Hotwife looking for a Dom

[MenPoundMyWife 28]

My wife and I have done many adventures in the lifestyle. Lately, she is getting more and more into BDSM. She is a submissive. She wants to find a guy to be her "Dom" on more regular basis. Has anyone experienced this where the wife has a Dom outside? If so, what can you share from that experience?

[Anon321 522]

My GF is extremely sub and likes dominant men who are good at control, degradation, rough sex, humiliation, etc. but I don't think we've ever defined it in terms of "BDSM" or "Dom" type of play.  It clearly is that most of the time but it wasn't something we every really defined so I'm not sure what "Dom on more regular basis" really means or consists of to you.  Could you elaborate more?

[cplnluv1 872]

No doubt there are women that like hard sex and way too many men who will oblige yet I have found most women are pushed into being submissive. 
Maybe it’s just me, I cringe when I read a post stating their wife wants to be humiliated and dominated or they want a gangbang. No doubt some women want these things to please their husbands wants. One question I always ask a woman, are you doing this for you or for him. My meetings are not as a dominate, I can never cause pain, I only help a woman explore another side. There are way too many women who get into new things because of fantasies their partners have. 
When I read my wife wants to be humiliated it makes me think who really wants to be humiliated. 

[couplers 4,639]

On 8/26/2021 at 3:54 PM, MenPoundMyWife said:

Has anyone experienced this where the wife has a Dom outside?

I am the wife and my dom is another woman, Lora, in our poly family of three women and two men.  Otherwise, none of us, including Lora and me, play dominant/submissive roles.  We sort of just slipped into that kind of play with both of us at different times taking on either role, depending on our mood.  It starts with an argument, which turns into a physical fight (slapping, hair pulling, etc,) with one of us submitting and being degraded, pissed on, "forced" to perform oral on the other, having fingers shoved into our vagina and bum...  The other members of our family are disturbed by it and don't like watching so it is always just us, alone, although it is usually hottest when one or both of us has finished intercourse with the guys.  This happens every several weeks, and we always sleep together that night making love.  We would love for the men to participate or at least be present because that is usually the focus of our "disagreement" - who loves who more, who gives them better sex, but after David was there once, he said no more.

[Anon321 522]

On 8/27/2021 at 6:49 AM, cplnluv1 said:

No doubt there are women that like hard sex and way too many men who will oblige yet I have found most women are pushed into being submissive. 
Maybe it’s just me, I cringe when I read a post stating their wife wants to be humiliated and dominated or they want a gangbang. No doubt some women want these things to please their husbands wants. One question I always ask a woman, are you doing this for you or for him. My meetings are not as a dominate, I can never cause pain, I only help a woman explore another side. There are way too many women who get into new things because of fantasies their partners have. 
When I read my wife wants to be humiliated it makes me think who really wants to be humiliated. 

I agree that there are a lot of men who enjoy rough sex too much but there are certainly women out there who enjoy rough sex and being dominated and humiliated.  My GF is one of those people.  I think there are also a lot of women who don't want to admit to it for some reason.  When I started having sex with my GF it wasn't rough at all.  It was a little kinky from time to time but definitely nothing rough.  When I saw her with other guys (especially the first time with her ex) I saw a different side.  I saw her engaged in extremely rough sex and it felt weird.  We talked about it and she told me how much she enjoys being submissive and being dominated and humiliated sexually but she was kind of felt awkward admitting it to me.  Like it was wrong or something,

 

I had the same kind of thoughts as you.  Why would someone want to have their hair yanked and be slapped across the face?  Why would someone want to be spit and pissed on?  How can someone enjoy being choked or having a dick forced down their throat until they puke?  I still don't have the answers to these questions but I realize that everyone likes different things.  There are men out there who get off on being kicked in the balls.  That is a pain I can't even imagine someone enjoying but there are people out there with that fetish.

[couplers 4,639]

15 minutes ago, Anon321 said:

When I saw her with other guys (especially the first time with her ex) I saw a different side.  I saw her engaged in extremely rough sex and it felt weird.  We talked about it and she told me how much she enjoys being submissive and being dominated and humiliated sexually

It is her thing, you don't need to fully understand it.  Your a good man for letting her have her kink and engaging in it with other men to satisfy her desires.  I'm sure that she loves you for your indulgence.

