In love with another couple

[Hailey94 0]

I’ve gotten myself into a complicated situation.

 

I have always been a girl that loves and seeks attention. I cheated on my ex (not proud of it at all) and connect with mostly men instantly. In the last four years I’ve been with my boyfriend and things are now great. I’m pregnant with our second son and even if things where rocky while our first son was born we made it through all that. 
 

We have started hanging out a lot with a couple that also has a son our sons age. It’s weird, they truly feel like family. Nothing I’ve ever felt before. I’ve questioned before if I really am monogamous but this makes me question it more. What’s even funnier is that the guy in this family always brings up us moving into a house together. This makes me kind of wonder if he feels the same. I do know though that my boyfriend would never be accepting of this. But we all are kind of happier together it’s weird. We just spent all weekend together without any problems at all. 
I feel like this is something I’m interested in but since I know my boyfriend won’t be into it I need to get it out of my head. Even if he doesn’t mind too much moving in with them (I assume as two couples then not all together)

 

what’s all yours experiences on situations like this?

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

Sounds like you're polyamourous.  Being poly isn't wrong and most poly people say it's completely natural, but it's not something everybody can wrap their minds around so the likelihood of you all winding up in a polyamorous relationship together is slim at best.

 

But if you're all actually open to the idea of living together... that could be the beginning of a beautiful poly relationship, or it could be the beginning of a total disaster.

 

I have to confess my wife and I are Poly.  We're in a long-term throuple with another man.  He and my wife take trips together, even sometimes vacation together, and have sex together whenever they please.  Yes, they love each other. Love is a good, healthy emotion and just because you love one person doesn't mean you can't also love another.

[lcmim 1,086]

Are you just assuming he would not be interested? He would not be the first guy to stifle himself out of respect for his wife and/or the other lady.

 

Try this.

 

In private over the table start a casual conversation about sharing a household. Mention a "concern of yours " that the situation just might be a touch to personal with edges that you need to address before going forward. The main edge is that you are all normal adults , good friends and they are not exactly repulsive. That you could see the relationship with them becoming physical in such close , continual proximity.

 

That should open the communication door on this without you having to be revelatory to the point that you could not do a reset if things indicate that it is a no go.

 

He may just surprise you be ready for that also.

[couplers 4,718]

17 hours ago, Hailey94 said:

what’s all yours experiences on situations like this?

We in our poly family (three women including me, two men, children among us) are an example that it is possible, but it seems relatively rare.  Everyone needs to find the situation to their liking, although the relationships need not be symmetric in every respect. 

 

17 hours ago, Hailey94 said:

We have started hanging out a lot with a couple

You didn't say that you were having sex with them, so I presume that you're not.

 

17 hours ago, Hailey94 said:

I do know though that my boyfriend would never be accepting of this. But we all are kind of happier together

You never know unless you ask.  First thing is to have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you and he feel about them as friends, potential sex partners, lovers, roommates...  You don't need to reach a conclusion about where you want to end up, just whether you're willing to explore the possibilities with them, and how.  Do you two want to approach them first about having sex, or about sharing a home platonically?  If you and your boyfriend are interested in a sexual relationship with them, my suggestion is for you to gently suggest the topic to her first and listen, don't push.  Is she interested in your boyfriend?  (How does that make you feel?)  Is her boyfriend interested in you?  Are you and her interested in each other?  Again, not everything needs to be symmetric.  Perhaps everyone would be happy for you and the other guy to have sex to start without anything else going on.  That's how hubby and I started even before we were married, I had a boyfriend, he didn't play until two years later when I could get my head around the idea.

 

 

17 hours ago, Hailey94 said:

I cheated on my ex (not proud of it at all) and connect with mostly men instantly.

Does your boyfriend know about all this?  He may see your sexual attributes as a positive thing and be attracted by your need for nonmonogamy. 

 

Talk about it in a nonthreatening way (ask your boyfriend what he thinks of the other woman, not that you find the other guy hot), but definitely talk about it.  As people who managed to make poly work, we have found happiness sexually and in life generally (especially the mashup that are our children) that otherwise would have eluded us.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted.

Edited August 30, 2021 by couplers