs. It would have been nice to have more time to look at the photos but it seems like they were on a tight schedule that day. Totally recommend Provoke!
We also booked an erotic couples massage for two couples (so four masseuses). I contacted Desire in advance and booked it for our last full day there. I thought that if we found a couple we liked we could invite them to join us or we could just have two masseuses each.
We ended up each having two masseuses each. It was totally worth every penny, and it was just a great experience. The difference between having one and two people giving you a massage is exponentially greater than you might think.
We spent most of our nights dancing in the nightclub and used the playroom twice. In the future I would bring as large of a beach towel as I had with me to the playroom and the vinyl seats didn't have sheets and the provided towels were normal size. Just having your own large towel to put down is nice.
We went to the nightclub almost every night. I was worried based on other reviews that there would be a lot of latin music. I LOVE 90s music and I am very happy to say that music was spot on and it was a mix from 80s and 90s music up to modern songs! I think Desire Management heard the criticism and updated their music. I don't know if there was a live DJ or not (when there's naked topless women I get distracted).
This was honestly one of my fears, that the music would be subpar but it was outstanding and had everyone on the dance floor! I have zero rhythm but we danced the night away!
We dressed for all the theme nights. You can just barely match the theme and do just fine though. We were only there a few days and felt like there was always something on the schedule (foam party, massage, photo shoot, covid test). In the future I would do 7 or 8 days but I would still schedule all the same things.
We didn't catch everyone's name unfortunately but had great help from:
Cesar for checking us in
Rafael our butler took care of anything we needed
I flagged down Victor in the middle of the night for four problems at once and he was an absolute superstar!
That was the review that is vanilla. We had two other things to mention.
The erotic massage. It was hilarious.
This was out first time at somewhere so....thorough? I didn't want my wife to feel uncomfortable and take things to far. We talked about it and decided to make it a non sexual massage. They give you a form before the massage and there's a diagram of the human body and you mark where you don't want to be touched. Or where you do want to be touched? Ah fuck, I didn't listen to the instructions. I put a large "X" over my crotch. Does that mean they will touch it? Or will they understand the "X" means don't?
Just to clarify I go to the lady at the desk and tell her, just a regular massage is fine.
"You have an erotic massage, yes?"
She is super friendly and looking at me like I'm an idiot. I'm not sure if she was confused but I was relieved that everything was taken care of.
"Yes, but just a regular massage is fine, a normal one."
My wife was next to me. Whew, glad that is clarified so we are on the same page.
The nice lady at the front desk smiles and says "ok." We are taken to a nice locker room where we lock up our items, shower, and then are escorted to a hot tub with champagne and flower petals in the tub. Then we get taken in for our massage. Two women for each of us.
We get the massage and two masseuses are doing a great job. Then they do your legs and thighs and then they do the...THEY DIDN'T GET THE MEMO!
At this point I made a legitimate effort and my conscious is clear.
They definitely handled my equipment with great skill.
They give the massage and then towards the end they stand my up and guide me over to my wife at her massage table. We are covered in wonderful massage oils and are both pretty worked up at this point. Imagine having sex with your wife but you have a cheer leading section ready to step in and give a hand. It was that amazing.
The women massesues knew their business! They were skilled!
Once I was over with my wife we had intercourse, and it was like having four sets of hands helping you. One was pushing on the small of my back (lol, maybe she thought I needed better rhythm?). Another was running her hands across our bodies and applying a very nice massage oil. I grabbed ahold and sucked on one of my wife's nipples. A few minutes later one of the ladies grabbed my wife's breast and made sure it was in the right position to be sucked but putting right in front of my mouth! Team work makes the dream work.
I made a conscious effort to not finish during the massage, and also not when I was on the other massage table with my wife. I wasn't sure what the protocol was and I really like to get my wife off first! We immediately went back to our room hot and heavy!
One night we went up to the Hot tub. As we were walking upstairs a couple was walking downstairs and complained there was no one even up there. We figured, roof top hot tub to ourselves? That doesn't seem bad. We go up there and there we no other guests. Also no bartender. Anywhere.
Oh well, so we get in the hot tub and about 2 minutes later a group of about 10 people show up. Naked and having fun. They see there is no bartender. So the women start ordering drinks, and this magnificent bastard goes behind the bar naked as a jay bird and starts mixing drinks with the alcohol behind the bar. The man was the hero we needed. He asked "please no complicated drinks."
He kept this up for 15 minutes!
We figure since it's all inclusive it's certainly not stealing and if you don't want your guests pouring the drinks your job to keep the bar tender there. After a long time and a lot of laughs the bartender shows back up from somewhere and gets to making drinks. He didn't say anything, probably because he could get in trouble, and we didn't say anything because it was hilarious.
Here's to you naked guy with a wide brimmed straw hat! Best drinks ever!
If you have any questions feel free to ask!
Sdc: Slycat8
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