 

When I see hubby or Red, the guys in our poly family, doing something with Lora or Clair that they don't do with me, I am happy for them and have given up trying to replicate it.  Each pairing (or threesome) has its own way of uniquely fitting together when having sex with each of the others (especially the women because we have our Lesbian side) and it is a primary benefit of being non-monogamous.

 

Tell her that you love her before she gets her freak on, then tell her again when they are finished.

[Anon321 522]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

It is her thing, you don't need to fully understand it.  Your a good man for letting her have her kink and engaging in it with other men to satisfy her desires.  I'm sure that she loves you for your indulgence.

 

When I see hubby or Red, the guys in our poly family, doing something with Lora or Clair that they don't do with me, I am happy for them and have given up trying to replicate it.  Each pairing (or threesome) has its own way of uniquely fitting together when having sex with each of the others (especially the women because we have our Lesbian side) and it is a primary benefit of being non-monogamous.

 

Tell her that you love her before she gets her freak on, then tell her again when they are finished.

At first it was a turnoff for me and I didn't understand it.  Now I understand it better (although not fully) and actually enjoy watching her engage in that kind of sex with other men because I know she enjoys it (even if she doesn't always look like she does).  Of course some people now say to me "how can you watch your GF being treated like that?" because they don't understand.

 

I actually understand the pain aspect better than before.  My GF always told me that the "pain" she felt during sex didn't actually feel like pain.  Obviously sometimes it does but the way she physically and mentally reacts to pain in a sexual setting is a lot different than a normal setting.  We both workout a lot and she asks me why I enjoy the burning sensation of lifting weights to the point where it feels like my muscles are going to tear.  Or why I run until I'm so physically exhausted I can barely catch my breath and feel like my legs are going to give out.  The reason is because in a workout setting "pain" isn't really pain to me.  I enjoy that extreme intensity I get from exercising and that feeling isn't too dissimilar from how she feels when she is having sex.  So even if I don't fully understand the rough sex/pain aspect I understand it a little better than I used to.

 

As for the humiliation and degradation stuff I still don't fully understand that.  But a lot of that plays into the rough sex and I assume things like being pissed on contributes to some mental excitement over the situation.  Either way I don't spend a lot of time overthinking it anymore.

[couplers 4,639]

4 hours ago, Anon321 said:

I enjoy that extreme intensity I get from exercising and that feeling isn't too dissimilar from how she feels when she is having sex.

Exactly how I feel about the burn of jealousy that I still get.  It is addictive. 

 

4 hours ago, Anon321 said:

I assume things like being pissed on contributes to some mental excitement over the situation. 

The only one who I do this with is Lora and we both play both roles, around 50/50.  Urinating on her, slapping her or her on me gives me incredible feelings of power and submission, respectively.  We have no desire to do this with anyone else, it makes it special to us.

Edited August 30, 2021 by couplers

[Anon321 522]

19 hours ago, couplers said:

Exactly how I feel about the burn of jealousy that I still get.  It is addictive. 

 

The only one who I do this with is Lora and we both play both roles, around 50/50.  Urinating on her, slapping her or her on me gives me incredible feelings of power and submission, respectively.  We have no desire to do this with anyone else, it makes it special to us.

Interestingly enough out of all the piss play I've seen my GF engaged in I don't think I recall her pissing on anyone else.  But once again this plays into the submission thing on the mental level.  And I've asked her before if she would ever want to mix it up and instead of being submissive being dominant and she said no.  She said it doesn't interest her and she wouldn't know what to even do which is kind of odd since she has so much experience being on the other side of it.

[TricianMike 772]

We met a very nice couple at a party a few years ago and I became friends with the wife, going out socially with her shopping and lunch. In a group they were just like other people, very normal sex , some spanking, nothing rough. 
Privately he told Mike that his wife enjoyed rough sex and he wanted for us to play one on one with Mike dominating his wife. It was natural for Michael, he tried to dominate, not hurt her. He did play rougher from what I ever saw of him. 
At a lunch I asked her why. Did she like rough play? She said he likes watching. Then she shocked me, her husband is the real submissive, everything he tells men to do to her, he enjoys having done to him. I had to promise not to bring it up, he was a closet submissive. They had gone to a BDSM club and he was dominated and loved it. She said when alone he is very different from the man I know. I only knew this man as a great partner, she said the more they played the more new kinks emerged. She shocked me about the toys they have. She asked me if Mike would think less of him if he had you dominate her husband. 
I had never been with what I would call a Sissy. Mike said if I was comfortable I should do it, I could always stop. I was to dominate a man who wanted his wife dominated. She had to tell me what to do and I had a hard time. Telling him to kiss and lick was one thing, somethings he wanted harder. 
How many other men who say their partners enjoy rough sex are only transferring the pain and humiliation they want themselves. I hate that some women endure their partner’s fantasies for the sake of staying together. As @cplnluv1 asked are you doing this for him or for you. 

[Anon321 522]

21 hours ago, TricianMike said:

At a lunch I asked her why. Did she like rough play? She said he likes watching. Then she shocked me, her husband is the real submissive, everything he tells men to do to her, he enjoys having done to him.

I am not saying that she wasn't being honest but that response didn't really answer the question.  If she didn't like rough sex the appropriate answer would be "no" or some variation of that.  It doesn't necessarily sound like she was forced into rough sex or dislikes it from reading the post but rather her husband happens to enjoy watching it more.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

The BDSM dynamic simply proves the point the brain is the largest sexual organ. What one person finds unpleasant, or even repulsive, someone else finds desirable or may even crave. Our brains are truly what makes us human beings and not simply primates. Otherwise, we'd all want sex pretty much exactly the same way, all the time. There would be no need for sexual variation.

 

The "BDSM" name, of course, carries with it an extremely wide and deep range of definitions. BDSM can mean anything from a tame set of furry, toy "handcuffs" that a couple likes to indulge in from time-to-time, all the way to a 24/7 lifestyle, complete with a D/s contract between the Dom and sub that outlines expectations of each, acceptable boundaries, use of "safe words", and so on.

 

One thing the entire BDSM range has in common is that has little to nothing to do with sex per se. It is almost entirely an intellectual and emotional exercise that, on occasion, manifests itself in sex. In fact, sometimes it manifests itself in the denial of sex and sexual release. Or, it can manifest itself in behavior that is not directly sexual (i.e., spanking, tickling, bondage, verbal and/or physical humiliation/degradation, a particular fetish, etc.) that sparks an emotional response that "enhances" the eventual sexual response and/or experience.

 

Oftentimes, it is connected to some deeply rooted memory or experience the participant/s want (aka "need") to re-live or re-create. For some people, this "need" is so great, they cannot sexually function otherwise. For others, it is something that they only occasionally want or need.

 

Unfortunately, sometimes this can be traced back to a childhood or adolescent trauma or extreme, sometimes high-risk experience, that has left an indelible mark on the psyche of the participant/s. This can create an obvious ethical dilemma, of course, for all concerned: Is it ethical to re-create an emotionally traumatic experience, or high-risk experience, even if the adult "wants" or "asks" you to? Are you helping or hurting that person? Or, is it possibly a combination of both? It can be a slippery slope.

 

On the more extreme side of the BDSM scene, you can find true sadists who genuinely find pleasure in making other people feel miserable; behavior that crosses the line between "play" and outright emotional and/or physical abuse. The sadists justify their activities by saying, in effect, "This is what they want. I'm just giving them what they asked for." Which is... kind of like a meth dealer justifying his/her existence by saying he/she is just selling the user the drugs they are asking for, and ignoring his/her role in creating and reinforcing the addictive, self-destructive behavior. These are dangerous people, quite adept at manipulating and, in effect, "re-victimizing" the participant/s by weaponizing and using their own traumatic experiences against them for their own sadistic pleasure.

 

Before anyone decides to take a "deep dive" into the BDSM realm, it would be a very good idea to first discuss this notion with a licensed therapist familiar with the BDSM lifestyle. I am not at all "down" on the BDSM lifestyle. Ann and I enjoy some of the power exchange elements, both together, and with our playmates. However, when I hear people talk about "degrading" or "forcing" or "humiliating" or "choking" or "forcing someone to puke", even with their consent, my warning light goes from amber to red. It would be wise for them to take a hard time-out and carefully consider where things are and where they are going. And get some professional coaching to make sure this is a healthy pursuit and not something... less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[couplers 4,639]

On 8/31/2021 at 11:42 AM, Anon321 said:

I've asked her before if she would ever want to mix it up and instead of being submissive being dominant and she said no.

I really like both and so does Lora.  The excitement when we start one of our "fights" over who will dominate and who will submit is incredible.  Then when we each fall into our roles starts a whole other feeling that seems perfect, like destiny for a moment.  It all originates from our rivalry over David.  Interesting too because the guys have no rivalry or jealousy at all over us women.